


Protector

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cannibalism, Consent Issues, M/M, Wraith are human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:24:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 107,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While most come to Atlantis as a last hope to find safety in Pegasus, Rodney McKay looks for an opportunity to work on his inventions. Nobody in Pegasus has been untouched by the Wraith, but Rodney has a shield that protects him. As a citizen of Atlantis, Rodney learns some truths that challenge how he thinks about the Wraith and himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Extreme Big Bang Round 1. Thank you very much to hoktauri and Karolina for the beta!
> 
> Secondary pairings: Teyla/Kanaan, Carson/Cadman, some Rodney/Katie and Rodney/Jennifer flirtation, and mention of previous Rodney/OC and John/OC sex
> 
> Warnings/content notes (these are spoilery for the story): cannibalism (the Wraith); there's violence that goes beyond SGA type violence including John and Rodney killing a Wraith and mutilating the body in order to hide it and a rather graphic mention of a dead baby; cutting of a prisoner (John) and for medical reasons (Rodney); brief recounting of an attempted sexual assault (Rodney); recounting of having sex for food and shelter, which while technically consensual still negatively influenced how John relates to sex; an incident of starving; political oppression including execution; siege/battle; battle typical mass deaths; generally various mentions of death (though none of the major characters die)
> 
> I didn't work together with an artist, but I created my own [cover and map of Atlantis](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2098794).
> 
> Last but not least, the split into two chapters is artificial and was necessary because the fic is too long to be posted in one chapter.

"If they don't take you in, you can stay with me. I'll make sure you have a roof over your head and food on your plate."

Rodney rolled his eyes. Deroan spoke as if he would do Rodney a favor if he allowed him to stay with him. But they both knew that wasn't the case. It was the other way around.

"Or just sell it to me," Deroan went on, obviously realizing the idiocy of his statement. "Name the price and I'll see that you get it. Fruits, a personal heater. Women!" He added the last with excitement, as if he'd finally found the thing that Rodney certainly wouldn't say no to.

"What do you _think_ my life is worth to me?" Rodney said in a derogatory manner. Then he realized that Deroan was just trying to survive—as they all were. He hadn't even tried to kill Rodney in his sleep to steal his shield. Which was the most common way transporters reacted when they saw it in action. "If I find a way to build more, I'll let you know," Rodney said.

Deroan's eyes lit up in hope. Which had been Rodney's intention. He knew that it was unlikely that he'd ever be able to build another shield. And he sincerely doubted that Deroan would still be alive by the time that happened. Transporters didn't live to an old age as a rule. Pegasus could be dangerous and transporting goods and people through the dry plains made the threat all the greater. But hope was a necessity in this world.

As negatively as Rodney tended to see the world—which was really _quite_ negative—he disliked the bleak hopelessness just as much. Because without hope, no progress could be made. His brilliance was wasted on people without hope. Which was why he had stopped travelling from settlement to settlement—doing repairs and the infrastructure changes he was able to perform as a single person—and decided to move on to a city instead.

Rodney had heard of Atlantis in many places. Only those that didn't get in ever returned from it. This was either a very bad or a very good sign. Rodney had mixed feelings about what he knew about Atlantis. He could understand the necessity to form a closed society and strictly control who entered the city, but the future that he wanted to create for himself and others wasn't limited to one city. He'd met enough people who weren't willing to share his inventions. He wasn't willing to put up with it anymore. But the stories he'd heard about Atlantis had been promising enough for him to travel here and see for himself what it had to offer.

He nodded towards Deroan, knowing he wouldn't leave until Rodney had entered the city. _If_ he would enter at all.

A woman and a man were waiting for him in the gate room—a storage and reception area built in front of the main gate, allowing people and goods to be processed before they entered Atlantis. Rodney took a deep breath, feeling the comforting weight of the satchel on his back, and walked over.

~~

Elizabeth Weir was a lovely looking woman with a friendly smile, but a certain weariness in her eyes. Of course, this wasn't unusual in Pegasus, but he had hoped that maybe things would be different in Atlantis. That it would be a buzzing city, untouched by the veil of fear and numbness that the world had succumbed to in the wake of the Wraith.

With her was a wild haired, bespectacled man, who spoke with an accent that made it clear that he didn't come from Atlantis originally either. He appeared to be the local inventor, called in to decide if Rodney would be able to make a contribution significant enough to let him enter the ancient walls of the city.

Rodney decided to start with something basic. His water-heater was as simple as it was sure to impress most people he'd met along the way. Heating water wasn't difficult, but his heater was smaller and faster than any fireplace or oven.

Weir and the inventor with the unpronounceable name didn't seem impressed. "It runs on naquadah, I presume," he said. "Has very nice design, but not earth shattering. What else do you have?"

Well, this was promising. If they had both mastered channeling naquadah energy and had access to it, that was a good start. He walked over to where his luggage was stored and got out his extractor, one of the more complex of his inventions.

"Do you have some waste?" he asked.

"What kind?" Weir asked.

"Any kind," Rodney said confidently. He set down the barrel shaped contraption and opened it up.

Weir nodded towards one of the guards who were keeping a close eye on her and the inventor. The guard disappeared and after a minute returned with a bucket of what looked like kitchen waste. Rodney took the bucket from her and filled it into the extractor. "This will take a moment," he said, closing the lid and starting it.

He wasn't one for small talk, so he looked around the room. Deroan's goods lay untouched for the moment. He'd been transporting things long enough for them to pay him on arrival. So processing Rodney took priority.

The guards looked well-dressed and well-fed and were all armed. Only few cities in Pegasus had that luxury. The gate room itself looked undamaged. The Wraith must have given up on attacking the city. Not even _they_ were able to penetrate the ancient walls, laid out as six protective arms that forced any potential conqueror to expose themselves to counter attack. Atlantis was truly unique in Pegasus, but Rodney was aware that it was still just one city. And as invincible as the city was, if all you wanted was survival, you could also brave a one-way ride to the old continent or go into one of the secured caves that provided shelter. His sister was in one of those with her family. But Rodney wanted more than that.

The extractor signalled that it was finished. Rodney pressed a button and a few compartments opened up. "Water, fiber, combustibles, this can be added as supplement for food, and then there's a few things that would need higher quantities to be useful. But process a few buckets, and you'll have enough poison to kill rats for instance." He looked smugly at Weir and the inventor.

This time they did look impressed. Weir looked to the inventor and said, "This is like our waste unit, only..."

"Much more compact and more advanced," he finished for her. He looked over to Rodney. "What else do you have?" he asked.

Rodney was fairly certain that with the extractor he'd proven himself. But it was actually a good sign that the inventor wanted to see more. However Rodney felt this was the right time to ask a few questions of his own. Actually, only one. "I can show you more, but there is one question that _I_ have," he said.

He could see Weir tensing, eyes narrowing slightly. "Go ahead," she said in a measured voice, but he could feel that she was bracing herself to throw him out. He didn't think that anyone came to Atlantis with a question other than, "Will you let me in?"

"If you let me in and I decide to leave, will I be able to?" Rodney asked.

Weir blinked and then relaxed. She exchanged a look with the inventor, before she turned back to Rodney. "Nobody has ever wanted to leave," she said, a small smile playing on her face.

"Well, I'm not like other people, you'll find," he answered, smiling back.

She gave him a quick laugh, displaying her even teeth. It lit up her whole face. "And we're not like other cities," she said, still smiling. "Should you wish to leave, we will not keep you," she added sincerely.

Rodney believed her. Not that he would take her or anyone's word for it, but for those cases he had his shield. "Then let me show you something that will convince you to let me enter," he said to both her and the inventor.

The extractor was an invention so advanced that he doubted anyone else in Pegasus had built it. His shield however was so unique that not even Rodney himself would manage to build another one. It made him invincible, and in times where the Wraith roamed everywhere that fact alone opened any door Rodney had ever cared to knock on. It also protected him from anyone beyond the doors that he entered, and in some cases he'd found it useful to let them know this.

Atlantis was maybe the most powerful city in Pegasus that wasn't under the control of the Wraith. But it wasn't more powerful than Rodney McKay. And Rodney wanted them to know it.

~~

Entering the city was a memorable moment even for Rodney, who wasn't easily impressed. He came in through the large round gate, and once inside, his gaze was immediately drawn to the central tower. It had to be one of the highest man-made structures in Pegasus, but from the outside one couldn't see the intricate base that led up to it.

When he could finally tear his gaze away, Rodney found Weir smiling at him knowingly. "I'll have to take you to the infirmary first for the physical," she said.

"All right," Rodney agreed. He wasn't fond of doctors, but he could see that becoming part of Atlantis meant getting under the care of her people. And Weir had implied that the physician was interested in seeing how Rodney's shield was integrated into his body. She and the inventor had left him alone for quite some time to make their decision, evidently discussing it with various members of the community.

Weir led Rodney into the base structure beneath the tower into the infirmary, where a man of Rodney's age joined them with a smile. Weir made the introductions. "This is Carson Beckett, our main physician. Carson, this is Rodney McKay."

"Ah. Welcome to Atlantis, laddie," he said with an accent that left no doubt that he too hailed from the East.

Rodney only nodded at him. Beckett led him into a small room and performed a quick, but thorough physical. Rodney could see his eyes drawn to the scar in the middle of Rodney's chest, but he went on, saying, "I will want you to tell me all about it in a moment."

When it was done, Beckett smiled widely at him. "You seem to be in excellent physical health. Always eating well, huh?"

"Yes," Rodney said, unable to hide his pride. Even if he often felt that his brilliance was wasted on those around him, it had assured him a hot meal twice a day. Atlantis seemed to provide the same luxury, but Beckett was still able to recognize it as such. Rodney wondered briefly how often new people were allowed to enter Atlantis and what their physical condition was usually.

"Anything else I should know before we can talk about your little invention?" Beckett asked.

"It's hardly little," Rodney said.

"I know," Beckett said with a smile.

"Uhm, oh yes, actually there is," Rodney said. "I am allergic to citrus. Deathly allergic."

"Ah, so the dragon has a spot of weakness," Beckett said.

"What?" Rodney asked.

"Nothing," Beckett said. "How did you find out about the allergy?"

"The hard way," Rodney said, swallowing as his throat seemed to tighten just from the memory. "Lemon pie. And apparently a really good one too. I wouldn't be able to tell you, though, since my throat immediately swelled up."

Beckett looked concerned. "How did you survive?"

"Luck," Rodney said. "More luck in that moment than most have in their lifetime. One of the guests of the tavern saw what had happened and instead of waiting for the physician like the others did, she punctured my trachea with a steel tube. She was a local seamstress. The physician said that a bit further up or down or to the side and I would have bled to death before suffocating. But he also said that had she not done it, I wouldn't have made it."

Beckett's eyes scanned his throat.

"I used a healing device on the scar. It's almost invisible now," Rodney explained the lack of an obvious reminder of that incident.

"You must have been very lucky indeed. I'll make a note about your allergy in your file and make sure the mess knows. We do not have a tavern but many people like to cook or bake and share their goods, so I would recommend that you mention it when you introduce yourself in the next town meeting."

"I will, thank you," Rodney said. He was tempted to ask about the sharing of goods, but Beckett's eyes were already drawn to the scar on his chest.

"Have you tried to have a healing device used on it?" Beckett asked.

"I have. It looked a lot worse before," Rodney said.

Beckett frowned. "That is highly unusual," he said. "If you don't mind, I'd like to invite a colleague to join us. She is more experienced with the handling of old scars than I am."

"Go ahead," Rodney said. He didn't really mind the scar. It wasn't as if many people got to see it. He'd had his share of sexual encounters over the years, but never with someone important enough to Rodney to care about what they thought of it.

Beckett stuck his head out the door and called, "Jennifer!"

A young, pretty woman arrived, smiling at him as she entered. "You must be Rodney," she said, holding out her hand.

Rodney awkwardly jumped from the cot he'd been sitting on. "Rodney McKay," he said, smiling back at her. Suddenly he wished he _was_ still wearing his shirt.

"Jennifer Keller," she said. "But please call me Jennifer."

"All right," Rodney said. Jennifer had long, red-blonde hair that shone in the light.

Beckett cleared his throat. Rodney turned to him and flushed, giving Jennifer another glance before sitting back down on the cot.

"Maybe you could tell us what you did?" Beckett asked. "Not the technical components, but rather the physical integration into your body."

"There's not much to tell. A simple cut, inserting the object, and closing the wound," Rodney said.

"Who did it?" Jennifer asked. "It shouldn't have left a scar. Not if you have access to a healing device."

"I did it myself," Rodney said.

They both stared at him.

"Good gracious," Beckett said. "No wonder—"

"Hey!" Rodney protested. "It has nothing to do with what I did. I used the healing device properly."

"You have one?" Jennifer asked, still frowning. "And you used it on yourself after _cutting yourself open_?"

"I applied local anesthetics first, obviously," Rodney said as if she were stupid.

She raised an eyebrow and her lips thinned. "Excuse me, but _operating on yourself_ is _not_ an obvious thing to me or _any_ physician I know," she said, looking over to Beckett for confirmation.

"Yes, yes," he said, though he seemed distracted. "The skin did close around the object, so I believe Rodney might be right. Maybe it is the object itself."

Rodney squirmed. He wasn't really willing to talk about the origins of it. "I have thought the same. My theory is that where it is connected with my body, the scar tissue is considered 'natural' and that's why it won't go away with a healing device."

"I have never seen anything of that kind. Of course, we usually try to remove any foreign objects that might enter our patients' bodies," Jennifer said. "Would you mind if I still gave it a try?"

"Be my guest," Rodney said. He'd tried it several times over the years without any results. But it was painless, so he saw no reason not to let her try.

"I think we can do that another time though," Beckett said. "Elizabeth is waiting for Rodney to continue the tour of the city. Unless you would like to tell us some more about the object?"

"No," Rodney said, jumping down from the cot and pulling on his shirt and sweater.

"I will take you to Elizabeth's office," Beckett said, opening the door and gesturing towards one end of the infirmary.

"I'll see you around," Jennifer said, giving him a small, slightly challenging smile.

"Yes, uhm. Thank you for your offer," Rodney said, a bit flustered.

~~

Weir's office was below the tower, but they didn't remain there after Beckett led Rodney to her. After determining that, as expected, nothing was wrong with Rodney, Beckett returned to the infirmary and Weir led him back down into what appeared to be the town hall.

"It's where we hold our meetings and sometimes performances. It also serves as a library and museum," she said, gesturing along the walls where shelves were stacked with books and objects. She didn't stop, however, to let him look, so Rodney followed her out of the hall.

"We're going to visit the colonel. He's the commander of the guard, though strictly speaking it's more than a guard," Weir told him as they crossed the area surrounding the city hall.

"What do you mean?" Rodney asked.

"You'll find out in time," Weir said, friendly but firm.

It was traditional to call all soldiers that were exclusively employed to protect a city 'guards'. To imply that Atlantis had other soldiers would be to imply that they engaged outside of the city. Rodney certainly had never heard of Atlantis attacking other settlements in Pegasus, which either meant it was something else, or they were so successful and brutal about it that nobody was left to tell of their attack. That idea certainly didn't sit well with Rodney, and he was glad that he had his own protection.

"Don't worry about it," Weir said. "Before we go in, I should probably tell you that Colonel Sheppard was the only one who did not want to let you into Atlantis. He feels that your shield gives you too much power and that we wouldn't be able to protect ourselves should you choose to turn against us." Before Rodney could protest, she continued. "I told him that I felt we had much more to gain from letting you in than the risk that you pose. I would appreciate it if you didn't prove me wrong." She gave him a quick smile and then opened the door of the commander's office.

Two soldiers were talking as Rodney and Weir walked in, but they stopped and one of them approached, looking at Rodney darkly.

"John," Weir greeted him almost too effusively. Rodney got the impression that she was making nice after overriding his veto on letting Rodney stay in Atlantis. "This is Rodney McKay. Rodney, this is Colonel Sheppard, our commander of the guard."

Instead of greeting Rodney as the others had, Sheppard said, "So, show me your shield."

Rodney was tempted to say, "Thanks for the warm welcome," but this was the man in charge of the people with the weapons. Even if Rodney was theoretically safe, there was no need to unnecessarily piss the commander off. At least not on their first meeting. Rodney switched on the device, activating it via the neural transmitters of the object in his body. "Okay. You can try to attack me now."

"How dangerous is it?" Sheppard asked. "How does the shield work physically?"

"It's not a weapon," Weir said, repeating what Rodney had told her.

"I doubt you'd understand the physics behind it," Rodney said.

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. "Let me rephrase that," he said, getting out his sidearm. "If I shoot you, where will the bullet end up?"

"It will simply drop to the—"

Sheppard pulled the trigger, and as Rodney had predicted, the bullet fell to the ground as it hit the shield. It hadn't even come close to Rodney, but his heart was still beating a bit faster. He could see that the citizens of Atlantis were well protected. About his own safety Rodney wasn't quite as sure.

"That _is_ impressive," Sheppard said, though he looked anything but impressed. He looked worried and pissed off.

"Look, I have no plan to kill you all in your sleep," Rodney said, annoyed by the implications of Sheppard's distrust.

"That's hugely comforting," Sheppard said dryly, reholstering his sidearm.

"It would be completely pointless. What would I do in a well-protected city with a bunch of corpses to keep me company?" Rodney asked.

"You could burn the corpses and let in whoever you want," Sheppard said without a beat.

"That is... Okay, fair enough. You have a point, but the thing is I _won't_ ," Rodney said.

"Again, I say, that is hugely comforting."

Rodney only harrumphed. He could see there would be no convincing Sheppard, other than staying on Atlantis and continuing to not murder anyone in their sleep or otherwise.

"Is it always on?" Sheppard asked.

"The outer one, no," Rodney said, switching it off again. "Now it's off."

Before Rodney could so much as blink, Sheppard had his sidearm out again and shot him in the leg.

"John!" Weir reprimanded him, even though the bullet had fallen where it had hit Rodney's body shield.

Rodney was breathing a bit more heavily. Safe or not, he was _not_ fond of being shot at without warning.

"He said there was a second shield, and I shot his leg. Beckett could have fixed him," Sheppard said unconcerned.

Weir still looked displeased but didn't say anything.

"So this one is always on?" Sheppard asked Rodney.

"It would be quite useless if the simple act of falling asleep would render me helpless," Rodney answered.

"How does it work? What determines whether something can pass? I assume you still have to _eat_ and well..." Sheppard asked.

"I can eat and drink and use the bathroom, if that was your question." Rodney chose not to mention that he could also still have sex. Though if you looked beneath the overprotective commander persona, Sheppard was quite attractive. But of course, he was probably the person least likely to have sex with Rodney in all of Atlantis. Which wasn't the point anyway, so Rodney stopped that train of thought.

"So how does the shield know?" Sheppard asked again.

"It can detect when something is a danger to my life," Rodney said.

Sheppard frowned. "How?" he insisted.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that," Rodney said. When Sheppard's face darkened again, he added, "Because I don't know it myself."

Both Sheppard and Weir seemed surprised. "How can you be sure it works?" Sheppard asked, coming closer. "I can touch you without triggering it, right?"

"You could physically, yes," Rodney said, looking forbiddingly at the hand that Sheppard had raised.

" _May_ I?" Sheppard asked.

"If you must," Rodney said, turning his head slightly away as Sheppard reached out to touch his shoulder and squeezed it.

Sheppard looked at him, then let his hand wander towards Rodney's neck.

"I'm not sure this is necessary, John," Weir said, but Sheppard ignored her.

Rodney watched out of the corner of his eye how Sheppard's hand came closer until he couldn't see it anymore and only felt it on his neck. It was soft at first, as if Sheppard was caressing him. Rodney's heart rate sped up, knowing there was more to come but not quite sure what and when. Sheppard's thumb stroked Rodney's throat, and Rodney briefly thought about how long it had been since someone had touched him.

Then Sheppard's grip became firmer. Only a little at first, but soon Rodney's heavy breathing wasn't just due to nervousness. But he stood his ground and didn't say anything. Not just because he trusted his shield, but because he had to _know_ if he _couldn't_ trust it.

Sheppard's jaw clenched as he really started to press his hand around Rodney's neck, cutting off his air.

"John, I really think you should stop," Weir said more firmly. Rodney vaguely noticed the other soldier, who'd stayed in the background, coming closer.

Sheppard didn't react and continued pressing. Rodney could feel himself turning red. Damn, he didn't want to think that he'd just been lucky that nobody had tried this before. He'd thought he was invulnerable. He felt himself sending mental pleas to the shield to turn on and save him.

"John!" Weir shouted.

Rodney could see some commotion, even as his sight darkened a bit, and then suddenly the shield came to life and Sheppard pulled his hand away as if burned.

"Sir?" the other soldier asked.

"I'm fine, Major," Sheppard said, holding his wrist.

Rodney was holding his own neck, breathing sweet oxygen into his lungs. He watched as Sheppard slowly opened and closed his hand.

"I don't think I'm seriously hurt," Sheppard said, removing the hand from his wrist to reveal a red ring, probably not unlike the one Rodney had around his neck. Rodney felt absurdly pleased by that.

"I'll still want you both to check in with Carson. And this was the last of these 'tests'. Have I made myself clear, Colonel?" Weir said with steel in her voice.

"Yes, ma'am," Sheppard said.

"Please meet me in my office—again—when you're done, Rodney," Weir said. "I'm sorry about this," she added, shooting Sheppard a dark look. "I assure you we are generally quite hospitable to our new residents."

Sheppard made a face, while she turned and left. Then he turned to Rodney. "I needed to know," he said. "I hope you understand that. And why I didn't want to let you in. It has nothing to do with you. I don't even know you. I'm sure you can do great things for Atlantis. Even if you don't understand them."

"Hey!" Rodney said. He'd been ready to forgive and forget because he _did_ understand what Sheppard saw as his responsibility, but to imply that Rodney didn't know what he was doing— "It's just for the shield. I know _everything_ about _everything_ else I've invented. I've _forgotten_ more than you'll probably ever know."

"Then you should try writing things down," Sheppard said, suddenly grinning.

It made him look...boyish. In a really good way. Rodney swallowed. He had absolutely no idea what to think of Sheppard.

"Come on, let's check in with Beckett, so that Elizabeth can finally finish her welcome tour," Sheppard said, sounding easy and friendly now.

Rodney was completely and utterly confused. "All right," he still said. It wasn't like he had a choice.

~~

Sheppard disappeared from the infirmary at some point, so Rodney made his way back to Weir's office alone. He still didn't quite know what to make of Sheppard. One minute he was the cool commander, willing to try out if he could kill Rodney by _doing_ it, the next he was easygoing and relaxed. Rodney didn't let it fool him in any way. He had no doubt that Sheppard would keep an eye on him. And part of him didn't mind that.

He shook his head. There was no reason to assume he'd have a lot to do with Sheppard, outside of maybe some inventions that were relevant for the defense of the city and whatever else the soldiers were up to.

"Everything all right?" Weir asked when he entered.

"Yes," Rodney said. Beckett had given Sheppard a disapproving look but cleared them both. He hadn't even used a healing device on them. Which meant that Rodney's neck was still a bit red. But so was Sheppard's wrist. "We both are."

"Then let's finally give you a quick overview over the rest of the city," she said, getting up from her desk.

It really was only a quick overview. Weir only pointed out where the stables were, the mess, the labs where he would work, the garden and field and finally the store and craft area of the city. They didn't enter any of the buildings, except what Weir called "The Academy".

"This is where both our soldiers and other citizens can learn to defend themselves," Weir said as she entered.

"Not just defense," a woman who had been training with two sticks said. She straightened gracefully and approached them. "You can learn how to be one with your body," she said, making it sound like something magical.

Rodney didn't know what to say, both because he didn't think he was ever _not_ 'one with his body' and because the woman was rather beautiful. She smiled widely at him, which made him flush.

"Teyla, this is Rodney McKay. Rodney, this is Teyla Emmagan. She can teach you all kinds of techniques and train with you if you so wish," Weir said.

Rodney wasn't particularly fond of physical exertion, though with such a teacher he might be willing to consider it.

"She is Colonel Sheppard's wife," Weir continued.

And if that wasn't like a bucket of ice water, Rodney didn't know what was. It wasn't even so much because of Teyla, but because of Sheppard. Which was strange. Rodney had been known to engage in sexual activities with men if the opportunity arose, but he always thought he preferred the company of women. Not that any of this mattered. He hardly knew either of them. And he wasn't here to find a partner.

Interestingly, even Teyla seemed to be slightly uncomfortable by the mention of her husband. Her smile evened out a fraction, before turning wide again, but without the warmth in her eyes. "You are welcome here at any time," she said. "If you'll excuse me?"

Rodney nodded and let her walk over to where someone was working with a pair of sticks.

"That's it for the short tour. You'll have more than enough time to take a close look around in the next days, weeks, and months as you make Atlantis your new home," Weir said. "I did not show you the training grounds for our soldiers specifically. We obviously have places for weapons training as well as the armory. Several actually. But I think that can wait. I should lead you to your new home."

Rodney had to try and keep up with her, so fast did Weir walk past the city hall again, the mess and then down one of the arms of the city that she hadn't yet explained.

"You'll live in the largest of the residential areas," she explained. "At the very end of it, I'm afraid. But as you can imagine the options are limited."

"I'm sure they'll be fine," Rodney said. Mostly because he was self-sufficient enough to have everything that he deemed absolutely necessary with him. All he needed was a roof over his head, and he trusted them to provide that much.

"Here we are," Weir said as they reached the end of the alley.

The house that they stopped at was narrow like every other building that was set against the city walls in the arms of the city. It also looked quite old, but it was undamaged and Rodney had no reason to complain.

"Here are the keys," she said, "though it would be highly unusual to lock up your house. Anyone caught stealing would risk expulsion."

Rodney nodded. In a city like Atlantis, expulsion was the worst possible threat and a good incentive not to engage in any action that could result in it.

"In general, we try to share everything that we can here in Atlantis," Weir added.

Rodney wasn't sure if that was a hint. He opened the unlocked door and stepped right into the kitchen it seemed. There was a small dining area as well.

"The bedroom is upstairs," Weir said. "It is small, but it's yours."

"Thank you," Rodney said, meaning not just the house, but allowing him to enter over the objections of Sheppard.

She nodded. "I have the feeling you will do great things for Atlantis," she said. "Your luggage has been brought in," she added, pointing at a corner. "I will leave you to look around and unpack. Someone will pick you up for lunch at one if that's alright with you."

He nodded. Weir left, smiling at him once more.

Rodney looked around his new home and started to explore.

~~

'Explore' turned out to be too big a word, though, for a quick look was enough to see everything in his new home. The bedroom upstairs contained only a narrow double bed, nightstand, and cupboard. Downstairs there was a small storage room and a small bathroom with a shower, toilet, and sink. The kitchen table had to double as desk if he wanted to work at home.

Rodney replaced the mattress with his own, which gave him the firmness he needed to avoid back pains. Then he placed his clothing bag in the cupboard as it was. He left the bag with his inventions downstairs.

When he checked his watch it was still well over an hour until someone would pick him up for lunch. Since there was really nothing more to see in his new home, he decided to take a closer look at the city. He placed the key in a kitchen drawer and stepped out into the air.

As he turned to go towards the center of the city, someone drawled behind him, "Unpacked already?"

Rodney started, quickly turning around. It was Sheppard, leaning next to the front door through which Rodney had just left. Rodney glared at him, but Sheppard only smirked. "I have unpacked all that I needed to unpack," Rodney said.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow.

"I have moved around a lot in the last decade. My bags are perfectly organized," Rodney explained.

"And it makes it easier to up and leave again," Sheppard commented.

Rodney had nothing to say to that. Even if it wasn't the reason for not unpacking, it was true. "Can I help you?" he said instead.

"Just wanted to remind you that nobody leaves the city before talking to me," Sheppard said, coming closer until he stood directly in front of Rodney. He seemed to make himself as tall as possible, but Rodney wasn't intimidated. He'd survived Sheppard's earlier attack after all.

"But I can walk freely _within the city_ I assume," he asked.

Sheppard made a gesture with his hand towards the town center. Rodney began to walk, noticing that Sheppard followed his every step. He stopped. So did Sheppard.

"I wouldn't want to keep you from anything important," Rodney told him pointedly.

"I have nothing more important to do than this," Sheppard said, smiling.

"This?" Rodney asked.

"Showing a new resident around," Sheppard said.

More like keeping an eye on the new threat, Rodney thought. But he couldn't really forbid Sheppard to walk around the city to the same places Rodney was going. "So show me around," he said.

"What have you seen?" Sheppard asked.

"Actually seen? The infirmary, your office, Ms. Weir's office, a quick walk through parts of the city hall," he cited. "Oh and the Academy," he added. "I met your wife." Rodney still felt weird about that. And as he watched Sheppard's reaction, the feeling that something wasn't quite right there only deepened.

Sheppard only blinked. "Then let's take a closer look around Atlantis," he said.

Their first stop was a little building at the corner where the central part of the town gave way into the residential area that he lived in.

"This is where you can do your laundry," Sheppard said brightly.

Rodney raised an eyebrow.

"What? It's important," Sheppard said. "And it was on the way."

"I have an invention that does laundry for me," Rodney said.

"Really? That alone could make you very popular with some people," Sheppard said, winking at him.

Rodney was once more confused. But Sheppard was already on his way out again.

"I don't think we need to enter the labs since you'll see those after lunch," he said, walking past the building that Weir had indicated earlier.

"This is where we grow our food, trees, and what else needs growing," Sheppard said at the entrance of the garden. The area took up one complete arm of the city, and the glass structures built in several layers were impressive. Sheppard knocked on the glass, which elicited a much too dull sound. "It's not glass," he explained. "It's a special polymer our inventors developed."

The structures were stacked in a way to make maximum use of the available space. Water was running everywhere in transparent tubes. They stepped farther into the garden beyond vegetables, fruits and other plants whose purpose of growing Rodney couldn't immediately discern.

"These will be ready in a month. They're very sweet," Sheppard pointed at one green bush. "Right, Katie?" he asked a red haired woman who appeared.

"Yes, Colonel Sheppard," she confirmed, smiling at him. Then she turned to Rodney and her smile turned a bit shy. "You must be the new arrival that everyone is talking about."

"Rodney McKay," Rodney introduced himself, shaking her hand.

"Katie Brown," she said. "I'm one of the caretakers here," she said looking around with pride. "I've heard that you might help us make our gardens even more productive."

"Well," Rodney said.

"Radek called you a genius," she whispered conspiratorially.

Rodney flushed. "I guess you could call me that," he said, catching Sheppard rolling his eyes.

"I cannot wait to see your inventions," she said.

"And I'm sure McKay can't wait to show them to you," Sheppard said. "I was just showing him around..."

"Oh, of course. I didn't want to stop you," Katie said. "Bye, Rodney," she said with a wave, disappearing behind some columns of plants.

"We could have talked some more to her," Rodney commented to Sheppard.

"You'll have more than enough time to...talk," Sheppard said, putting as much innuendo in the last word as he could.

Rodney harrumphed, but followed Sheppard when he walked on further into the garden. "Oh," he said when between some trees a little opening with a pond appeared.

"It's not much, but this and an aquarium in the stables allow us to have at least some fish and other water animals and plants."

"I haven't actually missed fish. It's served with citrus too often. Much more interesting is how you transport all the water," Rodney said, looking for an obvious pump or something of the kind anywhere nearby.

"Spoken like an inventor. No wonder Radek wanted you here. I've hardly ever seen him so passionate about something," Sheppard said. "Don't tell him I told you that. Actually, I really shouldn't have. Your ego doesn't seem to need any stroking," he added with a smile.

Rodney wanted to protest, but found himself smiling back with an eyebrow raised. Of all the Sheppards he'd seen so far, he liked the playful one best.

They made their way back to the entrance of the garden. "Next up, the stables," Sheppard said. They walked back past the labs, past the mess, which Sheppard didn't show him because he would see it soon anyway, and then into the arm of the city that housed the animals of Atlantis.

Rodney didn't care too much about animals, except as a source of food. He didn't hide his boredom, so Sheppard only gave a few horses some sugar cubes before leading him back.

"I take it you're not a rider," Sheppard asked.

"I can stay on a horse if I have to, but it's not my preferred mode of transport," Rodney said. He'd learned that his shield would protect him from breaking anything when falling off a horse, but it still hurt like hell.

Sheppard grinned knowingly. In the building next to them, someone squealed. "This is where our kids can stay. The school is on the opposite side," Sheppard explained.

"Oh, you have a school? With an actual curriculum?" Rodney asked. Only the largest settlements had this. In most towns, kids were homeschooled because there was no alternative.

"Are you volunteering?" Sheppard asked with a smirk.

"God no! Kids and I don't mix together well. But I can appreciate the effort of educating them to be useful adults."

"And until then they should just stay away as far as possible, huh?" Sheppard said.

There was amusement in his voice, so he didn't seem to hold it against Rodney. Which was a bit unusual. "I guess you don't have kids," Rodney asked him.

Sheppard looked away for a second. "Actually, we do have a son," he said.

Rodney was surprised. "What's his name?"

"Torren. His name is Torren John," Sheppard said, turning back to him with a forced smile. "Do you want to check out the shop? I hear it's one of a kind in Pegasus."

Rodney nodded. He hadn't spent a lot of time with his sister since she'd given birth to a daughter, but when he did, Jeannie and her husband spoke of Madison with much affection and pride. Sheppard wasn't like that. It didn't have to mean anything of course. But Rodney couldn't help notice.

~~

The store was the largest that Rodney could remember ever seeing. The only thing that could rival it in size would be one of the bazaars that were organized infrequently, but as a standing structure, Rodney believed them that they were 'one of a kind in Pegasus'.

They had all kinds of useful and useless things. Rodney scanned the shelves, realizing only after a while that there were no prices. "So how does this work? Do you have to negotiate the price? Or barter?"

"You go to Chris, have your purchase logged and leave with it," Sheppard said.

"And when and how do I pay?" Rodney asked.

"You work for the city. You share your work. And you get your share of what the city gains."

"So what's my share?" Rodney asked.

Sheppard laughed. "Take what you need, and a bit more to make you happy. No more and no less."

"And this works?" Rodney asked.

"Eventually," Sheppard said. "Some people have to adjust more than others."

"Hmm," Rodney said.

"Mostly by taking too little," Sheppard added.

"Are you implying you think I'd be of the other sort, taking too much?" Rodney asked, because he'd gotten that impression.

"I didn't say anything," Sheppard said, one corner of his mouth tugging up. "So do you want to start shopping immediately?"

"No," Rodney said. "No, I'll have to take a closer look to decide."

"You can also ask Chris if something can be ordered in. If it's possible, he'll make it happen."

Rodney nodded. Living in Atlantis certainly did have its perks, he thought, scanning another shelf. Scented soap. "Ugh!" He stepped back as he read the flavor.

"What?" Sheppard asked.

"I'm allergic," Rodney explained.

"To _soap_?" Sheppard asked.

"To _citrus_ ," Rodney said, glaring at Sheppard. "Deathly allergic."

"Oh," Sheppard said. Rodney could see his wheels turning.

"I would appreciate if you didn't give that method of killing me a test run," Rodney said. The shield would stop such an attack too, but Sheppard didn't need to know that.

"I wasn't— I'm responsible for the safety of _everyone_ in the city, including you," Sheppard said.

He looked honest enough as he said it. Rodney looked down at Sheppard's wrist that was still a bit red. He scanned Sheppard's hand. There was no ring on his finger. "So what's next?" Rodney asked.

"I just wanted to show you one section of the store," Sheppard said, leading him to a shelf with bottles in various shapes and sizes. "For what we don't need," he said with a smile.

Rodney snorted. "Is there a place to drink it?"

"You can always drink it at home," Sheppard said, walking down the aisle and out of the store, Rodney in tow. "There is the mess and the town hall, but if you're asking if there is a bar, I'll have to disappoint you."

"So Atlantis doesn't have it all after all," Rodney mused.

"We have all we _need_ ," Sheppard said, serious this time.

"Of course. I was just wondering," Rodney said.

Sheppard gave him a speculative look. "We don't have a brothel either," he said.

"I didn't ask for one," Rodney said stiffly.

"I wouldn't have thought so with Katie and Keller both being enamored with you," Sheppard said.

Rodney spluttered. "They aren't— How do you even know about Jennifer?"

Sheppard gave him a look. "Word travels fast in Atlantis."

"I've only just met them. I don't even know if they are single," Rodney said, realizing the implied question.

"They are," Sheppard said, sounding a bit exasperated. "And some people...some people prefer to form more loose relationships for companionship."

"Oh," Rodney said. This might be promising for him. He'd never been able to form a long lasting relationship. And he couldn't even blame his constant moving on it.

"And if you're really interested," Sheppard said more quietly, leaning in close, "there are ways to find companionship without even that."

"I wouldn't say that I'm interested," Rodney said, but it wouldn't hurt to know his options. Thankfully, he didn't have to say the last out loud to make Sheppard understand.

He took Rodney by his arm and said, "Let's go to my office," before letting go of him and striding off.

~~

They didn't actually go to Sheppard's office, but into the little backroom behind his office. It was scarcely furnished with a cot, desk, bookshelf, and fridge.

Sheppard leaned against the desk and watched Rodney for a moment. "How many people do you think come to enter Atlantis every month?"

Rodney wasn't sure where this was going. "A handful?" he guessed.

"How many of those do you think we let enter?" Sheppard continued.

"Not more than a dozen a year," Rodney guessed.

"At the moment, we're trying to keep our population stable, and we have few people old enough to die of old age," Sheppard said.

Rodney was an exception. Even more so than he'd expected.

"Of those that we don't let inside, most go back to where they came from or move on to a different settlement or the caves," Sheppard continued. "A few commit suicide." Rodney's eyes widened at that. He tried to imagine someone for whom Atlantis was the last hope. "But some," Sheppard went on, "stay."

Rodney frowned. "What do you mean? Stay? I didn't see anyone outside the gate. Unless they all congregate on the other side of the city walls."

"No, they don't stay exactly here, but they don't move on to a new settlement. They _formed_ their own settlement. About two miles east from here," Sheppard explained.

Suddenly Rodney understood what this had to do with finding companionship.

It had to have shown on his face, for Sheppard continued, "You're likely to find someone there who's willing to spend a night with you in exchange for gold or goods. Maybe they'd even do it for free. It can get lonely there as anywhere in Pegasus. Just don't... It has become the city's policy not to let in new people, even spouses, if they aren't otherwise qualified to enter."

Rodney nodded. "Don't become attached," was what Sheppard had meant to say. "Don't fall in love." Not that Rodney would. In fact... "I do not plan to go there at all," he said out loud. He'd be lying if he said that he'd never let someone repay their gratitude with their body. He'd helped many people over the years, and in some cases that had been the way they'd chosen to thank him. But he'd never asked for that as compensation. It had always been freely offered after he'd helped.

And it had always just been sex, mostly not even a whole night. Rodney wasn't unhappy about that either. They had been desperate people. He could only imagine what it was like in that settlement. He'd seen those living outside the caves scrounging food and anything else they could get. He shuddered at the thought. "And even if I did," he said, "I don't think there's a chance I'd fall for a city reject."

Sheppard gave him a hard look. "Teyla lived there," he said.

Rodney's eyes widened. He hadn't expected that. It didn't even make sense. "But...she's very obviously qualified to be a productive member of the city."

"Yes, _she_ is," Sheppard said. At Rodney's frown, he continued, "But not all of her people were. When Teyla first came to Atlantis, she came in a group of several dozen from her village. It had been completely burned down by Wraith."

Rodney tried to process this, dozens of people looking for a home. "You couldn't take them all in," he concluded.

"No, not even close. We'd have gladly allowed _her_ to join us, but she wouldn't leave her people. Since they didn't have anywhere to go, they became part of the settlement to the east."

"What about the Wraith?" Rodney asked. "Is that settlement close enough to be in the safe zone of Atlantis?" He sincerely doubted that, otherwise there'd be a whole string of settlements around the city.

"No. They deal with the Wraith like everyone has to deal with the Wraith," Sheppard said, getting a dark, faraway look.

Rodney could relate. He'd seen what the Wraith could do. And what humans could do to each other just to escape them. "It's lucky you fell in love then," Rodney said, feeling that it was a question more than a statement.

Sheppard's eyes flicked to him. He held Rodney's gaze for a long moment. "Yeah," he said, though it didn't sound all that happy.

"You saved her," Rodney said.

"Believe me, it had nothing to do with me," Sheppard said ruefully. "She still goes there regularly, actually," he added. Before Rodney could ask if it wasn't too dangerous, Sheppard continued. "You can see the Wraith coming from far away in the plains. Teyla is not the only one who goes there to help. People bring food and other goods. Some of our engineers go there to help fix things. Not everyone, though. Some in Atlantis don't believe they are worthy of our charity. And some think we should allow them to join us. You'll come to your own conclusions."

Rodney nodded. "As I said, I won't go there looking for companionship, but maybe I will see if I can help them out in other ways once I'm settled here," he said.

"I'm sure they would appreciate that," Sheppard said.

Rodney thought that this conversation was probably over. And he'd have to return to his home to meet whoever was going to pick him up for lunch. "I should go. Thank you for showing me around. And thank you for telling me about..." He made a vague gesture.

"You're welcome," Sheppard said, standing up and smiling. "You would have found out anyway. It's hard to keep secrets in Atlantis." After a beat he added, "But not impossible."

Rodney wasn't sure if he was talking about his own secrets or the secrets he thought Rodney kept. "I'll keep that in mind," he said. "I'll see you around."

Sheppard nodded.

~~

When Rodney came back to his new home, the wild-haired inventor was already waiting for him.

"I'm sorry, uh," Rodney said, trying to remember the name. He was fairly certain it wasn't actually Zippy.

"Radek Zelenka," the inventor said.

"Right," Rodney said.

"You can call me Radek," Radek added.

"That might be easier," Rodney conceded.

"It is also custom to call each other by first name," Radek said. "You don't have to, of course, but don't be surprised if people call you Rodney. I hope you don't mind."

"No, not really." What people said to or about him was more important to Rodney than what they called him.

"Good then, _Rodney_ ," Radek said with a smile. "I'm glad I don't have to tell Elizabeth you escaped," he added.

"Sheppard was watching me almost all the time," Rodney told him, wondering if he should call him John, but deciding against it. "So, lunch?"

"Yes," Radek said. "I hope you didn't do anything to anger the colonel."

Rodney wondered about his little faux-pas about the settlement. He didn't think Sheppard would hold it against him, though. "I think I did fine. I just wanted to take a look around the city anyway. The colonel offered to give me a tour."

"He did?" Radek said, pushing up his glasses.

"Is that unusual?" Rodney asked, frowning.

"You could say that. I only remember him doing it with Ronon. And his wife, of course."

They walked down the street to the mess hall, which was still busy, but many people were on their way out or had finished but still sat at their tables. Radek led him to the food counter, where—surprise—Sheppard was waiting for them, grinning.

"Long time no see," Rodney said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I thought you'd miss me," Sheppard said, one corner of his mouth curving up.

Radek watched the exchange with interest.

Rodney cleared his throat. "So I guess this works like the store? I just take what I want?"

"Yes," Radek confirmed.

"I can recommend the lemon chicken today," Sheppard said.

Rodney glared at him, while the woman behind the counter looked scandalized. "Colonel! Didn't you know Rodney is allergic to citrus?"

"Yes, Sybil, I know," Sheppard said. "Rodney, this is Sybil Mehrzahn. If she likes you, she might accommodate your wishes in the menu."

"If there is anything special you like, let me know and I'll see what I can do," Sybil said, smiling brightly at Rodney. "And today we have beef as an alternative to the lemon chicken. If I had known about your allergy sooner, I could have set aside a plate without lemon. Do you like chicken?"

"Without citrus? Sure," Rodney said, putting beef on his plate behind Sheppard who also took the beef.

"You'll want this," Sheppard said when they came to the desserts, putting a chocolate muffin on Rodney's tray.

Rodney looked at the alternative, a pale muffin without any discernible ingredient. "Lemon muffins?" he guessed.

"No, 'vanilla', but trust me, you'll want the chocolate," Sheppard insisted.

"There's is nothing wrong with the vanilla," Sybil said. "Ronon loves it."

"Ronon loves _everything_ ," Sheppard told her.

Rodney didn't know what to think. He looked to Radek, who shrugged and nodded, then took the chocolate muffin as well.

Sybil pouted, looking betrayed.

"Everything else is perfect, though," Radek quickly said.

Sheppard grinned, and Rodney followed him. "So, do you want to sit with one of your admirers? Wait, Katie is..." He craned his head. "Oh, that's not good. Parrish looks like he's fully in his element. You don't want to get into the midst of their botany talks. Let's see... Keller is... No, that's even worse. She's sitting with Carson and Cadman. Cadman's just come back from a mission, so they'll be like... Just trust me that you don't want to watch it while you eat."

"Why don't we just sit down here," Radek suggested, gesturing at a nearby empty table with his tray.

Rodney sat down, and the others joined him. From his spot he could see Carson and Keller and between them a pretty hot red-head, who had to be Cadman. She was smiling widely at Carson and feeding him something. "I see what you mean," Rodney commented.

John snorted.

"Cadman is his wife?" Rodney asked.

"They are not married," Radek answered.

"But they've been together for a while," John added. "So, Radek, what are your plans for Rodney? I picked the poor guy up wandering the streets because he had nothing to do."

Radek gave him a look, then turned to Rodney. "I thought you'd want a moment to unpack and get settled. And I needed some time to prepare your desk. But we're all set now and can begin right after lunch. I thought I'd give you a quick overview of the technology used in the city and then we can see in which areas you think we could improve the most."

Rodney was about to answer when Sheppard threw in, "Rodney asked about the water system in the garden earlier."

"Oh, yes," Radek said proudly. "We have a very sophisticated water system running throughout the city, above ground and below."

"I'm sure," Rodney said. "Though I believe I might be even more interested in your energy production." All his complex inventions and ideas for inventions needed energy. He wanted to know if Atlantis had some means to produce it more efficiently.

"As I said, I think a quick overview will be best. And then we can discuss what you can work on," Radek said.

"He has invented something that can clean laundry," Sheppard said.

"How?" Radek asked.

"Uhm, it's actually a function of my extractor. I can set it so that it will 'extract' the dirt from the laundry," Rodney explained.

"But that runs on naquadah if I understood correctly," Radek said. "You use _naquadah_ to do your laundry?"

Rodney flushed. He was aware that it had to sound like a terrible waste, and it was. But for the last years he'd only had to look out for himself, and his shield allowed him to acquire naquadah in ways that nobody else could. Sheppard seemed to have realized that too.

"McKay doesn't seem to lack resources for that," he said, looking at Rodney speculatively.

Rodney chose to ignore him. "Do you use wind or solar energy at all?" he asked Radek. As he listened to Radek's answer, Rodney's eyes flicked over to Sheppard who smiled at him knowingly.

~~

Towards the end of lunch, a female voice suddenly asked, "May I join you?"

Rodney looked up to see Teyla, holding a tray with her lunch. His eyes immediately turned to Sheppard, wanting to see how these two interacted in person. He still couldn't shake that weird feeling that their relationship wasn't the average happy couple.

Sheppard turned to her as well—and smiled.

Rodney felt foolish for expecting anything else. As Sheppard gestured for his wife to sit in the empty seat next to him, Rodney told himself that there were any number of perfectly normal reasons that they weren't acting like, say, Carson and Cadman. He thought about Sheppard's somewhat muted mention of their son. Maybe they'd lost a child. Even with their own infirmary and well-trained and equipped doctors, Atlantis wouldn't be able to prevent all deaths, even that of a child.

There was no point in speculating, of course. If he wanted to, Sheppard would tell him. Or maybe Teyla would. There was something about her that made her...approachable.

"How do you like Atlantis so far?" she asked him.

"I still haven't seen it all, but what I have seen was quite...impressive." For him, this was quite a compliment. She seemed to understand that and flashed a pleased smile at him.

"You have not started working yet?" she asked.

"We will start after lunch," Radek told her. He had just finished his muffin and looked over to Rodney.

"Yes, yes, we can go," Rodney said, sensing his eagerness to start. He was really curious himself.

"Do not try to change everything at once," Teyla said, grinning at them.

Sheppard snorted. "If you want to blow something up, ask me first," he added.

"We'll keep that in mind, Colonel," Radek said. "Rodney?"

Radek and Rodney stood up. For a moment, Rodney didn't quite know what to say to Sheppard and Teyla. "Uhm. I'll see you around, I guess."

Sheppard grinned at him, and Teyla looked from her husband to Rodney, expression slightly curious. "I am sure we will," she said.

Rodney followed Radek, who'd been waiting for him. At the door, he turned back once more to look at their table only to find Sheppard doing the same. Rodney looked away, flushing, and followed Radek out.

~~

The technology used on Atlantis was more advanced than Rodney had seen in any other city. There was a whole system of underground tunnels that carried water and sewage pipes, power cables, as well as emergency paths throughout the city. And unlike other underground systems he'd seen, everything was pristine and even decorative. The walls had the same intricate patterns that he'd seen on the base of the tower.

"We added redundant facilities for everything over the years, to reduce abrasion and to make maintenance easier," Radek explained. "For vital components, we plan even another layer as backup."

Rodney nodded. "This is all well and good, but where does the energy and the water come from?" Rodney asked.

Radek smiled at him. "Follow me."

Rodney did, to three large rooms. The first was for the purification of water from the sewage system. The next one took that water and newly pumped water and purified it again before feeding it into the water system of Atlantis. The final one was essentially an underground naquadah power plant. Most impressive about that was that it was not only running, but seemed to be running at full capacity.

"Where do you get the naquadah from?" Rodney asked.

"That, I'm afraid, is a question for Colonel Sheppard and Elizabeth," Radek answered.

Rodney didn't press the subject. He thought about Elizabeth's comment that the soldiers were more than guards. Even if they went out on missions to raid other settlements—abandoned or not—for their remaining naquadah, those supplies were limited since the Wraith had taken hold of the natural naquadah mines. And the idea that they steal from the Wraith...no matter how powerful Atlantis was, Rodney found that hard to believe.

They spent the rest of the day going over the research Radek and his team had done over the years, and Rodney shared his own input. He'd been right to come to Atlantis. He'd never found another place that was capable of giving him an environment where he could not only teach them or fix something for them or build something for them, where he could not only help _them_ but where he could build something more important than the good of one settlement.

Atlantis might finally be the place where he could build something to change their _world_.

~~

It was dark when Rodney finally left the labs. Someone had brought them something for dinner, so they were able to continue to work, managing to go through all important projects of the last decade and what was currently planned.

They hadn't been able to go into enough detail for Rodney to make concrete suggestions, but they'd set the priorities for what Rodney should take a closer look at and there were a few vague ideas running through Rodney's head, which he hoped would pan out once he'd actually looked at the implementations of the various projects.

There were lights on in some of the windows. Rodney believed that the lights in the tower were of a decorative nature, a sign of the luxuries Atlantis could afford, but everything else seemed to be dark if it wasn't occupied. Elizabeth was probably still in her office, and Sheppard had mentioned that people sometimes drank in the mess hall.

As he thought of Sheppard, Rodney took the few steps past the mess to see if there was still a light on in his office. There was. He debated with himself whether to go there.

On the one hand, he did have a question to ask Sheppard. Where did the naquadah supplies on Atlantis come from? On the other hand, he knew that contemplating going there now had little to do with wanting to know the answer to that question. He could have gone to Elizabeth for that.

Rodney's hand went to his neck. The imprint of Sheppard's hand had still been visible when he'd last used the bathroom and glanced at himself in the mirror. He wondered if Sheppard also still bore the mark of their first encounter.

Trying not to overthink it, Rodney walked over to the commander's office.

~~

"But there's only one way to find out," Sheppard said when Rodney entered. He was sitting in his chair, feet casually on his desk.

There was someone else with him, also sitting with his feet on the desk. Rodney could only see that he didn't wear the same uniform as the other guards and had rather unusual hair.

Sheppard turned to him and smiled. "And there he is," he said to the other man, as if they'd just been talking about him. Which they might have been. Sheppard swung his feet to the floor and got up. "Ronon, this is Rodney McKay. McKay, this is Ronon Dex."

Rodney remembered the name Ronon. Sheppard had mentioned him before, and he recalled Radek saying that Ronon had been one of the few whom Sheppard had led around personally upon their arrival. A small pang of jealousy spread in his chest as the man got up as well. Any thoughts of how ridiculous it was to be jealous of him died when he saw the tattoo on Ronon's neck.

Rodney gaped.

Sheppard walked around the desk and turned to Ronon. "We can continue this discussion tomorrow at the team meeting."

Ronon nodded. Then he walked past Rodney, saying only, "McKay."

Rodney couldn't help the steps back he took to get out of his way. His heart was beating furiously and only slightly calmed down when Ronon left the office. Eventually he turned to find Sheppard watching. He looked understanding but also a bit frustrated.

"He is a runner," Rodney finally managed to say, as if Sheppard—or anyone who'd ever taken a look at Ronon—didn't know.

"Yes," Sheppard said evenly.

Rodney didn't know what to say to that. He'd only met two runners in his life. He'd heard of them before that, but he'd never forget the first time he'd seen with his own eyes what it meant to be a runner. She'd been run out of town into the arms of the Wraith, without even a trace of pity. Everyone was on their own when it came to the Wraith, but the only people who were actively pushed in the path of Wraith were murderers and rapists. And that woman hadn't done anything. She hadn't even stolen the bit of food they'd found her with.

Rodney had thought about objecting. He'd heard the stories of course. That runners were marked by the Wraith and every life they touched was forfeit. He'd found it hard to believe. He hadn't been sure what to do, though. He'd always avoided a direct confrontation with the Wraith, and when they got to her, it was too late to change his mind on that.

He wasn't in the settlement any longer at that point, hiding behind a rock to be able to see the runner. After they'd killed her, the Wraith had slung her carelessly onto the wagon they had with them. Then they'd proceeded towards the settlement.

Up to that point, Rodney had had what he considered a level-headed view of the Wraith. He was afraid of them, of course, as every sane person would be. He also certainly didn't think their behavior was acceptable. Humans had lived on animals and plants as long as they existed. There was no need to feed on other humans. But he hadn't thought of them as some mythical monster. He had thought of them the same he thought of anyone who killed for selfish reasons.

But that day, he saw the Wraith hunt down every man, woman, and child in the settlement. He heard the screams of terror and he heard the shots of guns, most of them self-inflicted Rodney thought, because the armor of the Wraith was impenetrable by a normal weapon. He _hoped_ they were self-inflicted, because it would be a merciful death compared to what the Wraith did.

That day Rodney had watched the Wraith leave again, their wagon filled with human bodies as high as they could pile them. When he'd returned to the settlement he'd found those that the Wraith couldn't carry. He'd found a baby thrown aside, pale with a gaping wound where they'd bit into its neck.

Rodney had thrown up on the dusty road until there was nothing left in his stomach and then he'd thrown up some more.

After that he no longer disagreed when people called the Wraith monsters and inhuman. And the second time he met a runner, he didn't say anything when they executed him, burned him, and buried what little remained in the deepest hole they could dig. It wasn't right. But he hadn't had another solution. He could have offered to take the man with him, but Rodney's fear that the Wraith might ever find out... He hadn't offered to save the runner.

The second runner had tried to disguise the Wraith's mark as something else. The first one had also tried to remove it apparently, if the cuts on her neck were any indication. Ronon, however, was wearing the mark as if it didn't concern him at all. And the way he and Sheppard had sat here and chatted was perhaps the most significant statement of the power that Atlantis had since Rodney's arrival.

To voluntarily harbor a runner was simply unthinkable.

Sheppard and Rodney only looked at each other for what seemed an eternity. Then Sheppard said, "Wanna grab a beer?"

Rodney wasn't really thirsty, but he thought that whatever Sheppard planned to do was probably not really about the beer, so he nodded.

Sheppard disappeared into the back room and came back with two cold bottles of beer. They made their way outside, around the mess, where Sheppard opened a nearly invisible door in the wall. Rodney followed him inside, up very narrow stairs until they were up on the massive outer wall of Atlantis. They walked along the arm of Atlantis where Rodney lived. He could see the roofs of the houses, the lights in the windows. It was dark up on the wall, but there was a high stone wall to the left, protecting Atlantis from what lay beyond the walls and a smaller one to the right so that he didn't have to be afraid of falling.

Eventually they came to a platform. It looked like two boxes were sunken into the ground. Rodney guessed they were cannons of some kind. Sheppard pressed something on a panel in a wall and the outer wall folded over until they had an unobstructed view of the fields outside of Atlantis.

Sheppard sat down, his feet dangling from the wall. Rodney was a bit skeptical. They were pretty high up here, and he had no idea how strong the beer was going to be.

"Don't worry. There's a moat around the fields and a little lake directly below us. In summer, people sometimes jump down there from here," Sheppard said.

Rodney carefully leaned over to take a look. He could see the reflection of the water and decided it was probably safe. He sat down next to Sheppard and took the beer he handed him.

They drank in silence, and Rodney was getting a bit nervous. He felt like he had failed a test the way he'd reacted to Ronon. Though he couldn't believe anyone would react differently.

"You've seen it?" Sheppard asked eventually, keeping his eyes on the desert in front of them.

Rodney squirmed. He didn't care to recount what he'd witnessed. Remembering was bad enough. "Once," he said.

"They didn't kill you," Sheppard said, though Rodney thought it was probably a question. How did he survive? Did he only see it after the fact or had his shield saved him?

"I wasn't in the settlement when they came," he said.

"But close enough to see," Sheppard said.

"Not to see. But to hear," Rodney said, trying to block out the screams in his mind.

Sheppard gave him a quick look, then turned away again. "You try to avoid the Wraith," he said, still not looking at Rodney. "Despite your shield."

Rodney squirmed again. Nobody had ever questioned why he fled when the Wraith came. It was normal.

"Yet I know that you trust that it will protect you or you wouldn't go into old mines—or wherever it is you get your naquadah from—even though there's usually at least one Wraith guard there," Sheppard continued his interrogation. Rodney couldn't pretend that it was anything else, even if from the outside it looked like two guys—friends maybe even—drinking a beer.

Rodney had nothing to say to Sheppard. Every word he said was true and they both knew it.

"You're afraid though you don't have to be," Sheppard went on. "Ronon is no danger to us."

That was what Sheppard wanted to say to him? That he didn't have to fear Ronon's presence? Rodney was relieved. He could live with Sheppard thinking he was a coward. In fact, it might be better in the long run. He'd half expected Sheppard to recruit him for whatever missions they did to get naquadah. "Atlantis does seem to be safe. How long has he been here?" Rodney asked, trying to keep the subject on Ronon.

"Over a year," Sheppard said. "And the Wraith haven't attacked once."

"When did they last try?" Rodney asked.

"Three years ago. They came and burned down the crops on the outer fields and tried to shoot a few bombs over the wall. They only did superficial damage, though. And we killed at least two dozen of them."

"You're not afraid of them," Rodney concluded.

"I _am_ afraid of them. But not for Atlantis, right now. Not because of _Ronon_ ," he said, giving Rodney a look.

"I've never seen a runner live for more than a few hours," Rodney tried to explain his reaction.

"You've seen more than one?" Sheppard asked.

"It wasn't the Wraith that killed the second one," Rodney said.

Sheppard nodded in understanding. "Elizabeth had her doubts about letting him in. But he'd survived for _seven_ years. I knew that he'd be an asset to us. And he had nowhere else to go."

"I understand," Rodney said. "I'm sorry for how I reacted."

"It's okay. You weren't the only one. Believe me," Sheppard said, taking a gulp from his bottle. "And you won't be the last."

Rodney also drank from his bottle.

"You'll be okay, though, with Ronon?" Sheppard asked, looking at Rodney.

Rodney turned to him. "Sure," he said with a shrug. It wasn't as if it mattered to him as long as they were safe on Atlantis. He didn't expect he'd see a lot of Ronon. "He's not an inventor, is he?" he asked, just to be sure.

Sheppard snorted. "Ronon? No."

They finished up their beer in silence. It was quite a nice night. The sky was clear and they could see the stars.

"We need to get up early tomorrow," Sheppard eventually said, getting up. He held out a hand. Rodney took it and let Sheppard help him up. He thought of that same hand on his neck what felt a lifetime ago, but had been in fact just this morning.

"Rodney?" Sheppard asked, and Rodney dropped his hand, realizing that he'd held on to it far too long.

"Right. It's late. We should go to bed. Beds. Separate beds. I mean to my quarters. And you to yours. To your _wife_." Oh god, why couldn't the earth just open up and swallow him in a moment like this. He risked a look up at Sheppard's face.

Sheppard looked amused, though there was a hint of curiosity in his look as well. He held Rodney's gaze for a long moment, then turned to retract the wall to its original position.

They took a different way down the wall and came out next to Rodney's house. The light from the street lamp seemed very bright, even though Rodney knew that it wasn't. It was bright enough however for Sheppard's gaze to dip down to where Rodney knew the imprint of his hand was probably still visible. He unconsciously turned his face a bit, exposing the mark. Sheppard looked up into Rodney's eyes and then back at his neck, then lifted his hand, where Rodney could still see the red line his shield had left.

"It doesn't still hurt, does it?" Sheppard asked, then put his hand where he'd left the imprint this morning, only gently holding Rodney's neck this time, though.

Rodney swallowed and shook his head minutely. He lifted his right hand and circled Sheppard's wrist where the shield had marked him. "You?"

"I'm fine," Sheppard said, turning his gaze back to Rodney's eyes.

For a moment, Sheppard made Rodney breathless again, but then Sheppard carefully pulled his hand away, from Rodney's neck and out of his hand.

"Goodnight, Rodney," Sheppard said, turned and left without waiting for an answer.

~~

When Rodney came down the narrow flight of stairs the next morning, something bright blue on his kitchen table caught his eye. It turned out to be a shirt with a high enough collar to cover his neck. His hand moved to where Sheppard had nearly choked him the day before.

Rodney went into the bathroom to shower and check his neck. The red had softened over night, but where Sheppard's thumb had pressed into him, his skin had turned dark blue-red. He pulled on the blue shirt, and it perfectly covered the mark. It also brought out the colors of his eyes.

Rodney looked at the mirror, unsure of what to think of this gift. He hadn't locked the door, so anyone could have brought it in. But his mind immediately went to Sheppard and how he'd touched Rodney last night before they'd parted ways. It was ridiculous to assume that Sheppard had...sown this over night just to leave it in his kitchen.

But on the other hand, there wasn't anyone else who would make an obvious choice as the gifter.

In any case, Rodney wasn't likely to find out who it was by sitting in his tiny new home, not to mention that he had many projects to go over, so he decided to head to breakfast. It wasn't very warm outside, but it wasn't too far to the mess and the labs and maybe his gifter would acknowledge the shirt if he (or she) saw Rodney wearing it.

Rodney hadn't taken more than three steps when the door of the house next to his opened. At this point he couldn't even say he was surprised to find none other than Sheppard stepping out.

"Morning," Sheppard said cheerfully, as if they met each other like this every day. His expression softened, and his gaze travelled down Rodney's upper body and back up to his chest.

Rodney looked down to see his nipples standing out prominently beneath the blue shirt. It really was quite cold. "I found this in my kitchen this morning," he said.

Sheppard's eyes moved back to Rodney's face. "Oh, _really_?" he said, far too casually.

"Yes," Rodney said. "And it just happens to cover my..." He craned his neck to the side a bit.

Sheppard stepped closer. "It's still visible?" he asked.

"It's slightly bruised," Rodney said, opening the small zipper at the top of the shirt to be able to pull away the collar to reveal his mark.

Sheppard swallowed. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"You'd do it again," Rodney commented.

"Yes," John agreed with a smile.

Rodney gaze travelled down John's arm, where Rodney found he was wearing a black wristband this morning.

"It's..." John began, then simply lifted his hand and pulled the wristband aside enough that Rodney could see the red circle where his shield had bruised John's skin.

"I'm sorry too. Even though I'm glad it worked," Rodney said.

Their gazes locked for a moment, and then Sheppard pushed the wristband back to cover his bruise. Rodney was both slightly disappointed not to be able to see it anymore and thrilled that Sheppard had shown it to him. In a weird way it was as if now it was a secret between them.

John looked at the bruise on Rodney's neck again and then reached out to pull the zipper on Rodney's shirt back up. Rodney took in a deep breath at the unexpected gesture, then slowly exhaled.

He and John looked at each other again, and Rodney felt as if this exchange had... _sealed_ something between them. There were many rituals in Pegasus, some unique to a family or a single town, some understood and observed by almost everyone. This had seemed like a ritual just between the two of them.

Rodney swallowed and had to look away. His gaze fell on John's house. "So it seems we're neighbors," he said, trying to get over the weird tension between them.

Sheppard looked at their houses and took a step back, as if he too needed a bit of distance. "Yes, this is where I live."

"What a coincidence," Rodney commented wryly.

John snorted. "New arrivals always get the last house. If the chance comes up you can move."

"So you're not just trying to keep an eye on me?" Rodney asked.

One side of John's mouth curved up. "Why can't it be both?"

"I'm not out to get anyone," Rodney said.

"I know, Rodney," John said. "It's still my job to keep an eye on everything."

Rodney wondered if last night's beer and John's touch and this morning's little exchange was a part of that. Somehow he didn't see John doing this with everyone. "I'm hungry and it's getting really cold," he said, rubbing his arms with his hands.

"I can see that," John said with a smirk, dropping his gaze to Rodney's nipples again.

Rodney harrumphed, and then they went off towards the mess.

~~

Breakfast was plentiful and good. John asked Rodney what he was going to work on first, but Rodney told him that they hadn't made the final decision on that yet.

They parted ways outside the mess after breakfast, and it only occurred to Rodney on his way to the labs that John hadn't eaten with Teyla and their son. He wondered if John had made an exception today to eat with Rodney, but then dismissed the thought.

The more Rodney learned about the advanced technology used in Atlantis the more impressed he was. He went through the recent projects with Radek in more detail and had dozens of ideas on how to improve the systems. Some of them had already been considered by Radek and his team, but some were new.

Radek's eyes lit up whenever Rodney presented such a new idea, and they discussed things in a fast back and forth that Rodney only remembered from when he'd last talked to his sister. They had to force themselves not to delve too deeply since they wanted to finish giving Rodney a complete overview of Atlantean technology.

They went to the mess for lunch, and Rodney found himself looking around for John. Radek followed his gaze for a moment.

"The Colonel won't be here today. It's Guard Day," Radek said, obviously realizing what Rodney was doing.

Rodney was slightly flustered that Radek had guessed correctly. "Guard Day?" he asked, instead of commenting on that.

"Once a month the whole guard spends a day doing training maneuvers together and discussing weapons, martial arts, and recent and upcoming missions."

"Missions?" Rodney asked, thinking once again about the amount of naquadah that Atlantis would need to keep the power plant running at full capacity.

"I'm sure the colonel will tell you in time," Radek said, getting his tray.

Rodney followed him. He hadn't really expected an answer. He was curious about the missions, but at the same time he wasn't too keen on John asking any more questions about _Rodney's_ source of naquadah.

"There's chicken without lemon today," Sybil told him brightly when they came up.

"Thank you," Rodney said, loading his tray full with another excellent meal.

~~

"Still hard at work?"

Rodney looked up from the design documents he'd been perusing to find John leaning against a shelf next to his desk. To his surprise there didn't seem to be anybody else still at the lab. When he'd returned from dinner, the lab had still been bustling with activity.

"It's past midnight," John said.

"I had only meant to start looking into my first project," Rodney said, realizing that he'd gotten so caught up that he'd gone through almost half of it.

"The puddlejumper?" John asked.

"The what?" Rodney asked, frowning. He couldn't remember Radek mentioning something like that.

John shook his head. "Nothing important. So what _is_ your first project?"

"To improve the storage of energy," Rodney said excitedly. "The batteries we use are extremely advanced, but I think I can make them even more efficient."

"I'm sure you can, genius," John said with a smirk.

Rodney raised an eyebrow. "You doubt I can?"

"I just said I'm sure you can. And I'm sure it's a worthwhile project," John said.

"Ah," Rodney said in understanding. "You were hoping for something more flashy."

"Maybe," John conceded with a half-smile. "It's not like we have an acute energy problem."

Rodney thought of the naquadah power plant and the apparently plentiful supply Atlantis had of it. He considered taking the opening and asking John about it, but decided against it. He figured it might be a longer discussion and now that he'd stopped working, he noticed that he'd become tired. "We might not have a problem, but almost everything I could build for you will need power, so having more of it is never a bad thing."

John's eyes lit up at Rodney's mention of building something for him. "I'm looking forward to putting it to good use. Did you want to work through the night?"

"Actually, no. It's been a long day," Rodney said, turning off the light at his desk and getting up.

They walked out together into the cool clear night. Rodney shivered when they stepped out. John looked at him, then got out of his leather jacket.

"It's not that far, you don't really have to..." Rodney began, but allowed John to slip his arms into the pleasantly warm jacket. "Thank you."

"The nights can get cold," John said, buttoning up the jacket. "You should keep that in mind if you keep working until midnight."

"I will," Rodney said.

They walked into their residential arm of the city. Neither of them spoke, but the silence was companionable somehow. Rodney glanced at Sheppard's profile every now and then, illuminated only by the few lamps that dimly lit the area.

There was something about John that commanded Rodney's attention in a way only few things did and even fewer people.

He'd come to Atlantis to be able to work on more challenging projects, but it seemed that her people were no less interesting and challenging.

It wasn't just John. Radek and his team were the largest group of inventors he'd ever encountered outside of the caves. Carson, Jennifer, Katie and her botanist friend, Ronon, Teyla, Elizabeth...they all were talented in their fields and given the opportunity to use their talents. Rodney could appreciate that even if he might not care about the particulars of what they did.

He _was_ curious about what John did, though. Not necessarily to learn about the details of his work as commander, but to learn about the man, who was still something of a mystery to him.

One of the things Rodney wondered about was _why_ John spent so much time with him. His shield was a potential danger to the city and those living inside, but Rodney was sure there were other ways for John to keep an eye on him. He certainly didn't have to offer his jacket to do so.

When they arrived at John's home, Rodney began to unbutton the jacket. John's hand on his stopped him.

"Keep it," John said.

For a moment they stood like that, John's hand on his, eyes locked. Then John removed his hand.

"Goodnight, Rodney," he said, turning to enter his home.

"Goodnight," Rodney said.

John quickly glanced back at him, then closed the door behind him. 

Rodney remained where he was, looking at the empty door for a moment. Then he told himself to get out of the cold and into bed. Though he didn't really feel the cold in John's warm jacket—or where John's hand had touched him.

~~

When Rodney left the house the next morning, he kept an eye on John's door, and sure enough, the man himself stepped out as soon as Rodney passed it.

"Good morning," John said, eyes dipping down to the leather jacket Rodney wore.

Rodney flushed. He'd debated wearing it, but it was warm and soft and mornings and nights were cold during this time of the year. It also reminded him of John, but nobody had to know that. He'd seen others on Atlantis wear a jacket like this, so he hoped it wouldn't be obvious that he was wearing John's. And John certainly didn't seem to worry about it or he wouldn't have told Rodney to keep it. "Morning," Rodney said.

"You're starting your work on the batteries today?" John asked as they walked towards the mess.

"Yes," Rodney said. He'd come up with some new ideas over night and was eager to discuss them with Radek.

"Hmm," John only thoughtfully. "I guess that'll keep you busy for some time."

"Well, it depends on what else comes up," Rodney said. "Radek said that there's always maintenance to be done, and it makes sense for me to help with that to get to know the systems better hands on."

"Sure," John said. There seemed to be something in particular on his mind.

A couple stepped out of the door next to them. They greeted John and introduced themselves to Rodney before going their way.

"Am I expected to learn everyone's names?" Rodney asked after they were gone.

John snorted. "It won't get you kicked out of Atlantis if you don't."

Which still didn't answer if people would hold it against him if he didn't. He sighed. One of the advantages of moving from town to town was not having to learn people's names.

"It's generally helpful to be able to address people by name if you want to talk to them," John said, smirking.

"Thanks for your insight, Colonel," Rodney answered drily.

"You're welcome," John said, grinning.

Ahead of them, the couple turned left instead of towards the mess. "Don't most people eat in the mess?" Rodney asked.

"Not necessarily. Some like to cook themselves. Some go to the mess on weekdays but stay at home on weekends," John said.

Rodney remembered John's own family. "You don't eat with your wife and son?"

"Teyla takes Torren to the mess before school starts on weekdays. On weekends, I cook," John said.

" _You_ cook," Rodney said.

"Yes, _I_ cook," John said. "I have many talents," he added playfully.

"I'm sure you do," Rodney mumbled.

John leaned a bit closer and whispered, "And Teyla's a terrible cook, but don't tell her I said that." He smiled conspiratorially at Rodney.

"I won't," Rodney promised, and they entered the mess.

Sybil was there and reminded Rodney to tell her his favorite food.

"I'll think about it," Rodney said. He really wasn't the picky kind, and the food in the mess on Atlantis was already easily the best he'd ever gotten except that one time when he'd helped out a baker and upgraded their oven.

They sat down opposite each other. Before Rodney could take his first bite, a tray with a huge load of food was dropped at the end of the table next to their own trays.

Ronon sat down and grunted a morning greeting.

Rodney twitched. He felt the instinctual need to get away from Ronon before rational thought prevailed. There was no way a Wraith could see them now, and they were safe here from them in any case. Especially Rodney. He glanced at John and could see a hint of disappointment in his look.

Rodney dropped his gaze to the food and started eating. It would take a while to get used to having a runner around like any other person. He wasn't proud of his reaction, but he hoped that John understood.

Daring another glance at John, Rodney caught the hint of a frustrated smile. Rodney smiled gratefully in return.

Ronon seemed oblivious to their little wordless exchange. He dug heartily into his breakfast. "You asked him yet?" he asked.

"No," John said quickly, shooting Ronon a warning look.

"Ask me what?" Rodney asked.

"You'll be busy getting to know the Atlantean systems," John said, ignoring Rodney's question.

"Well, yes, but that will take months. It doesn't mean I can't do other things in the meantime. Did you want me to look into something in particular? Oh, wait. You want a new weapon," Rodney guessed.

"It's not that," John said.

"Though he'd love it if you could build a copy of mine. Radek gave up," Ronon said, unholstering his sidearm and showing it to Rodney.

"It's very impressive, I'm sure," Rodney said. He'd never been very interested in weapons, though he acknowledged the role they played in life in Pegasus.

"Come to the shooting range, and I'll show you," Ronon said.

John perked up at that. "I could show you the armory. It's part of Atlantis' systems, if you will."

Rodney was amused that John felt the need to come up with an excuse to invite Rodney. Even if he wasn't interested in weapons, John was eager enough that Rodney would gladly take him up on the offer. "We could go after dinner," he suggested.

"Great," John said, his face lighting up. "I'll pick you up at six, and then we can eat and I'll show you Atlantis' firepower."

~~

"We have weapons stashes all over the city, but this is the largest armory we have," John explained as he led Rodney into a large storage room.

"That's quite impressive," Rodney said. "Especially for a city that's so well protected that not even the Wraith attack it."

John obviously understood the implied question. "There's more than just Wraith out there," he said.

"Are people really foolish enough to try to attack Atlantis?" Rodney asked.

"You'd be surprised," John said. "But it's not just about Atlantis. We have trading partners all over Pegasus, who aren't as fortified as we are. We can't protect them from the Wraith, but for everyone else, this is more than enough." He gestured proudly at the rows of shelves.

"So that's what you do on the missions outside of the city?" Rodney asked. "Protect your trading partners?"

"Or find new ones. And general intel. Getting complacent will kill you eventually," John said. He got a faraway look for a moment and his jaw clenched.

For the first time Rodney wondered where John had come from and what he'd been before coming to Atlantis. But he sensed that this wasn't the right time to ask.

John snapped out of it and grabbed a few weapons of different types, handing some of them to Rodney. "Let's go," he said.

"Go where?" Rodney asked.

"To the shooting range," John said.

"Uhm," Rodney said, but John was already leaving the armory, so Rodney followed him, weapons in hand.

Ronon was outside waiting for them. When he saw Rodney, he picked up his sidearm, twirled it and effortlessly shot a target at the far end of the range, leaving a huge hole in the dead center of the body.

John put the weapons he was carrying on a table and Rodney followed suit. John looked at the weapons thoughtfully. He picked one up, but Ronon made a negative sound and said, "Try the Decker. Can't do much wrong with that."

John picked up another weapon, a pistol, and handed it to Rodney.

"I'm not very good with guns," Rodney said.

"You've never fired a shot?" John asked.

"Not for a very long time. It hasn't been necessary," Rodney said, tapping his chest over his shield.

"What about others?" John asked.

Rodney swallowed. He had never felt selfish about how he'd made use of his shield. He _had_ helped people where he'd gone. But not as a soldier. "I leave that to people more qualified."

"You're invincible," John said.

"And an inventor," Rodney countered.

"Just try it," John pressed, pushing the pistol at Rodney until he took it. Then he pointed at a target that was closer than the one Ronon had shot.

Rodney cocked the hammer, aimed, and fired.

Ronon's eyebrows lifted.

"You almost hit the target," John said encouragingly.

Rodney gave him a look. "I told you I don't have any practice."

"I'm surprised he managed to fire at all," Ronon said.

John glared at him, then turned to Rodney. "I'm sure it'll get better with a bit of practice."

"I'm sure it would, but I don't think that's necessary," Rodney said, trying to hand the pistol back.

"Some basic weapons and hand-to-hand training is essential," John said. "Try again."

"Why?" Rodney asked. "I've never been safer than I am right now."

"It's a waste of time," Ronon said, shaking his head.

John glared at him again.

"Why do you want me to be able to fight?" Rodney asked. He remembered Ronon's question from breakfast if John had asked Rodney already. "Do you want me to join your guard?" he asked incredulously. "That really would be a waste of time."

"I want you to join my _team_ ," John said.

Rodney's mouth opened and closed again. He hadn't expected that. "I'm not a soldier," he said after a moment. "And what team? Is this for missions? What use would I be on such missions?"

"You said it yourself, you're an inventor. How often have we run into people who could have used an inventor?" John asked Ronon.

"Often," Ronon said.

"All the time," John said. "In some cases we can bring in Radek or someone else, but often it's too dangerous, and even if it's not, it takes another mission and additional protective measures."

"And you wouldn't have to worry about me," Rodney said, not sure if he should be hurt that John only wanted him on his team because of his shield or proud because he could become a huge asset to Atlantis as a trading partner.

"I wouldn't say _that_ ," John said, "but at least I wouldn't have to fear for your life."

Rodney nodded, ignoring John's little dig. "So who else is on your team? Ronon, I assume."

"Yeah," Ronon said. "And Teyla."

"You go on missions with your wife?" Rodney asked, surprised. It wasn't that he didn't think Teyla would be capable of it. She certainly seemed fit to be a soldier. "I meant in case something happens." It would leave their son an orphan.

"We're very careful, and we look out for each other," John said, looking pointedly at the pistol in Rodney's hand.

"I see," Rodney said. "I'll have to think about it. How often do you go on missions? I think I could really help improve the efficiency of Atlantean systems and maybe come up with new things."

"Of course," John said. "You could still do that. You'd be first and foremost an inventor. We don't head out more than once a week. Less if it's a long mission."

"Oh, that sounds...doable," Rodney said. "I'd still like to discuss it with Radek first. And I should probably talk to Elizabeth."

"We can go and tell her together," John said eagerly.

"And I guess we should schedule a training session for these," Rodney said, gesturing at the table with the weapons. He wasn't really looking forward to that, but he did want to be able to help protect his teammates if it became necessary.

"I have time now," John said.

"Uhm," Rodney said. "I'd prefer if I could read up on them first, so that I have the theoretical background."

"Inventors," Ronon muttered.

"That's a good idea," John said. "Maybe you'll find something you can improve."

Rodney couldn't help smiling at that. If he came up with something to make the weapons better, it would be worth it just to see the look on John's face when he told him.

~~

"Colonel Sheppard has asked me to join his team," Rodney said the next morning when he met up with Radek.

"Really?" Radek pushed up his glasses and looked thoughtful.

"He said that an inventor would be valuable to have on missions, and since I have my shield, he won't have to worry about my safety," Rodney explained.

"Yes, yes," Radek muttered. "I'm just surprised—" he stopped himself.

"Surprised..." Rodney prompted.

"The colonel had certain reservations," Radek said.

"Oh, that. I know. He shot me first thing after we met," Rodney said. Radek's eyebrows shot up. "But we're okay now," Rodney went on. "We're actually..." he trailed off. He was going to say better than okay, but he didn't want Radek to think... Rodney wasn't even sure what he might think, but it was best not to even go there. "We're okay now," he repeated instead.

"That's good to hear," Radek said. "And yes, it sounds like a very sensible idea to have you on his team. You don't mind?"

"We'll see how it goes," Rodney said. "He wants me to do some weapons and hand-to-hand training," he added with a grimace.

"You don't know how to handle firearms?" Radek asked.

"I was never good with them, and since I got this," Rodney tapped his chest, "there was no point. And we're inventors, not guards after all."

"Certainly," Radek said. "But outside of Atlantis, everyone is his own guard."

"How long were you out there after crossing the pond?" Rodney asked.

"A couple of years. But I assure you, even without Wraith it helps to be able to handle a gun," Radek said.

It was true that the lack of Wraith made the east seem like paradise when in practice it wasn't. The trip over the ocean was costly and dangerous and yet, Radek, Carson, and many others had taken the step. They must have hoped to find something in Pegasus that they couldn't at home.

"So you don't mind if I'll be gone on missions every now and then?" Rodney asked instead of getting into the details of Radek's past.

"No, I don't mind at all. I agree with the colonel that it is a sensible idea. Much preferable to having to send inventors out with a security detail," Radek said with feeling.

"Were you the one who mostly went?" Rodney asked.

"It wasn't just me, but I still went more often than I wanted to. But I'm sure I won't be the only one who'll be happy about this change," Radek said. "Your arrival is having a positive impact much sooner than I anticipated."

"That's insulting," Rodney said. "I'll start working on the batteries today. Prepare to be impacted."

Radek snorted.

~~

Rodney worked through lunch to be able to show Radek something before John picked him up for dinner. He hadn't gotten quite as far as he wanted but he still had a working albeit tiny prototype.

"Obviously, there'll be a few issues to address with larger scale versions, but you'll have to admit the reduction in energy loss is impressive," Rodney said.

Radek went over his design paper, frowning. Eventually, he looked up. "It _is_ less dissipative, but it's also far too slow to use as power back up."

"That's right," Rodney said. "Which is why this is only the first part. There will be a second layer with faster throughput, but which only stores the energy short term. We can hook up several of these at once and basically flush them out one after the other as new ones are slowly loaded."

"Hmm," Radek said. "How many of the faster ones will we need for full coverage?"

"I haven't actually finished the calculations," Rodney admitted. "We might need to do some fine-tuning. And we don't have to replace all the old batteries. But for longer storage, this change will help enormously. And there's the colonel."

Radek looked up to where John was approaching. "How's he doing, Radek? Broken anything yet?" John asked with a smirk.

Rodney gave him a look. "Only expectations of how quick I'd make an impact," he said.

John looked to Radek as if for confirmation.

"Rodney has some very interesting ideas," Radek said.

"Ideas!" Rodney said. "It's a working prototype within a day!"

"Which could light up a room as long as a burning match," Radek said. He turned to John. "His idea could make our backup batteries a lot more efficient, but the devil is in the details."

"I'm sure you'll get it worked out," John said. "So, are you ready for training?"

"We're going to have dinner first, though, right?" Rodney asked, getting up and grabbing his jacket. Without waiting for an answer he turned to Radek, "And it's only a prototype. It's not _meant_ to do a lot, just to show the principle at work."

"Enjoy your meal," Radek only said before returning his attention to Rodney's design documents.

Rodney harrumphed.

"Let's eat," John said, putting a hand on Rodney's elbow to lead him away. "I've prepared something at the armory."

"The armory?" Rodney asked.

"Don't worry. There'll be enough and no citrus in sight. Good night, Radek," John called over his shoulder.

"Good night, Colonel. Try to return Rodney in one piece," Radek called back.

"Will do my best," John called back and pushed Rodney out the door.

~~

Rodney spent the way from the labs to the armory telling John how revolutionary his idea was and how much energy Atlantis would save in the long run and that if Radek couldn't see it he was more stupid than Rodney had thought he was.

John let him talk, saying, "Uhum," now and then.

When Rodney was finished with his rant, John only smiled.

"It's true!" Rodney said defensively.

"I don't doubt it," John said. "Elizabeth will be very pleased."

"Of course she will," Rodney said stiffly.

John leaned closer. "And I'm sure Radek is more impressed than he let on. But he's right that actually _building_ what you designed is also part of it."

"Of course it is. I never denied that," Rodney said.

"Then I think we're all in agreement," John said easily. He opened the door to an armory, and now that Rodney was paying more attention, he realized that they'd ended up in a different arm of Atlantis than yesterday. "This is the smaller shooting range," John said. "I thought you'd prefer some privacy."

"Uhm, yes," Rodney said. He hadn't looked forward to this in the first place, and he certainly didn't want guards standing around and laughing their asses off at him. At least not until he'd made some tangible improvements on the Atlantean systems that he could throw in their faces.

They entered the armory, which was a bit smaller than the one John had shown him yesterday. In a corner four chairs were arranged around a small table. There was a shelf with cloths and some tools nearby, so it probably served as the cleaning and repair place usually, but today, John had arranged trays with soup, sandwiches, and even what looked like chocolate pudding.

It became clear why John had prepared their dinner here, when he picked up a Decker from one of the racks and brought it with him to the table.

As they ate John talked about the different firearms they had in use and in which situations they preferred which. Rodney had made use of the shelves of books in the town hall and read up on the technical background of the weapons the evening before, so he was able to contribute to the discussion enough that John seemed impressed, which pleased Rodney immensely.

Of course, theory was the easier part when it came to weapons for Rodney. After they'd finished eating and Rodney had scratched the last bits of pudding out of the glass, there was no delaying the inevitable.

John took the first two weapons that he thought Rodney should be able to handle, and they went out to the shooting range.

The first few shots were a disaster. Rodney made an unhappy face. He hated not being good at something. And he hated disappointing John.

"You need to relax," John said.

"Firing weapons and relaxing don't really go together as far as I'm concerned," Rodney said.

"Which is why we're doing this," John said patiently. "The more used you get to handling weapons, the safer you'll feel in situations that are otherwise stressful. Take a deep breath."

Rodney did.

"Now just point the Decker at the target," John instructed.

Rodney did, but immediately tensed up again.

"Okay, give it to me," John said.

Rodney sighed in frustration and handed over the weapon. He really didn't think it would be of any use to see John effortlessly firing a shot right at the target. And thankfully John actually didn't demonstrate what he wanted from Rodney. Instead he put the weapon on a table nearby, before returning to Rodney.

"Now lift your arm," John told him. Rodney did. "And point," John went on.

Rodney gave him a look. He was feeling ridiculous. But John seemed to be serious, so he pointed his finger like a gun.

"See, this is better," John said.

"It's because I'm only lifting my hand," Rodney said.

"You're pointing at a target, just like before," John corrected. He took a critical look at Rodney's stance and made a few adjustments.

Rodney tried not to let John's casual touches get to him. They were working here after all. Nothing else.

"Hey, pay attention to the target," John told him, and Rodney reaimed with his hand that he'd let hang lower as John had reviewed his stance. "Perfect," John said, putting his hands on Rodney's shoulder for a moment. Then he went to retrieve the Decker from the table and brought it over to Rodney.

Rodney took a deep breath and grasped the gun, trying to keep a firm but not too tense grip on it.

"Clock the hammer and just point it for now," John said, standing behind him.

Rodney aimed the pistol without even thinking about shooting, just repeating what he'd done before with his hand and standing the way John wanted him to. John made some more minor adjustments to his stance, but eventually he simply stood behind Rodney, so close that Rodney could feel his warmth.

"Fire," John whispered in his ear.

Rodney pulled the trigger as if by magic and the bullet found its target. It wasn't at the dead center, but he'd hit the chest this time and even the general area that he'd aimed at. He turned around, grinning proudly, only to find John's equally grinning face very, very close.

Their grins softened, and Rodney could feel an entirely different kind of tension.

After a moment, John dropped his gaze and took a step back. "Try it again," he said.

Rodney swallowed and turned to face the target again. He reloaded the pistol and took aim, trying to calm down. His arm was slightly shaking, but he didn't think it had anything to do with handling a firearm. He took deep breaths and tried to remember John's hands on him, adjusting his stance. He got into the same position as well as he could, concentrated on aiming instead of firing and then recalled the moment John had whispered the command in his ear.

The shot went a bit wider than the last one, but he still hit the chest.

"A lot better than yesterday," John said.

Rodney nodded. "You were right. With practice it will come more naturally."

John smiled. "Want to give the rifle a try now?"

~~

"That was great," John said. "Let's end it on a high note today and move on to hand-to-hand."

Rodney was tempted to protest. He felt that he was getting a hang of it, but there would be other opportunities to train, and he didn't want his arm to be too tired for the hand-to-hand session.

They took care of the weapons together, John making sure to remind Rodney of the proper care and storage, and then went on towards the Academy.

Rodney felt pretty good about how the weapons lesson had gone. He was used to intellectual brilliance—like the battery prototype he'd created in just a day—but the same couldn't be said of anything physical unless it involved handling a machine. He was by no means a great shot, but he now felt confident enough about handling the Decker and the Sylvester that he'd actually use them if necessary.

It wasn't a great achievement when compared to the battery prototype, but it still made him feel more accomplished because engineering came as easy to him as breathing whereas shooting didn't.

"You did well today, Rodney," John said softly as they arrived at the Academy building.

Rodney smiled. He had to admit to himself that making John proud of him also played a not insubstantial role in how accomplished his handling of the weapons made him feel. It was hard to believe how much had changed for Rodney in the last couple of days that the opinion of others and especially this man suddenly mattered so much to him when before he was quite comfortable being his own man with no one to answer to and no one to please.

Maybe Rodney should worry more about it. He'd wanted to enter Atlantis with an open mind, looking for the resources to invent that he couldn't find elsewhere. He hadn't been looking for a _home_ , but it was surprisingly easy to become a part of the city.

He'd never felt like this about any other town he'd visited during his travels.

"I'll leave you to it," John said, nodding to the side, where Rodney found that Teyla had appeared.

"Oh, you..." Rodney said. He'd assumed that John would be the one to do the hand-to-hand training with him as well.

"Good night, Rodney," John said, already turning.

"Good night," Rodney called after him. "And thank you."

John glanced back and grinned at him before going his way.

Rodney turned to Teyla who looked from her husband to Rodney speculatively. Rodney felt himself flush. "The colonel was kind enough to show me how to handle a pistol and a rifle," he said awkwardly.

"That was very kind of him indeed," Teyla said, though Rodney couldn't help the impression that she was gently mocking him. "And now you are ready for some hand-to-hand training."

"I guess so, yes," Rodney said and followed her into the Academy.

~~

Teyla was a fascinating combination of grace and strength—something Rodney couldn't ever hope to achieve.

Thankfully they had gone into a smaller room instead of the large one where on one side a group was doing some martial arts, while on another some people danced.

Teyla was incredibly patient as she showed him some exercises. Everything she did looked effortless, but Rodney's attempts to repeat what she'd done were awkward at best and seemed physically impossible at worst.

Her attempts to help him made Rodney feel even more awkward because he was reminded of John adjusting his stance earlier and how it had made him feel, which in turn reminded him that John was _married_ to the very woman trying to help him.

"You seem a bit tense," Teyla said diplomatically.

"So I've been told," Rodney muttered.

"But you seem to be integrating well in your new surroundings. It is not anything in Atlantis that is troubling you, I hope," she said.

"Nothing is troubling me," Rodney said. "I'm just...not very used to physical exercise."

"And that causes you stress?" Teyla asked gently.

"I feel more comfortable when I know what I'm doing," Rodney said.

Teyla smiled widely. "A very natural feeling," she said. "Let us just sit and relax for a moment."

She gracefully settled down, crossing her legs, and Rodney did the same, albeit less gracefully.

"Just breathe deeply for a few moments," she instructed, doing it herself and closing her eyes.

Rodney did the same. It felt weird for a moment, but then he tried not to think about it and just relax. He thought about everything he had accomplished today and about what the future held. He thought about the next steps in replacing the existing battery system and suddenly he found his mind drifting off into designing the second layer and its integration with the power distribution and the first layer he'd designed.

"Rodney?" Teyla's voice brought him out of his deep thoughts.

"Sorry, my mind drifted off," he said.

"I know that it is hard for some people to stop thinking," Teyla said.

"Hard? Try impossible," Rodney said.

"How do you feel?" Teyla asked.

Rodney moved a bit around. "More relaxed," he said a bit surprised.

"Very good," Teyla said. "Let us try a few of the exercises again. I will not keep you too long today."

"Okay." Rodney nodded in agreement. This had been a lot less painful than he'd anticipated. Though he suspected that Teyla had gone very easy on him.

They repeated some of the exercises they'd tried earlier, and Rodney felt slightly more capable of emulating Teyla's movements. By the end of the session, he felt tired but in a good way.

"I think that is enough for today," Teyla eventually said.

Rodney let out a deep breath. "Thank you," he said.

"You are very welcome. I am looking forward to continuing to train with you," Teyla said. "And go on missions, of course," she added. "John is extremely glad that you agreed to join us."

Rodney could feel himself flush again at the mention of John. He really needed to get over that. "It's no problem," he mumbled. After a second he dared to glance at Teyla, who looked interested if anything.

"Would you," she began and after a moment of hesitation continued, "like to join us tomorrow for brunch?"

"Uhm," Rodney said, thinking about how awkward he'd feel next to Teyla, John, and their son. "I wouldn't want to intrude on your family meal."

"You are our _neighbor_ ," Teyla said. "It would be an honor if you joined us. I am sure John would be very happy to see you there. You have eaten together every morning so far, have you not?"

"It's only been three days," Rodney said defensively.

Teyla smiled. "Will you join us? Please?"

Rodney didn't know what it was about the people on Atlantis, but some of them made it extremely hard for him to feel indifferent about them and Teyla was one of them. "Yes," he agreed.

"I'm looking forward to it," Teyla said. To Rodney it sounded almost triumphant.

~~

Rodney felt nervous when he turned up at John's door the next morning. He didn't wear the leather jacket John had given him or the blue shirt that he still suspected John had had a hand in.

After weighing whether he had a good excuse not to come once again, he recalled Teyla's persuasive invitation. He really wouldn't know what to say to her if he didn't come, and it wasn't as if he could avoid her in the city.

He knocked on the door and waited. There didn't seem to be a reaction inside. He checked his watch and it was the time that Teyla had told him. He knocked again, more forcefully and after a few moments John opened the door.

He was visibly surprised. "Rodney," he said.

"Uhm," Rodney said, confused. "Teyla said..."

"Ah, Rodney," he heard Teyla's voice coming from what he now recognized as a door.

John turned to his wife, frowning.

"I've taken the liberty to invite Rodney to brunch," Teyla said, looking in. "I was sure you wouldn't mind."

For a long moment Teyla and John stared at each other, communicating something that Rodney didn't understand. Then John turned to Rodney with a strained smile and said, "Come on in."

'In' in this case meant through the empty living and dining area into the next house. It seemed that the living units in Atlantis all were the same size. A family of three would not be able to live in one such unit, so John and his family seemed to share two adjoining units.

The difference between the units was quite striking. The side that John had come out of every morning so far was almost as bare as Rodney's own living unit. There was a photograph of what appeared to be a young John with a rifle, standing proudly next to an older man. There was also a plant and the windows had curtains—sparkling ones at that—but other than that, it looked like Rodney's.

The other unit of the Sheppards however was filled with photographs, drawings clearly done by a child, decorations, and a general feeling of being lived in. A boy sat at the table and looked at them when they entered.

"Torren, I don't think you've met our new neighbor yet," Teyla said, standing behind her son and resting her hands on his shoulders for a moment. "This is Rodney McKay."

"Hello, Rodney," Torren said.

"Hello, Torren," Rodney said. He was a bit surprised that Torren was already school aged. For some reason he had expected him to be younger. It meant that John and Teyla must have been together for quite some time.

"You're the new inventor, aren't you?" Torren asked.

"Yes," Rodney confirmed.

"He'll also join us on missions," Teyla added, sitting down next to her son. "Please, Rodney, take a seat." She pointed at a spot next to what appeared to be John's place.

"Oh, can you shoot?" Torren asked.

"A bit," Rodney said. "At least now. Your father was kind enough to show me some basics yesterday." He glanced at John for a moment, who turned away to retrieve a plate for Rodney.

When Rodney turned his attention back to Teyla and Torren, he found the boy frowning.

"John went to the shooting range with him," Teyla clarified.

"Oh," Torren said, looking from Rodney to his father.

John placed a plate and glass in front of Rodney and took a seat. "Anything in particular you'd like?" he asked Rodney.

"Convince me of your many talents," Rodney said.

John laughed.

~~

Brunch with the Sheppards was interesting.

John could in fact cook. The food wasn't as complicated as some of the dishes he'd seen at the mess, but the omelet had been very tasty and the bacon chewy but crisp.

They talked about the upcoming meeting in the town hall. Every Saturday all of Atlantis came together to be updated on what had happened since the last meeting, and Rodney would be expected to introduce himself.

"You can make your introduction as short or as long as you like," Teyla said.

"Don't tell him that. He really likes to talk," John said.

Rodney frowned at him, and John grinned. It did things to Rodney, and he firmly reminded himself that John was married. He looked over to Teyla, who thankfully didn't seem to pick up on Rodney's entirely inappropriate feelings of attraction for her husband. In fact she seemed pleased.

They talked a bit about food and an upcoming play that was going to be presented in the near future by Atlantis' very own theater group. Rodney wasn't particularly interested in that, though he couldn't help mentioning that he'd acted as a child—quite successfully.

"What did you play? The obnoxious brat?" John asked.

Rodney glared at him. "I was the secret messenger and highly praised for my performance."

John gave him an amused half-grin, and Rodney quickly turned to Teyla. He wasn't used to being teased with affection instead of scorn. Teyla had that fond smile on her face, and Rodney felt guilty for how he felt about her husband.

He felt even more guilty because he couldn't help analyzing the two of them. Without meaning to he catalogued every interaction, and every time he found friendship and nothing that looked conclusively like an action between husband and wife. He knew that he was being ridiculous. Most couples didn't act like Carson and the hot red-head. Especially not after being together for many years. But then even his sister and her husband, while not as demonstrative as Carson and his girlfriend, looked at each other with that love and affection that spoke of life partners. He didn't see that between John and Teyla.

Or maybe he didn't _want_ to see it.

Either way, it was nonsense to even think about this. The state of their relationship was none of his business. The fact that he had a mild crush on John did not change this. Maybe he should actively look for companionship elsewhere.

They finished eating, and Torren was the first to get up. "We wanted to go to the store before the meeting, mother," he said.

"Yes, I believe we did," Teyla said, getting up as well.

"Yeah, yeah, just leave me with the dishes, will you," John said playfully.

"I'm sure Rodney will help you," she said, looking from John to Rodney and back. Rodney had once again the feeling that they were silently communicating something he didn't get.

"Mother," Torren whined.

"Yes, Torren. There is no need to rush," she said pointedly. Then she turned to Rodney and smiled. "Thank you for coming. It was a pleasure to have you."

"Yes," Torren said, bouncing on his feet impatiently. "Bye, Rodney. Bye, John."

Teyla sighed. "Let's go. We'll see you later."

Torren ran to the door and out, Teyla right behind him.

When the door closed, Rodney turned to John, who was looking at him. Torren had called him John and not father. Rodney hated himself for even noticing, and for inevitably trying to analyze if Torren looked anything like John, which he didn't in particular.

"So are you going to help?" John asked.

"I didn't want to come," Rodney somehow felt compelled to say. "Teyla insisted."

John seemed a bit surprised. "It's all right. We had enough for all of us."

"That wasn't what I meant," Rodney said.

"I know," John said, turning to the dishes. "Let's get this done. We should talk to Elizabeth before the meeting."

"Right," Rodney agreed and picked up the dirty dishes, handing them to John.

They worked together in silence. Once done, John dried up his hands and pulled on the wrist band he'd worn since Rodney's shield had shocked him. Rodney wasn't sure how visible the bruise still was. He hadn't noticed anything as they did the dishes. His own imprint of John's thumb had faded and was hardly noticeable by now. Rodney turned his face, and John's eyes locked onto his neck for a moment.

Rodney swallowed, but neither of them said anything.

Eventually, John dropped his gaze. "We should go," he said.

Rodney only nodded. He followed John back into what Rodney thought of as his side of the home. John picked up his uniform jacket, and they left.

~~

"Oh, Rodney. I'm glad you came a bit early," Elizabeth said. When she saw John entering behind him, she acknowledged him with a less enthusiastic, "John."

"We wanted to let you know that Rodney will be joining my team," John said.

Elizabeth was visibly surprised.

"An inventor will be useful on missions," Rodney repeated the reason he'd given Radek before.

"Yes, there's no doubt about that," Elizabeth said, her eyes still on John. "I'm just a bit surprised..." Then she pulled herself together and smiled professionally. "Well, I'm glad the two of you seem to have put aside whatever suspicions you had."

John and Rodney exchanged a look but didn't say anything.

"I assume you already talked with Teyla and Ronon," Elizabeth went on.

John nodded. "They think it's a good idea."

"I agree. It's a brilliant idea," Elizabeth said, smiling widely. "I'm really glad you're settling in so well in Atlantis, Rodney. Radek mentioned that you already have concrete plans to improve the preservation of power in our backup system."

"We'll get to that next week," Rodney said.

"That's excellent news," Elizabeth said and got up from her desk. "It's still early, but if we go now, we can reserve a seat for you in the first row. Unless someone else already thought of it. News about your arrival has travelled far I assume. Everyone will be eager to meet you."

"That's because they haven't met Rodney yet," John said.

Rodney glared at him, and Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

John only shrugged and smiled, and they left the office to go down into the town hall.

~~

The town hall filled up quite quickly behind them. People were talking, some nodding towards John and Rodney where they sat together in the first row of chairs.

Eventually, the chatter died down, and Elizabeth addressed the crowd. "Welcome to this week's meeting. As always, we'll start with Carson."

She stepped aside and Carson stepped onto the slightly elevated stage. He reported that there were no worrying injuries or sicknesses going around. A common cold had not spread beyond the initial infection. Then he reminded people about vaccines and a certain medication which should be replaced if it was still in use.

Rodney was bored before Carson had finished. He could see that the weekly meetings would be a big old waste of time.

"Other than that, there's thankfully nothing to report. There was a minor altercation, but I hope that will never occur again," Carson finished, looking sternly at John and Rodney.

Rodney opened his mouth defensively. That had been John's fault, not his!

"Thank you, Carson," Elizabeth said. "I'm sure we won't have to worry about that. Colonel?"

John got up and stepped up on the stage. "We've made a new trading partner. I'm happy to report that Emerdale has finally agreed to our trading conditions, so we should have a small but reliable supply of silk from now on."

"I know that some of you have been eager for this," Elizabeth stepped in. "Please let me know how much you'd like to have and for what purpose, so that we can assign the silk fairly." She stepped back to let John continue.

"In unhappier news, Huntstown has been raided for the fourth time within two months. At this point, I don't think we have a choice but to send out a team to let them know that a trading partner of Atlantis is not be messed with. Major Lorne will go there with his team to wait for the next raid. And I think we'll also have to send your team, Cadman."

"Again?" came a voice from the crowd, and they all turned to Carson's girlfriend.

"Sorry, Lieutenant. You're just too good with explosives," John said.

"Damn," Cadman said, and the crowd chuckled.

John got serious again. "I hope this mission will resolve that issue once and for all. In a similar vein, the neighbors of Copperfarm have not taken back their unacceptable changes to their trade agreement. My team will go and assist with that negotiation. If worse comes to worst, we'll help Copperfarm look for a new trading partner, but we're still hopeful to change their minds." He glanced at Teyla, who sat in the second row with Torren and Ronon and nodded.

"There's some other news, but I'll leave that to Elizabeth," John continued. He went on with some general statistics that weren't very interesting except to show how active the "guard" of Atlantis was outside the city.

John sat down again after he had finished. Unfortunately, he was by no means the last. Katie and a guy named Parrish enthusiastically talked about the state of plants in the green arm of Atlantis, followed by someone from the stables, someone discussing the agriculture surrounding the walls of Atlantis, and Chris from the store, who was at least vaguely entertaining in the laconic way he presented what he had new in storage.

Finally there was Radek, who talked about updates to their current projects and hinted at big improvements to come, giving a nod towards Rodney.

"Which brings me to the biggest news of the week," Elizabeth said as Radek returned to his seat. "I'm sure all of you have heard by now, but I'd like you all to welcome the newest citizen of Atlantis, Rodney McKay."

There was applause, and Rodney got up and joined Elizabeth on the stage.

"Rodney is a brilliant inventor and his improvements to our power backup will certainly only be the first of many. He'll also be joining Colonel Sheppard's team."

There was visible surprise about that in the crowd.

"Thank you, Elizabeth," Rodney said. "I've been moving from town to town for a couple of years now, and I've heard about Atlantis many times. I thought it was finally time to see for myself if it was the great city it promised to be. And so far, I can say, I've been pleasantly surprised." He glanced at John for a moment. "I hope you'll all soon benefit from my inventions. Oh, and I'm deathly allergic to citrus, so if you want to thank me, please no lemon cake."

That earned Rodney a few laughs and some raised eyebrows.

"I'm sure we'll all get to know you better soon, Rodney," Elizabeth said. "We're very happy to have you."

Rodney only smiled politely. As much as Atlantis had surprised him so far, even here he doubted to find that everyone liked him. And truthfully, he wasn't very interested in most people anyway. He was perfectly happy if they admired his genius from afar and were grateful to him.

The crowd clapped politely again, and Rodney sat back down. John leaned over to him. "Maybe you should open a gift registry with Chris, so that people know what to do to express their gratitude."

Rodney turned to him. "They'll _want_ to thank me," he said confidently.

John rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Elizabeth, who closed the meeting with some notes about upcoming events and other reminders.

Then the meeting was finally over.

"Is it always this long?" Rodney asked.

"Yes," John said, apparently not a fan of long meetings either.

People got up and either left or started chatting in groups. A few came over to welcome Rodney. He politely shook a few hands, hoping nobody would expect that he remembered their names.

Eventually, Jennifer came up. "Rodney, you still haven't visited me again about," her gaze dipped to Rodney's chest.

"Ah, yes, I was quite busy," Rodney said.

"I understand," Jennifer said. "But I'd really like to give it a try."

"I'll try to remember when I have a moment," Rodney said. "Actually, I don't even know when my first mission will be." He turned to John.

"It won't be until Wednesday. Maybe you want to go _now_. Jennifer would probably be okay with that," John said. He sounded polite, but Rodney felt there was something of a challenge in his voice.

"That would be fine with me," Jennifer said, apparently not picking up on anything weird.

"I'm sure Rodney would love to go with you," John said, the double-entendre obvious now.

Jennifer only raised an eyebrow, while Rodney flushed. "So do you have time now?" Jennifer asked. "Or do you have other plans?"

"No, no, I don't," Rodney said, though he looked at John for confirmation.

John only lifted his hands, gesturing for him to go ahead.

"Let's go," Rodney said, following Jennifer as she led the way. When he glanced back, he found John looking after them with a clenched jaw. When his saw Rodney looking back, he dropped his gaze and turned around.

Rodney turned and followed Jennifer out.

~~

"How are you settling in?" Jennifer asked after she'd led him into a small examination room with a desk.

"Are you asking as a doctor?" Rodney asked.

"I'm asking as a new neighbor," Jennifer said. "I hope there's nothing about your move to Atlantis that would require particular medical attention."

"No, there isn't," Rodney said. "And yes, I'm settling in well."

"That's great," Jennifer said, smiling brightly. She was really quite pretty. "Are you okay if we try this now?" she asked.

Rodney nodded. "I assume you'll want me to remove my shirt."

"It'll help," she said with a smirk. Then she went to a cupboard and retrieved a healing device.

While she set it up, Rodney undressed until his upper body was bare. He felt slightly awkward, but Jennifer meant well, and maybe it would work.

Jennifer came up to him. She lifted the hand without the healing device. "May I?" she asked before touching him.

Rodney nodded.

Jennifer touched the scar carefully. It wasn't an entirely unpleasant sensation, and Rodney thought about her touching other parts of his body. Then he suddenly thought about John's hands on his and felt irrationally guilty. He was being ridiculous. If anything he should encourage thoughts about Jennifer's hands on his body. They were certainly more appropriate than fantasizing about a married man.

"I'll try my best," Jennifer said, removing her hand.

She pointed the healing device at his chest and turned it on. Rodney watched the beam for a moment, but wasn't surprised when nothing happened. Truthfully, he hadn't expected this attempt to end any differently than the times he'd tried it himself before.

He turned his attention to Jennifer. She had a look full of concentration. She was young, probably a good ten years younger than Rodney was, but that didn't necessarily mean that she wouldn't be interested in a relationship with him.

Rodney thought of John again and chastised himself. He wasn't sure what was going on with him. He was used to feeling attraction on a very superficial level, and it was usually gone as soon as the person in question was out of sight. Maybe it was the fact that Rodney could imagine himself staying in Atlantis indefinitely. It could be that he'd subconsciously taken all previous encounters more lightly simply because he knew they wouldn't last for more than a night.

Whatever the reason was, it would be better if he got John out of his head. At least as a potential romantic or sexual partner. Whatever was going on between John and Teyla, they didn't present themselves as anything but a happy couple, and even if that wasn't strictly true, Rodney didn't want to have any part in how they resolved that situation. He _liked_ Teyla, and Torren wasn't entirely obnoxious for a kid.

Rodney was very aware that he'd only just arrived in Atlantis and first impressions counted. That's why he hoped to get the battery backup working soon. He wanted to prove that Elizabeth had made the right call in giving him the last home they had left.

Divorce was not unheard of in Pegasus. Neither were same-sex relationships. But a scandal was still a scandal, and he didn't know how well the Atlanteans would react to him having a part in the disruption of the marriage of two very prominent members of the community. Not to mention that he had no idea what John wanted.

Rodney couldn't imagine that John didn't feel the sexual tension between them, but attraction and acting on it were two very different things, and John didn't seem inclined to do the latter—with good reason.

Really, Rodney wasn't even sure why he thought about relationships all of a sudden. He'd done quite well without them until now. He should concentrate on his work. There was plenty of time to make decisions when the opportunity—an actual one, not just a libido driven fantasy—arose.

Eventually, Jennifer turned off the healing device. "Nothing at all," she muttered. "I've never seen something like this."

"It was worth a try," Rodney said. "Thank you," he added.

"You're welcome," Jennifer said. "I'm sorry I couldn't help."

"It's okay. I'm not in pain or otherwise affected by it," Rodney said.

"Still," Jennifer said. She obviously took it a lot harder than Rodney.

"I'll get dressed again," Rodney said.

"Of course," Jennifer said, stepping back and putting away the healing device.

Rodney put his clothes back on. It didn't bother him at all that it didn't work. In fact, if it had, he probably would have felt worried about having done something wrong in his previous attempts.

When they were both done, Jennifer led him back out of the infirmary. "So do you know what to do on a Saturday in Atlantis?" she asked.

"I thought I could take another look at the designs I started," Rodney said.

"You know, you don't actually have to solve all of Atlantis' engineering problems within a week to be welcome here," Jennifer said, smiling.

"I know. I'm giving myself two," Rodney joked, making Jennifer laugh.

"But there are other things to do just in case you're interested. There are people who ride out, both for leisure and more competitively. There are reading groups, I'm sure you've heard about the theater group."

"I have."

"There is dancing and all kinds of sports at the Academy," Jennifer went on. "There are games being played, from chess to cards to family games. Crafting with wood, metal, or paper. Whatever your hobby is, there's likely someone else sharing it or interested enough to try it. Do you even have any hobbies?"

"Does inventing count?" Rodney asked.

Jennifer laughed again. "I see," she said. "Actually, I'm pretty certain if you go to the labs now, you'll find others there as well. Just don't work too much. It's important to do something else once in a while. And I say that as a doctor."

"So hobbies are mandated in Atlantis?" Rodney asked.

Jennifer gave him a look. "Just trying to look out for you."

"What is _your_ hobby then?" Rodney asked.

"Besides work?" she asked. "I do like to work on some research in my spare time."

"Ha!" Rodney said.

" _And_ I also like to do some physical training as compensation. Usually I do a training session with Ronon on Saturdays if he isn't out on a mission," Jennifer said.

"And that's _relaxing_ to you?" Rodney asked. Training with Ronon seemed more like suicide to him.

"I'm surprised you haven't done some training with him," Jennifer said. Once they were outside, she began to walk towards John's office across from them. "I would have expected since you're on John's team now..."

"I've done some weapon's training with Sheppard and had a session with Teyla," Rodney said, walking with her. "It was supposed to be hand-to-hand, but ended up more as meditation."

Jennifer smiled. "I can only recommend meditating with Teyla. I find it very relaxing after a stressful day at work."

"It wasn't really work I was stressed about," Rodney said, remembering the source of his tension. At Jennifer's look, he added, "I mean, I wasn't really stressed at all. Just a bit tense. I'm not, uh, used to exercising."

"Well, it won't hurt to start then," Jennifer said. "Maybe you'd like to join us?" she suggested as she entered the office where Ronon and John looked up as they came in.

"You wanna join us, McKay?" Ronon said.

"Ah, no, thank you, I have...other things to do," Rodney said.

"What?" Ronon asked.

"Uhm, work type things?" Rodney said.

"Next time then," Ronon said, and Rodney wasn't entirely sure if it was a friendly offer or a threat.

"See you around, Rodney," Jennifer said, turning to leave. "Colonel."

"Bye, doc. Don't be too hard on Ronon," John said from the desk he was leaning against.

Jennifer laughed, and Ronon gave him a look and followed her out.

Once they were alone, Rodney wasn't quite sure what to do.

"How was the date?" John said. It was probably meant as a joke, but it didn't come out that way at all. This was another reason that entertaining fantasies about John was a bad idea. Rodney much preferred people who were straightforward and said what they wanted from him—or didn't want as the case may be. John was pretty much the opposite of that.

But two could play that game. "It wasn't a date. Aren't you spending the weekend with your family?" Rodney asked in return.

He knew he'd hit the mark when John's jaw clenched and he dropped his gaze. "Teyla is at the Academy with Torren and a few of his friends," John said, walking around the desk to sit down.

"So it's work for you too?" Rodney asked, less confrontational. He really didn't want to fight with John. Putting aside the sexual attraction between them, Rodney _liked_ him.

"We could go to the shooting range," John offered.

Rodney thought about the physical closeness whenever John adjusted his stance. "Do you play chess?"

John leaned to the side, opened a drawer, and produced a small set.

Rodney smiled and took a seat.

~~

John was very good at playing chess.

It wasn't that Rodney had thought he was a stupid grunt. John was commander of the guard which entailed more than pointing and shooting, but it had been a while since Rodney had come across someone who'd been an actual challenge for him.

John's moves were hard to predict. At times they seemed almost random, but Rodney found himself reacting too often rather than being able to develop his own strategy.

"Where did you learn to play?" Rodney finally asked.

John grinned. "Having trouble?" he asked.

"Just curious," Rodney said.

"My grandfather taught me," John said, a fond look of remembrance on his face. "He took this small set wherever he went and challenged anyone who was willing to play with him—which wasn't many people. He was just too good. But I didn't mind losing against him."

"This is his set?" Rodney asked, intrigued by the glimpse into John's past.

"I took the set with me when I left," John said more seriously.

"Left..." Rodney prompted.

John hesitated for a moment, then said, "New Reston."

Rodney thought about it, but he couldn't remember coming across the town itself or even just the name. "I never heard of it."

"It doesn't exist anymore," John said. Rodney's eyes widened. Before he could ask any questions, John went on. "Where are you from?"

Rodney wasn't sure if he wanted to know or if he just wanted to turn the conversation away from himself. He suspected the latter. "I'm originally from a small town up north. My parents died when I was twelve, so some distant relatives took us to the caves to live with them."

"'Us'?," John asked.

"My sister and me," Rodney clarified. "She's still there." He made his move on the chess board.

"Why did you leave?" John asked as he took in Rodney's move. "Isn't there much more demand for an inventor in the caves than out here?"

"If by inventor you mean brainless idiot willing to do maintenance on demand," Rodney said. He was still bitter about those experiences.

"Aren't the caves the most technologically advanced settlement outside of Wraith cities?" John asked, quickly moving his knight.

"They're a well-oiled machine," Rodney said. "Don't get me wrong. It's not an easy feat to provide for so many people inside a mountain. But they're stuck in their ways, which is basically the technology of fifty years ago. The higher ups are deadly afraid of change. Things are done the way they are done because they've _always_ been done that way. Forget innovation or efficiency. If it takes twice as long, who cares. They have the man power." Rodney rolled his eyes. "And whoever tried to come up with something _new_ was a troublemaker."

"Oh, I see," John said. "So you were blackmarked?"

"I was forbidden from ever entering the labs again for completely inane reasons when I was sixteen," Rodney said.

"Did you blow something up?" John asked.

"It was a very minor explosion!" Rodney said defensively. "It was completely safe. Nobody was ever in danger."

John only bit his lip for a moment. Then he said, "So you just decided to leave?"

"Well, no. I was only sixteen," Rodney said. He had been very frustrated with his situation, but he also didn't have a death wish.

"Sixteen is not _so_ young," John said.

"How old where you when you left home?" Rodney asked.

"Sixteen," John said. "And I survived. Though I can see that it wouldn't be for everyone. So what did you do if not leave?"

Rodney was very tempted to ask what John had done as a sixteen-year-old out there on his own. But he was almost certain his question would be deflected. "I accompanied anyone who went out of the caves. Mostly traders, but also some people who had relatives in the towns nearby that they visited. Out there people were happy about any suggestion that made their lives easier." He studied the board, but John left him little space to manoeuvre.

"And you only stayed as long as the traders did?" John asked.

"Yes. I couldn't always do something useful. Sometimes it took a few visits to actually make a meaningful change. But it was still much better than sitting in the caves and twiddling my thumbs out of boredom. After I turned eighteen, I started staying longer in some places. If I knew a trader would regularly make the trip and if a project would benefit from it, I would stay. People welcomed me with open arms. They didn't necessarily pay me a lot, but they gave me a roof over the head and something to eat."

"But you still returned to the caves regularly?" John asked.

"Yes. At some point I had optimized most systems in the towns nearby the caves. And without the right materials there's only so much you can do," Rodney said. "So I started to travel to towns further away with other traders." He finally made his move.

"And one day you just didn't return?" John asked.

"No, I always returned. I had a few bad experiences. People not wanting me to go. But I always managed to escape. It was only after...this that I told my sister I'd leave for good." He tapped his chest.

"You still don't want to tell me how you got it?" John asked.

"Nothing has changed. It's of no concern to you," Rodney said. He knew that if he stayed on Atlantis, John would eventually want to know. And there was still the question of how Atlantis retrieved the naquadah for its power generator. But for now Rodney intended to hold on to his little secret.

John didn't protest, though he seemed to consider it. "After that you were free to go wherever you went without fear of being held or hurt. And then you decided to come here," he finished for Rodney.

"And here I am, playing chess with you," Rodney said.

"Losing against me, you mean," John said. He made a move. "Checkmate in three moves."

Rodney studied the board, hoping to find a way to prove John wrong. "Damn."

John laughed.

~~

"This was supposed to be for the salad," John said from the stove where he was cooking.

Rodney looked at the bowl which included not nearly all of the tomatoes and cucumbers he was slicing because he'd taken a few bites or possibly more. "They're very good," he said. "I really should check out the store." He still hadn't taken the time to go there again after John had initially shown him around Atlantis.

"You should, but you won't find fruits and vegetables there," John said. "At least not the fresh ones. Go into our gardens and you can pick them right off the plant." After a moment he added with an undertone, "Ask Katie. I'm sure she'd _love_ to show you around."

Rodney looked up from where he was slicing. "I thought I was 'dating' Jennifer. Now it's Katie. Who is it going to be?"

John didn't say anything for a moment. "That'll be up to you to decide," he eventually said, turning back to the frying pan.

"And them," Rodney added. "Besides I already told you that I'm not really looking for a relationship."

"Yes, I remember," John said, turning the steak. "But sometimes you meet someone that makes you reconsider." He quickly glanced back at Rodney.

"I haven't reconsidered yet," Rodney said. If John had been single and open about his attraction to Rodney, he probably wouldn't have hesitated. As it was, he'd wait and see. And relationships in a closed environment in a relatively small community had their downsides. Especially if they didn't go as planned. "When did you get married?" Rodney asked.

"Eight years ago," John said.

It seemed like a long time to Rodney, but of course Torren was around that age, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise. In fact, Rodney couldn't help wonder about that timing. He scanned the photographs on the wall, trying to find a wedding picture but there was none.

There weren't any pictures at all of just Teyla and John. There was one of the whole team, John, Teyla, and Ronon, carrying what was probably a trophy of some sort. There was also one of John with Torren, but most of the pictures were of Teyla, sometimes with Torren, in a group of people that Rodney couldn't remember seeing at the Atlantis town hall meeting earlier.

The photographs didn't seem to be taken on Atlantis either. Most showed the plains or some huts in the background. A few older ones were taken in a town Rodney wasn't familiar with.

"Teyla and her people," John said.

Rodney turned to him. "Shouldn't the Atlanteans be her people now?" he asked. He'd only been here for less than a week and already felt more at home than in all the places he'd previously lived. It had been eight years for Teyla, assuming she hadn't moved here before her marriage.

"I imagine it's both," John said. "Don't you still feel a connection to...probably not the caves after your experiences, but maybe where you grew up?"

"Not really," Rodney said. "Well, I'll always be a northerner, but I wouldn't call them my people. I wasn't exactly sad when we left. The people in the caves are incapable of recognizing genius when they see it, but they gave me a basic education that I couldn't have gotten back in the north. So all things considered I'm lucky it turned out the way it did."

John nodded thoughtfully.

"What about you? Do you still feel like a boy from New Reston even if it doesn't exist anymore?" Rodney asked.

John seemed to consider it. Then he slowly shook his head. "Atlantis is my home," he said. "New Reston is history."

" _Your_ history," Rodney said, because he sensed that what had happened there was a big part of who John was.

" _My_ history," John conceded. "If you can stop yourself from 'tasting', we might actually have a salad for dinner," he added, nodding at the bowl.

"And you should take care that the steak doesn't burn," Rodney told him in return.

~~

Dinner was very nice. Teyla had been glad to see him and hadn't seemed surprised. The food was good. As was the company.

It had really been a nice day even if Rodney hadn't managed to work on his designs. Playing chess with John and getting a glimpse into his history had been interesting. Of course, Rodney couldn't let his defeat stand. He was about to challenge John to another game, when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Teyla called.

The door opened and in turned out to be Ronon, sporting a dangerous looking grin. "I made the reservation with Chris. It's time for some Hit or Miss."

John and Teyla exchanged a look. "I'm not sure that's—" John began, but Ronon interrupted him.

"We gotta welcome McKay into the team properly," Ronon said.

"We could meditate together," Teyla suggested.

It was Ronon's and John's turn to exchange a look.

"It'll be training. It's Sunday tomorrow," Ronon said. John still looked doubtful. "We should do some team bonding before the mission," Ronon added.

"All right," John gave in.

"I will join you after Torren goes to bed," Teyla said. "Try to keep something for me."

"Will do," Ronon said. "Let's go."

"See you later," John said to Teyla and followed Ronon out.

"Uhm, bye," Rodney said and quickly filed out after the two. "What's Hit or Miss?" he asked once he caught up with them.

Ronon laughed. "You either hit or miss."

"We'll show you," John only said.

Rodney followed them though he wasn't sure he liked John's hesitation and how practically gleeful Ronon was. They eventually went into the store and while Ronon went directly to the desk at the back and rang a bell, Rodney stopped by a shelf with a familiar smell.

"Hmm, coffee," he said.

"Hey, McKay! Come on over and help carry these," came Ronon's voice.

"I just want to—" Rodney said, but John gave him a little shove. "You can go shopping tomorrow and take your time."

Rodney sighed and walked up to Ronon who pressed two large beer glasses into his hands. Then he saw him walk behind the counter. "I'm picking up what I ordered," Ronon shouted through an open door.

"Okay," came the answer. "Bring back the glasses."

"Tomorrow," Ronon shouted back. Then he lifted up a small barrel. "Go ahead, McKay, and open the door for me."

Rodney quickly walked to the door. Behind him, John said, "I'll pick up the other two glasses."

Together they made their way outside, and Rodney wondered what exactly they were going to hit or miss and how it would involve a whole barrel of presumably beer or another alcoholic beverage.

They walked past the town hall and John's office and then into the same arm of Atlantis that they'd gone into the day before. "The shooting range?" Rodney asked.

"What did you think we'd hit?" Ronon asked.

Rodney didn't answer and kept following, trying to keep up with Ronon's rapid pace. Ronon had apparently already prepared a selection of weapons, though he'd left a spot for the barrel on the table.

After setting the barrel down, he turned to Rodney. "Rules are simple. You hit center," he pointed at a target at the end of the range, "you take a hit," he pointed at the barrel. "You miss, no beer."

Rodney looked at the target.

"Since you're not experienced, you can take a closer target," Ronon said. "Weapons of choice, though I'd recommend a rifle."

"Who wins?" Rodney asked.

Ronon grinned. "Everyone," he said, putting his arms around Rodney's and John's shoulder.

~~

By the first time that John missed due to increased levels of inebriation, Rodney still hadn't hit the target dead center.

Ronon seemed entirely unaffected. "That's just weak," he told John, sounding disappointed. Then he lifted his pistol and shot, hitting the target as effortlessly as when they'd started.

John made a face. His ears had turned red, and he'd gotten a bit more subdued, but he still seemed to be in full control of his body—except for the missed shot just now. And it wasn't really a miss. Just not dead center.

"All right, McKay," John said, stepping closer to Rodney. "We can't have Ronon getting all the beer. Let's do this."

Rodney lifted his rifle as he'd done all the times before without success—if you defined success by hitting dead center.

"Okay, wait," John said, taking a critical look at Rodney's stance. Rodney waited. And waited.

"Are you falling asleep there?" Rodney asked.

John glared at him. Then he came up close and started adjusting Rodney's stance. Rodney was fairly certain that it wasn't strictly necessary for John to stand as close as he did or to keep his hands as long on Rodney's body.

Rodney glanced at Ronon, whose attention was on the table with weapons.

John moved right into his space, pressing his body to Rodney's back for a moment, and whispered, "Now," right into his ear. Rodney shuddered, pressing minutely back into John's body for a second. Then John stepped away, and Rodney let out a breath. He aimed and shot.

It wasn't exactly dead center, but it was closer than he'd come all evening.

"There you go," Ronon said proudly. "That's worth half a hit. Right, Sheppard?"

John only looked at Rodney with an expression that made Rodney shudder again.

Ronon poured beer into one of the empty glasses until it was half full and handed it over to Rodney. Rodney took a swig, only to spit it out immediately.

Ronon started laughing like a loon.

"You'll get used to it," John said.

Rodney made a face and sniffed on the beer. It had a note of something that he couldn't quite identify but that had brought him up short. He carefully tried another tiny sip. It wasn't as bad the second time around, now that he knew what to expect. "What's in it?" Rodney asked.

"You can take that up with Bill, our brewer," John said.

"Good luck with that," Ronon said. "Sheppard, your turn. Don't miss again."

John selected a rifle this time and took his time aiming, before shooting and hitting.

"Yes," Ronon said, handing him his glass. Then he took his own shot, as perfect as all the ones before that, and took a big swig of his glass.

Rodney sat his glass down, not sure if he really wanted to hit now that he'd tasted the beer. But his competitive nature pretty much guaranteed that he wanted to have at least one real hit before the evening was over.

He chose the same rifle as before and tried to stand as before, waiting for John to adjust his stance again, but John only looked at him with an incinerating gaze that made Rodney flush.

Rodney took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the target, recalling everything John had told him when they'd first done practice shots. The moment he felt everything coming together he pulled the trigger and hit—almost.

"Good enough," Ronon declared and filled up the whole glass.

Rodney drank the well-deserved beer. He'd still have to get used to it, but the taste of victory was sweet.

They kept going. John had a few misses now, but Ronon infuriatingly hit every single time. Ronon seemed to get louder the more he drank, while John seemed to get more quiet, though his expressions seemed to speak volumes and some of what it said went straight to Rodney's dick. Or it was the beer.

It was dark when Teyla eventually showed up. "Is there anything left?" she asked when she joined them.

John was leaning on the wall next to the weapons table and didn't say anything.

"There's plenty—if you hit," Ronon said. There was challenge in his voice, but he grinned.

Teyla rose an eyebrow. Then she took a rifle from the table, lifted it, aimed, and shot in one graceful move that propelled the bullet into the dead center.

Then she turned, smirking, taking the glass that Ronon had filled as she hit.

They played long into night. Ronon and Teyla told stories about missions they'd gone on or old war stories, while John quietly looked on, glancing intently at Rodney every now and then.

Rodney got in another few hits, though that might have had something to do with the fact that he'd moved towards the target. It still felt good when Ronon handed him his glass and Teyla complimented him and John simply smiled.

Finally, Ronon missed and since the beer was almost gone anyway, they declared the team night over.

Ronon promised to take care of the weapons, barrel, and glasses in the morning. They walked towards the center, but at the first house entrance, Ronon turned in. "Night," he said and closed the door behind him.

"He lives here?" Rodney asked. It was practically _on_ the small shooting range.

"Very convenient," John said. He did seem tired now.

"Will you make it home?" Teyla asked. She wasn't as drunk as either John or Ronon, though she hadn't missed once.

"I'm fine," John said.

"Of course you are," Teyla said, looking at Rodney and rolling her eyes.

Rodney smiled at her. He felt flushed, pleasantly buzzed, and quite content with his new home and new team.

They made their way back to the main residential arm of Atlantis.

When Teyla opened her door, Rodney was ready to say goodbye to both her and John, but she only wished them a good night and closed the door behind her.

Rodney went on, John right on his heels. At John's door he stopped, but John didn't seem inclined to open it. Rodney hesitated, then went on to his own door, John still right behind him.

Rodney flushed as thoughts popped up in his mind of John coming in with him and pressing him into the door as soon as they were inside. John wouldn't do that. Unless he was drunk enough to do things that he would otherwise never consider.

If that was the case, it would be up to Rodney to do the right thing. Though it was hard to think about what that was while John was breathing down his neck. Rodney opened the door, holding his breath.

Suddenly he felt John grasping for his free hand. Rodney turned to him and suddenly felt a small bag pushed into his hand. His heartrate sped up. John leaned in close, his eyes wide open, his face only illuminated by the streetlight at the end of the arm.

"Come tomorrow when you feel up to it and I'll brew you a cup," he said. He closed Rodney's hand around the bag and held it like that for a moment. Then he moved even closer for a second, almost close enough to kiss, before pulling away and walking to his own entrance.

He looked back at Rodney once more and then disappeared into his home.

Rodney opened his hand and recognized the coffee he'd looked at earlier at the store. He closed his fingers around it again and held it to his chest for a moment before entering his own home.

~~

Rodney felt pretty good the next morning. Of course, he hadn't drunk nearly as much as the others. Though he'd drunk enough that he'd gone to bed fantasizing about John not leaving him at the door. He'd jerked off thinking about how the night could have ended.

So far he'd resisted masturbating to thoughts of John since it wasn't conducive to his plan to respect the fact that John was married. Though in all fairness, John wasn't making it particularly easy.

Rodney shuddered, remembering John touching him or leaning in last night.

He shook his head, and his gaze fell on the table where the bag with coffee lay. John had offered to brew him a cup, but Rodney had his own little coffee pot, and he doubted that John could do a better job than the device he'd tuned to perfection.

He brewed his pot, thinking about the previous night. It was nice to feel like a part of a team. He'd been the new guy of course, who couldn't laugh at all the jokes because he hadn't been there, but they'd made him feel welcome.

They also hadn't teased him for his lack of skill with a gun. He'd expected Ronon at least to ridicule him a bit, but he'd been quite encouraging.

And Teyla seemed like the kind of person who inspired the best in you. She had an aura of calmness and motherly patience, but also could be light-hearted and definitely deadly in a fight. Rodney respected the hell out of her, and it was a bit hard to wrap his head around her being John's wife.

He was sure that if she behaved towards John like Cadman did towards Carson, Rodney would feel like shit for even thinking about her husband, let alone masturbating to thoughts of being fucked against the door by him.

Right now he sort of clung to the hope that it was a nearly sexless marriage or that they had an agreement of sorts. If Teyla was genuinely in love with her husband, it didn't just make Rodney but even more so John an asshole. Even though they technically hadn't done anything sexual or even romantic.

The pot signaled that the coffee was done, and Rodney weighed whether or not to follow John's invitation. If not for having a cup brewed for him, then for sharing a coffee.

In the end he decided to go since John would otherwise wonder and probably worry about him. And he wanted to see how well John did after all the beer he'd had the night before. At least that was what Rodney told himself as he walked over to John's door and knocked.

John opened the door, looking worse for wear. "Here to have your coffee?" he asked. He smiled, but seemed subdued.

"Actually, here to share it," Rodney said, lifting his pot.

"You have your own coffee brewer?" John asked, stepping aside to let him in.

"I have everything that I need for comfortable living. Getting the beans tends to be the difficult part," Rodney said.

"I can imagine," he said, smiling again, though his expression quickly became serious. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" Rodney asked, frowning, since he was fairly certain John wasn't talking about the difficulty of acquiring coffee beans. He sat down at the table.

"About my behavior last night," John said, his gaze on the coffee pot. Then he turned to get two cups out of the cupboard. He set one in front of Rodney, then took a seat next to him.

"What exactly are you sorry about?" Rodney asked.

"Don't you want to pour yourself a cup?" John asked.

Rodney picked up the pot and poured himself a full cup and John half a cup. They took a sip. Excellent. He sighed happily. Then his thoughts returned to John's apology. "Are you apologizing for touching me or doing it in public?"

John swallowed. "I never should have done anything that could make you believe that..."

"You're interested in me?" Rodney asked.

"I'm married," John said.

"One doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the other," Rodney pointed out, taking another sip.

John lifted the cup and drank. "It's really good," he said.

"I know," Rodney said. "Look, I do not know how your marriage works. It's none of my business really."

"There's nothing to know. I'm married. I intend to stay married. The way I behaved was unforgivable. Teyla deserves better than that," John said. "And so do you for that matter. It wasn't fair of me to..."

"Lead me on?" Rodney asked.

"It wasn't my intention," John said.

"Do you love Teyla?" Rodney had to ask because nothing that John had said so far was about that.

John looked at him for a long moment. "I love her today like I loved her the day we got married. Probably more."

Rodney dropped his gaze. He knew that he shouldn't be disappointed. He'd known that John was taken. And just because he'd hoped that maybe their marriage was on the brink of dissolution or because he'd been able to convince himself that something about their relationship seemed off, didn't make it true.

All his attempts to explain away the marriage had left out the most obvious explanation: that John was the kind of guy who couldn't help flirting with people he was attracted to, no matter how much he loved his wife.

At least now he knew where they stood. "Do you want me off the team?" Rodney asked, just to be sure.

John looked up and quickly said, "No. Definitely not. You'll be an asset to have on missions. And I don't just say that because..." He dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry about the colossal fuck up." Then he looked at Rodney again. "I want you on the team. And if possible I'd like us to be friends though I would understand if you'd prefer not to."

"Friends," Rodney said.

"Yes. Just friends," John said.

Rodney wasn't sure. He felt a certain amount of resentment towards John. In a way he _had_ led Rodney on. But on the other hand they'd really hit it off. John still owed him another chess match. "Okay," Rodney said.

John smiled weakly. "You'll be okay? With me? And with Teyla?"

"I'll certainly be okay with her," Rodney said. "She didn't do anything wrong."

"I know," John said, his gaze on his cup.

"You'll stop?" Rodney asked. "I mean 'adjusting my stance' and things like that?" He didn't think he'd be able to handle that without getting angry or frustrated or both.

"If I want to do it, I'll do it verbally or with the least amount of physical contact," John said.

"Then we'll be fine," Rodney said. "Friends," he added, lifting his cup.

"Friends," John said, clinking his cup with Rodney's.

~~

Rodney tried to work that day, making some progress on his battery design, but his thoughts kept drifting to his conversation with John.

He was frustrated for various reasons.

There was how John had behaved towards Teyla by acting the way he did around Rodney. It wasn't that Rodney was a model of virtue. He'd had his share of one-night-stands and he had never bothered asking if they had a partner. In some cases he even knew that to be the case, either because he'd met them himself or because someone had mentioned them.

Rodney had never questioned the motives of his sex partners. Whether they had an understanding with their partner or just did what they had to do while their partner was gone for days or even weeks on end was none of his business.

But of course that had been in towns where he hadn't stayed long and with people he wouldn't see again any time soon if ever.

Teyla, though, wasn't just some stranger he didn't care about. After their training session and with the way she'd welcomed him both in her home and in the team, he felt a certain kind of kinship that included not wanting to disappoint her and not wanting her to get hurt.

The whole thing with John was doing both, and he wanted to hate John for it.

But there was the other part of him that was frustrated not because John had made him feel attraction, but because he'd stopped before it got anywhere. He found himself wishing that last night hadn't ended the way it did. It didn't even have to be the full blown fantasy of John fucking him into the door.

A simple beer and passion fueled kiss, sloppy, out of control, until some fragments of responsibility surfaced enough for John to stop. He could have pulled back regretful both because of what he'd done and because he had to stop. Then he would have fled without a word.

It was ridiculous in how much detail Rodney imagined the scenario. It frustrated him and made him feel guilty which frustrated him even more.

Then he remembered that he was supposed to be thinking about the conduit between the two battery layers and not about John, which frustrated him yet more, but he tried to get back to the problem at hand.

At least mechanical and physics problems he could solve.

~~

John had invited him to dinner, and Rodney went.

Teyla was as happy as always to see him. John gave him a friendly smile. When he placed the plate with the chicken in front of Teyla, he put his hand on her shoulder, stroking it with his thumb.

Teyla looked up at John. Rodney didn't pretend to be able to read the look they exchanged. He didn't even know if Teyla had noticed what had been going on. John had stopped 'adjusting his stance' after she'd come, but he wasn't sure how distracted Ronon had really been and to anyone looking out their window, he and John would have leaned in for a kiss last night.

After a moment Teyla turned back to the table, but she almost looked sad. She glanced at Rodney and gave him a weak smile. "How did your research go today?" she asked.

Rodney told them about his day, though he didn't mention his distraction and certainly not the reason for it.

~~

Work on Monday went better, thankfully. With the other inventors around him and Radek actively discussing Rodney's design with him, Rodney managed to concentrate one the theoretical preparation of the overhaul for the energy backup before they'd go ahead and implement the solution.

John picked him up for dinner as he'd done before.

"So when can we expect this new battery system," he asked.

"Soon," Rodney told him. "We've finalized most of the details, and Radek tells me that we have everything we need to actually build a working large-scale prototype."

"You're still going on the mission, though?" John asked.

"Yes, yes," Rodney reassured him. "We'll be back on Wednesday, right? Maybe even by noon?"

"If everything goes as planned," John said. "I certainly hope so. Don't want to scare you off of missions forever." He smiled.

"It's not like anything can happen to me," Rodney said. Then his mind provided a worst case scenario. "Though I suppose I _would_ be slightly traumatized if all of you ended up slaughtered."

John's eyes widened. "That's _not_ going to happen."

"Of course," Rodney said. "Just thinking aloud."

John frowned at him. Then he shook his head and said, "Since we _are_ going on the mission tomorrow and we can't be sure how the trading partners of Copperfarm react to us joining the negotiations, I'd like you to learn at least some basic self-defense. Teyla is waiting at the Academy."

"I had hoped to go over a few things to make up for the lost time on the mission," Rodney said.

"It's not lost time," John said. "People should get used to the fact that you're not a fulltime inventor. Or at least not full time at the labs. And you should keep that in mind yourself. I can't force you to go obviously, but I think some self-defense can never hurt, even if you are technically invulnerable." His gaze dipped to Rodney's neck, where the imprint of John's thumb had faded so much that it was invisible unless you really looked for it.

"It's fine," Rodney said. "I'll go." His shield protected him from others, but if he were able to disarm someone or keep them down after they were shocked, he'd be of more help to his new team.

Not that he believed they'd need the help.

~~

Rodney had seen Teyla move gracefully with sticks, rifles, pistols, and without any weapons. What she taught him today was thankfully nothing that required him to be graceful.

The techniques were to the point and aimed at getting the job done. There was no finesse. One could almost call them dirty fighting, but it made it easier to follow her instructions for someone like Rodney, who didn't have a particularly notable control of his body.

She showed him ways to disarm someone, and how best to keep them incapacitated once they were down. Finally she showed him to counter an attack from behind, if someone were to try capture him.

She demonstrated how he should move while she pretended to be the attacker. She only held him while she demonstrated, not really using any force and he did the same. However, to really test the moves, she suggested, "We should try it in a more real way. He will wear a protective suit, so you can hit as hard as you would in a real fight."

Rodney could only think about John grabbing him from behind like that and how that would be a very bad idea. His hesitation must have shown on his face.

"It will not be Ronon," Teyla said, obviously—and thankfully—misunderstanding his reason to hesitate. "Though it would be good to start training with him. He is a very good teacher. You need not be afraid," she added with a smile.

"I...yes, I'll take it under consideration. As for now, yes, it would be great if we could try it where I can actually hit and kick instead of..." He gestured vaguely at her body, which he'd been very careful not to hurt or even to touch more than was necessary for the training.

Teyla went to fetch his training partner, Stephane, who a little while later showed up in a slightly ridiculous looking suit, which promised to dampen any hits Rodney might land.

At first Stephane demonstrated slowly how he would do the attack, and then he really did it, as they could expect someone else might want to snatch Rodney away from his team. In that first moment, the hardest part for Rodney was to not instinctively activate his outer shield. After he'd fought off that first urge, he did as Teyla had shown him, kicking and hitting as hard as he could.

"Ugh," Stephane said, looking uncomfortable as he put his hand where Rodney's elbow had hit on the suit. "You didn't hold back. Good job." He nodded at Teyla, looking quite impressed.

Rodney preened. "You're fine, right?" he asked.

"Let's say I'm glad I wore the suit," Stephane said.

Teyla thanked him and turned to Rodney after Stephane left them alone. "That was very good. I know that you do not really need self-defense, but I am glad that you were willing to learn."

"No, it's good," Rodney said. "I feel better going into certain situations now. As John said, it never hurts to know some self-defense."

Teyla nodded. "You quite like him, don't you?"

"Uhm," Rodney blanched. He had no idea what Teyla wanted to say. She'd been polite and encouraging so far, but she was also honest and straight-forward if he did something wrong that she wanted him to correct. So he didn't think she somehow wanted to catch him in a lie or admitting to his attraction to her husband. If she even knew about it. "We're getting along very well," he settled on saying. "I could imagine us becoming _friends_." He left it at that and hoped that she would understand the implied 'just friends and nothing more'.

Teyla looked thoughtfully at him for a moment, then she said. "I was planning on visiting my people the day after the mission. I assume someone told you about the settlement in the east."

Rodney was a bit surprised about the change of topic, but it wasn't like he really wanted to talk about John with Teyla. "Yes, I know about it, and that you lived there before you...got married."

"Would you like to join me on Thursday?" she asked, smiling.

Rodney hesitated. He didn't want to rebuff her friendly request, but he'd already lose a full day of work at least to the mission.

Teyla's smile faded. "Or maybe you would prefer not to," she said. "I know that some people think we should treat them as any other trading partner, and since they do not really have anything of value to offer, it would be—"

"It's not that," Rodney interrupted her. "I'd love to go, but I promised Radek that we'd start working on the prototype as soon as I returned."

"Oh," Teyla said, smiling again. "That is quite understandable. I know how eager the two of you are to present it. So maybe some other time," she suggested.

"Yes, definitely," Rodney said. "Maybe on a weekend?"

"That is...I like to go the full day, so I do not tend to go on the day of the town hall meeting and I try to be available on Sunday at the Academy, but I'm sure I can arrange to go on a weekend," she said.

"That's good," Rodney said. "And maybe once I'm settled in and we've finished the first big projects, I can join you on weekdays as well."

She smiled. "You did very well today, Rodney. I will have to admit that I feared you might not be entirely motivated, but you really did your best."

Rodney flushed. There was something about Teyla that made him want to make her proud of him.

"John will be very happy," she added. Her expression became serious. "He likes you very much too."

Rodney didn't know what to say to that.

"Ever since I met him I had hoped that he'd find someone..." she said.

He waited for her to finish the sentence but she didn't. Maybe she'd only meant to say that she'd hoped he'd find someone. Though he would assume that someone was her. He didn't claim to understand people very well, and he didn't try to read into her statement now. His discussion with John had settled things between them, for better or worse.

"Thank you for the lesson," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Until tomorrow," she said and nodded.

~~

John picked him up in the labs the next morning. "Ready for your first mission?"

"As ready as I'll get," Rodney said, saying goodbye to Radek.

John led him to the stables. This was the part Rodney looked forward to the least. But riding was the most sensible way to travel on missions. A carriage would only slow them down and reduce their flexibility. And they weren't hauling any goods that might justify the carriage.

"She's very calm," John said, when he introduced Rodney to his ride. "There's very little that will agitate her and chances are that if you are in such a situation, you will _want_ her to chase. She's very forgiving of mistakes."

"That's good to hear," Rodney said. He carefully came close. John handed him a sugar cube, and Rodney held out his hand for her to take it. "What's her name?"

"Belle," John said.

"Hello, Belle," Rodney said. "I hope we'll get along well." John smiled fondly. Rodney coughed awkwardly. "So, are we waiting for the others?"

"They're waiting for us outside the gate," John said.

"Oh, okay," Rodney said. "There wasn't anything I needed to pack, right? I could get my—"

"Everything's taken care of," John said. "We have food for the trip, and we'll get rooms in Copperfarm. They're very hospitable. I've also put a Sylvester in your satchel and a double-shot pistol."

Rodney nodded. He'd handled both of these during the Hit or Miss. The Sylvester had been what had earned him his first swig of beer—and John pressed closed to his back, but he wasn't thinking about that.

Without too much effort he managed to mount Belle, and she started walking at his first signal. "So far, so good," he mumbled.

John laughed and quickly mounted his own horse.

They rode to join Teyla and Ronon outside the gate. Elizabeth had also come for the occasion. "Good luck with the negotiations. Be safe."

"We will," John said. "We'll be back tomorrow."

Rodney nodded at her and then they were off. They went at quite a leisurely pace. "How long will it take?" Rodney asked.

"We should be there in time for dinner, even at a slow pace," John said.

"If we hurry up, we'll be there in time for cake," Ronon said.

"I am sure they will have some cake for us no matter when we arrive," Teyla said.

"Eleanor is a great baker," Ronon said.

They started talking about the people of Copperfarm and their history with Atlantis as trading partners. Rodney didn't know too much about the practice of towns forming alliances with each other.

He knew _of_ it, of course, but he had never paid much attention to how such alliances were formed, maintained, and eventually dissolved. In his travels, trading partners had only mattered as a source of resources or a potential threat.

Now as a citizen of the biggest settlement outside of the caves and especially as a member of a team communicating with trading partners, it was necessary to learn a few things about the political side of it.

Teyla was the one who talked the most, with John making a few comments when he thought it would help. Ronon seemed a bit impatient, and after one and a half hours, he said, "I'll go ahead and scout for the best spot for lunch." Then he was off in a dash.

"Don't you take the same route every time?" Rodney asked.

"We do not always ride at the same time, so we do not always take a break in the same spot," Teyla explained.

"And sometimes resting spots have been left a bit messy by others," John said.

"And by mess you mean trash or dead bodies?" Rodney asked.

"Could be either," John said.

So far they hadn't met anyone on their way. They'd only seen a few transporters and traders at a distance.

"It is likely that Ronon wishes to ride a bit more quickly for a bit," Teyla added.

"I thought so," Rodney said. "So how fast would you usually go?"

"Don't worry about it," John said. "We'll be there soon enough."

~~

As John had predicted, they arrived before dinner. The team stopped some ways off the town.

"Ronon will stay out," John said. "Our target will come from north east. Ronon will keep an eye out to make sure there aren't any surprises."

And presumably so that the people from Copperfarm wouldn't have to deal with a runner. It was surprising that Rodney no longer felt the shock when he saw Ronon's mark. It was just a part of his teammate.

While Ronon took the long way around the town, the rest of the team rode straight on. They rode inside and down the main street until they arrived at a hotel at the center.

"Colonel Sheppard, Teyla," they were greeted by a woman. "And you have brought someone else."

"Sarah, this is Rodney McKay. He's a new member to my team," John introduced them. "Sarah McMillan is the owner of the hotel."

"Hello, Rodney, it's a pleasure to meet you," Sarah said. Rodney nodded at her. "I'll have a third room prepared for you." She turned to Teyla and John. "You know where to leave the horses," she said.

"Yes, thank you," Teyla said.

Rodney looked after Sarah, as she entered the building, frowning. "She's preparing a _third_ room?" he asked.

"We don't share beds," Teyla said.

"On missions," John added.

Teyla gave him a look, then rolled her eyes. Rodney wasn't sure if this was a point of contention between them. Either way, he was certainly not getting into any marital disputes between his teammates.

They led their horses behind the hotel, where they had hay and water, and then went inside. Sarah led them to a table in a niche of a larger dining room.

The food was good and after the relatively long ride, Rodney happily dug in. "So what exactly is the trading dispute that we'll try to settle?" On the ride, they'd only talked about the history between Copperfarm and Atlantis, but not about the other trading partner.

John and Teyla exchanged a look.

"Copperfarm has a long tradition of trading cloth for potatoes and vegetables with their neighbor, Franklin," Teyla explained. "About two months ago a representative of Franklin came and informed Copperfarm that they'd be required to offer a tribute in case Franklin needs it."

"That's ridiculous," Rodney said. The Wraith asserted their power by burning down anything that they deemed too technologically advanced for their liking, and by randomly asking for human tributes. In some ways, forcing a community to make the choice of their sacrifice themselves was worse than simply taking someone off the street to replenish their supply of human flesh.

Rodney had been lucky never to have to deal with such a situation. Back in the north, his parents had kept them away from the process of selecting a tribute. And the caves were safe from the Wraith. He'd made sure to leave towns when the Wraith approached, so he'd only heard about the handling of tributes in passing.

He knew that mostly it came down to offering people who had committed a crime or to look for volunteers, often elders who wanted to give their children and grandchildren a chance to grow old.

Asking for a tribute as part of a trading agreement was absolutely unheard of, and he couldn't see how anyone could justify such a disproportionate price, no matter what they traded.

"It is unacceptable," Teyla agreed. "Which is why the mayor of Copperfarm asked us to help."

"They've already told the representative that they would never agree to it, but he hasn't backed down," John added.

"How necessary is the food to Copperfarm?" Rodney asked.

"They are in no danger of survival," Teyla said. "But it will be an inconvenience to trade food with towns that are further away instead of their neighbors."

"What about Franklin? Could it be that they just want to keep the food or trade elsewhere and this is just a way to make it happen unless Copperfarm would be stupid enough to do it?" Rodney asked.

"We're not aware of anything like that," John said. "I've thought about it as well, but we couldn't gather any intel about who such an alternative trading partner would be. And it's not like potatoes and vegetables are hard to come by in Pegasus. I don't really know who'd pay a healthy sum just to get it from Franklin. And it'd have to be quite a bit for Franklin to risk the relationship with their neighbors."

"It is a mystery to us," Teyla summed it up.

"Hmm," Rodney only said.

"We'll meet with the mayor after dinner, and I assume you'll want to take a look at the power and water systems," John said.

"Sure," Rodney said. It was second nature for him to look at the infrastructure of a town he visited, and he'd gladly take a closer look. After all, this was one of the reasons why he'd joined the team.

When they were finished eating, a young woman came up to them. "I've brought a piece of cake for each of you," she said.

"Thank you, Eleanor," Teyla said. She looked in the bag she was carrying with her and retrieved a small wrapped object. "This is from Ronon, for your collection."

Eleanor's eyes lit up. She unwrapped the object which turned out to be a small wooden figurine of a bunny. "That is so sweet of him," she said. "Please tell him my sincere thanks. This is for him." She pushed a little cake towards Teyla.

"We will bring it to him after we've met with the mayor," John assured her.

"Thank you, Colonel," Eleanor said. She smiled at all of them and left again.

Rodney took one of the delicious looking pieces of cake. "Has she ever met Ronon?"

"No," Teyla said. "But since she heard we have someone staying outside the town, she has always made something special for him, and at some point Ronon started to bring these figurines as gifts."

"I have no idea how he knew that she'd like them," John said.

"Ronon can be quite observant," Teyla said.

"But he couldn't have observed _her_ ," John pointed out.

Teyla snorted.

"Doesn't she wonder why Ronon never comes inside?" Rodney asked.

"If she does, she has not informed us about it. We simply told her that Ronon prefers never to enter a town," Teyla said.

Rodney wondered if the people here suspected that he was a runner. It seemed odd to stay outside without a given reason, but then it could be a matter of privacy. Disease and disfigurement were two plausible reasons Rodney could think of. And Ronon could have a bad history with someone in town. He guessed it really wasn't such a great stretch after all. And since the team helped the people out, there was no reason to ask too many questions.

"So we'll go talk to the mayor and then head out to Ronon?" Rodney asked.

"I'll go check in with Ronon and bring him some food and the cake," John said. "You can go with Faris. She's what comes close to being the inventor in town."

"And I will meet a few people in town," Teyla said.

~~

The mayor didn't have much to say other than thanking the team for coming and reiterating that there was no news. The demands of Franklin hadn't changed, nor had they found an explanation.

After the brief meeting, Rodney went with Sylvia Faris. She was a middle-aged woman who led Rodney around town, explaining the main systems that kept the town running. She hadn't had an education in engineering or physics, but she'd picked up quite a bit as she went Rodney could tell. The systems all looked well in order. They were almost done with the tour when John joined them.

"How is it going?" John asked.

"I'm pleasantly surprised by the infrastructure," Rodney said.

"I'm sure Radek will be pleased to hear it," John said.

"That's not to say that improvements can't be made," Rodney added.

"Of course," John said with a smirk. "Are you done here?"

"Almost," Sylvia said. "I just wanted to show him the pump."

They looked at the main source of water, and then Sylvia excused herself and left them alone for a moment.

"So?" John asked. "It's been a while since Radek and his team were here. And they only spent a week here at the time."

"What exactly do you expect from me?" Rodney asked. "There are a lot of things that I could do to improve their systems. The question is really, how many resources should I count on having and how many hours or days can we spent working on them."

"Is there anything you can do this evening? If you have ideas for a bigger project we can discuss it with Radek, but for now little improvements should be enough," John said.

"I'll see what I can do," Rodney said, walking to find Sylvia.

~~

Rodney worked for the next few hours, doing minor adjustments to the system. Everything he would normally do when first visiting a town had already been done by Radek and his team. But there were minor things that he could adjust. A few things had broken along the way. Sylvia had repaired them, but Rodney made a few changes so that there was a smaller likelihood that they needed to be repaired again and again.

His changes wouldn't make a big difference to how well the infrastructure worked, but Sylvia might have an easier time maintaining it. At least it was something and it made Rodney feel that it hadn't been a complete waste for him to come here instead of staying in Atlantis and working on the battery prototype.

Sylvia led Rodney back to the hotel, where John was waiting in the entrance area with a book. He was reading, but Rodney was quite sure it wasn't a coincidence that he was doing it down there.

"I'm done for the day," Rodney told him.

John placed a bookmark between the pages he'd been reading and closed the book. "Great. How did it go?" he asked, standing up.

"We won't be able to report big improvements, but there should be less maintenance work in the future," Rodney told him.

"I'm sure Faris will be happy," John said. He checked his watch. "We should head to bed. I'm not sure when the guy from Franklin will come, but I want to check in with Ronon before he does."

They made their way up the stairs to their rooms. At Rodney's room they stopped. "Good night, Rodney," John said. He didn't lean in or do anything that could be considered inappropriate, but Rodney still felt the tension between them.

"Good night, John," he said. Then he entered his room and closed the door behind him.

~~

John wasn't in his room when Rodney knocked the next morning, but downstairs in the dining room, he found Teyla.

"Good morning," she said. "I hope you slept well."

"It was all right. I'm used to my own mattress," Rodney said.

"I think it will be difficult to bring it on missions," Teyla said, treating it as if it were a serious consideration.

"I know," Rodney said. "Maybe I can design something that I can put on top of the mattress to get the right softness. Has John already eaten?"

"Yes, he is waiting for the representative from Franklin with Ronon now. He will return as soon as they catch sight of them," Teyla said.

They talked a bit about what they did the evening before until John quickly walked in and sat down at their table. "One guy on a horse. ETA twenty minutes. Nothing suspicious during the night," he reported.

"Didn't Ronon sleep at all?" Rodney asked.

"He took a nap yesterday evening after dinner while I took watch. He'll sleep after we're back," John said. "Did you sleep well?"

"I've slept better, but yes, I did sleep," Rodney said.

"He did not have his mattress with him," Teyla said.

John frowned. "You should have Carson take a look at that," he said.

"I know what he'll say. I sit and bend a lot while I work. I can't really change that," Rodney said.

"Training will be good for you. I'm sure it'll get better now that you're on the team," John said.

Rodney didn't say anything.

"Let's go," John said.

They went to alert the mayor, who was tense and didn't seem to have gotten much sleep.

"It'll be fine," John told him.

"Yes, I know," the mayor said. "I would just prefer not having to find a new trading partner. I know you've offered your help, but we've had such a long history with Franklin. I don't want to be the one who ended it."

John only smiled non-committaly.

They waited at the entrance to town that the Franklin representative was approaching. He slowed down when he took in Teyla, John, and Rodney, but continued. When he was within hearing distance he stopped and dismounted his horse.

He came closer, looking suspicious. "I see you've invited some friends, Mayor."

"Yes, Robert, I did. I hope that maybe they can talk some sense into you," the mayor said.

Robert didn't take that well. He was considerably younger than the mayor, only in his twenties. "You can invite whomever you want. It won't change our demands," he said, lifting his chin up in defiance.

"Robert, my name is Teyla Emmagan," Teyla said with a smile. "We are friends of the people of Copperfarm. This is John Sheppard, and this is Rodney McKay. We hope to shed some light on what can only be a misunderstanding."

"It's not a misunderstanding," Robert said firmly.

"You are asking for Copperfarm to provide you tributes in order to continue to trade," Teyla reiterated what Robert should be very aware of.

"Exactly," Robert said.

Teyla glanced at John, then turned to Robert again. "Is there any other trading partner who has such an agreement with you or has such an agreement ever even been mentioned to you by anyone?" Teyla asked. Rodney could only admire how calm and understanding she seemed, when the question really should have been, 'What the hell are you thinking? Not even those that trade for rare goods are asking for tributes. Why on Earth would someone offer it for some measly potatoes and vegetables?'

"What we do with our other trading partners is not at issue here," Robert said stiffly. "We do not get involved in how Copperfarm trades with Atlantis, and we expect the same respect offered to us."

So he knew they were from Atlantis. Rodney wasn't sure that made a difference. The guy seemed to be so full of himself that nothing would change his mind.

"Of course, we would not get involved in matters between Copperfarm and Franklin. We have been _asked_ to assist because as much as Mayor Randall values the long history between your two towns, providing tributes in order to continue your close relationship as trading partners and _neighbors_ is not acceptable to him or the people of Copperfarm. We happen to agree with their assessment and will offer our help in finding a new trading partner should it become necessary. We still hope that will not be the case."

"Is this your last word?" Robert asked, directing his question to the mayor.

"It is as Ms. Emmagan says. We will not offer Franklin any tributes. If this means the end of trading, then it must be," the mayor said.

Robert stood frozen, clenching his jaw.

"You can't have expected a different outcome," John said. "Potatoes and vegetables are offered by many settlements in every region."

Robert stared darkly at him.

"What brought this on, Robert?" Teyla asked softly. "There must have been a reason for Franklin to ask for this."

"It is none of your business," Robert brushed her off.

She exchanged a look with John and raised her eyebrow. Then she turned to Robert again. "Do the people of Franklin know what you've asked of Copperfarm?"

"Of course they do," Robert said immediately, but even Rodney could see the signs of a lie. Robert was sweating, his eyes shifting.

"Nobody has to know what has occurred," Teyla said. "I know that first coming into contact with the ways that tributes are chosen can be traumatic..."

"I'm fine!" Robert shouted angrily. "This isn't about me. The council asked me to relay their demands!"

"Would they confirm that if we went with you and asked?" Teyla asked gently.

Robert's red face lost all its color.

Teyla looked at the others, compassion in her eyes. Even Rodney felt kind of bad for the guy even if he was an idiot. Teyla turned to Robert again, taking a step closer. "It can be very hard to see someone offered as tribute who means a lot to you. I have experienced it myself."

Robert's gaze was on the ground. His lips trembled, but he didn't say anything.

"It is especially hard if they themselves offer to be the tribute," Teyla continued.

Robert looked up at that.

"But sometimes you have to accept the sacrifices that others are willing to make for you," Teyla continued. "Even if it does not seem just. They do it out of love and the most loving thing is to respect their wishes."

Robert swallowed.

"I am very sorry," Teyla said.

Robert blinked and looked away. Teyla took another step towards him and squeezed his arm.

"This will remain between us. We will expect the next delivery as always and will provide the cloth in return," she said.

Robert's gaze remained on the ground, but after a moment he nodded.

"Thank you for doing what is right," Teyla said.

Rodney felt a bit like rolling his eyes because backing down from a ridiculous proposal wasn't really worth any gratitude, but at the same time he felt bad for the guy. He'd been lucky that he'd never had to fear for his sister in the caves. He wasn't sure what he would have done, had it come to that, but he was certain it wouldn't have been as stupid as what Robert had done. But that was what desperation did to some people.

"We'll see you next month," Robert said, still not facing anyone. Then he turned, mounted his horse, and rode off without another word.

There was a long silence as they watched Robert ride away.

Eventually, the mayor approached Teyla. "Thank you so much. I should have suspected it had to be something like this. It did not make any sense for Franklin to act like this."

"You are very welcome," Teyla said. "I am glad we could be of assistance. We will return home now and let our people know that everything has been resolved, and we will return on our regular schedule in a few months."

They said their goodbyes and went to pick up their horses. Ronon had ridden around town and met them on the road back south towards Atlantis.

"He just rode home. No sign of getting help or taking a detour," Ronon reported.

"Yeah," John said. "We didn't really expect anything else. He was just..."

"A desperate soul," Teyla finished for him. "He had acted on his own to save a loved one."

"Hmm," was Ronon's only comment. "We're heading back now?"

John nodded.

They started riding home in silence. The events didn't lend themselves to idle chatting. Eventually the silence weighed so heavily that Rodney said, "That was depressing. How many of the missions are like that?"

John snorted. "Not many thankfully."

"At least nobody got shot at," Rodney said.

"Would have made it more interesting," Ronon commented.

"I'm sure we'll have another _interesting_ mission soon enough," John said. "I think it went well. Copperfarm is happy. Rodney got to fiddle with some systems. We got some of Eleanor's cake."

"Yes, it wasn't a complete waste of time," Rodney said. "The cake was great."

"Told you so," Ronon said.

~~

After a bit over an hour, Ronon said, "If we hurry, we could have lunch in Atlantis."

John looked over to Rodney.

Rodney considered it. He wouldn't mind getting back earlier and putting in some more work on the battery prototype. But he wasn't used to riding and trying to stay in the saddle even during a slow trot would probably not only look ridiculous, but be so taxing on his body that he'd need to rest for the remainder of the day, so that he wouldn't have gained anything in the end.

"We'll keep walking," John said, not waiting for Rodney to spell it out.

"I'm not used to riding," Rodney explained.

"We can change that," Ronon said.

Rodney sighed. "It looks like I'll have to."

"Or you can build us a puddlejumper," John said with a smirk.

Ronon snorted, but Teyla chided John.

"What's a puddlejumper?" Rodney asked, curious now that John had mentioned it twice.

"Radek tried to build us a vehicle as an alternate option for horses and carriages. It worked well until it came across the first puddle of water," John said.

"We had to bring a carriage to get it back to Atlantis," Ronon said.

"You know that Radek could have fixed that issue," Teyla said.

"Yeah, he could have," John conceded. "But he said the energy consumption was too big. It wasn't justifiable even for us, so he stopped working on it."

"Hmm, I can't remember seeing anything about a vehicle prototype when we went through projects," Rodney said.

"It's not actively worked on. I guess you needed to prioritize," John said.

"Yes, but a better mode of transportation seems like a very worthwhile project," Rodney mused.

"You just want to get out of riding," Ronon said.

"It could have various benefits," Rodney said evasively though his first thought had indeed been that he might avoid having to learn riding properly.

"Put it on the list," John said.

"I will," Rodney answered.

"We could take the chance and start teaching you a slow trot now," Ronon suggested.

Rodney made a face.

"If you really want to go, just ride ahead," John said.

"Okay," Ronon said, "See you in Atlantis." Then he rode off.

"He didn't need convincing," Rodney commented.

John snorted. "He's tired."

"Yeah, I'm sure it has nothing to do with being impatient that we're crawling back home," Rodney said, rolling his eyes.

Teyla bit her lip.

"You wanna go too?" John asked.

"I had hoped to make a few preparations before I visit my people tomorrow," she said.

John sighed. "Just go," he said.

"I will see you in Atlantis," she said. Then she went off after Ronon.

John and Rodney kept riding in a slow walk in silence.

"You know, you could go too," Rodney eventually said. "I have a compass."

"I'm not leaving you alone," John said, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

Rodney wondered if it was worth protesting. In the end he decided it wasn't. He didn't think John would change his mind. And truthfully he was glad that John didn't leave him.

"Thank you," he said.

John only nodded.

~~

The ride back was quite pleasant. They talked about some other missions in towns where John was sure Rodney could make a big difference.

They also talked a bit about the vehicle Radek had built and the general state of transportation in Pegasus.

"It's too bad the rails never took off," Rodney lamented.

"There are some rail carriages," John said. "We have a track a mile and a half to the west of Atlantis."

"I know they exist, but they're too small to be useful for mass transport," Rodney said. Shortly after the first tracks had appeared, the Wraith had attacked them in strategic places, removing or bending just enough of the track that at this point only small vehicles that could be manually moved over the gaps were used on them. "I always wondered why the Wraith didn't wait longer," Rodney said. "It would have been a great food source for them once it took off."

"Except that something that can transport dozens of passengers can also transport dozens of pieces of heavy artillery," John said.

"There is that," Rodney conceded. "And after one such attack, people wouldn't be so eager to use trains anymore."

John nodded. "They're too inflexible and make you too vulnerable."

"I guess the Wraith saved us a lot of time and effort," Rodney said, making John laugh. He looked over to him, feeling a pang of attraction. He turned back and concentrated on the way ahead.

A while later John said, "Let me know when you're hungry."

Now that John mentioned it, Rodney did feel a little hungry. They could see the top of Atlantis' tower on the horizon, but it would be a while yet until they arrived. "Now, actually," Rodney said.

"Let's have lunch near that rock in the shade," John suggested, pointing at a rock a bit further away.

They found a nice spot in the shade under a tree, and John spread out a blanket. They got the sandwiches they'd gotten in Copperfarm as supplies and had lunch.

"There are some nice spots out here in the plains," Rodney commented.

"You must have spent a lot of time out here, traveling from town to town," John said.

"Yes, but I've always tried to travel so that I could take my next meal in the next town or on the road. If we stopped on the way, it was usually because something was wrong," Rodney said.

"That's the safest way to travel," John said. "But you do miss out on things. Many people think it's all just desert or grass."

"When it's also rocks and shrubs and an occasional tree," Rodney finished for him.

"Exactly," John said, taking a hearty bite from his sandwich.

Rodney chuckled.

They finished their sandwiches, and then John went to the satchel of his horse and retrieved four more things wrapped in napkins. "I managed to convince Eleanor to give us something for the road. Since Ronon and Teyla abandoned us..."

"Their loss!" Rodney said and greedily dug into the first piece.

The cake was excellent, but he'd already been full after the sandwiches and now felt like taking a nap, rather than riding on. He leaned back into the trunk of the tree, rubbing his stomach. "That was great but too much," Rodney said.

"Yeah," John agreed. He leaned to the side until he was lying on the blanket. "How about a quick match of chess before we go on?"

"You have your set with you?" Rodney asked, surprised.

"I take it wherever I go," John said.

"Then prepare for revenge," Rodney said.

John fetched the set and placed it on the blanket. As Rodney started setting the board up, John placed his watch on the blanket as well. "We want to return to Atlantis before nightfall," he said. "I propose a hard maximum of thirty minutes. Whoever has more pieces left wins."

Rodney didn't really like that plan. John had proven that he played quickly. But he wanted to get back in time to work a bit more. "Deal," he said.

Thirty minutes later he regretted that decision. "That was not a normal match," he said. "It's ridiculous to count all pieces the same."

"You agreed to the rules," John pointed out.

"And it will be the last time," Rodney said. "Not chess with you, but this. I still want my revenge in a regular match."

"Feel free to try," John said with a smirk, packing up the pieces.

~~

They arrived back in Atlantis mid-afternoon.

It felt good to be back, and it did feel like coming home, though strictly speaking this was the second time Rodney entered Atlantis.

They rode the horses back to the stables. Rodney dismounted, happy to be back on firm ground, though the ride to Copperfarm and back hadn't been as bad as he feared. He gently stroked Belle's mane. "That went quite well," he said.

John smiled. "You did well, Rodney. I'm sorry we didn't have much for you to do. I would have chosen a different first mission, but we couldn't postpone this one."

"Yes, of course," Rodney said. "It was very interesting. Maybe that's the wrong word. It was a different perspective to come as an established trading partner."

John snorted. "Next time we'll give you something to do," he promised. "You're going to the labs now?"

"Yes," Rodney said. "I want to take a look at what Radek did while I was gone. You could pick me up for dinner."

"As always," John said, smiling.

~~

The first few weeks in Atlantis went on like this.

Rodney worked to finish the battery prototype, so that they could present it at the next town hall meeting. After that they worked on optimizations to finalize the design that they would then continue to build.

By the time they were done, Radek had several other projects he wanted to tackle next. On the side Rodney looked at the vehicle prototype that Radek had built and how it could be turned into a puddlejumper—and damn John for naming it something so stupid but memorable enough that it stuck in Rodney's mind.

He also regularly trained with Teyla, Ronon, and John. Thankfully, Teyla had been right and Ronon didn't just pummel him into ground meat. He wasn't as patient as Teyla but he also didn't expect Rodney to just know stuff or be able to do things after the first try.

Rodney never did hand to hand training with John. They went to the shooting range together every now and then, but John kept his hands to himself, gesturing and telling Rodney to move if his stance wasn't correct.

They also still had breakfast together on weekdays, and John picked him up almost every night for dinner. On weekends Rodney was invited to eat with John's family.

Rodney and John were friends. They played chess regularly, and Rodney was ridiculously pleased when he first beat John. They also played City Walls, a strategy board game where each of them played one of the neighboring cities, trying to manage resources, build defenses, develop technology, and in John's case amass a little army. Rodney was still ahead, though, because John didn't have a chance against his superior defense.

The game board stood on the table in John's kitchen, where it thankfully didn't disturb anyone.

Teyla had only seldom looked in on them, and Rodney had never once seen her walk up the stairs to what he assumed to be the bedroom. He tried not to think about the marriage of his teammates, but his brain would automatically process any clues it got, and so far his conclusion always came out at John and Teyla being nothing more than friends.

But whatever else they were, they were married and obviously intended to stay that way.

Rodney's attraction to John didn't just disappear, and he was pretty sure the same was true for John. There were moments when they looked at each other and there was silent acknowledgement of that mutual attraction.

It was on such nights that Rodney sometimes masturbated to fantasies about John. He allowed himself not to feel guilty about it since it wasn't real, and in turn he tried not to be frustrated by the situation.

He also went on missions with his team.

As John had promised, the next missions included towns that had little modern infrastructure and a lot of opportunity for Rodney to work his wonders. It was almost like his life before Atlantis, where he moved from town to town, helping people build a better power grid or water systems or whatever else they needed.

But this time he had a place to come home to and people who joined him on the journey. If John wasn't discussing things with a mayor or sheriff, he often kept Rodney company.

All in all it was everything he'd had before joining Atlantis and so much more.

~~

One thing that they still hadn't discussed was the source of naquadah. Rodney had kept an eye on their naquadah supplies, and Radek had told him the amount that they aimed to always have on hand, and they would soon come down to that point.

It was time that someone finally told him how they got their supplies of naquadah, so one day as they left the mess and John asked if Rodney wanted to do something, Rodney said, "Let's grab some beer and head up the walls."

John's eyebrows shot up. They hadn't been up there again since they'd talked about Rodney's experiences with runners. The expression on his face evened out. "Okay," he said calmly, though Rodney could sense a certain amount of tension in him.

They went to John's office to grab two bottles of beer and then made their way up the wall, taking the same route they'd taken that night.

John lowered the outer wall and they sat down. Then he opened the bottles and handed Rodney his. They took the first sips in silence.

"We'll need to go on a naquadah mission soon," Rodney eventually said. He glanced over to John and caught a minute sigh of relief. Whatever John had feared Rodney wanted to discuss, it wasn't this.

"Yes," John said. "Next mission probably."

"So are you finally going to tell me how you do it? Now that I'm part of the team?" Rodney asked.

"There's not much to tell," John said. "We go to a mine and get out the naquadah."

"A mine guarded by Wraith you neglected to mention," Rodney said. "Or did you find one that's not guarded? Is that the secret to Atlantis' supplies?"

"No," John said.

"So how are we going to do it? How long will the mission last?" Rodney asked.

John raised an eyebrow. "A night. New moon to reduce the chance that they see us coming or going in the plains. How long did you plan your mine raids?"

Instead of answering, Rodney asked, "How do you make sure they don't see you? Or is the Wraith guarding your mine just standing aside and staring straight ahead all night? Is it always the same mine?"

"We use different mines," John said. "Less chance they will notice if something's off though we try to be inconspicuous."

"That makes it even less predictable what the guard will do," Rodney said.

"Is this how you did it? Watching the guard for several nights to recognize patterns?" John asked.

"I couldn't afford to be seen," Rodney said, not denying John's conclusion since it was true.

"Except that you're invincible," John said. "Or does the shield not work against Wraith?"

"It works against anyone but it's a purely defensive measure," Rodney answered. "If I were caught inside a mine and they decided to blow it up once they realize they can't hurt me, I'd be safe but buried under a huge pile of rubble until I died of thirst or lack of oxygen. Not exactly a comfortable end if you ask me."

John looked at him for a long moment. "Yes, I can see how you'd want to avoid that. But facing a single Wraith outside should be no problem. You said it works against anyone, so I assume you _have_ tested it against a Wraith."

"There's no such thing as a single Wraith," Rodney said, avoiding John's main point. He wasn't ready yet to explain to John why he didn't want Wraith to get wind of his shield. "Where there's one, there can be others. No point in risking it."

John still looked at him skeptically. Rodney looked ahead and took a sip of his beer. John did the same, and for a moment neither of them spoke.

"We have a life signs detector," John eventually said.

Rodney turned to him. "How does it work? And what do you mean 'a' life signs detector? A single one? Then I presume it wasn't created by Radek or any of the other Atlantean inventors. So where did you get it from?"

The corner of John's mouth tugged up. "You really know how to ask the right questions," he said. His smile faded. "It's Wraith."

Rodney's eyes widened. "How did you get it?"

"Found it," John said. "One of the dead Wraith must have dropped it and they didn't pick it up when they got them."

"Dead Wraith as in several? How did this happen?" Rodney asked. The Wraith uniforms were pretty much impenetrable by human weaponry. Artillery could kill them, but outside of the caves Rodney knew of no other town that used that as a defense. It would be like an invitation for the Wraith to send an army.

"The town didn't want to offer the tribute, and when the Wraith came, they fought back," John said. He dropped his gaze to the fields below them.

Rodney couldn't imagine that the Wraith would let that happen without retribution. Then he recalled that John had said his home town didn't exist anymore. "This was how New Reston was destroyed?"

John frowned for a second, then he seemed to recall what he'd once told Rodney. "No, it wasn't where I came from. I just happened to pass by at the wrong time. Or the right time if you want. But you're right. There wasn't much left of this town either. But I could pick up the life signs detector. It shows all humans and large animals within a range of maybe 150 feet."

"So you can see if a Wraith guard has walked away from the entrance to be sure not to come out while they're too close," Rodney concluded. He could certainly have used one of these. "Has Radek taken a look at it?"

"Of course," John said. "But I won't allow him to risk destroying it. We can't afford to lose it. And no, I won't allow you to deconstruct it either unless you can guarantee it will still work."

"I wouldn't do that. I've weighed those exact same options," Rodney said.

John looked down at Rodney's chest. "Where did you find it?" he asked.

Rodney still didn't want to share this information. He trusted John. He probably trusted John with his life even after the short time they'd known each other, but he'd always had a bad feeling about the origin of the shield and anyone knowing about it. "So are you going to show me the life signs detector?" he asked, as if he hadn't heard John's question.

"On the mission," John said.

~~

"John has talked with you about the upcoming mission?" Elizabeth asked.

Rodney nodded. "We'll retrieve some naquadah from a mine," Rodney said.

"This is a routine mission for your team, but it _is_ dangerous," Elizabeth said.

"I'm aware of that," Rodney said.

"Of course," Elizabeth said. "I just want you to keep in mind that the others do not have the benefit of a shield."

"I am very aware of that too," Rodney said, feeling insulted. "I would never let anything happen to them."

"I didn't think you would," Elizabeth said. "Certainly not on purpose, but you've been used to being alone, and the missions so far have been exploratory or to keep up relations. I only want to make sure that _all_ of you return safe and sound."

"I assure you that's what we all want," Rodney said.

"Very well," Elizabeth said. "I have to say I'm quite impressed with what John has told me of your performance during missions so far. And that's nothing against your part in the new battery system."

Rodney nodded in acknowledgement.

"You've made a very good impression on all of us here. We can be happy you joined us," Elizabeth said.

"I'm happy to be here. I didn't think I would call Atlantis my home so quickly, but I have to admit even in this short time I've become quite attached to your city and its people. Well, some of them."

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow.

"That isn't to say I wouldn't be attached to others as well. But I don't really know everyone, and I'm frankly not a person that easily..." He struggled with a polite way to say that he didn't suffer fools easily, and chances were a good percentage outside of his team and Radek were idiots or boring or both.

"It's quite all right, Rodney," Elizabeth spared him. "I'm just glad you're calling Atlantis home already."

~~

Rodney felt nervous the whole day before the naquadah mission.

John only mentioned at the town hall meeting that their team would attempt to get naquadah. Rodney could only assume that everyone was aware what that entailed. But of course this was routine for the Atlanteans, and _they_ didn't actually have to take part in the mission which included a guaranteed encounter with a Wraith if not more than one.

Rodney was so nervous that he didn't even pay much attention to Radek who was presenting the progress on their latest project.

After the town hall meeting, Rodney tried to catch some sleep in preparation for the night mission. It was easier said than done, though. It was afternoon, and he couldn't get out of his head what they were going to do.

His previous mine raids had always been miserable. Several days spent outside under cover of a rock or shrub, cataloguing every move of the Wraith surrounding the mine. Then the actual raid where the fear of being caught was always first and foremost on his mind.

This time he wouldn't be alone. He didn't know how he felt about that. He trusted his team and enjoyed their company, but there would be little to no talking once they came close. His teammates were excellent with firearms, but it wouldn't help against the Wraith uniform with its hideous face mask, which left almost no vulnerable spots to target.

And unlike him, his teammates were vulnerable to Wraith guns and other attacks, so Rodney would have to worry about that too.

Of course they had the advantage of the life signs detector, which more than made up for Rodney's lack of logging the Wraith's movements prior to the raid. Rodney had asked Radek to tell him everything about the device, but unfortunately Radek was only able to tell him _what_ it did and not _how_ it actually worked.

Rodney couldn't wait to get his hands on it. He only managed to drift off into a light sleep.

~~

"Hey. Psst, Rodney. Wake up."

Rodney opened his eyes, seeing the outline of John's body in the light that came from downstairs. "What time is it?" Rodney asked.

"Dinner time," John said. "We still have another hour until we leave, but you need to eat, don't you?"

It was past his dinner time, and Rodney did feel a bit woozy.

"Drink this," John said, handing him a glass. "Apple juice. This should help you make it downstairs. I've made a quick dinner for us." He waited until Rodney had drunk half the glass. "Better?" he asked.

"Yes," Rodney said. "I'll be with you in a minute."

John hesitated for a second then nodded and went back downstairs.

Rodney got out of bed and slipped into the black clothes he would wear for the mission. The others would also wear light armor for this mission whereas for Rodney his shield would be all the protection he needed. He made his way down the stairs, scenting the food before he made a quick detour to the bathroom. Then he joined John at the table.

"I have a frying pan and dishes?" Rodney asked.

John snorted. "Yes, you do. You even have flour, sugar, and some spices. Though I can see that it might be a good idea for me to 'borrow' them from you."

"Uh, yes, please do," Rodney said.

They started eating.

"You were pretty quiet at the town hall meeting today. You're not worried about the mission, are you?" John asked.

"Of course I am! There'll be at least one Wraith," Rodney said.

"Who won't be able to touch you," John said.

"Didn't we have this conversation a few days ago?" Rodney reminded him.

"Yes, we did. And you still didn't tell me why you worry so much about the Wraith," John said.

"I'll be fine," Rodney said evasively.

John sighed. "We'll all be fine. But you need...I just want to help you."

"I appreciate it, but I don't need any help," Rodney said. "If you'll do the same as on your previous naquadah missions, I'll just tag along and everything will be all right. You don't need to worry about me."

John only gave him a long look, but thankfully let it drop.

They went over the details of the mission again while they finished dinner. Rodney knew all the facts by heart but in this case he didn't mind to triple check.

After dinner, John asked, "Did you pack what you wanted to bring along? Only things that can easily be carried."

"Yes, yes, I know," Rodney said. "I'll only need a few minutes."

"I'll quickly do the dishes in the meantime," John said.

"Thank you," Rodney said. "For cooking and the dishes. And worrying about me. Even if it's not necessary."

"Rodney, I just—" John began, but Rodney interrupted him.

"I have things to pack, and you have dishes to do. We don't want to leave late."

John sighed but relented, placing the plates and cutlery into the sink.

~~

They made their way to the stables in silence. Rodney could feel the tension ratcheting up in himself. John, on the other hand, seemed very calm.

Rodney reminded himself that John and the others had done this before.

When they arrived, Rodney attached his bag to Belle's satchel. They'd gotten used to each other over the last few missions. Ronon had even taken him riding one evening and shown him a few things like trotting and even a canter, though Rodney sincerely hoped he wouldn't be required to make a run for it tonight or any time soon.

They met Ronon and Teyla at the gate. They were dressed in black as well and when the gate closed, it was hard to see his teammates.

Even after his eyes had adjusted to the dark, he couldn't make out any details. Which was how they wanted it of course.

They started riding according to plan.

Usually their rides on missions were filled with chatter about the going-ons in Atlantis or what they expected from the mission. This time there was only a minimum of talk.

The mine wasn't very far, though they rode slowly, so it took about one and a half hours until they were able to make out the rock.

They slowed down even further, and John picked something up from his satchel. He looked at it for a moment before showing it to Teyla and Ronon and then Rodney.

The display of the life signs detector showed the four of them, two dots each for every human and horse, and further away a single other dot.

Rodney should be relieved that it was only a single Wraith, but he still tensed, just knowing the guard was there.

John pointed at them to move around the rock in the other direction so that they would avoid the Wraith. At the widest point he stopped.

As planned, they dismounted their horses. Teyla and Ronon would stay and stand guard outside, far enough from the entrance to hide behind the rock even if the Wraith walked back and forth, but still close enough to alert John and Rodney should something unexpected happen.

The plan was to get in and out without the Wraith being the wiser and Rodney was very much on board with that.

He took the two devices he'd brought from Belle's satchel, then turned on his outer shield, holstered his pistol, and nodded at John.

John lifted the life signs detector so that Rodney could see the Wraith walking a few steps at the other side of the rock before standing again. When John signalled for them to go, they moved as one.

Rodney followed one step behind John, only glancing in the direction of the Wraith, though it was too dark for him to see him. Then they entered the mine and Rodney dared to breathe. John turned to him and gave him a quick thumbs up.

They made their way down the shaft.

The Wraith tended to mine—or have prisoners mine—as needed and weren't very diligent about picking up everything. They finally got to the end of the shaft and the wagon in which they transported the naquadah enriched stone. John switched on a small light that didn't emit enough light to be visible from the entrance of the mine.

Rodney looked into the wagon and wanted to pick up the biggest stone left, but John grabbed his hand to stop him and shook his head. Then he mouthed "leave that". Rodney frowned, but did as asked. He moved his hand to another smaller stone, looking at John, who nodded.

John removed a pouch from his pocket and opened it. Rodney lifted the device he'd brought—his extractor—instead, putting the stone inside and turning it on. John raised an eyebrow at him, then pointed at his watch.

Rodney nodded and picked up more stones, putting them in the pouch.

They didn't take all the stones. John had said in the pre-mission briefing that taking everything would be suspicious since the Wraith never cleared things out completely. Rodney guessed that this was why John had signalled him to leave the largest one alone.

After they'd cleared as much of the wagon as John would allow him, Rodney turned his attention to the shaft they were mining into. He handed the extractor over to John, who frowned at him.

Rodney picked the other device from his pocket, a cutter. He pointed at the wall and looked at John for permission. John lifted his hand with outstretched digit and thumb, signalling a small space.

Rodney nodded and turned to the wall, looking for an inconspicuous place to cut. He doubted that anyone would care to check or even remember the exact state of the wall. He wasn't even sure if the Wraith were likely to send the same prisoners or guards. But he still didn't want to take any chances. He cut out a medium sized piece of stone from near the ground, when suddenly a hand landed on his shoulder.

Rodney gasped and turned around to John, who was pointing at the extractor, which was signalling it was done.

Rodney glared at him, then took the extractor and gave John the stone instead. He opened the lid of the extractor finding among the materials a nice amount of naquadah. He looked up, beaming at John.

John smiled back. He put the stone in the pouch, then pointed at the wall and lifted three fingers of his hand.

Rodney nodded. He cut out three more bits of stone with the cutter before turning back to John and handing them over. John lifted the pouch so Rodney placed them directly inside.

John switched off the light and waited for a moment until they'd adjusted to the dark. Then they walked back towards the entrance of the mine, keeping an eye on the life signs detector.

Thankfully the Wraith guard hadn't moved much. It would be easy to join back up with Teyla and Ronon and then they could be off back home.

Rodney waited for John to leave the mine, but he kept staring at the life signs detector. Then he looked at Rodney for a moment and finally walked out.

Instead of walking back to Teyla and Ronon, however, he walked towards the Wraith.

Rodney couldn't believe his eyes. He wanted to shout and ask John what the hell we was doing. He looked back at where Ronon and Teyla were waiting around the corner. He could try to quickly walk to them and let them know about John's insanity, but he didn't want to leave John alone either. At least Rodney had his shield, though he hadn't planned to use it.

He quietly followed John, who was still approaching the Wraith. Rodney had no idea what had gotten into John. They were close enough now to make out the Wraith even in the dark.

Rodney's heart was beating like crazy. He was almost sure the Wraith had to be able to hear it. What the hell did John want to do?

He finally caught up with John and reached out to grasp his arm, when he stepped on a little stone, making an audible noise as it moved under his shoe.

The Wraith spun around, and without thinking clearly, Rodney stepped in front of John who pulled his pistol. The Wraith lifted his gun as well, shooting at Rodney.

As expected the bullet dropped off of the shield. The Wraith froze. "How did you get a—"

Before the Wraith could finish, Rodney launched himself at the Wraith. The Wraith stumbled back. "What the hell are you doing?"

Rodney went at him again, finally remembering one of Teyla's moves and hitting the Wraith in the gut with his elbow. It was completely useless of course since the Wraith uniform was stronger than bullets. "Ouch," Rodney said, holding his elbow.

The Wraith pulled back his arm and then backhanded Rodney right across the face. Or he would have if the shield hadn't kicked in, sending the Wraith to the ground writhing in agony. "You idiot!" Rodney ground out. The Wraith should have known what to expect. That thought only reminded him of what had really just happened. "Oh, god." The Wraith had seen the shield or at least recognized it.

Rodney dropped to the ground, searching it for something suitable to...

"Rodney?" John asked behind him.

Rodney only spared an icy glare back at John. This was all _his_ fault. What the hell had he been thinking? Ah, there was a stone that should be large enough.

Rodney crouched next to the Wraith and lifted the stone with both hands, then put all his strength into hitting the top of the head which wasn't protected by that horrible face mask.

There was a sickening thud and the Wraith stilled.

"What's going on?" Teyla asked.

Rodney didn't turn to them. He didn't want them to see him like this at all.

"It's fine. We've got it under control," he could hear John say.

There was a silence, then he heard footsteps leaving again. He also heard the Wraith still breathing. Damn. Rodney lifted the stone again, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

He turned to John who looked at him with an expression that Rodney couldn't read at all.

"Let me do this," John said. Then he straddled the unconscious Wraith, put his head in a twisted grip and snapped his neck.

Rodney flinched, but when he could no longer hear the Wraith breathing, he sighed in relief.

"It's over," John whispered.

"No, it's not!" Rodney said angrily.

He got up, waiting for John to do the same. Then he picked the Wraith by the arms and started to drag him towards the mine. John watched him, frowning.

"Help me," Rodney said, annoyed.

John took one of the arms from Rodney and together they dragged the body into the mine. "What are we doing?" John asked.

"Getting rid of the body," Rodney said. "With a bit of luck they'll think it was wild dogs."

"Where in the mine do you want to hide it?" John asked. The question was understandable. There was only the main arm where they dug and a secondary arm where the left-over non-naquadah rubble was stored. Both would be used the next time the Wraith would come to mine and they would certainly be searched when another guard came to replace the one they'd killed. "Do you want us to dig in the rubble until we can hide him? That could take all night. We don't know when the next guard will come."

"It'll be easier when he's not as large," Rodney said.

They dropped the body, and John got out the small light again. They were next to a machine that ground the larger stone into rubble.

"You want to put him..." John trailed off, looking at the body, then the grinder.

"Believe me, I didn't _want_ this," Rodney hissed, getting his cutter out. They'd have time for this discussion once there were done here.

He placed the arm at a right angle and carefully severed it, slowly cutting through uniform and flesh and bones, trying not to look too closely at what he was doing. Then he picked up the arm and was about to place it in the grinder, when John stopped him.

"We should get all we can from the body," he said, removing the wrist cover and sleeve before placing the arm in the grinder. "Give me your cutter. We don't have many samples of Wraith uniforms. Maybe Radek can put them to use."

Rodney handed him the cutter and watched as John cut the uniform off the Wraith's body, removing everything until the body was naked. Last was the face mask. John reached behind the bloody head and loosened it enough to pull it off.

Rodney looked away, but not before seeing the lifeless eyes of the Wraith staring into nothingness. He took a few deep breaths, trying to suppress the urge to throw up.

He heard John cutting through flesh and bone and then the loud thud of a head as it landed in the grinder. That was when Rodney _did_ throw up.

"Here's some water," John said, handing him a flask.

Rodney took it, rinsing out his mouth as John continued working on the body. He kicked some dirt and rocks over where he'd thrown up. Then he took a deep breath and turned around.

Only the lower part of the Wraith was left. This was slightly easier to handle. John cut it in half, putting the legs wholesale into the grinder. They were sticking out on top. It looked almost comical, except there was nothing funny about the situation.

"Okay," Rodney said, and turned on the grinder.

The noises were rather sickening and so was the ground meat and bones that came out dropping onto the rubble. John looked around finding a smaller bucket.

"Can you fill it with water? Is there an outlet?" John asked.

The grinder pumped water from the ground and after a second, Rodney found a way to fill the bucket. John took it from him and threw the water on the remains of the Wraith. Some of it seeped away with the water between the rubble, but not nearly all of it.

"Damn," Rodney said.

"Let's just do some stone on top. To get another layer of rubble," John suggested.

If any of the Wraith paid attention to the progress they'd been in, they'd certainly notice a large block missing, but it wasn't as if they had a choice. If they left the body like this, the Wraith were guaranteed to notice.

Rodney cut out a rather large bit of stone, placing it in the grinder with John's help. Thankfully this had the added effect of cleaning the grinder. "Good idea," Rodney mumbled.

The rubble that came out of the grinder covered the remains of the Wraith.

"Let's do another one and then we'll be out of here," John said.

Rodney nodded. While the grinder worked, they picked up the uniform bits and clothes John had cut off from the Wraith. When it was done, John poured two more buckets of water on the remains, cleaning up enough that you really had to look hard to see a difference to the rest of the rubble.

"Put another bucket where I threw up and on the blood," Rodney told him.

John complied and replaced the bucket where he'd gotten it. They turned off the grinder and looked around the mine. It looked not all that different from when they'd entered what felt like hours ago.

"Let's go," John said.

Now that they were done, Rodney felt all the anger of before suddenly coming back to the surface with a vengeance. "What the hell were you thinking!"

John was taken aback for a moment. Then his eyes narrowed, and he said defensively, "I think now is not the time—"

"Just like it wasn't the time to pull such a stupid stunt," Rodney said, getting in John's face.

"I had it under control," John said with a clenched jaw. "I wanted to take a chance and look if he had anything interesting with him. Any tech we might use."

"And it didn't occur to you that he might _notice_?!" Rodney shouted, incredulous. John looked at him evenly. "Oh, god, it did. Of course you knew. You didn't just know. You did this on purpose." The only thing that John had had under control was knowing Rodney wouldn't be hurt. He'd asked again and again where Rodney had gotten the shield from or why he was still avoiding the Wraith. "You bastard," Rodney said.

"You weren't in any danger," John said, not even denying what he'd done.

"And what about you?" Rodney shouted, stepping even closer and poking John in the chest. The idea that something could have happened to John made his blood run cold. "And did you think for a second about the consequences? You _knew_ I didn't want them to know!"

"No, I didn't, because you wouldn't tell me," John yelled back. "You told me nothing! You let me take you on missions, but you won't tell me what I need to know to _keep you safe_." John's voice broke on the last few words.

Rodney didn't know whether to hit or kiss him. "John," he only managed to say.

"I'm sorry," John said. "But you need to trust me."

Rodney wanted to say that after what John had just done, he didn't know whether he could ever trust him again, but the truth was he still did. He _got_ why John had done it even if it had been ill-advised and risky—for John.

"Please," John added.

Rodney nodded. "I'll tell you," he said. "But don't _ever_ do this again."

"I won't," John promised.

Rodney acknowledged John's promise with a curt nod and then said, "We should go. Who knows when another guard will come."

They made sure that they'd picked up all the Wraith clothes and his weapon and went outside. John needlessly looked at the life signs detector to verify only Teyla and Ronon were with them.

Once back under the night sky, John walked towards where they'd killed the Wraith.

"What now?" Rodney asked.

"Just want to make sure there aren't any obvious signs of..." John trailed off. He lit the ground until he spotted an area that was stained with a bit of blood.

Rodney picked up the bloody stone while John kicked sand over the bloody area, spreading it apart and kicking more sand over it, until it wasn't really noticeable any more.

He lit down the path where they'd dragged the Wraith's body and they evened out the sand where it looked suspicious. Finally done, they looked at each other and then went to rejoin Teyla and Ronon.

The two of them didn't ask any questions.

"Let's go," John said.

Teyla's eyes widened when John handed her bits of the Wraith uniform to stow in her satchel. Ronon took bits from Rodney with an expression of distaste on his face, but when he looked at Rodney, there was a flash of respect.

Rodney quickly turned away. He wasn't proud of killing the Wraith. He was an enemy, and Rodney had no doubt that the Wraith wouldn't have hesitated to kill Rodney and the others, but at the same time, they'd killed an unconscious man and it was hard to justify it as self-defense. Rodney could argue to himself that if he hadn't done it, his life could end up worse than that of a runner, but he was sure that the Wraith and everyone else in the Pegasus Galaxy who killed defenseless victims had one reason or another.

They mounted their horses and made their way back to Atlantis in silence.

Half-way between the mine and Atlantis, Rodney dropped the bloody stone he'd held onto on a patch of dry grass. It didn't make him feel any better about what had happened.

~~

It was still dark when they returned to Atlantis.

John told him he'd take care of what they'd gathered, so Rodney only took the cutter and the extractor and went home.

He felt exhausted. He set down the cutter and the extractor, opening the latter to find the bit of naquadah he'd tested still inside. He figured he'd earned his share of it and decided to hold on to it.

He quickly got out of his clothes and went to the bathroom, pouring water over his face. He didn't look into the mirror.

Then he went upstairs, put on something comfortable for the night, and dropped into bed. When he closed his eyes, he saw a flash of dead eyes staring up at him.

Rodney shuddered, hoping that his exhaustion would allow him to sleep.

~~

Rodney woke up around noon, feeling less tired but still weary once he remembered the night's events.

Part of him was still angry with John, but another part remembered the desperation in John's voice when he'd said he needed to know how to be able to keep Rodney safe. Rodney felt almost bad about not telling him sooner.

Even after just a month it was clear to Rodney that he was here to stay. Atlantis was his new home—his first real home. As a team leader—and friend—John deserved to know why Rodney avoided the Wraith, and why he couldn't have allowed the Wraith who saw his shield to live.

At the very least Rodney should have informed him of the risks instead of letting John believe that Rodney's presence on the mission was essentially no problem since he couldn't be hurt. But of course telling John that would have only made him ask questions again which Rodney hadn't wanted to answer.

In a way Rodney was glad that they had to talk about it now, even though it was a bit nervewracking. He'd never told anyone about the origin of the shield, not even his sister.

After getting dressed, Rodney left his house. He wondered for a second if John was still asleep. He decided not to risk waking John and went to the mess alone.

He went to the labs after lunch. The other scientists stared at him until Radek came up, giving them a look.

"Rodney, I'm glad everything went well last night. We've already extracted the naquadah from the stones you brought back. It's even more than the team has usually brought back."

Rodney nodded, still feeling as if all eyes were on him.

"Let's sit down," Radek suggested.

They walked over to Rodney's desk. Rodney sat down at his chair while Radek took a seat on the stool they had close by for whenever they needed to discuss something.

"Colonel Sheppard brought in a complete Wraith uniform," Radek said. Rodney remained silent. It was obvious what had happened, and he didn't want to discuss any details. "I thought we could run some tests on the face mask and chest plate to find a weak spot or to recreate the material."

Rodney nodded, his eyes not meeting Radek's. He had a flash of John removing the mask and revealing the Wraith's face. "Sounds good."

"You didn't need to come in to work today," Radek said.

"I'm fine. I slept all morning," Rodney said. "And I have calculations to continue."

Radek gave him a long look. "All right," he said, getting up. "Good job tonight, Rodney," he added before leaving him alone.

Rodney could only think that Radek had no idea.

~~

Rodney managed to distract himself with work, though as dinner time came closer, he felt a nervous flutter in his stomach. He couldn't help looking towards the door repeatedly when the time for John to pick him up came.

When John appeared at the door and spotted Rodney watching him, he froze for a second and they just looked at each other for a moment. Then John continued to walk over to him as he usually did.

"Ready for dinner?" he asked as if this was just like any other evening.

"Yes," Rodney said, not even checking what he'd last done. Truthfully, he hadn't been paying attention the last ten minutes.

They got up and walked to the mess.

"Making progress on the perfect powerline layout?" John asked casually.

"Yes," Rodney said. "But it's slow going. Many variables to consider. Not just how we're currently set up, but also allowing for future changes."

John nodded.

"And also considering the work to make changes. There's no point in moving a cable a meter when it would require us to relocate a fifth of the population one at a time," Rodney added.

"Yeah," John said.

By silent agreement they chatted about inconsequential things at dinner, discussing Chris' newest acquisitions or George's vague plan to add more fields outside of the walls.

Rodney could almost relax, though he knew what was coming.

After dinner, they left the mess and without saying anything further, John walked towards his office, and Rodney followed him. John picked up two bottles of beer from the back room, handing Rodney one, and then they walked up the wall to the little space at the end where John lowered the outer wall and they sat down.

They took their first swigs in silence.

"It's Wraith, isn't it?" John said eventually.

Rodney let out a breath. "Yes," he admitted.

"How did you get it? I've never seen a Wraith soldier with bullets dropping off before they reach their uniform," John said.

"How many Wraith soldiers have you seen in fight?" Rodney asked.

"A few," John said. "A shield seems like a useful thing to have for a soldier."

"Well, they have their armor which is pretty much impenetrable with normal weapons," Rodney said. "Which by the way Radek will run some experiments on. Maybe what we did will have some use after all."

"Great idea. I was going to ask if he could do that," John said.

There was a silence.

"So, how did you get yours? And how do the Wraith use it?" John asked.

"You remember how I told you that I started traveling further once I'd made all the improvements I could to the settlements near the caves?" Rodney asked.

"Yeah," John said.

"I had to go with traders I didn't know and sometimes transporters," Rodney said. "It wasn't an issue most of the time, but some think that if you can afford to travel around you must be rich. I've had people try to double the fare in the middle of nowhere. Most of them take it back when you won't give in to their demands. They have a reputation to lose though I've been left in the desert twice by someone without scruples."

"And that was when you ran into Wraith?" John asked.

"Thankfully not. It wasn't _money_ he wanted," Rodney said, shuddering at the memory. "I'd had a bad feeling even when I negotiated the fare. He was all smiles, telling me that we'd surely come to an agreement."

John's face grew pale, and he dropped his gaze.

Rodney looked out at the plains as he continued. "We were right between two settlements when he stopped and asked me if I'd want to pay my fare now. I told him we'd agreed I'd pay on arrival. He said he wasn't interested in my money and tried to...kiss me I think. I elbowed him in the face before he managed to touch me."

John sighed in relief.

"While he was screaming, I got my bag and took one of the horses. I just rode off, paying more attention to if he was following me than where I was going. Not to mention that it took all my attention not to fall off the horse."

John snorted weakly.

"Eventually I slowed down. It had gotten late, so I got off to eat something. I'm not sure how it happened, but something spooked the horse and it went off, running away with no chance for me to catch up," Rodney went on.

"Not your lucky day, huh," John commented.

"And that was just the beginning," Rodney said. "I was honestly ready to give up for the day when I noticed a faint light in the distance. I started walking towards it, and as I walked I realized it had to be a settlement or at least a large house that must have been hidden by one of the rocks. You can't believe how relieved I was."

"I can imagine," John said with a smile. "And then it turned out to be Wraith?"

"I'm glad I decided against running up to them shouting if anyone was there," Rodney said.

John laughed. "Honestly? That would have been a bad idea even without Wraith nearby."

"I know," Rodney conceded. "Which is why I decided _against_ it. I blame dehydration for even thinking it."

"I'm sure it was just that," John said with a smirk.

"Anyway. I walked up to the house, wondering about how large it was until I realized it was a hive," Rodney said.

"What did you do?" John asked.

Rodney had only thought, "This can't be happening," again and again. He wasn't sure how many minutes he'd stood there, not believing where he was. But for his narration, Rodney decided to skip to the relevant part, "I decided to go in."

"Just like that?" John asked.

"I needed to drink. And I'd run out of food. I wouldn't have made it to the next settlement without a horse and nothing to eat or drink. And I'm not the kind of guy who can survive in the wilderness," Rodney said.

"So you just walked in?" John asked.

"I was hungry and thirsty, but not stupid," Rodney said, giving John a look.

"Of course," John said, one corner of his mouth twitching.

"I was very quiet, walking around the hive, checking for guards. But I didn't see any," Rodney said.

"Hmm," John said. "I guess they don't really need any. I can't imagine anyone being suicidal enough to attack a hive."

"And the hive is filled with soldiers. You wouldn't get much of a head start," Rodney said. "I walked around until I found the perfect place."

"The mess?" John guessed.

"The queen's private rooms," Rodney said. "The side chamber to be exact."

"You broke into the base commander's room?" John asked. "How would you even find a safe way in without a life signs detector?"

"By taking the direct route," Rodney said. "I cut a hole in the window until I could open it. There was some food, water, and a map which allowed me to look up the best way to get to the next settlement."

"What about the shield?" John asked.

"I was on my way out when it caught my eye in the shelves. The queen's uniform is quite decorative, but it didn't seem like just a piece of jewelry. I picked it up and realized that it had to be a device of some sort. I was looking for a way to switch it on, when it lit up. I still didn't know what it did, but after some debate I decided to keep it. I put it in my bag, thinking I'd have time to look for an off switch later on, when it just turned off. I got it out again and thought on at it and it turned on again."

"It can read your mind?" John asked.

"Hardly," Rodney said. "It reads minute reactions of neural transmissions. It didn't do anything when I didn't touch it. But those were later tests I did on it. That night, I simply turned it off again, soldered the glass pane back into the window and walked towards the next settlement for as long as my feet carried me. I eventually slept behind a rock out of sight of the hive."

"You walked into a hive and lived to tell the tale," John said, impressed. "You make it sound easy, actually."

"For certain values of easy," Rodney told him. "I'd have been dead if anyone had decided to clean up dinner in that moment or if anyone had heard or seen me walk around the hive."

"But they didn't," John said.

"No, they didn't," Rodney said.

"So how long did it take for you to find out what it was?" John asked.

"Longer than I care to admit," Rodney said. "I was eventually able to measure some sort of energy fluctuation once I turned it on. I tried different things to analyze it and when I tested the reaction to fire, it would just go out once I came across the barrier. That's when it clicked and I started doing some tests with knifes and bullets."

"And you decided to put it _inside_ your chest..." John prompted.

"When I realized that there was another shield that was always on, but the shield never covered you fully, at least not when placed externally," Rodney said. "It wasn't an easy decision to make. I tried to reverse engineer it first, but there was no way to do it without destroying it and I couldn't risk it. This was the ticket to freedom for me. Go from city to city without having to fear what people might do to you."

John nodded, looking thoughtful.

"I only told people about the shield if they didn't take me seriously," Rodney said. "And a few times if people seemed genuinely worried about me," he added.

"Do you think the Wraith are looking for you?" John said.

"No," Rodney said. "I'm not even sure when or if they noticed the shield had gone missing. It was a bit dusty when I found it. But I'm certain that the Wraith wouldn't look too kindly to someone using one. I think they're reserved for the queens."

"They'd make you a runner if they could," John said.

"And they couldn't, which would make me worse than a runner. I've seen what they're capable of with people who have done absolutely nothing. I don't want to imagine what they'd do to someone who stole from one of their queens," Rodney said.

"It wouldn't be pretty," John said.

"That's an understatement," Rodney said. "I'm not sure even Atlantis would keep me safe."

"We will," John said decisively. " _I_ will."

Rodney looked at him, seeing the promise in John's eyes. In this moment he knew that John would do anything to keep him safe.

John dropped his gaze and took a swig from his beer.

Rodney watched his profile, thinking only that he'd do anything to keep John safe too.

~~

Rodney and John didn't talk about what had happened that night again.

But Ronon approached Rodney the next day and suggested they do some hand-to-hand training. He picked a small room in the Academy, so they were alone when Ronon started talking.

"A stone isn't a bad way to kill if you have nothing else available," Ronon said. He spoke as emotionless about what he'd witnessed like a teacher who only evaluated technique. Of course Ronon wouldn't be likely to feel particularly sorry for any Wraith, Rodney reminded himself. "Shooting him in the back of the head would have been more simple."

"Ah, right," Rodney said. "I honestly didn't remember I had a pistol with me in that moment."

Ronon nodded. "I understand. There was also the noise to consider. The pistol's louder than the Wraith weapons. It might have alerted some guards in the region."

"I didn't really think very much in that moment," Rodney admitted.

"You need to learn to stay calm," Ronon said. "Nobody can touch you. You have all the time in the world to make a decision."

Rodney wasn't going to explain to him the consequences of letting the Wraith get away with the information that Rodney had a shield. But he did understand what Ronon was trying to say. "I know that I'm safe from attacks," he said. "But Sheppard wasn't."

"Sheppard can take care of himself," Ronon said. "If you really want to help, you can act as a shield for us. But you don't need to fight. Especially if you can't think clearly."

Rodney felt embarrassed.

"It's okay," Ronon said. "You'll learn."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Rodney said. Facing someone with a gun was one thing. Facing a Wraith was another.

"It's a matter of experience," Ronon said. "We should put you in a firefight. Guard Day is coming up."

"Uhm," Rodney said. "I wouldn't want to distract anyone from the manoeuvres." He trusted his shield, but he still didn't like being shot at. Not by John or someone else.

"You can just sit in the middle and learn to stay calm while everyone shoots around you," Ronon said. Then he grinned. "It'll be great."

Rodney only managed a weak, "Yeah."

~~

Participating in Guard Day was both terrifying and surprisingly helpful.

There'd never been so many people shooting at or around him, but after an initial phase where he had to force himself not to flinch at every shot, Rodney managed to use his own rifle and concentrate on his shot rather than what was happening around him.

It was quite satisfying actually, and when they stopped John seemed to be more relieved than Rodney.

"I'm safe," Rodney reminded him.

"You can't be sure that the shield will never break or run out of energy," John pointed out.

"I'm keeping track of energy levels," Rodney said. "I'm fine."

John nodded. He still looked a bit ill-at-ease, but for their next mission he scheduled a settlement that they hadn't made contact with before and that had problems with bandits. It was the first time that they expected to enter a firefight, but after his experience on Guard Day, Rodney felt quite well-equipped to handle it.

John had him wear light armor on the mission. "It's not just for extra protection, but it will be an excuse if you don't go down after being shot at," he said.

Rodney couldn't argue with that. And truthfully he didn't mind that John cared so much about his safety. It made him feel well-protected on the mission even when the bullets started flying—and not just because he had his shield.

The mission turned out to be a success, and Rodney was glad that he'd been able to contribute with a few well-aimed shots at a hanging signboard, which distracted one of the bandits enough that Teyla had an easy time disarming him.

"Well, done, McKay," Ronon said on the way back, clapping hard enough on the shoulder that Rodney nearly tripped. Teyla smiled at him, and John just gave him an intense look and said, "You did well, Rodney."

~~

It wasn't too long after the fateful mission to the mine when John told him one morning after breakfast, "I won't pick you up for dinner today."

It couldn't be Guard Day again, and they weren't assigned to go on a mission, so Rodney asked, "Problem?"

"Hopefully not," John said.

Rodney raised an eyebrow.

"Just some recon," John said evasively. "Don't worry."

"Are you going alone?" Rodney asked.

"I'll be fine," John said.

Apart from the naquadah mission, John had always been pretty straightforward about what he did as commander of Atlantis. Unless this didn't really have anything to do with it. "Are you 'meeting' someone?" Rodney asked sharply. He'd tried to avoid thinking about John's behavior towards him and Teyla, but given John's strange secrecy about this meeting...

John frowned, then his eyes widened, and he pulled Rodney aside a bit further away from the people who were leaving or entering the mess. "Yes, I am meeting someone, but it's not like that. I just...I want to make sure that we didn't attract any attention on our last naquadah mission."

"But how?" Rodney asked.

"Let that be my problem," John said. "I just wanted to let you know not to expect me for dinner."

"But where—"

"I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast," John interrupted him. "Have fun annoying Radek and the others," he added with a smile and quickly walked away.

"John!" Rodney called after him, but John didn't stop.

Rodney was torn between following him and going to work. Though John obviously didn't want to share what he was doing. On the other hand, hadn't they established that they needed to trust each other? Shouldn't that go both ways?

Rodney nodded in determination. John was going to have to talk to him. Especially if this involved killing the Wraith.

"Rodney," Radek came up behind him. "I saw you leaving earlier. You didn't mention going on a mission today."

"No, I'm not. At least, I don't think so. But I need to talk to Sheppard," Rodney said.

"You just ate breakfast with him," Radek pointed out.

"Yes, thank you for that observation. I had no idea," Rodney said, annoyed.

"All right," Radek said, taking a step back.

"Look, I don't know when I'll come in today," Rodney said less harshly. This wasn't Radek's fault after all.

"Uhum," Radek only said. "Good luck with whatever you're doing." He left and walked towards the labs.

Rodney rolled his eyes. Then he followed John into his office.

Unfortunately when he entered it, he only saw Lorne looking up from the second desk towards the side of the room.

"John?" Rodney called. "Sheppard, I know that you're in here." He was about to walk into the backroom when Lorne got up.

"You just missed him. And he won't be in all day, I'm afraid," Lorne said.

"Sure," Rodney said, ignoring him. He was sure that Lorne would lie for his boss. He was loyal like that. Rodney opened the door to the backroom, but there was no one there. He turned to Lorne.

"I told you, you just missed him," Lorne said. "Is there a problem? Should I get Ronon?" He seemed genuinely worried now.

"No, not a problem," Rodney said, trying to ease Lorne's mind. "I just wanted to talk to him. Where did he say he was going?"

"Recon down south," Lorne said.

"That's all?" Rodney asked. John was pretty meticulous about keeping track of where all the Atlantean teams were at all times. He couldn't imagine him expecting anything less from his second in command. "What if he doesn't come back?"

Lorne hesitated for a moment. "He says that if he doesn't return within two days, we should assume he is dead."

"What?!" Rodney asked.

"He's always come back so far," Lorne added hastily. "There's no reason to believe it will be different this time."

"This time? How often does he do this?" Rodney asked.

"A couple of times a year," Lorne said.

"And you have no idea— Forget it," Rodney said. This was a waste of time. If John hadn't told Rodney, he wouldn't have told Lorne. Teyla was a better bet. John couldn't tell her he'd be back in a day or be dead.

He left and quickly walked to the Academy. He was glad that he didn't have to go looking for Teyla as she was doing some exercises with a few fellow Atlanteans.

"Teyla, do you have a moment?" Rodney asked.

Teyla looked at him, then turned to the others. "If you will excuse me for a moment?" She smiled at them, then walked over to Rodney. "How can I help you?"

"Where is John going?" Rodney asked, not beating around the bush.

Teyla hesitated for a moment. "He is on a reconnaissance mission."

Rodney sighed in frustration. "Yes, so everyone keeps saying. But to whom?"

"I am afraid I cannot tell you that," Teyla said, looking genuinely sorry.

"Why not?" Rodney asked. "We're team. I thought—"

"Yes," Teyla interrupted him. "I meant I cannot tell you because I do not know."

"You don't know? Where your _husband_ is going?!" Rodney asked, incredulous.

"He does not owe me an explanation for everything he does," Teyla said archly.

"Okay, but...you can't tell me he just told you that if he doesn't return you should assume he is dead. I mean, that can't be enough for you?" Rodney asked. It certainly wasn't enough for him. And Teyla's feelings for John had to be... She certainly couldn't care _less_ about John than Rodney did.

"I..." Teyla began, looking at the others and lowering her voice. "I have someone to contact should he not return."

"Who?" Rodney asked immediately.

"Rodney, is there any reason for you to believe that John is in danger?" Teyla asked.

"Not exactly," Rodney admitted. "But I find it difficult to stay calm when there's obviously a chance that something might happen to him."

"This is Pegasus," Teyla said. "There is no such thing as perfect safety." After a moment, she added, "For most of us at least."

"He said it's about the Wraith we killed," Rodney said. Anything that involved the Wraith was beyond the normal unpredictability of Pegasus.

Teyla's eyes widened. "He told you that?" she asked.

"Yes," Rodney said. "Why?"

Teyla looked thoughtfully for a moment. Then she checked the large clock that hung at the wall. "John cannot have left long ago," she said. "Maybe you should follow him and ask him yourself."

"If he'd wanted me to come with him, he would have asked," Rodney pointed out.

"I have found that where you are concerned what John says does not always reflect what he wants," Teyla said with a small smile.

Rodney flushed, then tried to snap out of it, because he didn't think that Teyla was talking about that.

"He told you that he would leave, did he not?" Teyla asked.

"Yes, he told me not to expect him for dinner," Rodney said.

"I am certain he could have found a way to relay that information to you in a way that would have made it impossible for you to follow him," Teyla said. "If that was what he really wanted."

"I'm not sure..." Rodney began, but thinking about their conversation, he had to admit that John hadn't even explicitly said that Rodney shouldn't come with him. "I guess the worst that can happen is that he'll yell at me. And then I'll remind him about a certain conversation we had about trust."

Teyla smiled fondly at him. "You should move fast. It will be more difficult to catch up with John once he is past the big rocks."

"Right. I'll just grab some food and water and a rifle," he said, walking towards the door. At the door, he turned to her once again. "Thank you, Teyla. I...I'll bring him back safe."

"I am sure you will. Good luck," Teyla told him.

~~

When Rodney left Atlantis, riding south, he could just make out a little dot approaching the big rocks in that direction. He pulled a pair of binoculars from Belle's satchel to verify that the dot was John, riding much faster than Rodney would have liked.

Rodney followed John, riding in the fastest trot he was comfortable in. He could only hope he wouldn't lose John and that John would make a break at some point, allowing Rodney to catch up.

When John disappeared behind the big rocks, Rodney could no longer track him. He kept riding on, hoping that John wouldn't have disappeared behind the next landmark by the time Rodney was at the big rocks himself.

When he made the turn around the rocks, Rodney looked around. For a moment he thought he'd lost John, but then he spotted him riding towards the settlement slightly to the east. Rodney checked with his binoculars and John seemed to be galloping. Just great. If he kept it up, Rodney was never going to catch him.

Maybe Rodney was lucky, and that settlement was where John would meet whoever he was going to meet. Though it seemed unlikely. Even a very long conversation would allow him to be back by dinner if the meeting took place here.

Either way, Rodney could do nothing but try to catch up with John.

He had no idea how best to proceed once he'd arrived at the settlement. He could ride around it, hoping to catch where John had proceeded from here or would proceed once he left the settlement again. Though it seemed a bit too close for making a first stop to rest. It could be that John just took the opportunity to exchange a few words with a trading partner since he was already here.

Rodney's deliberations were cut short when he spotted John's horse tied to a post next to a rock at the entrance of the settlement. He rode Belle to the same spot and dismounted her. Perfect. John would have to return here to continue his recon mission.

Unless it really was here. Maybe the meeting would take hours. Lorne mentioned it happened only a couple of times a year.

Rodney tied Belle to the post next to John's horse. He could at least walk into the settlement, down the main street to see if he would spot John or to ask if someone had seen him. If he didn't stray too far, John would see him if he returned.

Rodney decided to leave his rifle where it was. Though they hadn't been on a mission here yet, he knew that all the settlements closest to Atlantis were considered allies. Most of them were even trading partners, so there should be no need to enter armed, not to mention that his shield protected him.

He walked towards the entrance of the settlement, his gaze searching the road ahead of him for John, when suddenly someone grabbed him from behind.

The shield kicked in, and Rodney heard John shout, "Ow!"

He turned around and saw him doubled over, holding his arm. "John!"

"What are you doing here?" John asked. He straightened, but still seemed to be in pain.

"Let me look at that," Rodney said, grasping John's hand. "You can be glad I didn't have the outer shield activated." He pushed up the sleeve of the jacket and shirt, revealing an angry red mark across it. "Ouch," he said.

John glared at him.

"Why did you do that? You knew what would happen," Rodney said, touching his own throat. He wasn't sure if there would be a mark from where John had grabbed him this time, but he was certain that John remembered their first meeting.

"I didn't know it was you," John said, getting out of his jacket. "I only noticed someone following. I thought someone might have been waiting for me outside of Atlantis and then tracked me here."

"No, it was me," Rodney said needlessly. He rolled up John's sleeve on the right arm. "Let me put something on that," he said.

He retrieved a small tin of lotion from his pocket. He used it to prevent dried out skin, but it also helped against irritations and he thought it would help John too.

John bit his lip when Rodney carefully applied the lotion. He rubbed it into John's skin all along the mark, hesitating a moment before finally removing his hand. He looked up at John who met his gaze. They were standing quite close, and Rodney could feel that tension between them again. He wanted to be even closer to John, to touch more of his body, but he knew that he couldn't.

He dropped his gaze and took a step back.

John swallowed. "Thank you," he said barely above a whisper.

There was a long silence in which Rodney tried to get his bearings. He'd gotten used to being around John without feeling this almost unresistable longing for more. But it didn't mean his feelings were completely gone, and in moments like this one...

"Why are you here?" John asked him.

"How am I supposed to keep you safe if you don't tell me what I need to know," Rodney said, his chin rising in defiance because he knew that John wouldn't like hearing his own words turned against him.

John's eyes narrowed, but after a moment a smile broke out on his face.

"You need to trust me," Rodney added softly, hopefully.

"I do," John said. "But you need to trust me too in this case."

"And this means just letting you go and hoping that you turn up again? Lorne told me that if you aren't back in two days we should consider you dead. That's not—" Rodney swallowed. Not acceptable was too mild a way to put it.

"I'll take you with me," John said. "But you cannot say anything to anyone. And I'll have to ask him first."

"All right," Rodney said.

"And it would probably be best if you didn't talk during the meeting," John said.

Rodney raised an eyebrow.

"You'll have to admit that tact is not one of your strong suits," John said with a look. "We cannot afford to lose this contact."

"Who is this guy and what makes him so special?" Rodney finally asked.

"I call him Todd, and you'll see what makes him special when he agrees to meet you," John only said.

~~

The ride could have been relaxing if Rodney had had more practice riding in a trot.

"I really should look into fixing the puddlejumper," he said.

"You've gotten a lot better since your first mission," John said. "But yes, a flexible, safe, and fast means of transportation would be good."

"And efficient," Rodney added. "What Radek built is already flexible and safer than a horse or carriage."

"You think you can make it faster?" John asked.

"I'll have to think more about it. Most ideas that make it faster also make it even more inefficient and vice versa," Rodney said. "I think we'll need a different approach."

"I'm sure you'll think of something. Look at our backup system," John said.

"Yes, that worked out nicely, but we'll need more of an improvement than that to make the puddlejumper viable," Rodney said. "I'm not making any promises."

"But you'll try," John said.

"If only to avoid riding," Rodney said, sighing at the discomfort in his whole body.

John laughed.

~~

Eventually they stopped near a rock at what looked like the middle of nowhere.

John hadn't told him anything more about Todd and the meeting during the ride, so Rodney was none the wiser as to what and who he should expect.

"Wait here," John said, dismounting his horse.

Rodney dismounted too, glad to be able to stretch and get some solid ground beneath his feet.

"I'll talk to him but I can't guarantee he'll agree to meet you. _Don't_ try anything. I mean it this time, Rodney," John said.

"So you're admitting that you _wanted_ me to follow?" Rodney asked.

"If I'd wanted it, I'd asked," John said.

"You could have also sent me home," Rodney said.

"Yes," John said. But he hadn't.

"I'll stay here," Rodney promised.

John nodded and walked around the rock out of Rodney's sight. It was hard not to follow him. Rodney distracted himself, feeding Belle some cubes and grooming her mane.

Rodney didn't think it should take John so long to ask if Rodney could join their meeting. He still didn't understand what reason John could have for the secrecy. Not even Teyla knew where he was going exactly if she'd told Rodney the truth and he didn't see why she wouldn't.

A few minutes later John finally came back. "Okay, you can come along," he said.

"That took forever," Rodney said.

John gave him a look. "You can be glad I managed to convince him at all. Remember: Keep your mouth shut."

Rodney glared at him.

"If you can't, you better stay here," John added. "Can you?"

Rodney's glare intensified, but he didn't say anything.

"And don't act too shocked. Just..." John didn't finish.

"Why would I be shocked?" Rodney asked.

"Just come along and stay quiet," John said, turning to walk back to Todd.

Rodney followed him. He didn't know why he would be shocked. He had a bad feeling about this. He tried to keep John's words in mind, but when he walked around the rock and actually saw Todd, he froze and couldn't keep the, "God," from escaping his mouth.

John turned and gave him a stern look.

Rodney shut his mouth and followed John to the Wraith. He knew that he had to be staring, and he was tense enough that something might snap any moment, but what did John expect? They were meeting with a Wraith.

The Wraith, Todd or whatever his real name was, looked at Rodney with a certain amount of curiosity. It sent a shiver down Rodney's spine. All he could think about was whether Todd was assessing how good Rodney would taste.

John didn't bother to make any introductions. "Have you heard about any problems at mines?" John asked.

"Not that I recall. What sort of problems?" Todd asked.

"A missing guard," John said.

Todd looked at Rodney, then back at John. "I haven't heard anything," he said. "I'm assuming you didn't leave a body lying around."

"We tried to clean up everything," John said.

"Then they'll just assume he walked away," Todd said.

Rodney's eyes widened. He'd never heard about Wraith defecting. He'd never met a Wraith peacefully living his life in a non-Wraith settlement because he didn't like his life with the Wraith.

"It happens," Todd said, turning to Rodney. "More and more lately. Our colony is getting quite large." He turned back to John. "We could use some crops and other food resources. We've been growing faster than we were able to expand our production of food."

A secret Wraith colony of defectors? It took all of Rodney's willpower not to start asking questions.

"I understand," John said. "I'll see what I can do. I should have something lined up by the end of the month. What can you offer in return?"

"The usual," Todd said.

John nodded. "We seem to have increasing problems with bandits between Milton and Strafford."

"I know," Todd said. "I wouldn't worry about them. They've caught our attention, and if they continue, the Wraith will let them know that they don't appreciate if someone interferes with their source of food."

Rodney shuddered and took a step closer towards John.

John quickly glanced at him, but turned back to Todd. "Any news from the hives?" John asked.

"Same as the last time," Todd said. "It's getting worse. There's some infighting, but the hardliners are in power and not willing to cede it. Nobody is admitting how many they lost but they're certainly not happy. And they don't see a reason to change. Quite the contrary."

John shook his head.

"What did you expect?" Todd asked. "They will not give up what they consider their right."

"But forcing others?" John asked.

"Enforcing tradition is what they call it. 'We don't want to lose our ways.' Allowing dissent might expose that they are in the minority," Todd said.

"Are they?" John asked.

"I can't tell you that," Todd said.

John nodded. "I'll let you know about the trade," John said. "I'll see you in a few months. Maybe sooner if things continue to get worse."

"I wouldn't count on anything fundamental changing," Todd said.

"We'll see," John said. "Until next time." He nodded a goodbye.

"Until next time, John Sheppard. It is always a pleasure to talk to you," Todd said. He turned to Rodney and smiled at him.

"Uh, bye," Rodney said awkwardly.

They both left. Rodney couldn't help turning around, but Todd only watched them go until they were out of sight.

Rodney opened his mouth but there were so many questions, he didn't even know where to start.

"Are you hungry?" John asked.

"You're thinking about _food_ in a moment like this?!" Rodney asked.

"It's already past lunch time," John said. "I imagine you have a few questions. Might as well eat while I answer."

"All right. Let's eat while we talk," Rodney said. "I brought some snacks."

John smiled. "Is that why it took you so long to catch up?"

"Nobody knew where you were going! Radek distracted me before I decided to come after you and then you were already gone. I went to ask Teyla," Rodney said.

"She doesn't know either," John said quietly.

"I know," Rodney said. "She told me to follow you."

John's eyebrows rose. "She did?"

"She basically said that if you didn't want me to follow you, you would have found a way," Rodney said. He thought about her words about what John said vs what he felt. He really had no idea what Teyla thought about his relationship with her husband.

John turned to mount his horse. "Teyla always means well," he said. "But sometimes it's hard for her to accept that there are certain things she can't change."

"What would she want to change in this case?" Rodney asked, sightly puzzled.

"Let's go," John said, ignoring his question. "Jonestown has a good tavern. We can get something there and then eat out of town next to the little lake." He started riding in a slow walk.

It would be no use to ask again, so Rodney mounted Belle and followed John.

~~

There was actually a bench and table near the lake outside of Jonestown, so they sat down there to eat while the horses grazed.

"Ask away," John said, dipping the fresh bread into the bowl of broth.

"I know I'm stating the obvious here, but 'Todd' is a Wraith," Rodney said.

"Yes," John said.

"How did you meet him?" Rodney asked. "You said you'd witnessed a few fights that involved Wraith, but such a situation doesn't exactly lend itself to having a nice civilized chat, does it?"

John snorted. "No, it doesn't. Sitting in adjoining cells does, though."

"Adjoining cells? Someone captured _you_ and a _Wraith_?" Rodney asked. "What did you do to them?" It occurred to Rodney that he didn't know what exactly John had been doing between leaving his destroyed home town at sixteen and moving to Atlantis.

"I advised their neighbors how to best defend against them. They didn't take kindly to that," John said.

"Were you sheriff in one of the settlements?" Rodney asked.

"No," John said. "I was never sheriff or commander of the guard before I came to Atlantis."

"So you just happened to come by and told them how to improve their defenses?" Rodney asked.

"It's what I did," John said, shrugging and taking another bite.

"So you were a wandering defense strategist like I was a wandering inventor?" Rodney asked.

"It wasn't just strategy. It was also information. It was _mainly_ information. You wouldn't believe how many settlements don't bother to send out regular recon teams," John said.

"That's because many settlements don't have teams that go on missions at all. They rely on traders to exchange goods and the others just work to make a living and keep the settlement running," Rodney said.

"I'm pretty sure making certain you're not attacked by neighbors or defenseless against them should fall under keeping a settlement running," John said a bit more aggressively than Rodney was used from him.

Rodney looked at John, whose eyes were narrowed and shoulders tense. "Is this what happened to your home town?"

John glanced at him, then lowered his gaze again. "The sheriff in New Reston was an arrogant idiot," he said bitterly. "Our neighboring town, Shelley, had grown more than we had for at least a generation. We shared the land between us equally, but they wanted to negotiate for a higher percentage."

"And he said no," Rodney guessed.

"It wasn't his decision to make. The mayor didn't think there was any reason to negotiate, and when the people of Shelley made it clear that they would force the issue, the sheriff said they were just bluffing and that New Reston had nothing to fear," John said.

"Why would he say that?" Rodney asked. "I mean he was obviously wrong, considering what happened."

"He was an old fool," John said. "He was involved in some regional battles—Greenlake and Harrison." He looked at Rodney, but Rodney shook his head. He'd been to Greenlake, but didn't know anything about the history. "Doesn't matter. It was a long time ago," John continued. "But he still fancied himself some war hero. Every week we'd hold a ceremony at a shooting range to crown the best shot. It was basically people having a good time on a Saturday, but when the time came he thought he had a militia."

"But you had a few people who could shoot I assume, which is still a lot better than what most settlements would have in such a situation. Or was Shelley so much bigger than New Reston at the time?" Rodney asked.

"It wasn't the number of people," John said. "The number of people won't matter if you have no strategy. He only said, 'Let them come.'"

"And they did," Rodney said.

"We might have had a shot if they'd just rounded up everyone who can shoot and given us time to do the same," John said. "But that's not how this works. We had no intel on them. Nobody on the lookout for people of Shelley. No defense system. Half of our weapons were in a shed near the shooting range. They took it down with explosives."

"They used artillery on you?" Rodney asked between bites.

"They didn't have to," John said. "My guess is one of them just walked in at night and placed some dynamite in there. It's not as if we had anyone guarding it."

Rodney didn't know what to say.

"We still didn't make any efforts to negotiate after that or organize a proper guard. A few people went around town at night, but they were the first to go when the people of Shelley came. They set the fields on fire and houses on both ends of the town. That was enough. People had the choice of trying to put out the fires or defend. In the end we didn't manage either. The town burned almost to the ground. Half of our population died. The people of Shelley offered to take the other half in. They said they'd never wanted to let it come so far," John said.

"If they really wouldn't have wanted it, they could have just not done it," Rodney said.

John didn't say anything to that. "Only few people took them up on the offer. Most tried to move elsewhere if they had family in other settlements. My father went to Shelley with my brother. He'd managed to get our gold reserves out of our house before it burned down. He probably had one of the nicer homes in Shelley after what happened." He smiled but it looked like a horrible grimace to Rodney.

"You didn't go with him," Rodney said.

"No. There was nothing keeping me there," John said.

"Your grandfather..." Rodney prompted.

"Had been one of the first to die," John said. "He was a good shot, but he was old and his reflexes..."

"I'm sorry," Rodney said.

John didn't say anything for a long moment. "Never underestimate your enemy. Always know what's going on around you. Be prepared," he finally said.

"That's what you taught people after you left? At sixteen?" Rodney asked.

"Not at sixteen," John said. "But when I grew older. I learned to listen and to see. After a while you just need to step into a sheriff's office and ask for directions and you'll learn a lot about their security. Look at maps and certain natural landmarks an you'll learn where bandits like to hide. And you only need to ask where nobody ever goes to find the hives."

"You looked for hives?" Rodney asked.

"I never went _into_ one," John said. "But I went close enough to verify their location."

"Did people listen to you?" Rodney asked. "I mean I don't know what exactly you told them, but a small settlement is not going to send out teams to the region regularly like Atlantis does."

"I know that. And no, I didn't tell them to do that," John said. "I only pointed out what I knew, to look around, make alliances."

"Like you wished they'd done with Shelley in your home town," Rodney said.

"Yes," John said, swallowing. "I don't know if it would have changed anything. Maybe negotiating, sending scouts, and putting up guards wouldn't have made a difference in the end. But we would have done our best then at least."

Rodney nodded. "Did people ever suspect you had ulterior motives?" he asked. Sometimes he'd been met with skepticism when he'd offered to help on his travels.

"Yes. Though those who were the most suspicious didn't need to improve much," John said.

"Makes sense in this case," Rodney commented.

"Some just listened but didn't necessarily change anything," John continued. "Some invited me to stay as deputy sheriff for a while and start alliances and some defense strategies."

"But you never stayed anywhere," Rodney said.

"I always felt there was more to be done," John said.

"Until you came to Atlantis," Rodney concluded.

"Yes, but that's another story," John said. "We're almost done with lunch."

"And we didn't even get to the part where you became friends with a Wraith," Rodney said.

"I wouldn't say we're friends, but we trust each other," John said.

"So these people kidnapped you and 'Todd'," Rodney said.

"They'd already had Todd," John said. "Feathersburg—that's the name of their settlement—had some pretty unreasonable trade agreements with its neighbors, and I advised them to make alliances and find trading partners elsewhere if the people of Feathersburg wouldn't agree to renegotiate. A guy named Kolya was commander of their guard, and when they found out what was going on they captured me when I moved on. I took out three of them, but he'd sent two teams."

"I'm guessing killing three of his men didn't make him like you any more," Rodney said.

"Can't say that it did. He wanted me to write a confession of sorts, telling the neighbors of Feathersburg that they would do well to agree to Feathersburg's deal," John said. "When I didn't, he threatened to cut me into pieces and feed me to the Wraith."

Rodney made a face.

"They started with a tiny slice of my abdomen," John said.

"God," Rodney said. "They actually..." He swallowed, trying to imagine someone cutting into him without anesthesia.

"Yeah. Wasn't the most pleasant experience in the world, but they didn't do much damage. They just wanted to show me they weren't bluffing," John said.

"Very convincing," Rodney said.

"If I'd had any options," John said. "But I didn't trust Kolya to free me even if I did what he asked."

"I hate to ask, but did they really give...that bit of you to Todd to eat? Did you watch?" Rodney asked, shuddering.

"They gave it to him," John said. "But he didn't eat it. He told them he preferred beef."

Rodney raised an eyebrow.

"I thought he didn't want to give them the satisfaction, but as it turns out there were a few things I did not know about the Wraith," John said.

"Like internal conflicts?" Rodney asked.

"Like everything that doesn't fit the image they present to the world," John said. "He didn't tell me much while we were captive, but when we escaped we saved each other's lives. Neither of us would have had to do it. We were out of there by then. We could have just moved on, but we both came back to save the other."

"Why did you do it?" Rodney asked.

"We'd helped each other escape," John said. "Kolya and his men were a common enemy. I didn't want to see him fall back into their hands. It didn't seem right."

"And why did _he_ do it?" Rodney asked.

"I'm not sure. We never discussed it. Maybe he felt he owed it to me after I'd done the same," John said. "I was wounded during the escape and he nursed me back to health. I told him why Kolya had captured me, and he asked me if I wanted to save the world."

"Did you say yes?" Rodney asked. Because whether John wanted to admit it or not, Rodney was pretty sure that would be the truthful answer.

"One man can't save the world," John said.

"But he can _want_ it," Rodney pointed out.

John lifted one hand, conceding the point. "I told him I'd be happy if people stopped fighting each other. He told me it would certainly make life easier, and then he told me that not everyone among the Wraith is happy with the way the Wraith do things."

"It's the first time I've ever heard such a thing," Rodney said.

"I know. The Wraith aren't just brutal to settlements that don't respect their absolute power. They do the same with their own people," John said.

"Why?" Rodney asked. "Wouldn't it be enough to just ignore them and keep doing what they do? Suppressing dissenters will just make them angrier most likely."

"They are afraid to lose their power," John said. "If everyone could freely say that they'd rather live peacefully with the other people in Pegasus, people might be persuaded. It's one thing to ignore a small minority, but once it reaches critical mass, it's not as easily ignored."

"Critical mass? How many like Todd are there? I'm assuming he's one of those who want to stop terrorizing other settlements," Rodney said.

"I don't know. Nobody knows for sure, and that's the genius of having a no tolerance policy on dissent. You'll never know how many others think like you because you can't ask and they can't tell," John said.

"What would they do if someone tried," Rodney asked.

"The punishment for treason is death," John said. "And just so we're clear, even refusal to participate in a feast with human meat would be considered treason."

"But how can there even be infighting then?" Rodney asked. "And how can there be a colony full of dissenters? How do they find each other?"

"The infighting is subtle. It's suggesting different strategies, rather than peace. As to how they find each other? It's a risk. It's making ambiguous remarks and hoping for equally ambiguous answers until one of them takes the plunge. I can only guess that's how it works," John added. "There's only so much Todd will tell me. He tells me about the political climate but he won't inform me of raids. We trade but he'll not deliver Wraith technology. We just...keep each other informed."

"It's one hell of intel," Rodney said.

"It's my job," John said.

"More like a vocation," Rodney said. "I can see why you ended up commander of the guard in Atlantis."

John only smiled.

"It's time to head back. Maybe I can get a few hours of work done after dinner to make up for today," Rodney said.

They cleared up the table and walked to the horses.

"One more thing," John said, looking serious. "I told Todd about your shield."

"You did what?!" Rodney said.

"You wanted to take part in the meeting. I had to offer him something to show that he could trust you," John said.

"And you couldn't have asked? How do I know I can trust _him_?" Rodney asked.

"What I told you about Todd would cost his life if word got out to the Wraith," John said.

"Todd's not even his real name, is it?" Rodney asked.

"Do you trust me?" John asked.

"You know I do," Rodney said. "But I wish you'd _say_ these things before doing them!"

John looked thoughtful for a moment. "If I'd told you we'd meet a Wraith, how would you have reacted? And how would you have reacted if I'd told you I can't let you come on missions until you tell me the truth about your shield?"

Rodney's eyes narrowed. He wanted to be angry with John, and in a way he was, but he could also see John's position and why he'd done what he'd done. "Are there any more secrets that you're keeping?" Rodney asked.

"Everyone has secrets," John said.

"Okay, secrets that will put me in danger and scare me to death," Rodney qualified.

"I'd never let anything happen to you," John said softly.

"I could just do without surprise Wraith for a while," Rodney said.

"I'll try to warn you next time," John said.

"Next time? How many are there that you want to confront me with?" Rodney asked.

"I don't know how many you'll ever meet, but we have a few contacts," John said. "Mostly through mail."

"There are messengers going to hives?!" Rodney asked.

"There are still a few things that you don't know about the Wraith," John said. "But if we want to be back in time for dinner and ride slowly, we'll have to go now."

"You could continue on the way," Rodney suggested.

"All right," John said, mounting his horse.

~~

As it turned out apart from the colony of Wraith which secretly chose not to ask for human tributes there were Wraith that lived among humans. Some dyed their hair to mask their distinguishing light color of hair. Older Wraith could simply pretend it had turned white already.

Some of these Wraith still had contact with some Wraith they trusted and it was through these Wraith that John and Todd communicated.

Rodney still wasn't sure how this changed his view of the Wraith. It certainly made them seem less like the soulless monsters he'd witnessed. Having to conform to tyranny under threat of death was horrible. On the other hand there were those that committed atrocities and it was hard to tell how many of them were victims and how many perpetrators.

If it was really only a small minority that held the supremacist views, the others should be able to overthrow them.

But of course, this was easy for him to say. His little rebellion in the caves had earned him a harsh scolding at worst.

Rodney also wasn't sure what to make of John's secrecy. Even if he understood John's carefulness there was one thing especially that still bothered Rodney.

"You could have asked me before telling him," he said. "You could have given me the choice not to meet him without revealing he's a Wraith."

"But revealing your shield to a Wraith makes a huge difference from revealing your shield to someone who's in the same boat as all of us," John said. "I'm not sure how I could have explained that the information about the shield would be a sign of trust. It only is when given to someone willing to co-operate with the Wraith. Who would trust someone like that without having the same leverage on them?"

"But you told him first," Rodney said. "That means you trust him more than you trust me." And that hurt.

"I told him I would tell you the truth either way," John said. "Because it would be good if I'm not the only person who knows about this. Just in case something happens to me."

"First of all, I would prefer if you never talked about something happening to you," Rodney said. John gave him a quick smile. "Second of all," Rodney continued, "is that really the only reason you told me?"

John didn't answer for a long moment. "What do you want me to say, Rodney?"

What _did_ Rodney want him to say? That John didn't want to keep anymore secrets from Rodney? That he trusted Rodney more than anyone else, even his wife? Part of Rodney wanted exactly this, but he knew he couldn't admit it. It wouldn't change anything. "So, do you know who to ask for the food that Todd's Wraith colony needs?" Rodney asked to change the subject.

There were things that needed to be left unsaid between them, whether Rodney liked it or not.

~~

They arrived well after dinner time that evening, but it was early enough that Rodney went to the labs instead of turning in immediately. Radek was still there. When he saw Rodney, he said, "I take it everything went well?"

"Yes, yes," Rodney said. "I'll take a look at the calculations now. Hopefully, I'll finish them tonight."

"It's not urgent," Radek said. "Good night."

"Good night, Radek."

Work was a good distraction, and Rodney forgot the time, only noticing how late it was when someone knocked on a shelf close to his desk.

He looked up, surprised to find Teyla.

"I saw the light still on," she said.

"Yes, I wanted to make up for missing work earlier," Rodney said.

"So you caught up with John?" Teyla asked.

"Yes, I did," Rodney said. He felt a bit awkward because John had told him that his history with Todd was to remain a secret.

But Teyla only asked, "And he took you to his meeting?"

"Yes," Rodney said.

"I am glad he did," Teyla said. "He does not trust easily."

"He means well," Rodney said. "But yes, he could work on his trust issues."

Teyla smiled. "Trusting someone means to let them in," she said. "And it means to share responsibility. John is not very good with either."

Rodney considered that. "He must have let you in," he said.

Teyla looked away for a moment. "John has given me more than I ever asked of him."

Rodney frowned. As so often where John and Teyla's relationship was concerned he didn't understand what she was saying. Briefly he wondered if Teyla meant that she hadn't wanted to get pregnant and marry John. Though he knew that she loved her son. There was no doubt about that.

Teyla turned to him. "I had always hoped he would find someone like you."

"You mean as a friend," he spluttered, feeling his cheeks turn red.

"He likes you very much," Teyla said.

God, he couldn't be having this conversation with John's _wife_. He couldn't believe that Teyla had no idea what she was saying. But if she did know what she was saying... Rodney didn't know what to make of that either. Was their marriage so broken that she was looking for a reason to divorce John? Even if that were the case, there was nothing keeping her from just doing that. He knew of at least one divorced couple in Atlantis, and a few more who had broken up who hadn't been married. "Do you love him?" Rodney felt compelled to ask even though he shouldn't.

"I do," Teyla said. "But he deserves so much more. He deserves to have—" She stopped herself. "I should not... I know it is not my place to interfere. I should not have said as much as I did. I hope I can arrange a visit to my people on my weekend soon, so that you can join me."

Rodney frowned at the sudden change of topic. "I, uh, yes," he said. He didn't know what John could deserve more than a loving wife like Teyla. John—like many other husbands and some wives before him—might wish to have sexual freedom in addition to a stable home, but in this case it seemed that Teyla was the one wishing and not John. Although that wasn't quite correct.

He and John had if not in direct words then by implication and look and touch acknowledged an attraction. But John obviously did not agree that he deserved to act on it with impunity.

Rodney was incredibly confused. Maybe Teyla meant something else completely. Maybe she was only talking about friendship after all.

Anything else was probably wishful thinking on his part.

"I will let you know as soon as I have a found a suitable date," Teyla said.

"I'm looking forward to it," Rodney said.

"I will leave you to your work then," Teyla said.

"Actually, I should head home. It's gotten late," Rodney said. He got up and put on the jacket John had given him. He felt himself flush again but Teyla only smiled.

They walked home side by side in silence.

She stopped at her door, not John's. "Please do not tell John what I told you," she said.

It wasn't as if he really understood her anyway. But he couldn't tell that to Teyla, so instead, he promised, "I won't."

"Good night, Rodney," she said.

"Good night, Teyla," Rodney said. "And thank you...for sending me after John."

She smiled brightly at that. "You are very welcome."

~~


	2. Chapter 2

The revelations about the Wraith didn't change anything in Rodney's day to day life. Thankfully he didn't come into contact with Wraith and the fact that some Wraith didn't want to hunt their fellow humans didn't change the tributes that were asked for by those Wraith that considered themselves better than other humans.

Even that was not of direct concern to Rodney. Atlantis didn't involve itself with how a settlement chose its tributes. There was no simple and just way to decide who should die and who should live. And Atlantis was in the enviable position not to have to care.

So Rodney continued to go on missions and work. He also trained with his team, working on his skill with the rifle and pistol and self-defense.

After the experience of having to ride in trot to follow John, Rodney also looked into improving the puddlejumper. Unfortunately he had to conclude that his suspicion had been correct and that it would take more than mere adjustments to Radek's approach to make it work because Radek had designed the vehicle as efficiently as it could get with the current approach.

He was often with John when he thought about different approaches. Sometimes they didn't speak at all. Rodney worked on possible designs while John read a book. It was a companionable silence that somehow comforted Rodney.

Sometimes they did talk, though it was more Rodney thinking aloud. John was by no means stupid, but he had no deep theoretical background in the fields necessary for such a complex design. He asked questions, though, and sometimes the right question, stupid as it may seem, could spark an idea.

"If it could glide through air you wouldn't have so many problems with accelerating," John commented one day when Rodney had once again lamented how dealing with the unpredictable terrain made maintaining a constant speed very challenging. "And it would be amazing to fly. If it wouldn't be like an invitation for the Wraith to shoot it down, I'd suggest building a balloon just to know what it's like."

Rodney sat up straight.

"You think you could build a balloon that the Wraith couldn't touch?" John asked hopefully.

"No," Rodney dashed his hopes. "But what you said about gliding..." He snapped his fingers and started drawing.

John leaned over to him and took a look at what he was drawing. "You forgot the wheels," he said, pointing at the bottom of the puddlejumper.

"No, I didn't," Rodney said, grinning.

~~

Rodney didn't make any promises that his idea would work, which didn't keep John from pouting a lot whenever he asked Rodney about the progress.

Unfortunately the puddlejumper wasn't ready to be tested when John informed him one day after dinner that he'd gotten a letter.

"From whom?" Rodney asked, sitting down in the backroom of John's office.

John handed him a beer and sat down next to Rodney. "Her name is Ellia. We met her on a mission a while ago when people in the village nearby wondered what was going on with one of their people. The guy's name is Zaddik. _Was_ Zaddik," John corrected himself.

"He's dead?" Rodney asked.

"Yes. Ellia wrote that she found him dead. He wasn't the youngest so this was to be expected at some point," John said.

"Is she his wife?" Rodney asked.

"Daughter," John said. "Well, that was what he called her. He found her in the woods."

Rodney's eyes widened. "Someone just set out their baby in the woods?"

"No," John said. "He found her parents—or presumably her parents—with her. They'd been killed by wolves."

"God," Rodney said. There were so many ways that people could be a threat to each other in Pegasus that he sometimes forgot about the wild animals that could be just as deadly.

"Zaddik took her in and raised her as if she was his daughter," John said.

"How old is she?" Rodney asked.

"Thirteen, fourteen. I don't know her exact age. But she's too young to be out there on her own," John said decisively.

"You said something about a village. There's nobody else who can take her in?" Rodney asked.

"They don't know she exists," John said. "She went in at night to send the letter. At least that was her plan. I hope she wasn't caught."

"But why would—"

"She's a Wraith," John interrupted him.

Rodney's mouth snapped shut, then he opened it again. "He found a Wraith girl in the woods and raised her as his daughter?"

"Should he have left her to die?" John asked sharply.

"No," Rodney said. "Didn't they come looking for her? Did he _hide_ her from the Wraith?"

"I don't know," John said. "But I don't think the Wraith knew about them. Wraith families don't go strolling in the woods outside of Wraith territories. They know how people out there think about the Wraith and _why_. I can only guess, but I think Ellia's parents wanted to flee from the Wraith. Maybe they wanted to find a place to live among other humans. Maybe they even wanted to join Todd's colony. I don't know where it is, so I couldn't say if it's close."

"So what do you want to do now? Do you think you could explain it to the people in the village?" Rodney asked.

John shook his head. "I won't even try. I couldn't ask them to take in a Wraith girl. Even if they were willing, sooner or later a transporter or trader would see her and word would get out. Or maybe even the Wraith themselves would notice when they ask for tribute. I'm not sure if it would be as bad as with runners, but I can't imagine they'd just let her stay and go on their way."

"No," Rodney agreed. "So we inform Todd?"

"I think that's the best solution. I'm not even sure Ellia fully understands what's going on with the Wraith. She knows she has to hide, but she doesn't exactly know why. It will be best for her to be among people like her," John said.

"So you'll contact Todd?" Rodney asked.

"I will, but it usually takes a while to arrange a meeting. We can't leave her that long," John said. "She was already running out of food when she wrote the letter. We have to get her now. I think the best choice would be to bring her here while we arrange a new home for her."

"Have you talked to Elizabeth yet?" Rodney asked.

"No," John said. "I'm not sure she'll be happy with the plan."

"What else could we do? Let her stay with Teyla's people?" Rodney asked.

"She'd be too exposed out there, like anywhere else in Pegasus," John said.

"Except for the caves, but they're too far," Rodney said.

"Yes," John said.

"I'm sure Elizabeth will agree with your assessment of the situation. And it's only temporary," Rodney said.

John still looked unhappy. "They don't know about Todd. I promised him that our meetings remain between him and me—and now you. Teyla has a few addresses to contact but she doesn't know who Todd is. I'm not sure what to tell Elizabeth."

"Tell her the truth," Rodney said.

"I just told you I promised Todd not to—"

"I meant that you can't tell her. Just say that you'll find a home for her and for everyone's protection nobody will know how and where," Rodney said.

"Elizabeth won't like that at all," John said.

"She won't kick you out even if you refuse to tell her more," Rodney said.

John sighed and covered his face.

"I'll go with you if it helps," Rodney offered.

"I don't think it will, but I'll take you up on the offer," John said.

~~

Elizabeth wasn't happy indeed. Her pinched lips made Rodney squirm, but he supported John.

"All right," she finally said. "If there is no other way."

"I don't believe there is," John said.

"She can stay here," Elizabeth said. "What were your plans exactly? Should she stay with Torren? I believe we put two single beds in his bedroom shortly after he was born?"

"Uh." John blanched. "Actually, I hadn't given that any thought."

"Well, you should," Elizabeth said. "And please understand that even if we explain the situation, there will be some people on Atlantis who will fear her or resent her based on their experiences with the Wraith. I will not allow them to harm or hurt her, and I don't think it will be a real problem to keep her safe, but I cannot order people to _like_ her."

"I know," John conceded. "I do not expect them to welcome her with open arms. I just want to keep her safe long enough until she can move to her new home."

"Find her a place to stay on Atlantis, and I'll give the mission an okay," Elizabeth said.

"Thank you," John said, leaving her office.

Rodney followed him out. "What now?" he asked once they were out of earshot.

"I don't know," John said, walking down the stairs. "Let me talk to Teyla. Maybe she knows someone who has a free bed and who would take her in."

"What about the bed that Elizabeth mentioned? In Torren's room?" Rodney asked. He suspected he knew why that bed wasn't free, but he couldn't be sure.

John faltered in his steps, but then continued. "Let's talk to Teyla."

Rodney followed John to the Academy but Teyla wasn't there, so they walked home, finding Teyla in the kitchen where they ate on weekends. She looked up from the notes she was writing.

"Zaddik has died," John said straightforward.

"Oh," she said. "What happened? What about Ellia?" She got up.

"Ellia wrote me a letter. She found him in his bed. I think it simply was his time. But she's alone now and running out of food," John said.

"We asked Elizabeth to bring her to Atlantis temporarily," Rodney said. "While John finds a new home for her."

Teyla looked from Rodney to John. "How do you intend to find a home for her?" she asked.

"I'll ask one of my contacts," John said.

Teyla looked at him for a long moment. "The same contact that you met recently—with Rodney?"

"Yes," John said.

Teyla nodded. "If you are sure you can find a suitable home for her, this seems like a good solution."

"Elizabeth reminded us that she'll need a place to stay here in Atlantis," Rodney said. "She suggested the second bed in Torren's room."

John sighed and dropped his gaze while Teyla arched an eyebrow before looking at her husband. Then she turned to Rodney. "That will not be possible since that is _my_ bed," she said. "Something which Elizabeth does not need to know," she added.

Rodney felt a flutter of triumph. He'd suspected that it was Teyla's bed. He suspected that at this point their marriage was nothing more than friendship even though John was obviously not willing to give up on it.

"Do you know where she could stay?" John asked, not commenting on what Teyla had revealed. He wasn't even looking at Rodney.

"I have an idea," Teyla said to John. "Though I am not sure you will like it."

John frowned. "Who?" he asked.

"Rodney," she said.

"We can't ask her to sleep in the same bed as Rodney," John said.

"I had not planned to do such a thing," Teyla said. "My suggestion is that Ellia sleeps in Rodney's bed and he shares yours."

"Whoa," Rodney said. Teyla and John had ignored him completely during their exchange, but now they turned to him.

Then John turned back to her, jaw clenched. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Do you have a better one?" she asked, and Rodney could have sworn a smile was playing on her face.

"Teyla," John said, giving her a look that was half order, half plea.

Teyla crossed her arms in front of her. "John, we do not have guest rooms in every home. You know as well as I do that she or someone else would have to share a bed, and I think this is the best solution. I am sure Rodney would not mind."

She turned to Rodney. John swallowed but didn't turn. It was obvious that he didn't want this. Or maybe the truth was that he wanted it too much.

"I would not have a problem with it," Rodney said quickly. Well, he supposed it would be a horrible temptation, but it was the kind of problem he could live with.

John stood frozen for a long moment, obviously wishing to protest but with no alternative to offer. "I'll tell Elizabeth," he said eventually, glaring at Teyla and Rodney as he turned and walked to the door. "We'll have a mission tomorrow after breakfast. Don't be late," he said as he walked out and didn't quite slam the door, though he clearly wanted to.

Teyla and Rodney exchanged a look.

"He didn't suggest that the two of you share a bed," Rodney observed.

"I know," Teyla only said.

~~

It was a long ride to Ellia, and Rodney lamented more than once that the puddlejumper wasn't ready for testing yet.

John was tense throughout the ride, and Rodney was sure it had little to do with Ellia and all to do with having to share a bed with Rodney.

When they finally arrived, Ellia ran into Teyla's arms, hugged her fiercely, and started crying. Between sobs she talked about burying her father, going hungry, and feeling terrible for going into the village at night to steal some food.

Rodney's heart constricted. He tried to imagine the girl digging a grave deep enough to bury the man who'd raised her. He felt horrible for her, but at the same time he felt a certain discomfort because her striking white hair and pale skin didn't let him forget for a moment that she was a Wraith.

He felt ashamed for feeling like this. She was as human as any of them. Wraith weren't pre-disposed to hunt and eat other humans. They were raised that way—with force if education wasn't enough.

They went inside, and Ronon cooked them a hearty meal with the food they'd brought. Though Teyla cautioned her not to overtax her stomach, Ellia dug in hastily, and Rodney wondered how long she'd waited until stealing even a bit to survive.

Once her hunger wasn't quite as urgent, she looked at the others with big eyes. "What is going to happen to me now?" she asked.

"John is going to find a new home for you," Teyla said smiling. "And while he does, you will stay with us in Atlantis."

"Atlantis?" she asked. "What if someone sees me?"

John and Rodney exchanged a look. "Elizabeth will explain that you're staying with us for a while," John said to Ellia. "She is our leader."

"Like a mayor?" Ellia asked.

"Yes, she's the mayor of Atlantis," John said with a smile. "Don't worry," he added, though his smile turned a bit forced.

Ellia looked from John to the others, obviously sensing that it wasn't a simple visit. She'd been told all her life that she needed to hide from other people.

"People might...talk about you," Teyla said carefully, "but that is just curiosity."

"Because I'm Wraith," Ellia said.

"Yes," Teyla said.

"They'll hate me, won't they?" Ellia asked.

Teyla looked to Ronon, then John. "Some of them might not be able to look beyond _what_ you are instead of seeing _who_ you are," she conceded. "But that is _their_ loss."

"I'll find you a home where you won't have to worry about that," John said, smiling encouragingly.

Ellia looked at him. "How?" she asked.

"You'll see," John said. "I can't quite tell you yet."

Ellia dropped her gaze as if she wasn't ready to believe.

"Trust him," Rodney said. "You'll find a real home."

Ellia frowned at him, but nodded.

~~

After eating, they packed as much of Ellia's and Zaddik's things as they could fit on their horses.

"Once you're at your new home, we can come back and get the rest," John said.

Ellia rode with Teyla. They rode slowly, steering clear of all settlements and anyone who looked like they could cross their path. They rode through the night and finally arrived in Atlantis before dawn.

The streets were empty, which made it a bit easier because they didn't have to deal with the looks that Ellia was sure to get. Elizabeth had agreed to hold a meeting while they were gone, informing everyone on Atlantis of their guest.

They showed Ellia her home for the duration of the stay, and Teyla told her that Rodney and John lived next door and Teyla lived next to them. She promised to pick up Ellia the next day for lunch.

Rodney had brought over the few things he owned the morning before the mission. He still had lived mostly out of his well-organized bags, so moving his belongings hadn't been a big problem.

When they entered what was to be their shared home for the next few days or weeks, there was an awkward moment of silence.

"I'll take the bathroom first, if you don't mind," Rodney said.

John only nodded.

Rodney quickly got himself ready for bed. Thankfully he was too exhausted to think too much.

He went to bed while John was in the bathroom, and by the time John joined him, Rodney was already half asleep.

~~

John was gone when Rodney woke up the next morning—or rather around noon. He got up and got dressed, then he knocked on Teyla's door, but nobody answered, so he made his way to the mess.

People looked at him when he entered, but then continued to talk. Some of them were no doubt gossiping about Ellia. Nobody talked to him, however, so he finished his lunch and went to the labs to work.

John picked him up for dinner as he always did, though he looked tired and tense.

Once they were out of the labs, Rodney asked, "Did something happen with Ellia?"

John let out a breath, but said, "No." Rodney gave him a look. "People are trying not to show how they feel, but it's just weird and...you can see for yourself."

They entered the mess where Rodney sensed the strange atmosphere even before he spotted Ellia sitting with Teyla, Torren, and Ronon. They got their food and joined them.

"I'm glad you learned something new," Teyla told her with a smile. She turned to Rodney and John. "Ellia was at school this afternoon."

"How is it?" Rodney asked. "I've never really looked at what we teach children here."

Ellia looked at him.

"I haven't been in Atlantis very long," he clarified.

"Oh," she said. "We learned some geography and history."

"Nothing interesting?" Rodney asked.

"Rodney," Teyla chided him.

John snorted and Ellia smiled. Rodney thought it was probably the first time he'd seen her smile.

~~

They talked about what Ellia had learned from Zaddik, and Rodney sensed that the distraction made it easier to ignore the people around them who put so much effort into not staring at her that they might as well have done it. Some smiled at her when they passed her, but the answering smile of Ellia seemed forced as if she knew that these people either smiled out of pity or to hide how they really felt. It wasn't as if they actually knew her.

Ronon suggested to take her to the smaller of the two shooting ranges after dinner.

Teyla was skeptical, but Torren wanted to go, and Ellia said that she'd like to try it.

They all went. Rodney took the chance to train a bit himself. That way not all attention would be on Ellia, though Torren also listened closely as Ronon explained how the pistol worked and the most important safety rules to handle them.

John joined Rodney, making minor suggestions but keeping a healthy distance between them.

As the evening went on, Rodney thought more and more about going to bed with John that night. This morning they'd been too tired to really have to deal with it, but they wouldn't have the same problem tonight. If anything it would be harder to fall asleep since he'd only gotten up around noon.

Sometimes when he looked at John, John averted his gaze, making Rodney believe that John also thought about their upcoming night together. Not _together_. In the same bed. Which was the real problem.

He could see that John wanted to avoid it if at all possible. If they had a couch, he'd certainly use that. Rodney suddenly thought of the little cot in the backroom of John's office. It didn't look particularly comfortable but he could imagine that John would prefer it to having to sleep next to Rodney. He didn't mention it to John, though.

They left the shooting range together. Ronon went into his home right next to it, while the others walked on.

When they passed John's office, John said, "I still have some paperwork to do." He didn't meet Rodney's eyes.

Teyla stopped and looked at him. Rodney sensed that she wanted to say something, but when she spoke eventually, she only said, "Good night, John. Do not stay too long."

"Good night," John said. "Good job with the rifle, Ellia," he added, smiling at her.

"Ronon is a great teacher," Ellia said.

They went on, and John briefly glanced at Rodney before going to his office.

Rodney debated whether to go home or talk to John. He doubted that John had any paperwork that couldn't wait until tomorrow. The message to contact Todd had been written the day before, and they hadn't received any answer yet—nor had they expected to.

It was pretty clear that John wanted to avoid him, but Rodney didn't like uncertainty. If John was going to stay here out of cowardice, he could at least tell Rodney that to his face. Decision made, he followed John into his office.

When Rodney entered, he found John feet on his desk, reading a book. "I see the paperwork was really urgent—and quick," he said.

John shut the book and swung his feet off the desk, but he didn't say anything in his defense.

Rodney took a deep breath. "I know, it's none of my business, but it's pretty clear that your marriage is over. At least certain parts of it. You obviously don't want to accept it or think you can change Teyla's mind, but have you considered that making a clean break would make things easier? Teyla doesn't...she doesn't seem mad at you for whatever it is you did. I honestly think she's moved on. I'm not just saying that because I..." Rodney faltered. He didn't know how to put his feelings for John into words. "Do you honestly think—and I mean objectively not just because you desperately want it—that you can win her back? Divorce isn't the end of the world." Rodney was tempted to tell him that Teyla had as good as pushed Rodney into John's arms. He'd promised her not to tell John, and he didn't want to unnecessarily hurt him, but he also thought John needed to face reality.

John looked at him for a long moment, jaw clenched, his expression hard. "You're right," he finally said. "It _is_ none of your business."

Rodney only nodded. He hadn't really expected anything else from John. "So you're sleeping here on the cot?"

"I will not sleep with you," John said defiantly.

"I've never had sex with anyone against their will," Rodney said.

John dropped his gaze. "Rodney," he said, sounding tired.

"This is what gets me the most," Rodney said. "You _want_ it, don't you? If you could, you'd go home with me and we'd go to bed and you'd...but you won't because you think you can't. John, you can. You just have to allow yourself to do it."

"You sound like Teyla now," John commented, still not looking at Rodney.

This surprised Rodney. "She told you?" he asked. "She told you that it's over, didn't she? I don't understand why she doesn't just make it official."

"That's right," John said. "You don't understand. I'm sorry, Rodney. I told you everyone has secrets."

Rodney sighed. He knew he wouldn't get any more out of John for now. Maybe Teyla would be more willing to answer his questions. Maybe if he could get them both together, they could finally stop talking in mysteries.

"Good night," Rodney said and turned.

"Good night, Rodney," John called after him as Rodney left and closed the door behind him.

~~

Rodney went home, feeling frustrated by the situation. As he walked past Teyla's home, the door suddenly opened. Teyla stepped out.

"He is staying in his office?" she asked, not needing to mention John by name.

Rodney looked at her. "Why don't you end it properly with him?" he asked. "You know it's over and so does he, but for some reason he will not give up."

Teyla looked at him for a long moment. "Do you have urgent things to do at the lab tomorrow?" she asked.

Rodney frowned. "Nothing that couldn't wait for a day if necessary," he said.

"Then come with me to my people tomorrow afternoon," Teyla said urgently.

Rodney didn't understand why she asked him this _now_ , but it wasn't the first time she'd brought up her people when talking about John, so he decided to just go with it. Maybe if he went there with her, he'd finally get the answer he'd been hoping for.

~~

To Rodney's surprise, John picked him up for breakfast the next day as he always did. It was slightly strange since he did it in what technically was his own home, but that had been John's choice.

Rodney noticed that he walked a bit stiffly.

"Cot wasn't very comfortable, was it?" he asked.

John glared at him.

"Teyla will take me to visit her people this afternoon," Rodney said.

John stopped in his tracks for a moment, but then continued walking. "To do some repairs?" he asked.

"She didn't say the reason," Rodney said. He thought there was no point in adding, "But I presume it has to do with your marriage and why you are still husband and wife when you're obviously no longer _married_ as most people would understand the word."

John didn't say anything, and after a few moments in silence enquired after the state of the puddlejumper, a distraction that Rodney was more than willing to join in.

~~

To Rodney's surprise, Teyla was taking Torren along for the visit.

They talked about the settlement in general on the ride. Teyla mentioned the basic plumbing that Radek and Simpson had installed. She talked about the vegetables they were growing as a source of food in addition to trading. The Athosians produced fine hand-woven fabrics and carved woods that they sold and traded.

As they approached, Rodney could see that it wasn't so much a settlement as a camp ground. The Athosians lived in huts, not real houses. For a moment he was reminded of those dwelling near the caves. Though when they arrived and dismounted their horses, Rodney could see that despite the substandard living, the Athosians didn't seem to be starving. Their clothes were old, but not in tatters, and the huts looked fairly stable and had a few decorations, marking them as a home.

They were greeted by a few people and when a man approached them, Torren excitedly ran to him, exclaiming, "Father!"

Rodney's mouth opened and he stared in shock as the man picked Torren up and lifted him into his arms. Rodney turned to Teyla, who only gave him a long look.

The man approached them, looking from Teyla to Rodney.

"Hello, Kanaan," she said. Then put her hand behind his neck and pulled him forward into a kiss.

Rodney's eyes widened. The kiss and the way Teyla stroked his neck was more affection than she'd shown John in all the time that Rodney had known them. Whatever John and everyone on Atlantis thought, it was obvious that Teyla considered this man, Kanaan, her partner.

They finally parted, and Kanaan looked at Rodney again.

"This is Rodney McKay," Teyla introduced him.

"It is a pleasure to meet you. Teyla has mentioned you often," Kanaan said.

"She never mentioned you," Rodney blurted out.

Teyla laughed, then closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. "This is Kanaan," she said.

Rodney nodded at him.

"Give me a moment to show Rodney around and talk to him," Teyla said.

"I will see you later, Rodney," Kanaan said.

"Later, Rodney," Torren said.

Rodney gave them a quick wave, then followed Teyla to the center of the settlement. There was an unlit fireplace with a few mats made of hay around it. Teyla sat down on one mat and gestured at Rodney to join her.

"John made me promise not to tell you, but I told him if you asked me, I would not lie to you," Teyla said.

"Kanaan is your..." Rodney prompted.

"He is my husband," Teyla said.

"When—" Rodney started, but stopped himself.

"We have been together since before we came to Atlantis," Teyla said.

"And Torren is his son?" Rodney asked, though there was little doubt after what he'd just witnessed and since there was more similarity between Torren and Kanaan than between Torren and John.

"Yes," Teyla said.

"And John knows this?" Rodney asked. This was the part that he didn't quite understand. Had John always been in love with her, hoping that one day she would return his feelings, all evidence to the contrary?

Teyla laughed. "He could not have been Torren's father," she said. "Kissing John on the day of our wedding in Atlantis was the most romantic thing we ever did. And it was not particularly romantic."

"Then why did you marry him? You could have lived in Atlantis without marrying John, couldn't you?" Rodney asked. He was relatively certain that John had mentioned that early on when they'd met.

"Yes, _I_ could have. But not Kanaan," Teyla said, her look getting sad. "I did not want to live without my people. I do not deserve to be safe any more than any of them do."

"John mentioned that," Rodney said. "And then you fell in love."

"Did he say that?" Teyla asked.

"I think _I_ did. But he didn't correct me," Rodney answered.

"I became pregnant. Kanaan asked me to reconsider my stance on living in Atlantis even if it meant that we could not be together as often as we wanted," she said.

"And John?" Rodney asked.

"When I remained unconvinced, Kanaan approached John to enlist his help," Teyla said.

"Oh," Rodney said. "I still do not understand why you needed to get married to John...or pretend to get married to him. What made you change your mind?"

Teyla sighed. "Kanaan wanted to know that our child would be safe. I was torn. Of course I want Torren to be safe, but at the same time other Athosian children grow up here among their people, not as safe but still happy. John...John pointed out that as a citizen of Atlantis I would be able to visit and influence others to do the same. I would be able to share at least some of the resources that Atlantis has. John is a very smart man," she added ruefully.

"In certain things," Rodney amended.

She snorted. "Even when I agreed to move to Atlantis, I hesitated about taking his offer to marry him."

"That's the part I still don't get," Rodney said. "You were already invited to join Atlantis, weren't you?"

"Yes, but Torren was not," Teyla said. "Elizabeth had decided some time ago that people could not petition for their partners to become citizens of Atlantis, even if they were pregnant. I believe something has happened before my time that caused her to make such a call. Some people are _desperate_ to find a safe place."

"You think Elizabeth would have forced you to give Torren away?" Rodney asked. It was one thing not to let someone into Atlantis even though they were pregnant. It was another to let someone in who was pregnant and _then_ tell them to give up their child.

"We never asked her," Teyla said. "John said that if he would accept our child as his, Elizabeth would never have to make that call. I told him that I wanted our child to know their real father, and John agreed. So Torren has always known the truth even if we told him not to talk about Kanaan in Atlantis."

"You could still divorce now," Rodney said. "You wouldn't have to tell Elizabeth the truth."

"I know," Teyla said. "When I first saw John with you, I told him that we did not have to keep pretending. I have _always_ been willing to come clean. If Elizabeth wants us to go, I will be happy to live amongst my people."

"Why does John insist to keep up the charade?" Rodney asked.

"I am not entirely sure," Teyla said. "He says that he does not want people speculating. Torren was born a healthy baby boy of normal size only five months after our wedding."

"Well, yes," Rodney said. "Of course they'll assume you've had sex before marrying. But they could easily assume it was still John's. _I_ did."

"I know," Teyla said. "I think John is overly cautious. He tends to feel responsible for everyone and everything."

"That he does," Rodney agreed with a sigh.

"He was really taken with you from the moment he met you," Teyla said with a soft smile.

"He _shot_ me when he first met me," Rodney said.

"Still," Teyla said. "I had always wondered what would happen if he fell in love. And I had vowed to myself that I would not stand in the way of his happiness."

"It's not you that stands between us," Rodney said. "It's him."

"Do not give up on him," Teyla said, putting her hand on Rodney's arm. "He deserves to be loved and find happiness. Both of you do."

"I can't force him," Rodney said. "Though now that I know, maybe I can talk some sense into him. He can't keep telling me he needs to save this marriage."

"If he says that is the only reason keeping him from being with you, I will separate from him officially myself," Teyla said. "You can tell him that."

"I will," Rodney said, smiling. "I hope he finally sees reason."

"So do I," Teyla said. She smiled at him then stood up. "How about I show you around?"

Rodney got up as well. "Lead the way."

~~

Rodney took a look around the settlement, especially the infrastructure, changing a few minor things and making mental notes about bigger improvements. They ate dinner together with Kanaan and then returned to Atlantis.

"I will pick up Ellia from Ronon," Teyla said once they'd taken care of the horses.

Rodney nodded. "Thank you," he called after her. "For...showing me around your settlement."

She held his gaze for a long moment, then bowed slightly. "You are welcome," she said and turned to Torren. "Let us go find Ellia."

"We could play Dash," Torren suggested.

"Yes, why not," Teyla said.

"Bye, Rodney," Torren called to Rodney as they disappeared around the corner.

Rodney wasn't sure whether to confront John immediately. Now that he knew the truth there seemed to be even less sense in John's sacrifice. Rodney wanted John to finally admit that there was no point in honoring fake vows. Though he feared there was more to it than that. He remembered John words that he loved Teyla now more than the day they had married. He could have meant that their love, then and now, was only platonic. Or he could mean that he did love her, had always loved her, even if it had been a hopeless love.

It still wouldn't make sense to hold onto the marriage. Teyla was obviously devoted to her husband—her real one—and very much in love with Kanaan. Holding on to those feelings for so many years couldn't be healthy. And whatever else John felt, he was certainly attracted to Rodney at least at some superficial level. Though Rodney hoped it was more. It certainly was for him.

He'd met many people during his travels that were attractive. But it tended to be clear very quickly if there was any chance of something coming from it. And if nothing came from it, he'd moved on and never wasted another moment's thought on it. But with John...he couldn't just forget and move on. It wasn't just that they spent so much time together. He was drawn to John in a way that he couldn't remember ever feeling.

And he thought that on some level John felt the same. If it was just a fleeting attraction, it wouldn't be so hard for John. He could see the longing in John's eyes sometimes when he thought Rodney wasn't looking. Rodney didn't want to put a name on what they were feeling, but it was worth trying to be more than friends. Or at least it would be if John didn't stubbornly refuse for reasons that Rodney still didn't understand.

Even though he did want to finally get to the bottom of John's refusal, Rodney decided to go home first and take a shower. The Athosian settlement wasn't paved, and he felt sandy and slightly sweaty from the bit of work he'd done.

To his surprise there was a light on in John's—temporarily _their_ —home. When Rodney entered, he found John sitting at the table, reading.

Rodney closed the door behind him and set down the bag he'd taken on his visit. They looked at each other for a long moment.

"How was the visit to the settlement?" John asked neutrally. "Did you do some maintenance?"

"Yes," Rodney said. "I met Torren's father."

John dropped his gaze.

"Just tell me why," Rodney said.

"I made a promise," John said, jaw clenched.

"I understand your decision back then. But I'm talking about _now_ ," Rodney said. "You don't have to tell the world that it was fake all along. You could get a divorce."

"There's still a risk they'll find out," John said. "I promised Torren would be safe."

"Teyla is willing to take that risk," Rodney said.

"I gave Kanaan my _word_ ," John said.

"So that's it? You'll live a lie for the rest of your life? Do you honestly think Elizabeth would kick Torren out after so many years? And that's only if they found out which they have no reason to," Rodney said.

"Don't underestimate Elizabeth. She does what she thinks is necessary," John said.

Rodney sat down opposite him. "Why would it be necessary to kick him out? He has a bed and the resources he uses are hardly—"

"It's not about the resources," John said. "You know how many resources Atlantis has. We could take in more people. But as much as we want to we can't save _everyone_ , and that means we have to make decisions. Long ago it was decided that to earn your place in Atlantis you needed to be able to contribute as a citizen."

"Or be born to them," Rodney added.

"Born because two Atlanteans wanted a child, not because someone wanted to become Atlantean," John said.

"Did this ever happen?" Rodney asked.

"It was before my time, but the way it's been told to me, an Atlantean 'befriended' one of the people who were rejected," John told him. "Even before the settlement people sometimes stayed for a while. When she became pregnant, the Atlantean wanted to marry her and let her into the city because their child would be the child of a citizen. Elizabeth allowed it. The woman lost the child and there were rumors that she'd done it on purpose. The Atlantean wanted to prove to them that she hadn't just done this to become a citizen, so he decided to leave Atlantis."

"She wasn't happy?" Rodney guessed.

"She refused to go with him," John said. "He left anyway. He didn't want to stay in Atlantis."

"And she just stayed?" Rodney asked.

"Elizabeth had allowed her to enter and didn't feel she had any good reason to kick her out. But after that incident it was decided that a child of a citizen is _not_ automatically a citizen if the other parent is not Atlantean," John said.

"So if a woman became pregnant with the child by a non-Atlantean?" Rodney asked.

"I honestly don't know," John said. "The rule was designed to discourage relations with women outside who might offer themselves to Atlanteans in hopes of being allowed to enter. Applying it to Atlantean women is less clearcut. But Elizabeth will do what she must if she believes it would be bad to set a precedent."

"But you don't even know what she'd do?" Rodney asked.

"I don't, but I'm not willing to risk it," John said.

"What if Teyla is?" Rodney asked. "She told me if maintaining the charade of your marriage is the only thing keeping you from... well..." He gesticulated between them. "She'll make it official herself."

John stared at him, eyes narrowed. "What if it _wasn't_ the only reason?"

"I knew it," Rodney said. "Not even _you_ can be so stubbornly selfless."

John only glared at him.

"So what is it?" Rodney asked defiantly.

John remained silent.

"You're not in love with Teyla, are you?" Rodney asked quietly.

John looked confused for a moment. He didn't say anything, but it was enough to confirm to Rodney that it _wasn't_ the reason.

"Then what?" Rodney asked.

"It's just better this way," John eventually said, dropping his gaze.

"Why?" Rodney asked. "Why would this be better instead of..." He gestured between them again.

"Instead of what, Rodney?" John asked sharply. "There is no _us_ ," he gestured between them.

"There could be," Rodney said.

"How can you know that?" John asked. "How can you know what would happen if we were to take that step? You can't."

"So we're just not even going to try?" Rodney asked, getting up again. He walked back and forth in frustration. "You go out there and sneak up to _Wraith_ but you're afraid of having a _relationship_?"

John didn't look at him. "We're friends. Let's just not..."

"Risk it?" Rodney asked.

John looked at him, but didn't say anything.

"I wouldn't have thought you're such a miserable coward," Rodney said.

John looked away.

"I'll go take a shower now. I assume you'll be gone when I come back out. Good night, John. I hope you sleep well on the cot," Rodney said. He didn't care that he was an asshole now. If John didn't want to even _try_ to be happy that was his problem, but he was dragging Rodney along with him, and Rodney wouldn't put up with that.

He went into the small bathroom and took a hot shower.

When he came out, John was gone.

~~

Rodney didn't sleep well that night and was grumpy when he woke up the next morning. He was about to leave when John entered.

They stared at each other for a long moment. Rodney wanted to just walk out on him and slam the door in his face. The night's sleep hadn't dampened his anger with John. It wasn't just the rejection. He'd been rejected by many people over the years, but none of them had actually _wanted_ him. None of them had put their hands on his body when they were drunk enough or had come close enough to kiss. None of them had ever looked at him the way John sometimes did.

He didn't look at Rodney like that now. He looked...not quite apologetic. He looked careful and serious, as if he knew exactly that Rodney's instinct was to never want to see John again.

Except that he would have to. And he still wanted to. John was his best friend on Atlantis. John was the first real friend he'd ever had. Taking that to the next level, to something that wasn't just sexual chemistry, but both friendship and passion was something that Rodney hadn't anticipated he'd ever have a chance at in life.

And now he still didn't. Because John didn't want it. No, because John was afraid to _risk_ it. That made it just so much worse.

Rodney could leave John standing here, but he didn't want to start over in Atlantis. He wanted to remain a part of John's team, and he didn't want to give up John's company even if it was aggravating him right now.

"Breakfast then," he said, walking past John and catching a sigh of relief from his friend.

John followed him out. "I think Ronon wants to take Ellia out riding this weekend," he said. "You want to come along?"

"I'd rather work on the puddlejumper," Rodney said.

"Oh. Any news there?" John asked, excitement in his voice.

"Don't worry. You'll be the first the know. And no, just like every time you ask, there's nothing worth showing yet," Rodney said, sighing in exasperation.

John sulked in disappointment, and Rodney couldn't help the fond smile that appeared on his face.

John caught him smiling and smiled back. Rodney thought of their discussion last night. The smile faded from his place and his jaw clenched while John averted his gaze.

Rodney might not be willing to give up on their friendship, but that didn't mean he was able to forget what they really wanted and why they couldn't have it.

~~

The tension between them carried over into breakfast, but they managed to be civil, even banter a bit.

Rodney went to work, welcoming the distraction of designs and calculations. When Radek reminded him of lunch he debated whether to go to the mess or to stay and ask one of the others to bring something for him when they returned. John might be there.

Rodney set down his pen and got up from the chair. He and John would have to learn how to deal with the situation. There was no reason for Rodney to hide here. _He_ hadn't done anything wrong after all.

He didn't see John, Ronon, or Teyla in the mess, so he sat down with Radek and Simpson. He wasn't paying attention to their conversation, though, thinking about John instead.

Rodney tried to remain level headed, but it was so easy to get worked up about the situation again. After finally confirming the suspicions that he'd had since he'd met John and Teyla, he still felt like that first moment when Elizabeth had told him Teyla was John's wife.

Rodney suddenly wished he'd never doubted their marriage. It would have been so much easier if he simply didn't have a chance with John—and if John wasn't interested in him. He still would have been friends with John, but he would have moved on and considered other potential romantic partners.

Rodney looked around and found Katie Brown sitting next to Parrish or whatever his name was. When she looked at him, he smiled at her, and she looked startled for a moment, then smiled back.

Really, there was no reason to carry around this resentment for John. He'd never made Rodney believe that there could be more between them. He might have lied about the reasons, but John had told him he wouldn't give up his marriage. Maybe it was time for Rodney to look elsewhere.

Wasn't this what he'd thought about John last night? That it wouldn't be healthy to hold on to a relationship that would never be what you wanted it to be? It was time to apply it to himself.

He kept looking at Katie, smiling at her when she caught his eyes, and when she got up, he got up as well.

When they met on the way to return their trays, she said, "You've been here for so long, Rodney, and still haven't come and looked at the gardens. We have wonderful fresh strawberries at the moment."

"That does sound delicious," Rodney said. "And you're right, I've been so caught up in work and missions and...other things, I haven't taken the time to look at what else Atlantis has to offer." He smiled at her.

She flushed and dropped her gaze for a moment. "You are welcome at any time."

"How about I pick you up for dinner tonight?" Rodney asked.

"Aren't you eating with the colonel?" she asked.

Rodney froze, but then said easily. "We don't have to share every meal. He sees so much of me, he's probably sick of my company."

"I cannot imagine that," Katie said. "You must have seen and done so many interesting things during your travels."

"Would you like to hear some of it?" he asked.

"I'd love to," she said.

"Then I'll visit at five tonight," Rodney promised.

She smiled widely at him before joining Parrish, who'd waited for her. As she left, she turned to give Rodney a little wave. He waved back, smiling.

Once she was gone, Rodney exhaled. It was good to know that he could still be charming. And it _was_ time that he looked at what else existed in Atlantis.

He dropped off his tray. When he looked up he could see Radek looking at him with a curious expression.

"What?" Rodney asked.

"Nothing," Radek said. "I did not know you had a sudden interest in botany."

Rodney only raised an eyebrow and went back to work.

~~

As the clock drew closer to five, Rodney couldn't help thinking about John. He knew that John would pick him up for dinner as he always did.

The proper thing would be to just walk over to his office before he met up with Katie and tell him that he couldn't make it tonight. It would probably be awkward but he couldn't let that be a reason not to go to Katie.

When he walked out the lab, he ran into Lorne, who came from the direction of Chris' shop.

"Major?" Rodney asked.

"McKay," Lorne answered, changing his direction to walk towards Rodney.

"Are you going back to the commander's office?" Rodney asked.

"I'll pass by there, yes," Lorne said.

"Would you mind telling Colonel Sheppard that he doesn't have to pick me up for dinner tonight?" Rodney asked.

"I can tell him," Lorne said. "Should I tell him a reason?"

"Uhm. I'll be eating with someone else," Rodney settled on saying. It was the truth, and John didn't need to know that it was Katie and that it could be considered something like a date. Not that he'd hide this from John if it turned into something serious. Actually, there was no reason not to tell John the truth now. "I'll have dinner with Katie Brown," he added.

"I'll tell him that," Lorne said. "Anything else you'd like me to tell him?"

"No, thank you," Rodney said.

Lorne nodded and went his way while Rodney took the turn to enter the gardens of Atlantis.

~~

Katie was very happy to see him. She'd selected some fresh fruits that she picked for him, talking about the plants and the water system in the gardens. It was actually quite interesting and he made some mental notes about an overhaul of the Atlantean water system at large which was sure to be reviewed at some point in the not too distant future.

They took the strawberries with them when they went to the mess and Rodney tasted one before starting with the real meal.

"They're really sweet," he said surprised.

"I know. They're perfect right now," Katie said, visibly happy that he liked them.

Rodney was tempted to steal a few more of them, but forced himself to start eating the normal food, keeping the strawberries for later.

They talked over dinner, and Katie asked how he'd found the play the theater group had put together.

"I haven't seen it," Rodney said between bites.

"You _haven't_?" she asked.

"I was busy with work," he said. It wasn't the only reason, but he didn't think she'd appreciate it if he told her what he thought of most dramatic performances.

"You've already done so much for us in the short time you were here. You need to think of yourself a little too," she said.

John walked past their table in that moment. Rodney froze. He couldn't help watching John as he turned to sit down at a table, glancing at Rodney.

They both dropped their gaze immediately, but Rodney still felt as if he'd betrayed John. This was ridiculous. John couldn't mind if Rodney ate dinner or breakfast with someone else every now and then. At least he _shouldn't_ mind.

Rodney looked at him again, and after a moment John looked up as well, looking so resigned, no _defeated_ that Rodney wanted to go to him and...what was there that he could do? John had wanted what Rodney had offered him, not just offered but practically pleaded for. It had been John's decision to still refuse it, and they both had to live with the consequences, even if they didn't like it.

He turned back to Katie. "I'm sorry?"

"I said you need to think of yourself a little too," she said with a smile.

"I am," Rodney said, glancing at John for a second. "I am."

~~

They went back to the garden after dinner. Katie showed him around some more, and as it grew dark, the few lights gave the gardens a whole new mood.

"It looks magical, doesn't it?" Katie asked.

"It's quite impressive," Rodney conceded.

She told him about the particular needs of certain plants at night, leading him further into the garden. They came to the pond which was surrounded by low lights. Left and right of them water dropped down from above like curtains sparkling in the moonlight.

They talked a bit about Rodney's work and being part of a team. Katie only went on missions if they helped set up a greenhouse or had a problem with crops dying inexplicably.

Botany wasn't a science that Rodney was interested in, but he could see that Katie was a master at it. There wasn't a question he asked that she couldn't answer. She was smart, kind, and friendly.

They set down on a bench at the back of the garden so that they could see it in its full nighttime glory. Rodney looked over to her. She was very pretty too. When she caught him looking at her, she smiled shyly at him. Then she parted her lips and turned to him. It would be terribly easy to lean forward and kiss her.

Instead he smiled at her and looked back at the garden.

It wasn't because of John. Well, it was, but not because he felt it would be like betraying John. He _did_ feel like that but he knew it was irrational given John's stance on their relationship. But sitting here with Katie and talking to her, Rodney couldn't help thinking about being with John.

Katie was nice. She was so nice that Rodney started policing everything he said, because she was so kind that she came to the rescue of everyone he made a teasing remark of. And he didn't even try to tease her out of fear how she'd take it. It was so different from being with John. With John, he could say what he wanted, be insulting all he liked, and he knew John would take it in stride, even enjoy it if he was creative.

Katie was nice and Rodney simply wasn't. If this were on his travels and both of them knew it was only for the duration of his stay, he'd consider playing the nice, charming man she obviously believed him to be. But he was here to stay, and kissing her now and letting things go any further would be using her to prove to himself that he wasn't hung up on John. It wasn't fair to her. She deserved better than that.

And maybe Rodney did too. If he wanted a long-term relationship on Atlantis, it should be with someone more suitable to him than Katie. Even if they wouldn't be as suitable as John.

~~

The next morning John didn't pick him up for breakfast. Eventually Rodney decided to just go.

Instead of the mess, however, he went to John's office. John seemed surprised to see him.

"Did you have breakfast already?" Rodney asked him.

"I went early today," John said, aligning some papers on his desk instead of looking at Rodney.

"Why?" Rodney asked.

John looked up. "You... I wasn't sure if you wanted to eat breakfast with...someone else."

"I'll let you know if I do that," Rodney said. "Didn't Lorne tell you that—"

"He did," John said. "I just...didn't want to disturb you this morning if..." He dropped his gaze.

"If I wasn't alone," Rodney concluded.

John played with a pen, not saying anything.

"No, I..." Rodney began. "This isn't even my home."

"It _is_ for the time being," John said.

"It's _our_ home, even if you don't... How do you shower and change?" Rodney suddenly asked. He hadn't even considered.

"I go in the morning or afternoon while you're at work. I can think of something for the weekend," John said.

"That's not necessary. It's your home," Rodney said.

"I don't want things to be awkward for you," John said.

"I'm not sure we can totally avoid that," Rodney said. "But it's fine. We're still on the same team, right?"

"Of course!" John said.

"And we're still friends," Rodney said because no matter what else had happened between them he still wanted that. "You can pick me up for breakfast and dinner as you always do. And we can play chess and City Walls."

"I'd like that," John said.

"That's good. If I ever can't make it, I'll let you know," Rodney said.

"Okay," John said.

"I'll go eat now," Rodney said. "I'll see you at dinner." He walked to the door, stopped there, and turned back to John. "I won't be seeing Katie again. I mean, we'll surely see each other again, and now that I've tasted the strawberries and seen what else they have, I'm sure I'll drop by, but I won't go out with her again."

John looked at him. "I..."

Rodney wasn't entirely sure why he'd even told John. "See you tonight," he said and left.

~~

John did come over to shower and change on Saturday. Rodney tried not to think about the fact that John was so close and naked.

The small kitchens weren't really made for more than four people, so they joined Teyla, Torren, and Ellia for lunch in the mess.

At the town hall meeting Ellia's presence was like the white elephant in the room. Rodney didn't know what exactly Elizabeth had told the other Atlanteans in their absence, but she didn't mention Ellia or present her as a new—if temporary—member of the community.

People didn't openly stare at her, but even Rodney could see that Ellia was uncomfortable. As soon as the meeting was over they went to the stables for the ride Ronon had planned for them.

Rodney accompanied them and was glad to see that Ellia seemed to relax. Apparently, she liked horses and enjoyed riding out.

More than Rodney did, who still had a hard time as soon as they went faster. John couldn't help teasing him, and Rodney was annoyed but also relieved that they could still be like this without awkwardness hanging over every interaction.

They got a few sandwiches on the way home and settled in for a long session of City Walls. It felt good to just sit and play a game with John. There were moments when they looked at each other and Rodney could see the things that they weren't in John's eyes, a quick reminder of what they might have been if John would let them, but for the most part it was simply two friends spending time together.

When it was time to turn in Rodney wondered if John was going to go back to his office, but when John got up and put on his jacket, he didn't ask him to stay. They looked at each other for a long moment. Rodney saw longing and regret in John's eyes, then John only said, "Good night," and left.

~~

Two days later, they finally got word from Todd.

They packed Ellia's things onto four horses. John, Rodney, and Ellia each rode a horse with John leading the last one behind him.

Ellia was quiet on the way. She still didn't know exactly where she was going to live. John was hesitant to tell her any details because he wasn't entirely sure what Todd had arranged for her.

"We'll ask her before she makes the decision," John had told Teyla before they'd left.

Rodney didn't know what would happen if she didn't want to go with Todd. He didn't envy Ellia in the slightest. She'd just lost her father figure and had been confronted with well-meaning people who lived among others who were able to tolerate her but never let her forget that she didn't belong. It was so different from how he remembered his own welcome to Atlantis.

He didn't know how a young girl would deal with it. And he didn't know how to help her. Truthfully, he'd gladly left her in Teyla's hands during the duration of her stay even if he felt slightly guilty for that since he'd been among the people who'd brought her to Atlantis even if it had been in her best interest.

The meeting with Todd took place in a different location this time. It wasn't even close to the last one, though it thankfully wasn't too far from Atlantis.

When they arrived, Rodney stayed behind with Ellia at first while John went to greet Todd.

Ellia stood stone-faced, seemingly ready for everything. Rodney didn't know what to say to her. "Everything will be fine," seemed like an unnecessary platitude. After a few minutes John came back.

"You can talk to them now," John said.

"Them?" Rodney asked.

John only shot him a glance, then smiled at Ellia. "Let's go so that you can meet them."

They walked around the abandoned barn. Rodney could only see Todd at first, but then he saw that a bit further off there were a Wraith woman and a Wraith child on horses.

"You must be Ellia," Todd said, smiling at her.

"Yes," she said, taking in both him and the woman and child with big eyes.

"Your friends told me that you need a new home," Todd said.

She nodded, dropping her gaze.

"Do you know any other Wraith?" Todd asked her.

She looked at him, then at the woman and child. "No," she said.

"Would you like to live among us?" Todd asked.

She was quiet for a long moment. "I don't want to kill other humans," she said eventually.

John and Rodney exchanged a glance. Rodney hadn't talked with her about what the Wraith did and from John's look he didn't think he had either.

"You don't have to," Todd said. "Not all Wraith do. I don't want to kill other humans either. And neither do the other Wraith where I live."

Ellia looked from him to the woman and child.

"They live there too," Todd said. "Would you like to talk to them? Ask them some questions?"

Ellia turned to John.

"Sure, go ahead. We'll stay here and wait for you," John said.

Ellia nodded and walked over to the woman and child, who both dismounted their horses as she approached.

"She comes into our community at an interesting time," Todd said.

John raised an eyebrow. "The man who raised her died. He was old. I assure you there's no subterfuge involved on our part."

"That wasn't what I meant," Todd said. "I trust you. But the situation in the Wraith community has escalated since out last meeting."

"Escalated how?" John asked.

"The voices that aren't vocal supporters of Wraith 'tradition' seem to have reached a critical mass," Todd said. "There is no open dissent yet, but those in power are becoming desperate to demonstrate that power."

"Demonstrate how?" John asked.

"An increase in tributes," Todd said. "And though I haven't heard of any concrete plans I wouldn't rule out an attack on Atlantis."

"What?" Rodney asked.

"Defeating Atlantis would be a striking demonstration of their power," Todd said.

"Why would they expect it to turn out differently than the last time they tried?" John asked.

"I'm not sure that it would be. But I believe the last time was a half-hearted attempt to enforce tributes on Atlantis," Todd said. "If the intention was to destroy you, they could plan a different attack."

Rodney only looked at John. From what John had told him, they hadn't had a problem defeating the Wraith the last time, but if it was really only a half-hearted attempt...

"Would you know of concrete plans of an attack?" John asked.

"Only if they would ask for participation from our colony," Todd said. "I wouldn't count on it."

John nodded.

"An attack on Atlantis is _only_ speculation on my part," Todd said. "The increase in tributes will come for sure."

"I understand," John said.

Ellia returned to them. "I will go with you," she told Todd. Then she looked at John and Rodney.

John nodded. "We'll get your things."

They moved Ellia's things from their horses to those of the Wraith. "Goodbye," Ellia told them. "Maybe we can see each other again some day."

"Some day," John agreed.

"Be careful, John Sheppard," Todd said. "These are interesting times."

John nodded at him. Then the Wraith rode off. Ellia turned back to them and waved once more.

"Interesting times?" Rodney said to John. "Your Wraith friend needs a lesson in appropriate euphemisms."

"At least now we know to expect the worst," John said. "Let's go home. We have to discuss this with Elizabeth."

~~

"So, what do you suggest we do?" Elizabeth asked, clasping her hands on her desk. She looked to John first, who stood in a corner of her office, so tense that Rodney feared he might snap any moment.

They'd made their ride back so fast that Rodney had had trouble keeping up. John was as silent now as during the ride. Elizabeth turned to Teyla, Ronon, Lorne, Radek, eventually Rodney, who felt like he was the least qualified to make any suggestions since he hadn't witnessed the last Wraith attack and wasn't a military strategist in general.

"Let me rephrase my question," Elizabeth said. "Is there anything that we _can_ do?"

"I will inform my people of the upcoming demands for tributes," Teyla said.

John looked aside but didn't say anything.

"We could inform the others. Get word out to our allies," Ronon suggested.

"No," John said. "We'll need the teams to watch the Wraith. We need to know as soon as possible if they attack."

"All right," Elizabeth said. "And what do we do to prepare for the attack?"

"We can increase storage of our resources," Radek said.

"We can put guards up on the walls around the clock and have our cannons at the ready," Lorne added.

"Maybe another naquadah raid," Radek suggested carefully, looking at John.

John's jaw clenched. Then he shook his head. "All of this will be useless if we don't have better defenses. If they come with not just a platoon from one hive, but battalions from dozens... Radek, could you find out anything from the Wraith uniform we brought you after the last raid?"

"No," Radek shook his head.

"We did find out more about the material," Rodney clarified. "But at this time and in the foreseeable future we will not be able to fabricate anything of that density. We simply don't have the technology."

John looked at him, his gaze dropping to Rodney's chest. Rodney lifted his hand, hovering over the shield. "We could analyze it again," Rodney suggested, looking at John.

"You've tried everything, haven't you? Everything that won't risk destroying it?" John asked.

"We could take another look," Rodney said. "Maybe Radek will see something I haven't. Maybe with the tools on Atlantis we have more ways to analyze its functionality."

John's jaw clenched. "Do it. And Lorne, organize the guards on the wall. Ronon, you can make sure our weapons caches are stocked to maximum. We can let Chris and Ben know what more we need."

"As much as we can get," Ronon said, but nodded.

"I'll look into the teams to observe the hives," John said.

"Keep me posted, everyone," Elizabeth said.

John nodded on his way out, the others following him.

~~

Carson and Jennifer hovered nearby, clearly wishing to take over from Rodney who was in the process of opening his chest with a scalpel.

Rodney had told them that the shield might recognize any cut made by them as an attack even if he thought about wanting them to do it.

Once he'd made the cut through the numb skin, he carefully removed the shield and turned it off.

Jennifer jumped in to use the healing device on the cut. She bit her lip in concentration.

"No need to make it perfect," Rodney said. They had other things to worry right now.

"I _think_ this is worth five minutes of your time," she said decisively.

Rodney sighed and let her work, looking at the shield in the meantime. He didn't have high hopes that he'd find more than he had before he'd first concluded that he wouldn't be able to replicate it. But they were desperate, so it was worth a shot.

Jennifer finished up healing the cut, and Rodney looked down at himself feeling strange without the scar on his chest that had become normal to him.

"All done," Jennifer said.

"If you notice anything out of the ordinary, tell us immediately," Carson admonished him.

"I'm on Atlantis," Rodney said. "I'll be fine."

He put his shirt and jacket back on and went to the labs.

~~

"Nothing," Radek said sadly, pushing up his glasses.

"We could drill it open," Rodney said.

Radek turned to him. "We might not be able to put it back together."

"I know," Rodney said.

"We should talk to the colonel," Radek suggested.

Rodney hated to disappoint John, but he needed to know, so Rodney nodded.

They walked to John's office. He was discussing something with Lorne and Ronon when they came in, but when he saw Rodney and Radek, he stood up. "Just a moment," he said to Lorne and Ronon.

Then he went into the backroom and motioned Rodney and Radek to follow.

Once they were inside, John said, "You didn't find anything."

"We did some further analysis, and found what must be a miniature power generator, but as far as the actual shield goes..." Rodney trailed off.

"Okay, put it back in," John said.

"We could drill it open," Rodney said carefully. "We've only taken it apart into its basic components so far."

"But you won't be able to put it back together, would you?" John asked.

"We can't really be sure how—" Rodney began, but John interrupted him.

"Radek?" he asked.

"We _might_ , but there's no guarantee," Radek said.

"What are the chances that you'll find anything that's actually useful to us?" John asked.

"Define useful," Rodney said.

"I mean building an actual shield for either the whole city or everyone on it in less than a month, preferably sooner," John said.

"Without knowing how the shield works we—" Rodney began.

"Radek?" John interrupted him again.

"Will you stop that!" Rodney said, irritated. "The answer for building a shield for everyone on Atlantis is there is absolutely zero chance. The answer to building a shield for Atlantis is, if we're really lucky and able to gather all the necessary resources in a timely manner."

"What are the chances that the shield will stop working if you drill it open?" John asked.

Rodney and Radek exchanged a look.

"Put it back in," John ordered, not even waiting for their answer. "Look into improving our cannons if you can. Or the puddlejumper. If we have to evacuate that might be our best bet against the Wraith." Then he was out the door.

"John," Rodney called after him, following out.

"No!" John only said, turning his attention to Lorne and Ronon again.

~~

"Do you really think looking into improving the cannons will help?" Rodney asked after he'd gone back to the lab with Radek.

"The Wraith armor holds up against the lasers pretty well, but I think with enough focus we could get through. And now we have something to test on," Radek said.

Rodney considered that. "But having a shield the size of Atlantis would make us invulnerable."

"Of course it would, but the colonel is right. What are the chances we'll actually manage that?" Radek asked. After a moment, he added, "I would have thought you would want to hang on to the shield now more than ever."

Rodney considered that. Before he'd come to Atlantis, such a situation would have caused him to help and then leave as soon as the Wraith approached. But now leaving left him with the question of _where_ to go. Atlantis hadn't just become a home because it was better than travelling from settlement to settlement.

Atlantis had become the place that he didn't want to be without. And not just the place but the people. If John, Teyla, Ronon, and the others were going to fight to the death to defend the city then Rodney couldn't imagine being anywhere but at their side.

If the Wraith destroyed Atlantis and everyone in it, what consolation would it be that he would be allowed to survive. Traveling again to meet stranger after stranger with the knowledge that he'd never find a safe home again. If the Wraith in power took Atlantis, what would stop them?

The only safe space left would be the caves but Rodney wouldn't return to live there even if it meant he'd never have a home again.

Thinking about the caves reminded him of his sister. Even if he'd never return to live there, he wanted his sister to know why he never even visited and what had happened. He doubted it would make the people in the caves wake up and try to do something against the Wraith, but at least she'd know what was going on.

He wrote Jeannie a detailed letter, telling her about Atlantis, their situation, and John. He only told her that he was a good friend. There wasn't more to tell but he'd never written about anyone else, so she had to know that he meant a lot to Rodney. Not that it mattered that she knew.

He finished the letter, writing about how he hoped he could create a shield large enough to protect Atlantis.

He wasn't sure if the letter would ever reach her. At this point life in Pegasus went on as normal, and he wasn't sure how soon settlements would notice that the Wraith had increased their demand of tributes. As far as he knew there'd never be a rhyme or reason to them. So maybe they had some time until people would start to notice.

Though he wasn't sure what it would change once they did. Apart from Atlantis nobody had ever been able to refuse the tributes. How many settlements would have to have nothing left to lose and would attack the Wraith with little chance of success?

After depositing the letter, Rodney went to work on the puddlejumper. He didn't go to the infirmary to put the shield back in. And every now and then he'd look at it to see if there wasn't anything else he could get loose without damaging it.

~~

Ronon and Teyla went on a mission to retrieve naquadah and then alerted their allies. They wouldn't have time to inform them all and it wouldn't really be useful, but Atlantis had formed so many alliances and encouraged their allies to form alliances amongst themselves that asking two allies to inform two more spread the news rather quickly.

John hoped that this would also let them cover more ground in terms of observing Wraith movement. They didn't explicitly ask their allies to do this, but those living closest to hives were always on the lookout and were likely to have more people on guard in such a situation.

The Atlantis teams took turns in keeping strategic spots under observation.

John was conferring with all teams that went out and came in at all times as well as keeping track of the resources on Atlantis, the weapons and ammunition they could build or acquire, and the progress the inventors made in the labs.

Rodney wasn't sure if he slept at all. He had moved back into his house now that Ellia was gone, but he didn't think John had spent a night in his home since their return. He still picked Rodney up for breakfast and dinner, though they sometimes took it in his office.

One night, Ronon told John, "You look tired," and Rodney took the chance and grabbed John.

"Let's get you to bed," he said. John protested, of course, but Rodney didn't let it deter him. "I'll tell Ronon to carry you if you don't come."

"He wouldn't dare," John said.

"I would," Ronon said. "You need rest. You're no good to us if you're not awake."

John glared at him and muttered, "Traitor." But he grudgingly got up and walked home with Rodney.

When Rodney followed him in, he asked, "What? You want to tuck me in?"

"If I have to, to make sure you'll actually sleep," Rodney said, putting his hands on his hips.

"Just give me a moment," John said and disappeared into the bathroom. He came out carrying his boots, jacket, and uniform, wearing only his underwear. "You really wanna tuck me in?" he asked.

"Shoo," Rodney made a motion up the stairs.

John shook his head but went upstairs. Rodney followed him, taking in his hairy legs and bare feet. John slipped under the cover. "See, all good now. You can go."

Rodney wasn't sure if he could trust him not to leave the moment he turned. To John's surprise he sat down on the bed next to him. "You really need to rest. We _need_ you."

John looked at him with wide eyes, then dropped his gaze.

"You're doing everything you can," Rodney said, putting his hand on John's shoulder.

"I think I could do more," John said quietly.

"Of course you think that," Rodney said. He couldn't help himself and cupped John's face.

John closed his eyes and moved into Rodney's hand for a second. "At least I know that you'll be safe," he said, so quiet that Rodney almost couldn't hear it.

Rodney thought about the shield in his pocket. When John had asked if it was back in, Rodney had told him it was taken care of. He wasn't sure why he'd lied. Though part of him feared that if John knew, he'd drag Rodney to the infirmary and insist to watch as he put it back in.

Rodney hadn't made any progress on the shield. The main components were still inside their compartments. Anything he'd tried to pry them lose in a safe way had failed. But he wasn't ready to give up yet. He thought that if a Wraith army was really descending on them he might not care about being able to put it back together. And maybe John would agree then that it was worth the risk.

Rodney stroked his thumb over John's cheek. "Rest now." He removed his hand slowly, but watched John for a while until his breathing evened out.

Only then did Rodney get up and go to his own bed.

~~

The next morning Rodney entered John's home to check on him.

He was already up, putting on his boots in the kitchen. "I was about to get you," John said.

"How did you sleep?" Rodney asked.

John got up and looked at Rodney. "I think I needed that. Thank you."

"Any time," Rodney said. "I'll remind you tonight."

"Rodney," John said.

"You have to sleep. Might as well do it in a comfortable bed," Rodney said.

"I need to check if there are any reports of Wraith activity," John said.

"I'm pretty sure they would have woken you up for that," Rodney pointed out.

"If they're attacking, yes, but maybe they're just moving elsewhere," John said.

"What would you do if they did?" Rodney asked.

John looked away. "I know we're not doing enough."

"We're doing what we can, except..." Rodney began.

John looked at him. "Except?"

"We could take another look at the shield," Rodney said.

"You mean break it," John said.

"It's our only real chance," Rodney said.

"If our cannons are good enough and the walls hold..." John said.

"What if they don't?" Rodney asked.

"What if you break the shield completely? What if you figure out how it works, but can't improve it? Without the shield you're vulnerable!" John said, getting in Rodney's face as if Rodney didn't know the consequences.

"I know. So?" Rodney said, holding his chin up high.

John stared at him. "Have you..." Suddenly his hand was on Rodney's neck.

"John, no," Rodney tried to say, though it was hard without being able to breathe. With one hand he tried to pull John's hand away from his neck, with the other he grabbed for the shield in his pocket. When he touched it, the shield kicked in though the relocation meant it hit John in the stomach.

John doubled over.

"Dammit," Rodney cursed, pulling up John's shirt.

"I'm fine," John said, taking deep breaths.

"You should let Jennifer take a look at it," Rodney said, looking at the angry red mark.

"No, _you_ should go to the infirmary and get the shield back in," John said. "Now!"

"John, we need to—" Rodney protested.

"I need to know that you're safe!" John told him. "You're the best inventor we have," he added, though he didn't meet Rodney's eyes at that, pulling down his shirt.

"John," Rodney said, trying to put his hand on John's arm, but John pushed it away.

"I'll think of something," John said. "You get the shield back in now."

"John, there's no—"

"Now!" John shouted. "Do I have to drag you to the infirmary myself? I'll think of something. I'll ask Todd. Maybe he can find a shield for us."

"You said he doesn't trade Wraith technology," Rodney said.

"Things have changed," John said. "Rodney, please. If it really comes to that, we can take it out again. Just...please."

"Okay," Rodney said.

John nodded.

"Let me put some lotion on you," Rodney said.

"Rodney," John said.

"It'll take a minute, and then I'll go to the infirmary. I promise," Rodney said.

"All right," John gave in.

Rodney quickly retrieved some of his home-made sunscreen and returned to apply it to the mark on John's stomach. John was still breathing faster than normal. Rodney was carefully applying the substance, thinking somewhat hysterically that he only got to touch John after hurting him.

"Thank you," John said when Rodney finally pulled away. "And now..."

"I'll go to the infirmary and put the shield back in," Rodney said.

They walked towards the town center. At the mess hall, John said pointedly, "I'll take our breakfast to my office. I'll expect you after you're done."

Rodney nodded and went on to the infirmary. He still wasn't sure if they'd have another choice than to use the shield. But maybe Todd would really offer something since circumstances had changed and the situation was about to turn into a war. And even if they didn't, John was right. He could remove the shield again if necessary.

It took less than half an hour to have the shield back in its place.

He walked into John's office, waiting at the door while John talked to two teams that were reporting to him. John nodded towards the back office, and Rodney went there and waited until John had dismissed the teams and joined him.

John looked at him. "You did it? I mean really this time?"

"Yes, I did," Rodney said. "You want me to prove it?"

John wrapped a hand around his wrist. "One shock this morning was enough I think."

Rodney snorted. "You could shoot me," he suggested.

"Need to conserve bullets," John said, coming closer.

"Right," Rodney said. He licked his lips and opened his shirt. "It only looks like this with the shield in," he said.

John looked at the scar, then exhaled. "Thank you," he said. "Now let's have breakfast."

~~

In the next days reports of tributes came trickling in. For any one settlement it could have been completely ordinary, but from so many at once it was a confirmation of Todd's information.

Rodney concentrated on the puddlejumper and helping Radek with the laser cannons as well as explosives. They did some tests with mines even though they knew they would only hit the first wave. They also worked on triggering explosives through wires so that they could time them to target the artillery specifically that the Wraith would bring with them during a full scale attack.

There was little they could do to fortify the defenses. The walls around Atlantis were thick, but not impenetrable. They could pour hot or acidic liquids down to attackers should they come so far. Adding a steel mantle was a possibility, but Ben, their blacksmith, worked on weapons and ammunition instead, which were deemed more important.

The strategy was to keep the Wraith from being able to breach the walls at any cost.

So far there was no sign of an approaching army. The Wraith moved only in the small groups that they used to demand and collect tributes. John wasn't even sure if there were more squads sent than usual, because Atlantis had never before monitored Wraith movements so closely.

After Rodney had practically forced him to bed, John continued to sleep in his home. He still stayed late and got up early, gathering reports and making adjustments to the teams if necessary.

When they received a letter from Todd, Rodney had high hopes he might offer them a shield or at least technical details about it, but instead Todd informed them of a large meeting involving representatives of all colonies.

"He doesn't know if this will be the start of an outright war or if the moderate Wraith can convince the traditional ones to temper themselves," John said.

"So we don't really know _what_ will happen, but it's likely _that_ something will happen?" Rodney asked.

"Exactly," John said. He looked more tense than he had in the last couple of days.

"He's not sending us a shield is he?" Rodney asked.

John looked at Rodney, then dropped his gaze. "He didn't mention it," he said. Then he looked at Rodney again. "But I'm not entirely sure he got my request. Or maybe he has to organize a way to send the shield first. Keep helping Radek and working on the puddlejumper."

Rodney did continue to work on several projects at once, making suggestions here and there while also working on the puddlejumper. He'd gotten it to a working state by now, but had decided not to show it to John yet since the connections of the modules were still loose and in its current state the puddlejumper would probably break down during the demonstration. Rodney wanted it to be perfect before he showed it to John.

John picked him up for dinner and they went to the mess. Rodney couldn't help the slight worry as he watched John eat hastily. John looked even more tense than in the morning.

Rodney was tempted to tell him not to worry too much. They were doing all they could. The rest was out of their hands now. But it would only make things worse since he knew it was exactly that helplessness that frustrated John to no end.

In the end Rodney only said, "Don't work too late," outside the mess hall before they'd part ways when he went back to the labs and John to his office.

Instead of shrugging it off and leaving, John looked at him for a long moment. "So long, Rodney," he eventually said, giving Rodney a brief smile.

Rodney frowned. "Uhm, bye. I'll see you later or tomorrow for breakfast."

John only nodded, and they parted ways though Rodney couldn't help turning back once more watching John disappear into his office.

Rodney worked some more on the puddlejumper, affixing parts that had previously been placed very temporarily. By late evening the base was quite stable, which left the navigation system. If he didn't spend too much time doing other things the next day, he would be able to present the puddlejumper to John then.

At the thought of John, Rodney get a weird feeling in his stomach again.

He turned off the lights in the workshop with the puddlejumper, deciding he'd make a little detour to John's office on his way home.

He was still worried about John. But when he came to the commander's office, one of the guards was there instead.

"The colonel asked me to take over for the night," the guard said. "Is anything wrong?"

"No," Rodney said. "Just wanted to check if he was still up. Thanks."

Rodney left the guard alone, feeling relieved that John wasn't falling back into the habit of overtaxing himself. By the time he arrived at his home, though, that unsettling feeling in his chest flared up again. His hand was already on the door to his home when he decided to give in and check in on John.

Maybe seeing with his own eyes that John was safe and sound in his bed would help ease his worry.

It was dark inside. Rodney walked up the stairs as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake John up. Up in the bedroom, Rodney let his eyes adjust to the little light that came through the ceiling window.

Damn. The bed was empty. Rodney's heart rate picked up, and he tried to tell himself to calm down. Maybe John had chosen to sleep in his office again, just in case a report of an incoming Wraith army came in.

He was about to turn and go back to John's office when something on the pillow caught his eye. His heart skipped a beat. He quickly walked around the bed and picked up what turned out to be an envelope—addressed to Rodney.

"Oh, no," Rodney said with a sinking feeling as he tore open the letter.

It was difficult to read in the dark, so the turned on the light, the sudden brightness making the bed seem even more empty somehow.

"Rodney,

"I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up for breakfast.

"Don't come after me! If I'm not back by the time you read this, I'm most likely dead anyway."

Rodney's hand started shaking. This couldn't be happening. He remembered John's last words to him. "So long, Rodney." The bastard had known he would do this and hadn't said a word!

"Todd can't send a shield. He has no access to one and he can't afford to raise the suspicions of other Wraith. He's trying to stay neutral, but right now anything less than full support of their agenda is seen as rebellion by those in power. He did send notes about where a shield would be located in a hive should we wish to acquire one on our own.

"I know that you're willing to destroy your own shield to give us a chance, but I can't ask you to give up your safety if I haven't done everything in my power to prevent it.

"I'm sorry that I failed. Lorne, Ronon, and Teyla will know how to continue implementing our defensive strategy. I wasn't useful in the end anyway."

Rodney wanted to shake John. He wanted to punch a wall and shout, but he kept on reading.

"I hope that all of you will make it. I know you and Radek will do all you can. I'll no longer be able to prevent you from opening your shield. I hope it will be worth it. I hope you'll be safe.

"Don't feel guilty if you're the only one to survive. Even if Atlantis falls, the people of Pegasus will need you."

"And what about you, you bastard?" Rodney asked aloud. Didn't John see that the people of Pegasus needed him as well. And who cared about the people of Pegasus. _Rodney_ needed him. And he'd simply left without a word. Though he supposed these were John's last words to him.

"I'm sorry that I was a coward. I want you to know that what I did had nothing to do with you. Helping Teyla had been a good excuse for me for years to not have to face my feelings, and even when you came into my life and changed everything, I was too afraid."

"Afraid of what?" Rodney whispered to the letter. But there was no answer.

"I'm sorry,

"John"

The letter ended, but a bit further down in a hasty scrawl, as if John had come back and added them in before he could change his mind, were three almost illegible words.

"I love you."

Rodney took a deep breath. He wanted to cry and shout at the same time. Then he scrolled back up and read the first words. John had expected Rodney to find the letter when he didn't show up for breakfast.

It was just before midnight. Even if John had left immediately after dinner, there was a good chance that he hadn't yet reached wherever he was going or at least hadn't been there for long.

Rodney rushed down the stairs. It would have made most sense to go to the closest hive if he wanted to steal a shield. There were guards on the walls at all times now, so Rodney ran to the guard facing the direction of the closest hive.

"Did you see Colonel Sheppard leaving earlier this evening? In this direction?" he asked, pointing to where the closest hive was.

The guard blinked. "Yes," he said. "He waved to me before he rode off. Is something wrong?"

Rodney ignored the guard and ran off. At least his guess about the closest hive seemed to be correct. He needed to follow John. Though there was no chance in hell that Rodney could catch up to him on a horse.

The puddlejumper! At top speed it would be much faster than a horse. Rodney cursed himself for not working on it more in the last couple of days. It didn't matter now. The navigation would have to hold and if it didn't Rodney would have to fix it or risk losing John.

He ran back to his home, fetching his mission bag and some water. He contemplated telling Ronon and Teyla, but they were talking about a _hive_ here, filled with dozens of Wraith soldiers. At least Rodney had his shield. If they were caught, Ronon and Teyla wouldn't stand a chance, and he couldn't put that on his conscience. John would never forgive him even if they made it out alive through some miracle.

Rodney ran back to the workshop, scribbled down a note that he'd gone to get John from the closest hive and for them not to follow. Thankfully he'd made notes about the puddlejumpers new design, so even if he didn't return, Atlantis could create a new one. If the city survived that long.

He packed some basic tools that he'd need for the navigation module and opened the outside facing door of the workshop which lay on the outside of Atlantis connected to the lab through an enforced door.

When he started the puddlejumper for the first time, a feeling of exhilaration came up in Rodney, quickly followed by resentment that John had to ruin what could have been a moment of great achievement and turned it into a race for life and death. If they made it out alive, they'd have to have a really long talk. Or Rodney would just punch him in the face.

He moved the puddlejumper outside, then closed the shed. He moved until he caught the eye of the closest guard on the wall and pointed at the puddlejumper and then away, so that the guard would know this wasn't an enemy.

The guard nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

Rodney went back to the jumper, started it again and then went off. The puddlejumper worked wonderfully. The air pressure made it hover over the ground, and he could run over the rough desert surface without problems.

If this were a real test, he'd slowly increase the speed, but if he wanted to have any chance at all of catching up with John he needed to run at top speed.

Bracing himself for the worst, Rodney accelerated, watching in relief that the puddlejumper seemed to have no issues.

"It works. Of course, it works," he mumbled to himself.

The navigation felt very instable but so far it still held. There was very little Rodney could do about it now, other than handling it with care.

It was amazing to see how fast he could go. This was superior to riding in almost every way. Energy was a concern, of course, but this was much more efficient than the wheel rotation system Radek had developed. It was quite a bit faster than a horse at top speed and horses couldn't sustain top speed for extended periods of time, while the puddlejumper would never tire if it didn't run out of energy.

Rodney made his way towards the closest hive at top speed, keeping a close eye on the navigation stick. Halfway to the hive, he started looking through his pair of binoculars, checking if he could spot John, but there was only darkness.

He hoped he wouldn't be too late. Once he came closer to the hive, he took a long way around so that he'd approach the hive with the closest rock as a cover.

He decided parking the puddlejumper behind the rock would allow him to look for John while remaining undetected. As he came closer, he saw John's horse waiting behind the rock as well.

Rodney let out a sigh of relief. His greatest fear apart from being too late had been that he'd picked the wrong hive and that John had chosen to go to one further away but in the same general direction. At least now he knew that John had to be here. If he was still alive.

Rodney tried not to think about that. He took a swig from the water bottle, then took the cutter and his pocket knife from his mission bag. He had no gun with him, but his plan was to remain unnoticed.

He left the puddlejumper and slowly crept around the rock. It was cloudy today and nearly new moon, so it was pretty dark outside. The last time he'd been this close to a hive there hadn't been any guards at all.

Rodney doubted that it would be as simple tonight. With the unstable situation and increased tributes, he suspected that the Wraith would be more careful.

But there was no sign of a guard for now—or of John. After watching the hive for a few minutes, Rodney decided to come closer. The hives pretty much all had the same layout. If John was going to steal the shield and it was in the same place as where Rodney had found his, Rodney would have to turn right and around the corner.

He carefully approached it, suddenly wishing for the life signs detector. He hadn't even thought about bringing it. Then it occurred to him that hopefully _John_ had taken it with him, which would tip the odds in his favor.

Though it couldn't be as simple as that. Rodney had waited long enough that even if John had just arrived by the time Rodney had caught up with him, he should have had plenty of time to break into the queen's study, get the shield, and get back. But he wasn't here, so something must have happened.

Rodney very carefully took a look around the corner. There was light coming from one of the windows, but not the queen's study. Rodney was about to start crawling towards it, when he saw a guard coming around the corner. He quickly moved back, breathing heavily and willing his heart rate to slow down again.

He reminded himself that he was invulnerable with the shield. But this didn't mean that he wanted to be caught.

He went back to the corner, carefully peeking around to gauge how the guard moved. The Wraith walked slowly then stopped, gazing out into the distance. His attention seemed to be mostly on the plains, which made sense. Still, Rodney couldn't afford to alert him, so he moved back towards the other corner of the hive. He carefully peeked around here as well, seeing no guard.

He hoped this meant there was only a single guard. The other side had more than one window with light towards the far end of it. Probably the night shift, ready to storm out if the guard called them. Rodney wasn't sure what to do. He was sure that John was somehow stuck inside. But it would be difficult to find him without entering the hive. He walked a bit further back, contemplating whether he should hide back by the rock until the guard came around and walked past or if he should move in the same direction as the guard keeping the hive between them.

He looked into a dark window and saw Wraith uniforms lined up. This had to be the dressing room or storage. Maybe he was lucky and they had life signs detectors here too. And even if not, a Wraith uniform might allow him to confuse the Wraith if they saw him.

Rodney picked the cutter from his pocket and broke into the window. He went in and put the loose glass pane back. Once inside he walked around, checking the Wraith uniforms for a suitable size and put it on. He also went for the mask though it would probably be suspicious inside the hive.

It wasn't a perfect disguise. He didn't have the long white hair that was custom for the Wraith, but it was better than nothing and he still intended to hide if he could. Unfortunately there was no sign of life signs detectors or guns for that matter.

Rodney waited beside the window until the guard came around and slowly made his way past Rodney. Rodney waited until he was sure the guard was around the corner, then he left the room through the window, putting the pane back in.

He went to the corner to check that the guard was still here, which he was, then quickly went to the other side. There was no guard, making Rodney a bit more certain that he only had to deal with the one guard. He crawled to the queen's study, ducking beneath the windows. Once there, he looked inside, but there was no sign of John. Though at a closer look at the windows, Rodney could see where John had broken in.

Rodney looked at the shelves where he had found his own shield so many years ago. The memory was very fresh in his mind, but there was no sign of a shield here. Maybe John had already taken it.

Rodney would have to make a decision soon. Either go in after John or stay outside and walk back before the guard came around again. Since John was nowhere to be seen and apparently stuck he decided to walk back. He made a detour to the rock just to make sure that John hadn't returned, but the horse was still there between the rock and the puddlejumper.

Rodney went back, checked that the guard was on the side of the queen's study, then went the other way deciding to check that side. He carefully peeked into the dark windows. The first one was of a large dorm, with sleeping Wraith, making Rodney duck and move on as fast as he could. The next one he checked was a storage room. Then came the ones with light coming through.

From the side Rodney could see that they both belonged to one large room. In the cabinets on the far side of the room, Rodney could see some pans, so he figured it was the kitchen. He very carefully peeked inside and moved back once he saw three Wraith sitting around a table playing cards.

He ducked the window and moved to the next. There were some cabinets between the part where the Wraith had sat and the kitchen part of the room. Rodney carefully peeked in to check if there were more Wraith here.

When he looked inside, his gaze fell on a masked Wraith crouching behind a counter and staring straight in his direction.

His heart skipped a beat and he moved back. Shit. The Wraith must have seen him. He waited for shouts, but didn't hear anything. Then he recalled the pose of the Wraith, crouching as if he was hiding.

John!

Carefully Rodney peeked in again, taking a closer look at the Wraith and now seeing that beneath the mask there was no long white hair but rather John's dark shock of unruly hair.

John lifted a life signs detector and pointed behind him where the three Wraith sat. Then he lifted his arms as if to say he didn't know how to get out with them there.

Rodney nodded in understanding. The Wraith hadn't looked as if they were stopping anytime soon. But they also weren't so distracted that they wouldn't notice John crawling past them.

They could wait until they finally left, but if they were unlucky this would be in the morning and instead of them leaving it would be more Wraith coming in. Right now most of the Wraith in the hive were asleep.

Using the window was also not a possibility. It had worked fine on the empty room with the uniforms, but it wouldn't be quiet enough for a room with Wraith sitting just beyond a counter.

They would need a distraction of some kind.

Suddenly John waved at him and pointed at the life signs detector. Then made a circle around it and pointed back towards the Wraith.

Right, the guard was still out there, making his round! Rodney made a circle motion to indicate he'd walk around and be back once the guard had passed. He walked the other way round, moving quickly and ducking beneath the windows. Nothing in the stables a bit further off moved, so he could make his way around undetected.

He needed a way to get the Wraith out of that room, preferably without making them so suspicious that they immediately raised the alarms. He wasn't sure if that would be possible. As he crawled back towards the lit room, he suddenly had an idea: Turning off the lights.

There was still the risk not all of them would leave or that they would immediately alert the others, but it was the best idea he had that didn't involve waiting for the others to wake up. He came back to the window where he could see John.

When he looked inside, he could see that John had crawled a bit closer.

Rodney pointed at the lamp at the ceiling, then made a gesture of his hand snapping shut, hoping John would understand. John pointed at the light, made a cut gesture at his neck to indicate death (of the light), then gestured out of the window.

Rodney nodded. Now he just needed to find the best way to kill the light. Cutting the main line would work, but would kill all lights, which would likely alert the guard on the other side as well as whoever was in the lit room there.

Since the kitchen where John and the Wraith were located was the corner room, Rodney walked around, hoping he'd find a way to turn off the light in only that room. The back entrance of the hive was next to the kitchen and Rodney took his cutter to break in and walk along the hall, hoping nobody would come out now.

He heard the faint sounds of the guards playing cards and saw the light coming out from under the door. He searched the wall for signs of wires, moving his hands along the surface until he found the faint uneven line.

Yes! He traced the line back towards the door where it disappeared into the wall. There was no guarantee that it would cut only the electricity to the kitchen, but it was worth a shot. He opened the door, ready to escape, then severed the wire behind the wall with his cutter. The light behind the door disappeared, and there was a moment of complete silence, then the Wraith started talking more loudly, but still not understandable though Rodney didn't stick around to listen anyway, moving out the door and around the corner as fast and quietly as he could. When he came around, John was opening the window and getting out, armed with a life signs detector and a huge black bag that Rodney hadn't noticed before.

Rodney sighed in relief at the sight of John, then frowned at the bag. John closed the window, then opened the bag and pulled one of the life signs detectors out and pushed it at Rodney who took it. Then he pointed towards the rock and they made their way in that direction. On the life signs detector they could see the three Wraith a bit further off inside the hive in what had to be the hall. Suddenly there was a faint light coming through and Rodney was glad that he apparently hadn't cut off all electricity. Maybe it would look like a short circuit.

They moved past the storage room. Nobody in the dorm stirred as they ducked beneath the windows there, but the guard on the other side of the hive was almost about to turn the corner. Damn. Now they had to turn back or risk being seen by the guard. They went back but on the life signs detectors they could see one of the three Wraith moving down the hall to the back entrance.

They heard a faint shout and then, "Somebody broke in!"

"Shit," John muttered. Then he pulled Rodney back towards the rock, even though the guard would be there unless they were lucky and he'd go inside the hive once the alarm was raised. Though in that case the single guard would be the least of their problems.

John pulled a pistol from his holster and then everything seemed to happen at once.

An alarm started ringing, and the dots in the dorm started swarming out. The guard stopped and started moving in their direction, but John went on and raised his gun. Just before the corner, Rodney remembered his shield. "Let me," he said, holding John back and stepping around first, turning on the outer shield.

He was suddenly glad that John had forced him to face the Wraith at the mine, because this time, Rodney felt almost prepared for stepping directly into the line of sight of the Wraith. He ran towards him at full speed while the guard lifted his gun and shot.

The surprise at not hitting him lasted long enough for Rodney to tackle him. When the Wraith tried to hit him with his gun, the shield activated and he crumbled to the ground. By now all dots on the life signs detector were coming towards them, alerted by the shot.

John ran past him, grabbing Rodney by the arm and helping him up, and they ran towards the rock.

Shots were fired in their direction, but they stopped at the shield and Rodney pushed John in front of him until they reached the rock.

"The puddlejumper?" John asked when he saw the vehicle next to his horse.

"Yes," Rodney said, running on until he noticed that John had stopped. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Prepare the jumper!" John shouted, firing a few shots beyond the rock.

"But—"

"Do it!" John said, and Rodney reluctantly moved to open the door of the jumper.

Suddenly John moved to his horse, and moments later there was a huge explosion coming from the hive.

"What the hell was that?" Rodney asked.

"Preparation," John said grinning, then he calmed the horse. "Does the jumper have a backdoor?"

"Yes, yes," Rodney said, entering and opening the backdoor, so that John could lead the horse inside. A look at the life signs detector showed that there were more Wraith coming. "We have to go. They're coming."

"I'm in," John said.

"Close the door," Rodney told him at the same time starting the puddlejumper and hoping that it would work as beautifully as it had on the way to the hive.

Behind him John closed the backdoor and leaned out of the front door, firing a few shots as the first Wraith came around the corner, making them back away for a moment. Then he got out a grenade and threw it.

There were a few shots fired, but none of them seemed to hit anything vital and Rodney was able to start moving just as the grenade exploded.

The horse got agitated, but John calmed it, removing his mask. "Shhh. It's fine."

Rodney turned, and they started speeding away, leaving firing Wraith behind them. He sighed in relief, pulled the mask off his face as well, and turned off his outer shield.

"Wow, how fast does it go?" John said.

Rodney kept his eyes on the display, waiting until the top speed was reached. "This fast," he said.

"This is amazing," John said. Then he leaned out the open door. "They're following us. But they'll have no chance on horses."

Rodney wasn't so sure about that. The navigation was hanging on by a thread. He turned on a small light to be able to keep an eye on it. It had been a miracle that he'd made it to the hive without incident. He wasn't ready to count on another miracle.

"Are they giving up?" Rodney asked.

"No, but we'll leave them in the dust. Literally. We're leaving a nice little cloud behind us. It's almost like we're flying," John said gleefully.

"Just make sure the horse stays calm and keep an eye on the Wraith," Rodney said, eyeing the navigation stick nervously.

Eventually the inevitable happened and it gave way. The jumper lurched hard to the right.

"Rodney? Shouldn't we move _away_ from the Wraith?" John asked, watching as the jumper seemed to turn around.

"Look, I didn't know I was going to go on a ride tonight! Let me just—" Rodney said, slowing down to a stop so that he could repair the navigation.

"How long will it—"

"I don't know!" Rodney shouted.

"They're still quite a bit away but gaining ground," John said.

"Not. Helping," Rodney said through his teeth, as he worked on properly reinserting the navigation stick and affixing it enough that it would hold until they were out of reach.

Finally, he was done. He started the puddlejumper again, and they were off again. Rodney turned the jumper around so that they were hovering away from the Wraith. Unfortunately the stick started moving as soon as he let it go, so Rodney had to keep a hold of it to keep going in the same direction.

"Damn it," he said. "Can you keep a look at where we're going and tell me when we drift off or move into something?" he asked, then ducked down to see if he could fix the issue with the stick.

"Go a bit to the left," John said. "Yes, like that. Perfect. We're gaining ground again. I don't think they'll keep following very long."

"I hope so," Rodney muttered under his breath. The stupid stick couldn't hold its position and Rodney feared he wouldn't be able to fix it without stopping the jumper. He held on and tried his best. "Are they still behind us?" he asked after a while.

"Yes," John said. "Let me get my binoculars."

Rodney looked up to see him move to the satchel of the horse and get out a pair of binoculars. "Don't forget where we're going," he chided John.

John turned to look out the front. "Oh damn," he said, then the puddlejumper did a little jump up and to the side.

Rodney grabbed the wall to make sure he wouldn't skid towards the still open side door, but it was fine.

"Wow, we went right over it. It was a little rock," John said. Then his face lit up. "It _really_ is a little _jumper_."

Rodney opened his mouth to tell John that it was a natural benefit of the hover design and had _nothing_ to do with 'jumping', but then he could only smile fondly at John. "It even goes over water."

John grinned at him. Then he turned to the open door, looking out with his binoculars. "They're still not giving up."

"Hoping we'll have to stop again," Rodney commented.

"Will we?" John asked.

"Not if I can help it. The navigation is pretty much completely broken, but the pressurizers are stable enough. As long as I hold the navigation, it'll be fine."

They kept going like that. John kept an eye on the Wraith, his horse, and where they were going.

Finally he said, "I think they're stopping."

"You _think_?" Rodney asked.

John kept looking at the Wraith. After a while he said, "Yes, they're turning around."

"We should keep going, just in case," Rodney said.

"Yes," John agreed.

They went on for a quarter of an hour in which John still checked if the Wraith hadn't changed their mind.

"I can't even see them anymore," he said at one point.

"Let's go a bit more," Rodney said. He didn't want to risk it.

Eventually, he felt safe enough to slow down the puddlejumper until it came to a stop. The horse neighed, and John asked, "Can I let him out for a moment?"

"Yes," Rodney said. "It'll take a moment to really repair this."

John opened the back door and led the horse out. Rodney got up simply to loosen his body, which had tensed up pretty badly when he'd held the navigation stick. He closed and opened his hand a few times. Then he took a breath and followed John out. He deserved a moment of rest.

When John saw him, he stepped towards Rodney, smiling widely. He pulled something from his pocket and lifted it up. It was a shield.

Instead of being happy, Rodney suddenly felt the anger and fear rushing into his body with a vengeance. "What the hell were you thinking?" he shouted at John.

John's face fell. "I got the shield. Now you can open it up and don't have to worry—"

"I worried about _you_ ," Rodney said. "Do you have any idea how I felt reading your letter?"

"You found it?" John asked. "Of course you did." He dropped his gaze.

"You left, ready to die, and wrote me a fucking _note_ ," Rodney said.

"I had to do this," John said.

"No, you didn't! We _have_ a shield," Rodney said. "And if you really wanted to go on such a mission we could have planned it. Together. With a life signs detector _and_ a shield it would have been a calculated risk."

"I didn't want to risk the life signs detector and I didn't want to—"

"You didn't even take the life signs detector?" Rodney asked, disbelieving.

"If I failed—"

"You'd be dead!" Rodney shouted. "Don't you get this? You'd be dead. What makes you think for a second that your life is worth less than a life signs detector or even a stupid shield. You'd be dead, and I'd have nothing left of you but a letter telling me that you're sorry and that you love me."

John swallowed.

Rodney had enough. The urge to slap some sense into John was so strong that he did the only other thing he could think of. He put a hand behind John's neck and pulled him into a kiss.

For an unbearable moment John stood stiffly and didn't move. Rodney was ready to kick him in the balls out of sheer frustration when John finally tilted his head and opened his mouth to return the kiss.

God, yes. He'd waited for this moment so long. Rodney felt John's arms wrap around him, and it was as if something finally shifted in his world and everything was all right for a perfect moment.

The kiss slowed down until only their foreheads were touching and their lips were barely apart as they breathed each other's air.

"We can't stay here forever," John eventually said.

Rodney's eyes narrowed in annoyance for breaking the moment, but John was right. Rodney moved back enough that he could look at John. John's eyes were full of love but also something else that Rodney couldn't interpret, but he didn't like it. He cupped John's face and kissed him again before stepping away. "I'll fix the navigation."

John nodded and let him go back into the jumper.

~~

When Rodney had the navigation stick in a state that would no longer require him to hold on to it for the ride, he called John. "I'm done."

John coaxed his horse back into the puddlejumper and closed the back door. He also closed the side door after another check with the binoculars. "Ready," he said, going back to the horse to keep it calm as they drove off.

Rodney looked back, still feeling that their kiss had far from resolved everything between them, but John only smiled calmy at him. Rodney turned around and started the puddlejumper. "Is Atlantis further this way?" he asked, pointing straight ahead. John was more familiar with the area and had kept an eye on their position and direction as Rodney had held the navigation together.

"Actually, it should be over there," John said, pointing pretty far to the right.

Rodney frowned, but turned the puddlejumper around. "You could have told me to change directions," he said.

"I thought it would be better if we didn't lead the Wraith back towards Atlantis," John said.

Which made sense. Rodney was relieved it hadn't been up to him because he'd gone straight towards home. John suddenly appeared behind him, holding a compass in front of Rodney. "I didn't doubt you," Rodney said.

"Doesn't hurt to double check," John said, moving back to the horse.

The rest of the trip was silent, except for John murmuring soothing words to the horse whenever it got agitated.

Rodney felt drained. The horror of finding John's note and then facing the Wraith was too fresh in his mind and he didn't feel the excitement of the shield and that John had finally given in.

Thinking about the shield only made him resent it because John had gone on what could have been a suicide mission for it. They still couldn't be sure how serviceable it would be for their purposes. Maybe it would turn out to be as useful as a paperweight once they'd taken it apart. John had also gotten some life signs detectors which were more helpful though only in circumstances like raiding a mine—or a hive. If an army attacked Atlantis, they'd be a complete waste, and Rodney couldn't get over the fact that John had been willing to risk his life for getting these devices that may or may not help them in the future.

The kiss was another matter altogether. It had been good. It had been better than good. Over the last months his feelings for John had been a constant background noise in his life, flaring up at times, but mostly just being _there_.

He hadn't realized how deep they ran by now. He'd enjoyed their friendship as a wonderful gift and accepted the feelings beyond friendship as something challenging. But he hadn't realized that facing John's death would be like facing his own end.

Finally kissing John, to feel everything they were to each other in that press of lips and John's arms around him had been exhilarating. But he knew that this wasn't the end of the challenge that was being in love with John.

Rodney was tired of having to fight John every step of the way, especially now that he'd felt that moment of perfection in his arms.

They finally approached Atlantis.

"Did you tell them you were going to get me?" John asked, standing behind Rodney again and looking through the front window of the puddlejumper up at some guards on the wall, one of which started running, probably to alert someone.

"I left a note, but didn't tell anyone," Rodney said. He waved at the guard trying to draw his attention to the fact that it was him and not some Wraith. The guard waved back.

They made their way to the workshop, stopping outside to let the horse out.

"I'll take him back to the stable," John said, but before he could get on the horse, the door to the workshop opened, and Elizabeth, Ronon, Teyla, Radek, and Lorne came out.

"Is either of you hurt? Did the Wraith follow you?" Elizabeth asked.

"No and no," Rodney said, getting out of the puddlejumper.

Elizabeth exhaled. Then her jaw clenched, and she said, "I want a report _now_."

Rodney and John exchanged a look. "Major, would you?" John asked, handing the reins of his horse to Lorne.

"Of course, sir," Lorne said, mounting the horse.

"Did you get it?" Radek asked, looking at Rodney and John.

John smiled, taking the shield out of his pocket. "I did."

"When I said _now_ I meant it," Elizabeth said, turning and going back to the workshop.

"Can I just put the puddlejumper back?" Rodney asked.

Elizabeth turned and glared at him. "I expect both of you in my office in five minutes."

Rodney went into the puddlejumper, Radek on his heels. Outside Teyla and Ronon asked if he broke into the hive and John showed them the bag with life signs detectors and whatever else he'd stolen.

After putting the puddlejumper back into the workshop, they all rushed to Elizabeth's office. Lorne was already there, waiting with her.

There was a silence after everyone had shuffled into place around Elizabeth's desk.

"Didn't it occur to either of you that you should _inform_ me or anyone else for that matter that you were attempting to raid a _hive_?" she asked sharply.

"It was my decision," John said. "I didn't want to put anyone at risk."

"You mean apart from yourself and Rodney and everyone else here should the Wraith consider it an attack by Atlantis," Elizabeth said.

"I wouldn't have told them where I came from," John said.

"And they didn't see us," Rodney threw in. "We were wearing the masks as well," he said, pointing down at his Wraith uniform.

"They could have followed you," Elizabeth said.

"We fled in a different direction," John said. "The puddlejumper left them in the dust," he added, grinning.

"Right. The puddlejumper which you took without telling anyone," Elizabeth said, now addressing Rodney.

"One guard knew," Rodney said. "And I left a note. Look, there was no way I could have caught up with John on a horse. The puddlejumper was my only chance."

"Even if it was, you could have alerted us that John had left," Elizabeth said.

"I needed to act," Rodney said. "And I didn't want to drag anyone else into this."

"Why?" Ronon asked.

Rodney glanced at him. "I... John wouldn't have forgiven me if something had happened to you. I have a shield at least, but inside a hive even you and Teyla wouldn't have had a chance."

"Did the Wraith catch you inside?" Teyla asked.

Rodney had the feeling that like Ronon she was angry with them for taking such a risk without asking their teammates but also understood why they had done it.

"Not exactly," John said. "I was on my way out when three Wraith came down the hall and I ducked into the kitchen."

"When I found him, he was stuck there with the Wraith playing cards in the same room," Rodney said.

"What did you do?" Ronon asked.

"I cut the power to the kitchen, and John went out the window when they left to look what was going on. Unfortunately they noticed someone had broken in before we could escape," Rodney said.

"We made a run for it and fled in the jumper," John said. "I destroyed the south side of the hive with explosives," he added.

Elizabeth's eyes widened.

"They followed us on horse, but we outran them until they gave up," Rodney quickly went on.

"They didn't follow us and we fled in a direction south of Atlantis," John said. "They have no reason to believe it was us."

"Except that I don't see small settlements having such a vehicle and daring to do such a thing," Elizabeth pointed out.

"The Wraith can't know what it was, and right now a lot of settlements will feel especially uncharitable towards them," John said. "They can't know for sure it was us. I don't think... I _hope_ if they hadn't considered attacking Atlantis before, this will not change anything." He looked guilty now.

"If we can get the shield to work for Atlantis, this raid could prove to be Atlantis' salvation," Rodney said, trying to convince both Elizabeth and John that for all that John had risked, he'd had a reason.

"You took a shield and life signs detectors?" Radek asked.

"And a few pistols and masks," John said, handing the bag over to Radek.

"Give him the shield too," Rodney said, then turned to Radek. "You can test it and take it apart the way we did with my shield. Don't drill into it until I'm with you!"

"You don't want to do it yourself?" Radek asked.

"I'll do the important part," Rodney said. "But first I have to get some rest."

He and John turned to Elizabeth. "We'll have another discussion about this but for now you can go," she said. After a moment she added, "I'm glad that we didn't lose either of you."

John and Rodney nodded, and they all left.

"Major, I'll have a more complete report tomorrow—well, later today," John said.

"I'll be in the office this morning," Lorne said.

"How many Wraith did you kill?" Ronon asked as they left the building.

"A handful at least," John said. "Maybe a dozen."

"Would have loved to be there," Ronon said.

"Ronon," John began.

"I know," Ronon said. "You needed another shield." He looked at Rodney.

"I was willing to open mine," Rodney said defensively.

"That's good to hear," Ronon said. "Even if he couldn't let you," he added, glancing at John.

"We should rest now," Teyla said diplomatically.

They walked towards their homes. At Teyla's door, John stopped. "I'm sorry. I had to."

"I know," Teyla said. "But I hope that now that you have demonstrated so clearly that you are willing to die for the one you love, that you are also willing to live for them—and _with_ them."

John dropped his gaze.

"He better be," Rodney stepped in, grabbing John by the arm.

John snorted, and Teyla smiled at them. She stayed outside until Rodney had pulled John into John's home.

"Rodney," John started, but Rodney cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it. Not now. It's late, and I just want to sleep knowing that you're safe and with me. Whatever it is, we can talk about it tomorrow," he said.

John seemed to want to protest, but then nodded, looking almost defeated.

Rodney went to the bathroom, turning around before he did. "Don't leave!" he admonished John.

John gave him a look.

Rodney narrowed his eyes and disappeared into the bathroom. John was still in the kitchen when he came out. He'd only gotten out of the Wraith uniform. Rodney let him go into the bathroom while he got out of the Wraith uniform as well. He waited for John to come out, not wanting to give John the temptation to leave.

John stepped out. "I wasn't going to run away," he said when he saw Rodney waiting for him.

"You have a habit of doing it, though," Rodney couldn't help but point out.

John didn't say anything and pointed up the stairs. Rodney went, making sure that John was following him. Then he slid into the bed, watching as John did the same after a moment of hesitation.

Rodney moved closer to him and put and arm over John's chest. "I'm glad you're alive," he said quietly. He feared that anything more would send John running.

"I'm glad we're both alive," John said.

Rodney was ready to point out that he was pretty hard to kill when he imagined for a second that John had died. He was pretty sure that watching John die at the hands of the Wraith in the hive would have killed some part inside of him that the shield couldn't protect. So maybe John was right. They could be glad they were _both_ safe and sound.

He moved a bit closer to John, reassuring himself of his presence.

John looked at him, then leaned forward and kissed him.

Rodney's heart skipped a beat at the surprising gesture. He kissed back, deepening the kiss, but John pulled back before it could turn really heated. "Let's sleep," John said.

Rodney sighed. It would have been too simple.

They settled down to sleep. Rodney thought about their first kiss, their escape, the terror at the hive and the way there. He thought about John's letter and how lucky he could be that he'd been so worried that he'd checked in on John tonight. And then he thought about John's last scrawled words on the note.

"I love you too," Rodney whispered, not sure if John was still awake.

After a moment he felt John's arms squeezing him a little tighter. Rodney smiled and fell asleep.

~~

When Rodney woke up, it took him a moment to realize that he wasn't in his own bedroom and that it was later than it usually was when he woke up. Then he recalled the events of the previous night and turned around to see if he was alone.

"Good morning," John said, smiling at him. He was sitting on the bed already fully dressed.

Rodney was relieved to see him but confused that he was fully dressed. "What time is it?" Rodney asked.

"Lunch time," John said. "I made coffee for you. It should be done about now." After a moment he added. "I thought you'd prefer not to wake up alone."

"Yes," Rodney only said. The memories of last night might seem too unreal to believe otherwise. But John was here because they'd gone to bed _together_ last night. Because they'd kissed. Just to assure himself that it hadn't been a dream, Rodney sat up and kissed John.

John leaned in to kiss him back. It was a deep but quick kiss as John pulled back. "Coffee's waiting," he said with a smile and got up.

Rodney looked longingly after him. "We could stay in bed," he suggested.

John turned to him. An expression flickered over his face that reminded Rodney that things weren't yet settled between them. "The shield is waiting for you too. After the coffee," John added.

"Oh, right," Rodney said, getting out of bed. John smiled and went downstairs while Rodney got dressed.

Rodney joined John downstairs, went to the bathroom, then got his coffee from John.

"I thought I could fetch lunch and bring it to you to the lab," John said.

"Yes," Rodney said. "Radek has probably been waiting for me. God, I hope—" he stopped himself.

"That it wasn't in vain?" John suggested.

Rodney only gave him a look. The idea that John had gone into a hive without a shield and without even a life signs detector still made him shudder. And he didn't care to relive the experience of running from the Wraith anytime soon. So yes, it would be very nice if the sacrifice John had been willing to make paid off and they got _something_ in return for their troubles.

He finished the cup and set it down. Then he stepped closer to John. He could see John tense, and it frustrated him that after last night they still had to deal with whatever it was that made John act like this. John's expression seemed to say, "I'm sorry." Rodney cupped his face and kissed him. "Let's go," he said.

He left and pretended not to notice John's sigh of relief.

~~

After contemplating the pros and cons of opening his shield for so long, Rodney wasn't sure if he should be glad that the opened shield looked so promising or if he should feel guilty for not risking it with his own shield.

He didn't spend too much time dwelling on it, though, making notes of his analysis instead.

The design was beautiful and simple. With only a few modifications they should be able to increase the radius of the outer shield. They did a few proof-of-concept tests with a slightly enlarged radius, and then started planning on how they would be able to turn the shield into a city wide defense.

The essentials were so simple that by the time they had a basic concept, it wasn't even time for lunch.

Rodney rewrote his notes in a slightly more readable fashion and decided to put the original notes into a letter to his sister. If Atlantis was defeated despite the shield, at least the information about it would live on.

He contemplated telling her about his relationship with John, but since he wasn't even sure what exactly the state of their relationship was exactly, he decided against it. Hopefully, it would be resolved soon and he could convince John that whatever the reason for his hesitation was that it wasn't worth giving up their chance at happiness. He didn't want to imagine going back to the tension of knowing that there was more to their relationship than the friendship they shared but never being able to act on it.

It was about time John picked him up for lunch, and indeed, a few minutes later John showed up with a bundle of food.

"I figured you'd want to work through dinner," John said as he approached.

"Actually, no," Rodney said.

"Oh," John said, his face falling. He dropped his gaze.

"We know that it works," Rodney clarified.

John looked up again. "It works? You mean it wasn't damaged when you opened it?"

"And we should be able to expand it to cover the city," Rodney added.

John's whole face lit up.

Rodney couldn't help smiling at how happy he looked. "So we could have gone to the mess," he said. "Though, since you already brought some food, we could go into the workshop and eat there."

They walked into the workshop where the puddlejumper stood at the center. John looked at it for a moment. "A puddlejumper _and_ a shield for Atlantis on the same day," he said.

"Well, the puddlejumper is the result of weeks of work and as you've seen it's not yet finished," Rodney said.

"It saved out lives," John pointed out. " _You_ saved our lives."

"And you risked yours for the shield," Rodney said. He still wasn't happy about that but now at least they could say it had been worth it.

"How long do you think it will take to finish the shield?" John asked.

Rodney sat down and picked a bowl of food. "I hope no longer than a week," he said. "But we'll need more energy than we have now to power it."

"How much?" John asked, starting to eat as well.

"It depends on the force used against it. Just letting it run is not an issue, but as soon as it absorbs the force of a bullet or worse it uses energy," Rodney said.

"We'll need more naquadah," John concluded.

"Yes," Rodney confirmed. "The more the better."

"We could try to clear a mine completely. Or even several at once. We have the lifesign detectors now," John said.

"They'd immediately increase security on the mines," Rodney said.

"That's why I suggested more than one. Go in and take what we can get," John said.

"It'll remove any doubts that they're under attack," Rodney commented.

"You think they'll doubt it after tonight?" John asked.

"Tonight could be an act of desperation by any settlement. You said it yourself to Elizabeth. It was only the two of us. And nobody knows that we have the puddlejumper. But if we send several teams to clear out as many mines as we can reach, there'll be no doubt left that it was Atlantis and that we're preparing for war," Rodney said.

"They could increase security to the mines even now after what happened yesterday. It could be that if we don't act now, we'll never get the chance and be left with a shield that's useless to us," John said.

Rodney couldn't argue with that. "It'll be a risk either way. But one will send them directly to Atlantis."

"You heard what Todd said. He thinks they'll come after us anyway," John reminded him.

"I know," Rodney said. "Maybe we could scout out the mines and see if we notice any difference in the number of guards."

John nodded. "And while they're scouting, they can get the bits and pieces we usually get."

"If it's no risk, then yes," Rodney said. "That will increase our storage at least a bit and as long as they don't catch us, it won't change our situation."

John sighed. "It would be a shame to have a shield and not be able to use it when we need it."

"We definitely will be able to use it at least for a short time," Rodney said.

John looked thoughtful for a moment. "What if they just ride through?" he asked. "The shield only reacts when you're in danger, doesn't it? How will this even work when it's not attached to a person?"

"So far one of us had to activate it and keep a hold of it," Rodney said. "In the worst case, that will still be a requirement, but the outer shield actually always activates unless I specifically want to let someone through."

"Oh," John said. "When I helped you up last night after you tackled the Wraith guard..."

"That's a good question, actually. I did see you running past as you grabbed me. Maybe if I hadn't, you would have been zapped by the shield. And worse than what the inner shield does," Rodney said.

"Ouch," John said, putting a hand on his stomach, where Rodney had last hit him when he'd not had the shield in his chest.

"Does it still hurt?" Rodney asked, nodding towards John's stomach.

"It's fine. Hardly visible any longer," John said, not quite meeting his eyes.

Hardly meant that it hadn't completely healed yet. Rodney was tempted to ask if he could take a look, but that reminded him of the discussion that they still hadn't had. This might be easier to ask for than the talk. "Can I see it?"

John hesitated for a moment, then stood up and pulled up his shirt. A faint red line was visible across his stomach. Rodney reached out to touch it, stopping just short of John's skin. He looked up at John, who didn't say anything or otherwise indicated that he didn't want Rodney to close the gap, so he did, softly running the tips of his fingers over the line.

"Rodney," John said quietly.

Rodney stood up as well, not removing his hand and instead sliding it further back. "John," he said softly, leaning in.

They kissed gently, slowly deepening the kiss, but when Rodney moved his other hand under John's shirt, John pulled away. "You should continue working on the shield, and I need to organize teams for the mines."

"John," Rodney said.

"I'll pick you up for dinner," John said, ignoring Rodney and collecting the dishes. He gave Rodney a quick kiss and then disappeared through the door.

Rodney sighed and went back to work as well.

~~

Rodney spent the afternoon running various tests on the prototype with Radek and others. He'd never thought too much about how exactly the shield identified friend or foe when it was activated vs when it was not.

He knew that his inner shield assumed a touch (or substance) to be acceptable unless it came with sufficient force or became life-threatening. The outer shield was generally less forgiving. Rodney had managed to extend it past fellow travelers on a few occasions without harming them, but he'd never considered why and how exactly that worked.

There was definitely a mental component to the shield, transmitted through contact. Attacks were clear-cut and so was explicitly allowing people to join him in the shield. For the most part these were the only things he cared about when he was in the thankfully rare position to use the shield.

But since he'd started going on missions, he had used the outer shield outside of these clear situations. In particular he recalled turning the shield on while they were going on that first raid in the naquadah mine and how John had startled him when he'd grabbed his shoulder. So the shield was able to recognize a friend even if Rodney didn't expect him.

The tests weren't entirely conclusive, but it was a start.

In addition to testing how the shield decided to let something pass or to zap it, Rodney measured the energy consumption based on various factors.

By the time John picked him up for dinner, he had some answers for the questions that John had raised earlier.

"If we manage to collect twice our minimum naquadah resources, we'll be able to withstand between three and five days of pretty constant bombardment by a full army," Rodney said when they sat down at the mess table.

"Days? That's better than I feared, but still nowhere near enough to survive," John said.

"Not unless they give up in those days," Rodney said.

"Which they won't. It's _their_ shield. They'll know it can't run forever without a steady supply of energy, which we would be cut off from if they surround us," John pointed out.

"Even breaking into naquadah mines and clearing them out completely will not keep us safe forever," Rodney said.

"But there'd be a huge difference between three days and three months," John said.

"It's not just energy they can cut us off from," Rodney said. "We have the garden and stables and fields, but we don't have unlimited resources for ammunition and explosives. Not to mention that they could try to poison our water."

John's eyes widened.

"I doubt that they'll plan to do this, but if we're talking about a longer siege they might get ideas," Rodney said.

"We can't afford a siege," John said. "We need to fight back and hurt them enough for them to give up. I wish I knew how many will come."

" _If_ they come," Rodney said. They still couldn't be sure it would happen at all.

"We need to prepare for the worst," John said.

They discussed the state of the weapons and what the inventors might be able to cobble together in addition, but since they didn't know what they would face, it was impossible to guess if it would be enough.

"I also looked into _how_ the shield knows when to kick in. The outer one I mean," Rodney said.

"Oh?" John asked. "I've been wondering about that. You said that last night you saw me, but I remembered that—" he looked around the mess. "Are you done?"

Rodney quickly swallowed down the last spoonfuls of pudding. "Yes, I'm done."

They got up and left the mess. Outside they stopped between the mess and John's office, far enough away that those leaving the mess wouldn't hear them.

"When you killed—when _I_ killed the Wraith..." John began. "I stopped you, and you definitely didn't see or expect me then."

"I know," Rodney said. "Even earlier in the mine I had the shield on and you startled me. I'm not sure at which point it stops working but for small groups of people which I consider to be on my side it doesn't seem to matter if I'm consciously aware of them or see them. It just lets them through if it's not an attack. But from my tests this won't work with everyone on Atlantis. At least it didn't with me or Zelenka. Maybe with someone like Elizabeth, they'd have such a connection with every single one that it _would_ work."

"On your side?" John asked. "So even when I...approached the Wraith, you still thought of me as being on your side?"

Rodney looked at John for a moment. It was getting dark, though he could still see John. "I don't think I could have forgiven you if I didn't," he said.

"You know why I did it," John said. "And considering our current situation, I don't regret it."

"Just like you don't regret last night's raid on the _Wraith_ ," Rodney said. "Leaving nothing but a note. Though I suppose I should thank you for that much."

"Rodney," John said.

"Let's go home," Rodney suggested.

John stiffened. Rodney knew that there was still something that John hadn't told him, and that he didn't _want_ to talk about it, but Rodney wasn't about to let it go. He'd nearly lost John the night before, and he wasn't about to waste any more time on whatever insecurities John had.

"John, I'm not going back to how things were before," Rodney said.

"I know," John said quietly. "And I don't want to either, but... Let's grab a beer."

"Oh," Rodney said. These beer conversations—as opposed to having a beer with the team or alone while they played City Walls—were never pleasant, and if John felt the need to have one of them to discuss their relationship, it didn't bode well. But Rodney refused to give up hope. John had already admitted he loved Rodney. And Rodney loved him, so whatever else there was had to be something that they could work through. At least Rodney sincerely hoped so, or he might do something drastic in frustration.

They walked to John's office to grab two bottles, then walked towards the stairs up the wall when John stopped.

"What?" Rodney asked.

"I just remembered that we have guards up there now around the clock. I... This is nothing they need to hear," John said.

Rodney considered offering to just go home, but he'd already done that, and John obviously didn't want to have this conversation there. "We could go into the workshop," he suggested. "Or we could take the puddlejumper out into the field. That way there's no chance that someone accidentally overhears us."

"That's a good idea," John said.

They took the puddlejumper out until it was between the end of the housing arm and the garden arm of the city. Rodney positioned it so that the backdoor opened into the plains and they could look out there as they usually did without being seen by the guards.

"Not quite the same," he commented as they sat down on the ground in the back of the puddlejumper.

John snorted. "Not quite," he agreed. He opened his beer and took a swig.

Rodney did the same, waiting for John to speak, but he didn't. "What are you afraid of?" Rodney finally asked.

John still didn't say anything for a long moment, before he finally spoke, looking at Rodney. "I told you that I left my home at sixteen."

"Yes," Rodney said. "After there wasn't a home left."

"Right," John said. "I could have stayed with my father and brother, but I chose to move on. I packed a few sets of clothes, my rifle, my grandfather's chess set, and enough money to survive until I found a job and a new home. It all seemed very simple to sixteen year old me." He smiled, but it looked bitter.

"It wasn't?" Rodney asked.

"I was a scrawny sixteen year old who was a reasonable shot, could play chess quite well, and learned to do bookkeeping for the family business. As it turns out, there is no shortage of people who can handle a gun, and people are not clamoring to trust a sixteen year old stranger with their financial records," John said.

Rodney could imagine that. He'd been in the enviable position that his particular education made him useful in nearly every settlement. But for John it couldn't have been as easy.

"My plans to go hunting and sell what I shot were very shortlived," John continued.

"You didn't find animals to shoot?" Rodney guessed. Wild animals weren't a common occurrence since they kept away from settlements and humans in general.

"I didn't even get that far. On my first night out in the desert I fell asleep and woke up with no rifle, no money, and only the clothes I had worn. I was lucky I had kept the chess board in my sleeping bag or they would have taken that too," John said.

"You were staying alone in the desert?" Rodney asked.

"Yes. I even made a fire to keep me warm," John said.

"And to alert any bandit within miles to your presence," Rodney continued for him.

"I was a fool," John said. "I'm not sure why they didn't take the horse. Maybe because he was too stubborn. I'm not sure I would have made it to the next settlement on foot."

"What did you do next? I'm assuming you didn't go back to your father," Rodney said.

John's face darkened. "I swore to myself I'd never return to him. I wasn't going to live in Shelley. I'd always wanted to see more of the world than my town. Even before..."

"So you kept going," Rodney said. "How did you find a job? Or did someone take you in?"

"There was a family that took pity on me. They gave me some shoes and some worn clothes that their son had grown out of. They even shared their meals with me though they didn't have much to begin with. They would have let me stay, I think, but I couldn't take advantage of them like that. And I wanted a real job and _earn_ my living," John said.

"So what _did_ you work as? A field hand?" Rodney asked. It was the one thing that there was need for that even an unskilled person could do.

"It wasn't the right time of year," John said. "And I didn't really look as if I could handle menial jobs. I'd grown quite a bit that year and my body hadn't caught up yet."

"But you survived," Rodney said.

"Yes," John said. "There were others who took me in out of pity. Sometimes I helped out in the kitchen, but that was just as much charity. I kept looking for real work, but it was hard to convince people to give me a chance. Then one day when I asked a farm for _any_ job in exchange for a meal and a roof over my head, the farmer made me an offer."

"As what?" Rodney asked. It sounded like John had finally gotten a break there but Rodney had no idea what John could have done given his set of skills and how useless they'd proven to be. "Did he need someone for his books?"

John snorted. "No," he said. "He didn't need any help at all. But he thought I was...pretty."

A cold shudder ran over Rodney's body, and it had nothing to do with the night. So far he hadn't even considered how this story was related to the issues John had with having a relationship with him. He'd been glad to hear John talk at all. But now a sense of dread came over Rodney. Not just because he could guess where John's story was going, but because maybe there _was_ a reason for John to reject him that didn't have anything to do with Rodney and John's feelings for him, but that would still keep them apart.

"It wasn't bad," John said at Rodney's look.

Rodney frowned, incredulous.

"I'd...fooled around with a girl before I left. It was nice, but it wasn't... I'd always been more interested in other guys, but the opportunity never came up," John said.

"How many people lived in New Reston," Rodney asked.

"Less than two hundred," John said.

"Oh," Rodney said. "That's...actually not _that_ small for a settlement in Pegasus, but compared to the caves... I've, uh, had experiences with several guys _and_ girls by the time I left for good."

John nodded thoughtfully. "I'm not sure if it would have changed anything if I'd been with a guy before. The man who took me in that night was...nice. When he realized that I'd never been with a man before, he was very gentle with me. He didn't— He only made me suck his dick. I was terrified _and_ excited. And I liked it."

Rodney tried to imagine it. He had no idea how he would have reacted to such an offer. His only points of reference were the horrible encounter with the transporter and the sexual interest people had shown him during his travels, but that hadn't been the same. Rodney had never needed the bare necessities for survival, so any offer he'd gotten was on equal footing even if he had been younger than the person offering. He'd never _needed_ anything from these men and women. Unlike John. Even if he said he'd liked it. "How long did you stay with him?" Rodney asked.

"Only one night," John said. "I probably could have stayed longer, but I was confused about what had happened. He gave me some food when I left." John got a faraway look for a long moment, then he quickly turned to Rodney.

"I, uh," Rodney stammered. "Was that the only time you..."

John dropped his gaze. "No," he said. "Jobs still weren't easy to come by for me, and I learned that certain people were willing to let me stay with them for...a bit of companionship."

"That's one way to put it," Rodney couldn't help commenting.

"It sounds better than saying I was whoring myself out for food and a bed," John said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't— You did what you needed to do to survive," Rodney said.

"I could have survived without it," John said. "But it didn't feel right to take from people who had nothing themselves. Given the choice between that kind of charity and letting a guy fuck me, I chose the latter. At least I gave them something in return."

"John," Rodney said brokenly. He wanted to reach out to him, but didn't know if John would want the touch. Rodney had been so selfish, only thinking about what _he_ wanted and never seriously considering John's reasons for not letting him near. After what he'd experienced in the past, Rodney wondered if he was just one more person in a long line of people who'd only ever wanted access to John's body because they thought they could have it.

"It wasn't all bad," John said quietly.

"So it was only _mostly_ bad," Rodney said sarcastically.

"It was what it was," John said. "I like having sex."

"With _these_ people for _these_ reasons?" Rodney asked.

"Did you _love_ all the people you had sex with?" John asked in return.

"I didn't love any of them," Rodney said. "But I also _wanted_ to have sex with all of them. If I didn't, I turned them down. It was my _choice_."

"It was mine as well," John countered.

"I don't consider having sex or starving a 'choice'," Rodney said.

"I wouldn't have starved," John insisted. "There were always charitable people who would have shared what little they had."

"But you didn't feel you could accept their offer. It felt like stealing to you, didn't it?" Rodney asked.

"I did what felt right to me," John said.

"You did the only thing you could imagine doing," Rodney said. "Like when you walked into a hive alone, knowing full well you might not come out alive."

John didn't dispute the fact.

"If you don't see an alternative, it's not much of a choice," Rodney said. He still couldn't believe that John pretended what he'd done in the past was all okay when it so obviously wasn't. "And if it really was what you wanted and you have no regrets, why are you telling me this? And what does it have to do with marrying Teyla?"

John swallowed. "I didn't say I have no regrets," he said, his gaze on the ground.

"But you'd do it again if you had to," Rodney said because that was the only conclusion he could draw from what John had told him.

John remained quiet for a while. "I probably would, but it doesn't mean..." He swallowed again. "I _know_ that I'm fucked up. And I know that it _wasn't_ like it was for you."

Rodney was relieved that he finally admitted it, but at the same time it hurt to see it acknowledged. There was nothing Rodney could do to change John's past experiences. He could only try not to make it worse. Even if it meant losing something he wanted more than almost anything he'd ever wanted in life. "We don't have to..." It was so hard to say this. "If you want us... If you _need_ us to be friends and nothing more, I can do that," he finally brought out.

"No," John said, looking at Rodney. "I want..." He looked out into the plains. "You have no idea how much I want you. I didn't know this was possible for me. For years it was easy to pretend to be Teyla's husband. And then you came and..."

"You want me," Rodney said, unable to hide his doubt.

John turned to him. "Yes," he said firmly. Then he looked away again. "But I don't know... I told you about that first guy and the others because it's hard for me to..."

"Not feel used," Rodney guessed.

"To connect," John finished. "After that first night, I tried to concentrate on the act itself instead of who I was doing it with. I tried to ignore whose hand was touching me and whose dick I sucked. I just...felt what I was doing in that moment—physically. You are right. With some of the people— _many_ of the people—I never would have had sex with under different circumstances. And it was easier to get into a headspace where they just weren't there."

"A coping mechanism," Rodney said.

"Something like that," John conceded.

"Did it work?" Rodney asked. "Where you able to forget what they did to you?"

"With me," John corrected. "I'm trying to tell you that it wasn't..."

"Sexual abuse," Rodney finished for him.

John looked at him, sighing in frustration. "I didn't wake up at night screaming. I don't have nightmares about it. I actually came most of the time I had sex with these people. And I enjoyed the act itself."

"The act itself," Rodney repeated. "But you can't completely erase the context from your mind, can you?"

"I honestly don't know," John said. "And that's not the problem."

"What _is_ the problem?" Rodney asked because he had no idea. Apparently John tried to tell him it wasn't sex.

"As time went on, I grew stronger," John went on. "People started taking me serious as a potential worker and keeping an eye out for the security of a settlement started to pay off. I had more choices in how to earn a living. Not always, but more often. At one point, I warned a settlement about bandits that were sure to strike sooner or later, and when that helped them to prepare for and ultimately defeat them, the sheriff offered me a reward and a job. I took the reward and a rifle, and from then on I didn't have to choose between starving and offering my body."

"So you stopped having sex for food and a bed," Rodney concluded.

"Yes. And not just that. For a while I stopped having sex at all. Well, I still," he made a jerking off motion, "but not with others. It was nice to live on my own terms from my own hands' and mind's work."

"So what happened?" Rodney asked. Because he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"In one of the settlements I travelled through, I met a guy," John said. "He...didn't hide that he was interested, and he was attractive. By that time I was pretty stable financially. He was my age, and it was clear that he just wanted to have some fun. It had been a while, so I thought, 'Why not?'"

Rodney felt the dread returning.

"We had sex and it was great," John said. He wasn't looking at Rodney as he recalled the events.

Rodney didn't say anything and waited for John to continue when he was ready.

"But it could have been anyone," John said. "That spark that I felt when we flirted, it was just gone."

Rodney swallowed. John being unable to have sex with him because his past had essentially traumatized him would have been bad enough. But to imagine that John _could_ have sex with him, but that it would mean nothing to him—or exactly the same as any other faceless body he'd offered himself to... He didn't even know how to react to that. He could have understood the trauma on some level. But he didn't know what this meant to John. He'd recounted it dispassionately enough.

"And it's been like that ever since," John continued. "I've had sex with other guys. But I never... The only time I can remember ever making a connection with a person during sex was with that first guy."

Rodney looked at him. He felt hollow. "The only one who was more than a body," he said quietly.

"So far," John said just as quietly.

"You think..." Rodney began. "Do you even _want_ to try this?" He wasn't sure if he wanted it. He was sure that he wanted _John_ , but the idea that John would go through the motions and let it happen like with all the guys who'd only taken advantage of a starving teenager made him sick. No matter how much John protested that he'd enjoyed the sex.

"Do you?" John asked back.

Rodney didn't say anything.

"I know I'm messed up. I thought being married to Teyla and _staying_ married, I'd do everyone a favor. I didn't mean to...fall in love with you." John said the last so quietly that Rodney hardly heard it.

"I hadn't exactly planned for it either," Rodney said.

"What do we do now?" John asked.

Rodney turned to look at him. "I don't...I don't know what I _can_ do. If you'd admit it was abuse, I would say we can take it slow, give you all the time in the world that you need. I'm... I've survived with nothing but my left hand for company before. You seemed to like the kiss en—"

"I do!" John said. "I _want_ you. You have no idea how much I want you." He leaned forward, but didn't quite close the gap between their lips.

Rodney leaned in for the kiss, and it was like their first kiss of the night before, hard and desperate. Rodney allowed John to deepen the kiss, but when he opened his mouth, Rodney pulled back. "John, I don't know what you expect from me."

"Nothing," John said, kissing Rodney's neck, or maybe hiding in it. "I don't expect anything. Just love me. Fuck me."

"John."

"And forgive me when I screw up," John said.

Rodney pulled away to be able to look at him. "I don't want to—" he stopped himself. If he said, 'hurt you', John would deny that he'd been hurt. "I don't want you to be afraid."

John's jaw clenched. "Nothing you say or do will make me stop fearing that— Just tell me that it'll be enough for you even if—"

"I want you to _enjoy_ it," Rodney said.

"I will," John said. "But I can't...I can't promise you that... I don't even know!" He turned away. "I never asked any of the guys how it felt for them. Nobody ever complained. Of course it wasn't serious anyway, so I'm not sure they would have even if they'd noticed that something was...well, not wrong, but..."

"I think something _is_ wrong if you have sex with someone you love and don't feel anything about them in that moment," Rodney said.

"Yes," John agreed. "But I didn't love them."

"What do you want us to do?" Rodney asked.

"Whatever we want," John said, covering Rodney's hand with his. "Just don't give up on me if I don't react like I should."

Rodney lifted his hand and cupped John's face. "If you tell me the truth," Rodney said. "Don't pretend that you loved it when you didn't."

"I'm sure I'll enjoy it," John said.

"You know what I mean," Rodney said.

John dropped his gaze. "I do." Then he looked at Rodney. "I don't even know what will happen. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. And I certainly feel a connection when we kiss." A small smile appeared on his face.

"Then maybe let's work from there," Rodney suggested.

"I'd like that," John said, leaning in again.

Rodney melted into the kiss. It was softer this time, and when John opened his mouth, Rodney answered in kind, letting him in. Arousal spread through Rodney's body when their tongues touched, but he couldn't help wondering how John felt right now.

John leaned even further, gently pushing Rodney to the ground. Rodney let it happen. When John moved one leg between his, he could feel John's arousal. A moan escaped Rodney's mouth and he put his hands on John's ass pulling him closer.

John thrust against him, breathing heavily.

"Do you...?" Rodney asked between kisses.

"You," John answered. "I feel you." He pulled one of Rodney's hands from his ass to his crotch. "Rodney."

Rodney cupped John's hard dick, kneading him through the material of the uniform.

"Oh, yes," John panted into his neck. He started thrusting faster. "Rodney, please."

Rodney fumbled with John's fly and pushed his hand into John's underwear, feeling wetness at the tip on his wrist. He took John's hard cock into a firm grip. Then he roughly jerked one, two, three times, and John groaned loudly into Rodney's neck and came, shooting spurts of come between them.

John pulled back to look at Rodney and cupped his face almost a little too roughly. "Thank you," he said.

Before Rodney could say that he didn't need to thank him, John was kissing him and then his hand was in Rodney's pants and it didn't take long until Rodney came as well.

They lay panting for a while, John's head on Rodney's chest.

"So...it was me?" Rodney asked.

John looked up at him and smiled. "Definitely you," he said. "I told you kissing worked."

"That was a bit more than kissing," Rodney said.

"It was a start," John said more serious but also more hopeful.

~~

John went to his office after they'd returned the puddlejumper to the workshop. Rodney decided to work some more on the shield.

He wasn't entirely sure what to think of John's revelation. After John had used his non-existent marriage as an excuse for so long, Rodney had expected something equally non-relevant as the reason for John's reservation about their relationship. The truth was a bit more difficult to handle because it couldn't simply be dismissed. In fact, Rodney still suspected that John might have been more affected by his past than he was willing to admit even to himself.

The sex, if you wanted to call it that, had been encouraging, but Rodney knew that it likely wouldn't remain as easy. Even if John did feel differently about sex with Rodney than the sex he'd had before, Rodney knew he'd be looking for signs of detachment from John now instead of simply enjoying the shared intimacy.

He resented that John's past would encroach on them like that, and at the same time he felt bad for being so selfish. If John was a little fucked up about this, he hadn't chosen it, even if he _had_ chosen the acts that led to it.

There was little Rodney could do about any of it, other than be patient and understanding and not freak out if John did feel like he wasn't with Rodney during sex. At least they still had a chance to make this work.

Rodney continued to work until midnight. When he left the lab there was still light on in the commander's office, but currently there was always someone present to receive reports from teams or react if something were to be reported by the guards on the walls. He didn't check if John had gone home yet. Instead he went there, only hesitating for a moment, before he went inside.

He didn't think John would mind him staying here. In fact, at this point, this might be his new home, though of course their relationship wasn't official yet, and Rodney wasn't sure if John or Teyla felt the need to change that.

For now Rodney could live with everyone believing he was John's good friend, while Teyla was John's wife.

John wasn't in bed yet when Rodney went upstairs. Rodney slipped into bed, trying not to worry too much. Thankfully it wasn't much later that John came home.

He didn't say anything when he found Rodney in his bed, even when Rodney turned to him after John had joined him. Rodney could hardly see him in the dark, but John settled down, pulled him close, and kissed him on the top of his head.

Rodney smiled and soon fell asleep in his arms.

~~

Rodney woke up to someone nuzzling his neck.

"John?" he asked, still half asleep.

"Who else could it be?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rodney only smiled and cupped his face. "What time is it?"

"Still early enough to do something before breakfast," John said, kissing Rodney and sliding a hand down his chest.

"Did you have something particular in mind?" Rodney asked. He was half-joking because it was pretty clear that John wanted to continue what they'd started the evening before. But at the same time he wondered about how eager John was. He hoped John wasn't just trying to prove that he wanted Rodney.

"I want," John said, punctuating every word with a kiss down his neck, "to taste you." He kissed further down Rodney's body towards Rodney's dick.

Rodney's dick was definitely down with this plan, but Rodney's brain made him ask, "Are you sure?"

John stopped mid-motion, then he looked up. "What makes you think I—" He stopped, then sighed and sat up. "I shouldn't have told you," he muttered to himself.

"No," Rodney protested. "It's good that I know. Even if I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. Which _doesn't_ mean that I can't," he added in case John got any ideas.

"You don't have to 'handle' it at all," John said. "Yesterday went very well. Maybe...maybe it's just different with you. I barely knew the other guys." He wasn't looking at Rodney.

"Don't tell me you've stopped worrying," Rodney said.

"I worry all the time about many things," John said. "But some things I can't prevent. I'll just have to face them when the time comes. _If_ it comes."

"Like the Wraith attack," Rodney said.

"That I can prepare for at least. And I'm going to continue doing that after breakfast. So should we give this a try or is the mood well and truly broken?" John asked.

"I'm never saying no to a blow job," Rodney said.

John went back to kissing down Rodney's body, pulling off his underwear and then taking Rodney's dick in his hand and stroking it. When John teased the head of Rodney's cock, he kept eye contact with Rodney.

Rodney certainly wanted John to feel that connection between them, but when John really started sucking his dick, Rodney groaned and closed his eyes. He vaguely thought that the practice John had gotten offering himself to survive certainly had paid off, then he felt horrified for the thought.

He felt John's left hand grasping his right and opened his eyes again. It almost felt as if John wanted to tell him it was okay, though the reality was probably that he wanted Rodney to keep his eyes open and look at him.

"You're amazing," Rodney said, putting his left hand on John's temple.

John minutely pushed into Rodney's hand, then increased his efforts to blow Rodney's mind.

Rodney had an increasingly hard time not thrusting up into John's talented mouth, and at this point he was panting hard, with little moans sneaking in when John did something particular enticing.

"I'm not going to last much longer," Rodney eventually said.

John didn't stop, sucking him in deep, and Rodney let go, shooting down his throat in several spurts with a drawn-out groan. John let Rodney's dick slip from his mouth, bits of come dripping down his chin.

"So hot," Rodney said, pulling John forward into a kiss. As they kissed, his hand sought out John's groin and Rodney was happy to find him hard. "Let me suck you," he said.

John nodded and lay down on his back next to Rodney, pushing down his underwear, then kicking it off.

For a moment, Rodney simply looked his fill of this gorgeous man.

"Rodney? Come on," John said, lifting his hips in encouragement.

Rodney grabbed John's dick and sucked him in. He wasn't as good as this as John was, but John didn't seem to mind, squirming and making little moans.

Quite soon, John warned him, "I'm going to come."

Rodney kept going and happily swallowed John's load when he climaxed with a rough, "Rodney!"

Afterwards, he watched John on the bed, flushed and panting and his gaze fixed on Rodney.

"Good?" Rodney asked, though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Very," John confirmed.

"No zoning out?" Rodney asked. John hesitated for a moment, which surprised Rodney. He hadn't noticed anything. "Oh."

"It wasn't..." John began. "When I got really into it, it was only me and your dick for a moment, but I'm not sure that's a bad thing."

"Do you feel bad about it?" Rodney asked.

"No," John said.

"Then I won't either," Rodney said. He had to trust that John told him the truth. Or this had no chance of ever working.

"Then let's head to breakfast. I need to check what the teams reported overnight. And you'll have to go to the lab," John said.

Rodney nodded. He wouldn't mind spending the rest of the day in bed with John, but they couldn't afford it.

~~

Rodney spent the day working on the shield. One issue that they hadn't worked around so far was the need for human contact to keep the shield activated. Since the inner shield was meant to be active at all times, it made sense that it required contact to the human it was supposed to monitor, but for the outer shield Rodney hoped to make it work without further interference after activation.

Unfortunately, no amount of testing and trying to fake a neural connection kept the shield active once it lost contact with a real human.

"Let it be," Radek eventually said. "Having someone at hand to keep it active will be the least of our problems. We should put our efforts in finishing the energy interface and doing a real test."

Rodney wasn't happy—he hated not being able to solve a problem—but relented. Radek was right. This wasn't worth spending more time on.

They finalized the design, and Rodney wrote another letter to his sister, telling her about all his findings about the shield and the puddlejumper—and his relationship with John.

~~

The next days were spent working on preparing for a fight that might not come. John spent his time monitoring resources and deciding where to send teams on missions.

So far the Wraith hadn't caught them on their naquadah raids. They also didn't increase the number of guards on the mines, which was encouraging, but John didn't tire to tell them that it didn't mean they weren't planning an attack on Atlantis.

The Wraith had all the naquadah they needed. It wouldn't necessarily occur to them how vital it would be to Atlantis. Depending on the size of the army they might only expect a short battle.

Rodney and the other inventors worked on weapons and defenses, especially the shield. They were able to increase the radius of the shield so that it covered all of Atlantis. They didn't test letting anyone pass since it still wasn't clear how exactly that worked and they didn't want to risk hurting anyone. They only did a few tests with weapons. The shield had no problem deflecting the attacks from outside and the energy consumption was within what they had predicted.

Unfortunately the mental component that they hadn't fully figured out also influenced shooting from within the shield on an outside target. Without mentally allowing a bullet to penetrate from within, the shield also stopped someone from shooting from inside. It would limit their ability to attack, but they did have the power to turn off the shield temporarily to let an attack through, giving them an advantage over the Wraith.

They also got increased reports from allies about tributes.

A few days after he'd sent his letter to Jeannie, Rodney got an answer. He was surprised about how quick a response came, but it turned out that Jeannie had written to report on the caves.

Rodney hadn't expected that she'd be affected by the situation with the Wraith. Traders were a contact to the outside world, and they might tell them that something was going on, but since Rodney had already told Jeannie about that, it wouldn't be a surprise to her.

However, the Wraith apparently didn't just increase the number of tributes, but actually went and took people without protection. Jeannie wrote that in the past days, the Wraith had come and picked up the stragglers living outside the caves. Not just one or two as an increase of the tribute, but enough that the rest of them fled in fear.

It was enough to make Rodney wonder if the increase in tributes wasn't just a desperate show of power.

"You mean they're collecting slaves," John said when Rodney told him about his suspicion.

"I don't know. The people outside the caves are as powerless as you get. Rounding them up and taking them away is not exactly a display of power," Rodney said.

"But it got the attention of the people in the caves," John pointed out.

"They won't attack the caves. It would be suicide. The caves are fully self-sufficient and would have a huge tactical advantage. They only have to defend the entrance and put all their firepower into picking up one Wraith after the other. And if necessary they could collapse the entrance. It's not going to happen," Rodney said.

"Maybe it's just posturing. From what we know from Todd, much about the current struggle in their ranks is between those that want the Wraith to rule over everyone else and those that just want to live their lives," John said. "It could be a way of trying to prove that they're not afraid of the caves."

"It's not as if the stragglers were ever under the protection of the caves," Rodney said.

"I realize that," John said. "But think about how it might look to some Wraith generals. 'Here we have all the humans, taken right from under the nose of the people in the caves.'"

Rodney shook his head.

"You don't think it's possible?" John asked.

"It _is_. With people who think that cannibalism and oppressing their own people is a way of life, everything is possible. I still wonder what else it could be. What could they be increasing their labor for?" Rodney thought out loud.

"Going to war takes up resources," John said. "We'd be more than happy to have more people to work on weapons and ammunition."

"Did we have reports of increased kidnappings of transporters and traders?" Rodney asked.

"Actually, there was a mention of a trader who was late. Hard to tell if it was coincidence or not. I'll tell the teams to keep an ear out for that," John said.

"So we have yet another sign that the Wraith will attack us sooner rather than later," Rodney said.

"I think at this point only Elizabeth honestly thinks it might not happen," John said.

"Well, she's not wrong that we don't have any hard evidence," Rodney pointed out.

"I'm not going to wait for that," John said.

"Nobody expects you to, not even Elizabeth," Rodney said.

"I know," John said. "I have a feeling it won't be long until we know for sure," he added darkly.

Rodney hated the uncertainty of their current situation. He wished they'd know what to expect, but on the other hand, if they were all going to die, he'd gladly take a few more days with John at his side.

~~

"They're coming," John said from the door to the lab, not sticking around for a response.

Rodney and Radek looked at each other and followed him. "Keep working," Radek told the others on their way out.

"How many?" Rodney asked as they caught up with John.

"Only a small group," John said. "This is not the attack. Maybe they're just the messengers."

"Why would they warn us and give us time to prepare? As far as the Wraith know, we have no idea what's going on," Rodney said.

"We've warned our allies. Maybe they got wind of that," John said, taking stairs up the east wall. "And you could ask the same about the way they do tributes. Why give people a week to decide who to sacrifice? Maybe they're so sure they'll win, they just want to see us suffer even more in anticipation."

They arrived at the far end of the east arm of the city, where several guards stood, one of them with a pair of binoculars. As soon as she saw John, she handed them over. "They're approaching the settlement to the east."

John exchanged a look with Rodney and surveyed the plains through the binoculars. "It does look like they're heading for them and not us."

"Could it be just the 'normal' tributes?" Rodney asked.

"We won't know until we get word from them," John said.

They watched the Wraith squad approach the settlement.

"I will return to work," Radek said. "You will let me know if there is news."

Rodney only nodded as he left. John looked at Rodney. "You can go back too if you want. I thought they'd come here."

"No, it's okay," Rodney said. "Does Teyla know?" he asked.

John nodded. "Ronon was going to tell her." He took the binoculars and looked at the south-east arm of the city. "There they are," he said before turning his attention back to the settlement where the Wraith were closing in now.

"They won't take people with them right away, will they?" Rodney asked. Listening to demands for tributes would be bad enough. Facing Wraith that just randomly grabbed people off the ground would be terrifying.

"I don't know," John said. "It's not been their modus operandi. But neither was picking up people from outside the caves. We'll have to wait and see."

Rodney tensed as the Wraith squad entered the settlement. He'd been there. He'd met the people who simply wanted to live their lives in peace. Teyla's people. Her husband. He was almost glad he couldn't see any details.

"They haven't taken anyone so far," John said. "I can't see them right now."

Rodney waited along with the others.

"They're leaving again. Alone," John said.

Rodney sighed in relief. "So just the tributes."

"We don't know that yet," John said. He was still looking through the binoculars. "Kanaan is on his way."

Rodney looked and saw a small figure leaving the settlement.

"We'll know soon enough," John said, handing the binoculars back to the guard. "Keep an eye on the Wraith and let me know if they make a detour or anything else unexpected."

"Yes, sir," the guard said, resuming her position.

John took the stairs down and quickly walked towards the central tower. Rodney went after him. He wasn't sure what John's plan was.

At the central area of Atlantis, John took a left turn, walking past the Academy towards the main gate. They hadn't even arrived when they saw Teyla ride towards it.

"I will meet Kanaan and return with news," she said.

A door in the gate was opened and she rode through.

"Has Elizabeth been informed?" Rodney asked.

John nodded. "She knows that a small Wraith squad was spotted and that we're keeping an eye on it. We can go to her as soon as Teyla returns."

Rodney fidgeted, crossing his arms.

"You can return to work. I'll let you know what's going on," John said.

"No, I can wait a few minutes. The way Teyla is riding it won't take long, and the Wraith were only in the settlement a few minutes. They can't have told them much," Rodney said.

John nodded.

"I just hate waiting. And I'm trying to think of the worst they could have said and drawing a blank," Rodney said.

"The worst would be that they'll subjugate all of Pegasus, starting with us," John said.

Rodney stared at him. "Well, thanks a lot! I thought attacking _us_ would be the worst, but now you remind me that there are things worse than death and a whole continent they could make suffer."

"I don't think they'd actually do that. We _know_ that they're already struggling against their own dissenters. Taking on all of Pegasus at once will ensure that they fail," John said.

"Then maybe we should hope that they try that," Rodney said.

John dropped his gaze. "They _would_ lose, but it's hard to say how many would have to die before it happens."

Rodney thought about their situation. As long as they had the energy to shield the city they were safe, but as soon as the energy ran out, they'd be outnumbered if the Wraith did a concentrated attack on them with all their hives. They'd have no chance without outside help. "Have you considered asking others to help us?" Rodney asked.

John glanced at him and quickly averted his gaze.

"So you have? Are you waiting until we know for sure the attack is coming?" Rodney asked.

"It's not that simple," John said. "If it's as bad as we fear, we'll be outnumbered by Wraith."

"Not if _all_ our allies send everyone they can spare," Rodney said. "Well, probably not. If the Wraith honestly gather _all_ the soldiers they have on the continent... That might also explain why it took so long."

John looked at him horrified.

"Well, it would," Rodney said defensively.

"I couldn't ask them to join us in certain death," John said.

"Maybe it won't be certain. And at least for a while we'll have the advantage of being invulnerable," Rodney said.

"There's only so many people that will fit in the city. And the food and water we have sustains our _current_ number," John said.

"We'd have to try to win this quickly," Rodney agreed.

"Which might be impossible, depending on how many they send," John said.

"So we'll not even _ask_ for help?" Rodney asked. "Maybe they'll happily volunteer if it means a greater chance to get rid of the Wraith once and for all."

"We don't want _all_ Wraith dead," John reminded him. "Just those that don't want to live with the rest of us."

"Do you think they'll ever openly revolt?" Rodney asked.

"I have no idea," John said. "I would like to talk to Todd again."

"He'll probably be busy at the—" Rodney stopped when the door opened and Teyla returned, a grim look on her face.

"We need to talk to Elizabeth," she said, dismounting her horse and handing it off to a guard.

Ronon came to join them. He was carrying a rifle. He exchanged a look with Teyla, but didn't ask as they all walked towards Elizabeth's office.

Elizabeth was waiting for them with Lorne as they filed in. She looked at Teyla, so someone seemed to have informed her that the Wraith squad had only visited the settlement and that Teyla had talked to Kanaan.

"What did they want?" Elizabeth asked Teyla.

"Three tributes by tomorrow," Teyla said.

"Three?" Elizabeth asked at the same time as John asked, "Tomorrow?"

"Yes," Teyla confirmed.

"Did we get any reports of the Wraith asking for _three_ tributes?" Elizabeth asked John.

"No," John said grimly. "And nobody has mentioned only being given one day to decide."

"Maybe they want to provoke us into action," Lorne suggested.

"What would they gain by doing that?" John asked.

"Nobody will side with the Wraith. They attacked first a long time ago," Ronon said.

"We'd be less protected if we chose to defend the settlement," Lorne pointed out.

"That could actually be a reason," John conceded. "But if we were to defend the settlement, it would be more strategic to let them into our walls."

"We've never done that before, though," Elizabeth reminded them. "Because we've never interfered with tributes at all."

"Are you considering a change of that policy?" Teyla asked stiffly.

"At this point I'm considering _everything_ ," Elizabeth said. "I'm not sure what good it does us to speculate based on past behavior. It is clear that the Wraith are not acting as they have for a long time. We know of rumors as to _why_ it might be happening," she looked at John, "but we don't know anything with certainty."

"We do know that the Wraith intend to collect three tributes tomorrow," Teyla corrected her.

"Yes, of course," Elizabeth said. "I'm very sorry, Teyla."

"You are not at fault," Teyla said. "If you _do_ intend to let my people enter Atlantis, we should prepare as soon as possible."

"I...know that it would be helpful for them to know, but this is not an easy decision to make for me. If we knew for sure that the Wraith would come, see the settlement 'deserted', and leave again, it would only be a matter of accommodating them for a day. It wouldn't be an issue, except maybe..." Elizabeth dropped her gaze.

Teyla arched an eyebrow.

"You think they wouldn't leave again voluntarily," Ronon said.

Elizabeth glanced at him. She didn't deny it. "We have no idea how the Wraith will react if they find the settlement empty. We also don't know how many they will send to collect the tributes."

"However many it will be, we'll have to face them anyway sooner or later," John said.

"We do not know that," Elizabeth said.

"You think it was a _coincidence_ that of all our allies, the one right beside us has to offer _three_ tributes and only gets a day to decide?" John asked.

"They took more than three from outside the caves," Elizabeth said.

"They won't attack the caves, but they _will_ attack _us_!" John said.

"If I might suggest something," Rodney said before this would end in a shouting match.

They all looked at him.

"We've only been able to do very minimal tests on the shield. This would be an excellent opportunity to test it against actual Wraith weapons. We wouldn't have to relocate Teyla's people and the Wraith will still not be able to touch them," Rodney said.

"What if they move on to attack Atlantis instead?" Elizabeth asked.

"If they come with a full army, I would recommend to invite the settlement anyway, since we'll need all pairs of hands we can get to help defeat them," Rodney said, looking at John. "But if they only come with a few squads we'll probably be able to kill or at least neutralize enough of them to make the rest retreat."

"And report home," Elizabeth said. "Which could be a good thing if it'll make them reconsider attacking us."

John exchanged a look with Rodney, before telling Elizabeth, "Or a bad thing because it will make them prepare for a longer, tougher battle."

"Of course," Elizabeth said. "I think the real question is, do we think defending the settlement or not will make a difference in the Wraith attacking us or not."

"Do you honestly believe that if we let the Wraith take those tributes, they won't bother us?" John asked.

Elizabeth looked at him for a long moment. "No," she finally said. "Or at least if they wouldn't, they'd never planned to do it in the first place. Maybe their strategy is to take over everything except Atlantis and the caves."

"We couldn't allow that to happen either," John said.

"I hadn't planned to," Elizabeth said. She turned to Rodney. "Your plan sounds sensible. We'll keep an eye on the size of their group and either evacuate the settlement here or test the shield." She turned to Teyla. "Will this be acceptable to you?"

"Atlantis does not owe us anything. I know that you have the best for your people in mind, Elizabeth. We appreciate all the help you are willing to offer," Teyla said. "And should it be needed, we will gladly offer help in return," she added, looking at Rodney. "I will let my people know." She left the room.

"Are there any preparations that need to be made?" Elizabeth asked Rodney.

"The shield is ready," Rodney said. "And we do have a portable energy source that should last for what we want to achieve."

"What does that mean?" John asked.

"It means enough energy to power the shield for a day if it's under low to medium stress," Rodney said.

"I'll prepare teams to go with us tomorrow or to help with the evacuation," John said.

"I want you to stay here tomorrow," Elizabeth said to John.

"What?!" John said.

"If anything goes wrong, we need you here to direct the rest of our forces," she said.

John's jaw clenched but he didn't protest. "We'll want to protect the shield at all costs," he said.

"Maybe not all costs, but I agree that protecting it as well as everyone inside it is a high priority. However, you'll be much better equipped to send further teams as needed if you are monitoring the situation from here," Elizabeth said.

"Very well," John said. "Ronon, Lorne. I want you to go with Rodney. Take Cadman's team as well. I assume this is all?" he asked the last of Elizabeth.

"Dismissed," Elizabeth said.

John left with Ronon and Lorne, leaving only Rodney and Elizabeth.

"I'll let Radek and the others know and see that everything is ready," Rodney said.

"Thank you," Elizabeth said.

"Just trying to make the best of a bad situation," he said.

Elizabeth nodded. They were all doing exactly that and they both knew it—and how limited the options they had were.

~~

Rodney spent the rest of the day double-checking the shield and the power source they were going to use. Late that afternoon Radek and Simpson presented a smaller secondary power source.

"If it fails," Radek said, pointing at the larger power source, "you can use this to keep the shield active while the settlement relocates to Atlantis."

Rodney nodded. He really hoped they wouldn't need that, but if the shield failed while they were under attack, it would leave everyone in the settlement except for him and those immediately surrounding him vulnerable. This would at least allow them to flee.

They tested switching the energy source on the active shield, and by the time they had that working with only a short interruption in the shields stability, John was coming to pick him up for dinner.

Rodney joined him and noted how tense John was. He wanted to reassure him that everything would be fine, but of course he had no idea if it was true, so he didn't.

Rodney wasn't sure what to expect of the next day. He was confident that the shield would work within the parameters they'd researched. But there was so much uncertainty about how many soldiers the Wraith would send and with what purpose, that he didn't know if tomorrow would be a single firefight, not unlike what he'd experienced on Guard Day, or if it would be the first day of a full-blown siege on Atlantis.

John had to feel the same. Instead of leading Rodney to the mess hall, he walked home. Rodney followed him in, finding the City Walls board pushed to the side and two plates and cups prepared for them.

"We have a secondary portable energy source now. That will enable us to move back to Atlantis even with an active shield," Rodney said. It wasn't much, but it might ease John's tension a bit.

"How would you enter Atlantis without the shield hitting our guards on the wall and people inside?" John asked.

"It would be better not to try," Rodney admitted. "We can clear the gate area so that people can start entering and then turn it off once there's no more space inside the city inside the shield. Guards and our cannons have to take down the rest of the Wraith so that we can turn off the shield for the rest to enter. If they come with too many people for us to fight, we'll have already evacuated before they come," Rodney finished.

"Yes," John confirmed. "If you do need to retreat back to Atlantis, we'll meet you half-way to hold back the Wraith."

Rodney noted the _we_. "You think Elizabeth will let you go?"

"It is my job to defend Atlantis _and_ its people," John said. "And if they do send the army, we'll all be on Atlantis anyway."

The uncertainty hung heavily between them as they ate. Rodney almost wished it was morning already, so that they'd finally know, whatever it was. But the other part wanted to enjoy what might be his last meal with John, their last night together.

Not that the shared dinner was even close to the easy banter they usually shared. "Do you want to play chess after dinner?" Rodney asked.

"You don't have to go back to the lab?" John asked.

"No," Rodney said. "We're as ready as we can get for tomorrow. It's all up to...them now. You'll want to return to the office?" Rodney was almost certain he did. John would never forgive himself if something happened and he thought he could have done something to prevent it.

"No," John said. "I've briefed Lorne's and Cadman's teams. And everyone else knows that we might go under siege tomorrow. The teams that are out there have standing orders to return if the Wraith approach in unusually large numbers."

He'd done everything he thought he could, Rodney concluded, but he was still tense with worry. "Chess or City Walls?" Rodney asked.

John gave him a long look. "We could go to bed early," he suggested eventually.

It was far too early to sleep, especially since they were both so wired, Rodney doubted sleep would come easily. But maybe John hadn't meant sleeping at all. They'd had sex a few times since that first time, blow jobs and mutual masturbation. He'd enjoyed it every time, and John had assured him that he had too. But Rodney hadn't forgotten about what John had told him, and it had kept him from suggesting anything different, though he certainly wouldn't mind fucking John or feeling him deep inside.

"We could do that," Rodney agreed.

They cleared the table together after they finished eating and made their way up the stairs to their little bedroom. Rodney waited for John to make the first move or indicate what he had in mind.

John sat down on the bed to take of his boots. Rodney followed suit. John pulled off his socks next, and Rodney did the same. Then John moved up the bed without taking anything else off.

Rodney crawled up as well and settled down next John. He put a hand on John's arm, stroking down until he could clasp hands with him. John squeezed his hand, then moved to his side as well and pulled Rodney into a kiss.

It was a gentle kiss. Rodney sank into it, putting his arms around John and just enjoying the connection.

John seemed in no hurry to move things further. Maybe he just wanted this tonight. Maybe he wanted only to be with Rodney without memories of sexual encounters disturbing the experience. Rodney believed John that he'd enjoyed the sex they'd had, but it didn't necessarily mean it didn't remind John of his past.

"Rodney," John said, pulling away. "You're thinking too much."

"I can't help it," Rodney said.

"Maybe I can make you forget," John said. He rolled over to open his nightstand and got out a jar of oil. He set it on the nightstand and turned back to Rodney, looking at him expectantly.

Rodney was about to ask if John was sure he wanted to take this step, but he didn't want to remind John of the reason why he'd ask. And he trusted John that he wouldn't offer this if he wasn't ready. So he nodded.

John smiled relieved. He leaned forward and kissed Rodney again, but this time there was a purpose behind it. He opened his mouth, inviting in Rodney's tongue, and at the same time his hand traveled down Rodney's shirt and started pulling it out of Rodney's pants.

John moved his hand to Rodney's back, the skin contact making Rodney shudder even as the kiss deepened. Rodney's shirt rid up more and more as John explored more skin until it was stuck under his arms. John withdrew enough to pull the shirt over Rodney's head, flinging it to the side.

For a moment, John gazed at Rodney's exposed torso, making Rodney flush. Then he leaned forward and kissed his way from Rodney's mouth, along his jaw, down his neck, along his shoulder.

"John," Rodney whispered. It had never been like this before. They'd never taken so much time to explore each other, though at the moment the exploration seemed to be on John's side. Rodney didn't mind for now. Eventually, he'd want to do the same with John, but if John wanted—maybe needed—this today, then he was more than willing to let him have his way.

John moved on to Rodney's chest, circling the nipple he encountered with the tip of tongue, making Rodney moan. John looked up at him, then leaned in to kiss him passionately before moving back down to tongue Rodney's other nipple.

He spent more time on this one, licking and sucking it into his mouth until Rodney squirmed. John put a hand on his hip, stilling him. Then his hand moved to the front of Rodney's pants, pressing on his growing erection.

"Yes," Rodney said, pushing up into John's hand.

John let go of his nipple long enough to grin and undid Rodney's fly, pushing his hand into Rodney's underwear to grasp his cock. He stroked him far too gently for Rodney's liking. Getting impatient, Rodney moved up his hips and pushed at his pants.

John smiled and helped him, dragging the pants down along with his underwear until Rodney could kick them off. It left Rodney completely naked, and John took the opportunity to look his fill again.

Rodney pushed up his hips again, reminding John of his hard cock.

John smirked. "Something wrong with the mattress?"

Rodney glared at him, but then his look turned pleading. "Touch me?"

"Yes," John said and stroked up Rodney's thigh before taking Rodney's cock in a firm grip.

Rodney groaned, willing John's hand to move, but instead John only held him and leaned forward to lick his nipple again, giving it the same attention the other had already received. Rodney sighed in a mixture of pleasure and frustration. He thrust up into John's hand, but John put a hand on his hip to keep him still.

Then finally John moved further down on his chest, kissing and licking his way towards Rodney's cock.

Rodney tried to remain patient, breathing heavily, but not saying anything until John swirled his tongue around the head of Rodney's cock and then took him in. Rodney bit his lip to keep from shouting out. John was fantastic at sucking cock, even if he seemed determined to drive Rodney crazy with lust today.

Rodney's whole attention was on John's mouth on his dick, so he blinked in surprise and said, "Hey," in protest when John let his cock slip from his mouth.

"Don't want you to come yet," John said, his own breathing heavier than before.

"Why?" Rodney whined.

John chuckled. Then his eyes lit up with desire. "Want you to fuck me."

Rodney had completely forgotten about that. He would have been quite happy pouring himself into John's talented mouth, but pushing into his tight ass sounded just as promising. "You need to get naked," he pointed out.

John nodded in agreement, moving off the bed and quickly undressing. He was already hard, and Rodney licked his lips at the sight of his cock. When John crawled back onto the bed, Rodney pulled him closer, sitting up so that he could take the tip in his mouth and suck.

John moaned, thrusting minutely a few times, before pulling away again. "Want to come with you inside me," he said.

Rodney stroked John's hip, looking up his body, until his gaze stayed on John's flushing face. "I want to be inside you," he said, seeing John's eyes flutter close for a second.

Then John reached for the oil on the nightstand and dipped his fingers in it. Rodney gulped and watched as John reached behind himself and started to prepare himself.

"Let me see," Rodney said.

John hesitated for a second, then turned around and spread his legs, so that Rodney had a good look at his ass.

"Can I?" Rodney asked, lifting one hand, eager to see how tight John was. It had probably been a while, though Rodney didn't want to think about the reasons for that.

John's face was turned back, and he nodded, then dropped his head.

Rodney got some oil and cupped one of John's cheeks with his hand before circling John's hole with the other. John tensed for a second, then relaxed, and Rodney pushed his finger in.

John made a noise, and Rodney kept going, moving his finger deeper until John pushed back and groaned. Rodney massaged that spot for a second, reveling in the sounds coming from John. Then he pulled back—ignoring John's protests—and went back in with two fingers.

John _was_ tight, and Rodney could only imagine what it would feel like to have his cock in that tight hot space. When Rodney pushed three fingers into John, John started rocking back constantly.

"I need to..." he started.

"You need to what?" Rodney asked.

"See you," John said.

Rodney stopped, his fingers deep inside John. Did John just want to see how he looked fingerfucking him or did he need to reassure himself that this wasn't just a faceless stranger?

John turned his face back. His mouth was half-open and he looked more aroused than Rodney had ever seen him. Rodney didn't want to break the moment by asking, so he removed his fingers and said, "Come here," motioning for John to turn around and come closer. To take what he needed.

John was on him in the blink of an eye, kissing him wildly, wetly. His hand found Rodney's still hard cock, giving it a few squeezes. Without stopping the kiss, John straddled Rodney and positioned himself above Rodney's erection. Then he lowered himself, pushing down to take Rodney in in one go.

Rodney pushed his head back into the pillow to groan. John was so fucking tight. Rodney's hands scrambled to hold John's hips because if he started moving now this would all be over within seconds.

But John seemed to be in no hurry whatsoever. He kissed Rodney's neck, nibbling on his ear, as Rodney caught his breath and fought for control.

Eventually he thought he could hold back his climax for more than a few thrusts and squeezed John's hip. John clenched his butt in response, laughing when Rodney groaned again.

He sat up, starting to fuck himself on Rodney in a rolling motion. It was a sight to behold, and Rodney tried to take in every detail of this motion. John was breathtakingly beautiful like this, his body flushed and sweaty, his lips parted. He started moving a bit harder, and Rodney started thrusting up into him, making John bite his lip and close his eyes.

John's cock was hard and leaking at the tip. Rodney was tempted to swipe it off, but he wasn't sure how close John was and he didn't want this to end sooner than it had to. They moved like that for a while, until John suddenly opened his eyes and looked for Rodney as he had forgotten he'd been there.

Maybe he had.

"Rodney," John said, reassuring Rodney or maybe himself. He clasped his hands with Rodney's on his hips and started riding him faster and harder.

Rodney knew that he wouldn't be able to hold on forever. Thrusting into John felt too good, and John's eyes seemed to turn him inside out with desire and trust and love.

John moved one of their clasped hands to his cock, and Rodney took the hint and squeezed him tight. At the same time, John clenched his ass around Rodney's cock, moving hard and deep until it was too much.

Rodney shouted John's name and came, giving one last powerful thrust up, which made John groan his name in return and shoot all over their hands and Rodney's stomach in spurt after spurt.

Eventually they collapsed, panting heavily. Rodney gave John a little push because he needed to breathe, and John moved aside, letting Rodney slip out of him.

"Need to clean up," John said between pants.

"Uhuh," Rodney only said. He wasn't sure he'd ever move again. God, it had been fantastic. He turned to look at John.

John returned his gaze, a smile playing on his lips. Rodney smiled back. This was enough for him. If John was happy, so was he. He wasn't going to question him. Not now. Maybe if they survived this...

"Let's go," John said, getting off the bed with more energy than Rodney felt he should rightfully have.

When Rodney made no move to get out of bed as well, John circled the bed, took his hands, and pulled him out. Rodney pouted but followed John into the shower. They quickly cleaned up, touching here and there and exchanging a smile. When they got out, John cupped his face and kissed him before handing him a towel.

They got more or less dry and put on shirts and casual pants. It was still too early to sleep, so they went back downstairs and continued playing a bit of City Walls.

Rodney held on to the light atmosphere of the night as they finally went to bed. He let John pull him into his arms and answered John's, "Good night," with a kiss.

~~

Rodney woke up when John got out of bed. It was still dark.

"You can stay," John said quietly. "I can't sleep anymore. I'll check in with the guards and let you know as soon as we have news."

Rodney mumbled only, going back to sleep.

By the time he got out of bed, John still hadn't come back, but he'd made some coffee for Rodney, who gratefully took a sip before heading to the mess.

Rodney could feel the tension in the atmosphere. Word spread quickly in Atlantis, and it was fair to assume that everyone knew by now what had happened the day before. Rodney ate quickly and headed to John's office, where Lorne told him that John was on the wall facing the settlement.

"No movement so far," John said when Rodney joined him. He was looking out at the plains through a pair of binoculars.

"It's early," Rodney pointed out.

"We should catch sight of them long before they arrive," John countered.

"They could come from a different direction than the others left," Rodney said.

"I know," John said, moving the binoculars south. "We've got teams in all directions and guards to notice as soon as they're in sight."

Rodney hadn't expected anything less. He wasn't sure what to do. John seemed to be content standing here and waiting until a guard alerted them (or he saw one of the Wraith squads himself). Rodney hated waiting. But he didn't think he'd be able to concentrate on doing other work. "I'm assuming teams are ready to move out with the shield?"

John turned to him for a moment, giving him a look.

"Of course," Rodney said. "I'll go to the lab then and see if there's anything Radek wants me to do."

"Rodney," John said, hesitating for a moment. Then he squeezed Rodney's arms. "I'll call you as soon as we know what we face."

"I know," Rodney said, giving John a tight smile.

~~

"They're coming with three squads," John said when he got Rodney.

"That's more than normal," Rodney commented. As far as he knew the collection of tributes often didn't even warrant a full squad.

"Yes, but still less than when they last attacked Atlantis," John said, leaving the lab and going towards Elizabeth's office.

Rodney followed him. "So we assume they're here for the settlement and _not_ for Atlantis," Rodney concluded. "And that they're just a bit cautious."

"They must have known that we'd consider their demand a provocation," John said, entering the town hall and taking the stairs.

"Sure," Rodney said, staying close behind. "But we've never interfered before, so they probably hope it will stay that way. They can't expect to face a full on confrontation with the numbers they sent," Rodney said as they arrived in Elizabeth's office, where Ronon, Teyla, and Lorne were already waiting.

"That's my conclusion as well," Elizabeth said. "We're still monitoring all directions of course, but if these are they only troops they sent for now, we will stick with your plan."

"How long till you make the final decision?" Rodney asked.

"What would you recommend?" Elizabeth asked, turning to John.

"Even if we wait until they're almost at the settlement, we couldn't be sure it's not a staggered attack," John said. "I would like to send one team now and then two more teams with the shield when the squads are four miles from the settlement."

"And if we do see more coming, the team can help start the evacuation," Elizabeth said. "That sounds like a sensible strategy. Teyla?"

"I agree," Teyla said. "I will join the first team."

"Me too," Ronon said.

John nodded. "I want one of your team keeping sight of the east wall at all times."

"I've told them already," Lorne said.

John nodded. "I'll make the rounds then, making sure that the three squads are all we can expect."

"I'll get the energy source on the wagon," Rodney said. "No point in waiting any longer."

"Do it," Elizabeth agreed, and they all left.

~~

Elizabeth was on the east wall when Rodney went up there to see when the squads crossed the mark.

"What was it like when they attacked Atlantis?" Rodney asked.

"Simple compared to now," Elizabeth said. At Rodney's raised eyebrows, she added, "I had the utmost confidence in John and our soldiers. And it was just an attack on _us_."

Rodney nodded. "They can't subjugate all of Pegasus."

"No," Elizabeth conceded. "But they could easily destroy a small settlement, then another... Who would stop them? Who _could_ stop them?"

Rodney thought that the best hope they had for resolving the current state of affairs was if Todd's faction of Wraith openly revolted and if it turned out that they were the majority or at least large enough to make it impossible for those in power to ignore them. But he didn't say anything. Elizabeth still didn't know the source of John's intel and he wasn't going to betray his source either.

They stood in silence for a while, looking at the three squads that approached.

"It's time," John suddenly said from behind them. Rodney hadn't noticed him coming. "No sign of other troops. We'll keep monitoring all directions, but for now, let's see what these squads will do with the shield."

~~

John and Elizabeth were at the gate when Rodney went out with Lorne and the two teams they'd selected.

"Good luck," Elizabeth said.

Rodney only nodded and turned to John. This wasn't goodbye, but Rodney still felt the overwhelming need to pull John close. He didn't give in, though.

John's jaw was clenched as he looked at Rodney. In the end, he addressed Lorne. "We'll monitor the situation and have teams ready to help."

"We'll signal if there are any issues," Lorne promised.

Rodney climbed the wagon with the energy source. He turned back to John, whose eyes were back on him as they rode out the gate. Rodney held onto the side of the wagon as it started moving with a little jerk.

He looked at Elizabeth and John until the gate closed. Then he turned towards the settlement. Further out he could see the Wraith squads approaching. He felt slightly nauseous at the idea of having to face them, but he trusted that the shield would work.

It didn't make it any less nervewracking.

When Rodney turned back to look at Atlantis, he saw that John was standing on the east wall now, monitoring their progress. It made Rodney feel just a bit safer.

~~

The energy source was set up quickly at the center of the settlement where not too long ago Teyla had told Rodney about the reality of her marriage to John. They'd instructed two Athosians, Kerick and Anka, that the shield needed a human to stay active.

Rodney himself would stay close mostly to monitor the energy levels. His biggest concern regarding the shield was that it might run out of energy faster under a concentrated attack by the Wraith.

In order to see both the attack and keep an eye on the energy levels, he situated himself in a wide path that led from the center to where Teyla, Ronon, the rest of the first team, and a few settlement members were awaiting the squads.

Rodney thought briefly about Torren. John had mentioned that they had talked to him the day before. He hadn't relayed any details, but Rodney suspected he wasn't willing to face the possibility of losing Teyla—or Ronon for that matter. Rodney hoped that all of them, Atlanteans and members of the settlement, would be safe.

There was the possibility that when the Wraith saw the shield in action, they'd simply turn back and leave again. Not that Rodney thought it was likely. Thinking positive was seldom working out for him. And the reality was, if the Wraith really turned and ran, it would be to gather an army before they attacked again.

The squads were close enough now that two of them stopped while the last one continued on to meet with Teyla and the others. They were close enough now to see that this wasn't the presentation of three tributes as they'd asked.

Rodney's heart was beating wildly as they approached Teyla, who stood closest to the shield.

"I suggest that you stop," Teyla said loud and clear enough for Rodney to hear it. "We have nothing for you."

"You may have nothing for us," the squad leader answered. "But that doesn't mean we will not take what we came for. Take six!" he ordered.

His squad fanned out behind him, splitting into two groups who apparently wanted to walk around Teyla and the group of soldiers. Rodney held his breath as they came closer and then the first came into contact with the shield, which shimmered and shocked him into enough pain to bring him to his knees.

The squad members close to him stopped to see what was going on, but on the other side, someone else went down.

"You see," Teyla said. "There is nothing for you to _take_."

The squad leader signalled the two squads behind him. But instead of moving away they came closer.

"In line," the first squad leader shouted, waiting for the soldiers to stand in line. The two wounded were helped by others, but stood in line as well. "Fire!" the leader ordered.

Rodney fell back to take a look at the energy levels. This was the first real test for the shield. It looked mesmerizing as it lit up where the bullets fell to the ground. More importantly it held as predicted.

The energy levels were within the range that they had calculated as well and Rodney sighed in relief.

The Wraith kept firing, but at this rate, they'd run out of ammunition before the energy for the shield ran out.

"Stop!" the Wraith leader eventually said.

Rodney held his breath again, hoping that this would be it. But instead the leader came closer. Rodney could see Ronon fingering his gun. It wouldn't be any use against the Wraith uniform and while the shield was between them, but Rodney guessed it was instinct.

The Wraith Leader came closer and lifted his rifle.

Rodney panicked. The shield wouldn't stop such a slow motion and its shock wouldn't harm the rifle. But if the nozzle came through the shield... "Don't let him shoot!" he shouted.

As the nozzle entered, Teyla kicked it up with the butt of her own rifle, making the shot the leader fired go above all their heads. When he brought the nozzle down again, Teyla grabbed it and pulled hard.

The Wraith leader was quick enough to let go of the rifle before he was pulled into the shield. "Come closer!" he ordered his men.

This was not good. The shield wasn't designed for this case. Or rather it was because it had the second shield, but the only one who would benefit from that at the moment was Kerick, who held the shield—and Rodney himself with his own shield.

Rodney went back to the shield, even as he heard Lorne order, "Take cover!"

Rodney could see them fall back, though Ronon couldn't help pushing his gun through the shield as well to fire a shot at one of the Wraith soldiers who'd been previously shocked by the shield. It didn't stop him of course, but he paused for a moment before continuing to advance on the shield one step behind the others.

Finally Ronon took cover as well.

There was no way to easily change the radius of the shield, not without risking that it would fail, if only momentarily. But maybe that wouldn't be necessary. Rodney waited until the Wraith stopped in front of the shield.

"Come closer," he told Kerick.

The man looked uncertain. To be fair, Rodney had told him repeatedly that he was not to drop or lose contact with the shield or to move under any circumstances.

The first shots were fired, and Rodney shouted, "Now!"

Kerick came a step closer and it was enough to send several Wraith to the ground wreathing in pain.

"Another step," Rodney said.

This time Kerick didn't hesitate, moving forward again.

Then a commotion started near the shield. Rodney tried to keep track of what was happening, but he could only see that Ronon and some others had come out from their cover and were over the lying Wraith while the Wraith behind the shield had stepped back again. He saw Teyla pointing her gun at the back of the head of a Wraith soldier and firing.

Others started doing the same, but then Lorne shouted. "Careful!"

The Wraith outside had come closer again and managed to fire a shot at one Atlantean soldier who went down. Rodney ordered another step forward, taking a few more Wraith down, who were promptly taken care of by the rest of the Atlanteans and settlement members who weren't helping secure the fallen soldier.

"Fall back," he finally heard the Wraith leader shout. The Wraith outside—only half of the original group—immediately backed off.

Rodney considered trying to get them too, but they were moving quite fast after seeing that the shield left them helpless and ready to be executed.

"We'll be back," the Wraith leader shouted even as they kept retreating. "You can tell that your friends in Atlantis."

Rodney's heart skipped a beat. Not that there was any doubt that the Wraith would make the connection with Atlantis after what had happened, especially if word of John's raid made the rounds. They only needed to put two and two together to know that Atlantis must have stolen and modified the shield.

But for now they were safe. He wasn't sure if the soldier the Wraith had hit was dead, but even if he was, it would be one casualty against the dozen Wraith soldiers they'd killed.

Rodney came closer. They'd have enough uniforms to experiment on now. And a few Wraith rifles to take apart.

"Stay back, McKay," Lorne told him. Rodney looked up, alarmed, but the Wraith weren't coming back. "They know that you're the one responsible for handling the shield," Lorne added. "I don't want them to get any ideas when they see you so close."

Rodney nodded and moved back towards the settlement center. He wasn't sure but he thought he heard Lorne mumbling that the colonel would kill him. Rodney looked towards Atlantis.

He was sure that John had kept a close eye on what had been going on. He wondered how close he'd come to moving out another team. Maybe one was on the way. He didn't think it would be necessary, though. The Wraith had given up for now.

But they'd surely come back, more prepared than today.

~~

Rodney wasn't surprised to find John and Elizabeth waiting at the gate as they returned. What was a bit surprising was that John looked furious.

Carson was there with a gurney, ready to take care of the shot soldier. He'd ridden in the wagon with Rodney and the energy source, another soldier trying to stop the flow of blood, but Rodney feared he wouldn't make it.

The soldier was rushed away.

"We managed to—" Lorne began only to be interrupted by John.

"I _saw_ what happened," he said. Then he turned to Rodney. "We weren't properly prepared."

"Uh, I think it went pretty well," Rodney said.

Before he could continue, John said, "I'm not sure Hudson would agree."

Rodney assumed that was the soldier the Wraith had shot. "We killed a dozen of them."

"You were _lucky_ ," John said. "If Teyla hadn't reacted so quickly, she would be dead."

"But I am not," Teyla said calmly. "We may have found a weakness in the shield which we were not as aware of as we should have been, but surely this only increases the success of this test."

"Right," Rodney said. "At least now we know that we need to prepare for this line of attack."

"How?" John asked. "If they come with cannons, it won't be an easy kick to change their direction. We'd be completely helpless."

"Not with another shield as a layer," Rodney said. "This is how it was designed. Two layers, one to prevent entry, and another as the failsafe."

"We don't have two shields!" John shouted.

"Yes, we do," Rodney shouted back.

John's gaze dropped to Rodney's chest. His jaw clenched and he swallowed. Rodney knew that he wanted to tell Rodney that he wouldn't allow it, but they both knew it was the only way, and no matter how much Rodney meant to John, he wouldn't put the safety of Atlantis behind Rodney's. Especially since the safety of Atlantis would also secure Rodney's as long as he was inside.

John looked away, then turned to Lorne. "They can still enter. How long do you think it would take someone taken down by the shield to get up again?"

"You mean stand or just move?" Lorne asked back.

"It doesn't even matter," John said, instead of answering. "We cannot afford to stand behind the shield—even the second one—and kill them in close combat as you did. They'll have hundreds of soldiers. We won't be able to match their numbers, and with our inferior armor, even a handful of them could do too much damage to us."

"We'll have to find other ways to kill them," Rodney agreed.

"Like what?" John asked. "I thought there was no easy way to penetrate their uniforms."

"Right, but that's only for bullets or blades," Rodney said. "There are many more ways to die. There's poison and electricity off the top of my head."

"Why am I hearing about this now for the first time?" John asked.

"Because I'm not sure how viable it is," Rodney said quickly. "Look, I didn't even think of it before. The problem with both approaches is how to get it to them. We can't just ask them to please take a sip from this lovely drink we prepared for them. And for electricity, you either have to get close or get them to stand where you prepared something."

"Between the two shields," John said without thinking.

"Exactly," Rodney said. "And maybe before them, though I fear a pile of bodies will weaken the current enough to no longer be deadly. But it's a start. We'll need to run experiments with the uniforms." He waited to be allowed to start working.

John looked to Elizabeth and nodded.

"Go," she said. "How much does this change?" Rodney heard her ask as he left.

"I honestly don't know," he heard John's answer.

~~

When John picked Rodney up for dinner, he was still tense and apparently angry.

Rodney swallowed, following him not to the mess, but to their home. As soon as they stepped inside and closed the door behind them, Rodney found himself crowded by John with his back to the door.

"You drew their attention to you," John said accusingly.

"I had to warn Teyla," Rodney said.

"And now they know _you're_ responsible for the shield," John said.

"I had my shield," Rodney said.

"You won't when they attack Atlantis," John said. "When they manage to get in..." He faltered, looking at Rodney almost desperately.

Rodney couldn't deny it. His mind flashed to what the runners he'd encountered during his travels. "I'll leave a bullet for myself," he said pragmatically.

"Don't even..." John pushed himself against Rodney burying his head against Rodney's temple. "I can't lose you. Not now when I've finally..." He cupped Rodney's face and kissed him hard.

Rodney kissed back, putting his arms around John. At least now he knew that being with Rodney _was_ different for John. He'd believed John that he enjoyed the sex they were having, but a part of him had wondered if it was just _good enough_ for John. Seeing John so desperate convinced Rodney more than any reassurances that being with Rodney was all it should be. It wasn't just a compromise. It was what John wanted—and couldn't face losing. And it was a relief.

They eventually had to come up for air. John took a deep breath and took a step back. "So? Made any progress on how to kill the Wraith?" he asked.

"Let's eat and I'll tell you," Rodney said.

~~

"What's the status?" Elizabeth asked.

"Tonight's raids were successful," John reported. "We've taken what we could in a night from all the mines we targeted. Two Wraith guards had to be killed, the rest didn't even notice. They'll probably still know what we're trying to do now. We'll confirm it by going back tonight, but we should assume that the naquadah we have now is all we're going to get."

"Radek, your team is working on extracting it?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes, we hope to be done by the end of the day. We don't have enough extractors available to do it faster," Radek said.

"Could you use help with that?" John asked. "No point in having inventors press buttons if they could do something more useful."

Radek looked at Elizabeth. "It is not hard to learn," he said carefully.

So far Elizabeth's decision had been not to involve the Atlantean civilians who weren't directly involved with weapons or the defense system. They knew what was going on, of course, but they hadn't been asked to do anything differently than they usually did. "I'll ask for volunteers," Elizabeth said. "How many would you need?"

"Two would be enough," Radek said.

Elizabeth nodded. "Do we have a defense strategy?" she asked next.

"We'll use both shields," John said. "This will prevent them from forming a line around the shield and pushing their arms through to fire. Or rather, it won't prevent them, but the inner shield would protect us. For artillery, we'll attack with our own cannons, should they try to penetrate _both_ shields."

"What about them walking in?" Elizabeth asked.

"We'll lay out two rings of thick electrified wires," Rodney jumped in. "I'd like to install them on levers so that we can also use this as a movable grid to either push things back onto their side or our side, depending on what it is."

"That doesn't sound entirely trivial," Elizabeth commented. "How long will it take to build this?"

"We'll start with just the electrifiable wires, then make the levers movable by hand, and then automate it as time permits," Rodney said.

"The first two steps should be quick enough to finish in a few hours once we have the wires and levers. They're being worked on as we speak," Radek put in.

"And manually moving them would mean..." Elizabeth prompted.

"Stationing people just inside the inner shield," John said. "We have at least a few Wraith uniforms we can give those people."

"Let me see if I understand this plan," Elizabeth said. "If a line of Wraith enters—well aware that they will be in too much pain to move for a minute—they will drop onto the wire, we can electrify and kill them and push the levers to push them onto our side of the shield, where we could take the uniforms and weapons and reuse them as needed."

"If things go well, yes," Rodney said.

"You mean if they don't storm in with full force," Elizabeth said. "What would happen if a second line fell on top of the first or if they used planks on the wires?"

"That is a concern," Rodney admitted. "We hope to make the wires and levers sturdy enough to lift simple planks. And we're working on a secondary way to kill the Wraith if the levers become unusable."

"Did you have success with the laser cannons?" John asked.

Rodney shook his head. "Not unless the Wraith purposely stand still until it penetrates."

"But we have chemists working on poison," Radek said. "Specifically, an aerosol, deadly once the two components come into contact, but which evaporates quickly as it moves so as not to become a danger to our own people."

"Is this what we _hope_ to find, or do we already have it?" Elizabeth asked.

"We have something, but for obvious reasons, we are unable to run extensive tests," Radek said.

"It killed a chicken," Rodney threw in.

"So could I with my hands," Elizabeth said. "I'm not sure I'd conclude the same about a Wraith soldier."

"We'll have to trust that it works," John said. "This is just a back-up plan anyway," he added, though he didn't look entirely convinced.

Rodney knew he wasn't. The soldier who'd been hit by the Wraith had died over night, and even though it was still one person versus the dozen Wraith they'd killed, the whole experience had left John worrying about what else they hadn't thought of.

"It's unlikely that electricity alone will keep them away," Elizabeth said. "It's not hard to shield against."

"Once they are inside, we'll have the usual means to defend against them," John said, not even meeting her eyes now.

"This won't be like their last attack," Elizabeth said.

"I know that!" John finally shouted. "Nothing we're discussing here will actually keep them away. The shield isn't meant to defend a city."

"It stops them from hitting us," Ronon said. "We just need to keep them out."

"Unfortunately our walls are not shaped like the shield," John said, then he straightened.

"We could build one," several of them said at once.

"If it extends just beyond the shield, they couldn't even put a cannon through to destroy it. The blast would be stopped and absorbed by the shield," Rodney said.

"So we just have to build a wall? Around all of Atlantis?" Lorne asked skeptically.

"And I'd suggest we get to it, Major," John said.

~~

"You do know it won't be that simple," Rodney asked John during lunch that day. They sat outside on the first sets of blocks that had been gathered for the wall.

"We'll be lucky to get enough stone for six feet of height," John conceded.

"Yes, that too," Rodney said. "But I meant that while a wall solves _some_ of our problems, it won't be undefeatable. Once they figure out what we did, they can start digging or trying to push it over. If they do it slowly enough, the shield won't stop them."

John sighed. "I know, Rodney. There's nothing that is completely safe. Well, I suppose we could abandon Atlantis."

Rodney looked at him surprised. "You're not actually considering that."

In the morning, Elizabeth had called a meeting to officially announce that they expected an attack by the Wraith. She asked for volunteers for Radek, sketched out their strategy, and pointed out that if people considered leaving, now they still had time to do so. Rodney didn't know if anyone had actually left or was planning to. All the inventors had gone back to work on their defensive systems, weapons, and the wire set-up.

"I'm considering _everything_ ," John said. "I wish we knew what we'll face. We'll be outnumbered for sure, but there's a difference between thousand enemies and ten thousand."

"You don't—" Rodney began but stopped himself. "Do you think there's a way to contact Todd at the moment?"

"I'm almost certain he'll be too busy for a meeting, but maybe he can send us information about what we can expect," John said.

"And how stable the position of their leaders is," Rodney said. This was still their best hope.

"There's no going back once they openly revolt," John pointed out.

"You mean like we did when we helped the settlement refuse the tribute," Rodney said.

"They would have come after us either way. We can't say the same for Todd," John said.

"Todd won't be able to refuse if he's asked to join them in the fight against Atlantis. If he's going to risk his life, he might as well do it for the right side," Rodney said. It would be so much easier if the Wraith had to fight themselves rather than others.

"Especially, since it would be more convenient for us, huh?" John said, smirking.

"Well, yes. Excuse me for thinking about our own people first," Rodney said.

"We're all humans in Pegasus," John said.

"I don't think the Wraith in power would agree," Rodney said.

"That's why we need to beat them," John said. "Will you join me when I ask Elizabeth?"

She was still touchy about the subject of John's Wraith intel, so Rodney nodded.

~~

"Absolutely not," Elizabeth said.

"There's nothing more I can do here," John said. "The wall and other defense systems are being worked on. We have people monitoring all directions, with strict orders not to go too far out."

"Because they might be cut off otherwise," Elizabeth pointed out. "For that exact reason, I cannot allow you to go on a mission."

"We could gain valuable intel," John said.

"Like what?" Elizabeth said. "If we know their exact numbers or the direction they're coming from, how would that change our strategy? I don't think whatever we could gain is worth the risk of losing our commanding officer."

John visibly tried to keep calm. "There's not much to command at the moment," he said.

"Then I want you to think about sending out people to ask for help," Elizabeth said.

"What?" John asked, his frustration turning to shock. "We can't do that. We don't even know what we'll face."

"If the Wraith are easily dealt with all the better, but if we can't—"

"We want to drag all our allies with us?" John asked. "They don't even have guards for the most part. What do you want them to do? Send their boys and girls with BB guns?"

"John!" she said sharply. "I will not _order_ them to come. I don't intend to threaten or otherwise force them. But they have the right to _know_ what happens. Aren't you the one who always preaches about keeping an eye on your surroundings?"

Rodney could see John flinch.

"John," Elizabeth continued more softly. "We needn't even ask them to help. But we should inform them that Atlantis is in danger and that we will be unable to keep up our scheduled missions for the moment. What they do with that information will be up to them."

"I'm not sure we can spare the people," John said defiantly. At Elizabeth's raised eyebrow, he added, "but I'll try." Then he stormed off.

"He's gone on missions, willing to die for our allies," Elizabeth said to Rodney. "Why is it so hard for him to accept that others might feel the same?"

"If you die for someone else, you don't have to live with it for the rest of your life," Rodney said, thinking about John's letter when he'd gone off to steal the shield. "I'll talk to him," he added and left to follow John.

~~

When Rodney entered John's office, Lorne looked from him to John and then quickly excused himself. John sat at his desk, eyes fixed on some notes.

"She's not wrong," Rodney said.

John looked up at him, eyes blazing. "The teams are either out scouting or have been up all night to clear the mines. I need to let them sleep if I'm sending them out again."

"Right," Rodney said. "But it's likely that as of tonight the mines will be too heavily guarded to raid them again. And _then_ you can spare a team or two to inform our allies."

"I'll take it under consideration _then_ ," John said.

Rodney barely managed not to roll his eyes. "We can explicitly tell them that we might not need help if our shields hold. In fact I think we should tell them, if only to avoid an unnecessary blood bath if they try to come to our aid too soon."

John straightened. "You're right," he said. "We can't risk that. We should come up with a signal."

Rodney wondered if John would ever use it. "What are you afraid of? If we really lose the shield and they enter Atlantis, superiority in numbers will be the only way to defeat them."

"It will be a massacre," John said flatly, his gaze far away.

"Like your hometown?" Rodney asked.

John looked up at him. "I will always wonder what we could have done differently."

"The only thing I can think of is a coordinated attack, killing them in their sleep," Rodney said. He'd thought a lot about ways to kill Wraith in the last two days. "But then we never would have known how many of Todd's people we killed and..."

"And we wouldn't be better than them," John finished for him.

Rodney briefly thought of the Wraith they'd killed during their first naquadah mission and the Wraith they'd executed after they'd been shocked by the shield. He had to believe for his own sanity that those deaths had been more justified than the tributes the Wraith asked for. And right now they _were_ waiting for the Wraith to come for them and not the other way round. "I should get back to work," Rodney said. At the moment he saw no alternative to preparing for the war the Wraith were pushing on all of them. "You can prepare the message we want to get out. We can't wait too long or we risk cutting off people. By the way, did anyone leave Atlantis?"

"Not that I know of, why?" John asked.

"Just wondering," Rodney said. And he thought about Jeannie. Now might be the last chance to let her get a final message before it would be over one way or another.

~~

"Sir?"

Rodney blinked, while John sat up next to him in bed.

"Lorne?" John asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but—"

"I'll be down in a second," John said, jumping out of bed and pulling on a shirt.

Rodney was about to do the same when it occurred to him that he didn't officially live with John and that as far as everyone was concerned, John and Teyla were happily married.

"Are they coming?" John asked, walking down the stairs.

"No," Lorne said. "But there's a rider coming from up north. Not a trader or transporter. I figured, you'd want to know. They should be here within the next twenty minutes or half an hour."

"Right, thank you, Lorne," I'll get ready to meet them. "Let Ronon and Elizabeth know."

"I will, sir," Lorne said.

John quickly came up the stairs. "We should meet that rider," he said. "I'll tell Teyla."

Rodney only nodded. Now was not the time to discuss their relationship and how public it would be.

~~

The rider turned out to be a young woman, Alice, who looked very concerned.

"Three days ago a group of Wraith gave us two days to offer a tribute," she explained. "We waited for them all day yesterday, but the Wraith didn't come. I have never heard of anything like this happening before."

"We have reason to believe that the Wraith will focus their attention on us in the near future," Teyla said.

Alice frowned. "Why would they do that?"

"The settlement I come from has been asked to provide three tributes within a day," Teyla asked. Alice' eyes widened, but Teyla continued. "We refused—with the help of Atlantis."

"They will come after you," Alice said hesitantly.

"Yes," John confirmed. "We are preparing for battle as we speak." He gestured at the wall that was being built. "We have a shield that will give us an advantage and keep us safe."

"Though they might find a way to breach it," Rodney added.

"It could come down to a battle of man against man in that case," Elizabeth said.

"How many will they send?" Alice asked.

"We don't know," John said.

"If they send enough, we'll likely not be able to defeat them alone," Elizabeth said. John's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything. "However, it might also give us the chance to weaken them enough to be free of them once and for all," she went on.

"I understand," Alice said. "We'll offer our help, little as it may be."

"We are grateful for any help you can offer," Teyla said.

"Keep in mind that our primary defense will be our shield," John said. "We won't need any help until it fails. I mean it. The fight will really only begin after the shield is down."

"Tell her about the signal," Rodney reminded him.

"Uh," John said. "I haven't discussed it yet with Elizabeth."

"You hungry?" Ronon asked.

"Uhm, I haven't had a chance to eat more than an apple for breakfast," Alice admitted.

"Let's move this into the city then," Elizabeth said.

Alice's eyes widened, but she nodded.

~~

They decided on red smoke as a signal for their allies. Alice left again to convey the message to her people and their own allies.

And John sent out teams as well. As expected, most of the naquadah mines were heavily protected now. And the two that hadn't been surrounded by Wraith guards had had traps installed at the entrance, killing three Atlantean soldiers and injuring two more.

John took the news as well as could be expected. Rodney knew that he felt helpless. By the third time John came to ask after the progress of the wires, Rodney sat him down and asked him to go over some of the math to help them out.

It was only an attempt to distract him, but John dove in and took the job seriously. He actually found some minor errors in a few calculations. Rodney wondered how much John's training for taking care of bookkeeping for the family business had entailed. John seemed perfectly suitable to help them out in the labs. With a bit of training he could probably do some real work.

Rodney tried to imagine them working on a project together. He smiled, but the smile froze on his face when he realized that they might not have a future at all.

He hadn't brought up the morning and how Rodney had hidden from Lorne. Like everything else, this was something he could talk about once they knew they'd live long enough for it to matter.

~~

With every day that went by the tension ratcheted up in Atlantis. They kept working as much as they could.

After having informed their closest allies of the situation with the request to spread the news further, most teams were taking turns in observing their surrounding area for the Wraith movement they knew would come. Civilians as well as people from the settlement helped to build the wall or other resources like medical supplies. The inventors worked on the wire system and other defense and weapons systems.

Rodney looked into other ways to attack the Wraith. Powerful explosives could kill even through Wraith armor, but the resources to build them would either cut into what they needed for their guns and cannons, or he could use the naquadah, which was supposed to power the shields.

Three days after Alice, another lone rider made their way to Atlantis. They'd dyed Ellia's hair a reddish blonde, so she was already quite close when they recognized her. The team rushed out to meet her.

"They are coming," Ellia said.

"We know," John said. "Well, we were almost certain."

"I see," Ellia said, looking at the wall that was hip-high by now. She looked at the team, smiling when her gaze fell on Teyla. "It was _your_ settlement that defied them?"

"Yes," Teyla confirmed. "You are aware of all that is going on?"

"I know what...'Todd' has told me," Ellia said. "He is joining the army to fight Atlantis. Nobody can refuse."

Rodney exchanged a look with John, before saying, "So they'll fight alongside the Wraith overlords and either wipe out Atlantis and whoever joins us or go down with them?"

Ellia narrowed her eyes. "We are willing to stand with _all_ people of Pegasus, but doing it _now_ could end our fight prematurely. We'll be of more use if we can weaken the Wraith in power and strengthen our allies at the same time _during_ battle."

"So you _do_ intend to turn on those in power?" John asked.

"That's my understanding," Ellia said. "I can't tell you when. And I can't tell you how many it will be who'll join us. I don't think _anyone_ knows."

"But can you tell us how many Wraith we can expect all in all?" John asked.

"I believe a call went out to send a thousand," Ellia said.

"Oh," John said surprised.

Rodney could only agree. "That sounds actually—"

"From every corner of the continent," Ellia continued.

Rodney deflated.

"Four thousand?" John asked.

"With those already stationed close by, you should expect an army of five thousand," Ellia said.

"God," Elizabeth said.

"Do you know when?" John asked.

"Soon," Ellia said. "That's all I know," she added apologetically.

"Thank you," John said emphatically.

There was a little less uncertainty now, but Rodney didn't exactly feel better.

~~

A few days later they finally came. Atlantean soldiers came riding back, signaling as soon as they were in sight. It was morning.

All work on the shield wall stopped. It was a bit higher than Ronon. Soldiers took up their places on the Atlantis wall and others put on the Wraith uniforms to stand by outside the walls inside the inner shield.

Rodney took out his shield under Carson's and Jennifer's supervision. He was quickly treated with the healing device and then they installed the shield in the town hall. The center had been cleared of most chairs, leaving place for energy devices. Rodney had also rigged up a light system, so that John would be able to give commands from the wall, where he would monitor what was going on, and so that they could see the status of the shields at all times.

The Athosians and the other members of the settlement who hadn't already been here to build the wall made their way to Atlantis when the signal came. The Wraith army would pass the settlement close by. There was no way of knowing if it would be flattened or ignored.

John and Rodney walked down from the wall to join Teyla and Elizabeth in welcoming them.

The people from the settlement seemed energized. Back when he had visited them for the first time, Rodney had noticed how positive they were, considering their circumstances. Some were nervous and tense, but many greeted their friends that had helped build the wall or Atlanteans that they knew from visits to the settlement.

It was Torren who got everyone's attention, though, when he rushed to Kanaan and jumped into his arms with a happy, "Father!"

Rodney turned to John, who only glanced at Rodney. Under the murmur of a few Atlanteans, Teyla followed her son and embraced Kanaan as well, kissing him in greeting.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and turned to John. John only smiled watching the family reunited. Then he put his arm around Rodney, pulling him ever so slightly closer.

It wasn't an open declaration. But Elizabeth gave a quick nod, and people in the crowd seemed to talk more lightly and shrug off what they'd just witnessed. They had bigger problems facing them in any case.

John and Rodney made their way back up the wall. Rodney had a few questions about John's gesture. Was this as open as he was willing to be about them? Was it just not the right time? He didn't ask John anything, though. But when they went up the stairs inside the wall, he reached out to take John's hand.

John hesitated a moment and squeezed it before they continued on to wait for the arrival of the Wraith army.

~~

Rodney had never seen anything like the army of thousands that approached them. The sheer number of them seemed impossible to take on. Atlantis seemed insignificant in comparison.

Most of the teams that had been out scouting had made their way back to Atlantis after being signalled that the Wraith were marching towards them. A few were still out there and now that they were further out than the approaching army, they were told to stay back. After the last of the Atlantean teams entered through the shield wall, the narrow passage they had left was walled off as well.

There was no going back now.

The Wraith brought a few wagons with cannons. Rodney wasn't really worried about them. But the Wraith also came with two huge catapults and an enormous ram on a scaffold. It remained to be seen how they would use them.

John gave the signal for the shields to be activated. The army was still marching on, but the catapults looked like they could reach them already, and he wasn't taking any chances.

When the army came across the settlement, a group of Wraith soldiers split up, but returned to join the rest when they found the settlement empty.

Rodney sighed in relief. It was good to know that the Athosians had homes to return to should they all survive this.

Eventually the army stopped, spreading out around Atlantis with the bulk of the soldiers staying on the side where John and Rodney stood on the wall. John was looking through his binoculars, but he didn't say anything.

It was like everyone was holding their breath. It seemed like forever until John shouted, "They're loading their catapults!" Rodney swallowed. This would be the first real test for the shield. "I hope this works," John said quietly to him. They glanced at each other, then back at the catapult.

Rodney had to _force_ himself not to jump out of the way when a huge rock came hurtling at them at high speed.

But then it hit the shield and stopped abruptly, breaking apart. Rodney sighed in relief, while John shouted down the wall. "Careful down there!"

The broken pieces of the rock fell through the shields where they'd been stopped, and Rodney felt nearly sick realizing yet another flaw of the shield. "If they aim high enough, the payload will fall through the shield right on top of us."

John nodded. "We need to take them out. Our cannons don't have enough power to reach them. Sending someone out with a bomb would be suicide. What about the laser cannons?"

Rodney shook his head. "They weren't built for such reach. And the energy it would take to actually damage the catapult significantly would deplete our resources by too much."

"How much is too much?" John asked urgently. "If they rain rocks that size on us there'll be nobody left to benefit from the shield."

"Too much," Rodney said. "But I have another idea. I've worked on more powerful explosives. I only have a few prototypes because we don't really have the resources for this either, but it's—"

"Incoming!" came a shout from one of the guards on the wall.

"They're aiming higher," John said. "Look out everyone!"

"I'll go get the explosives," Rodney said, running for the labs. He didn't wait to see where the rocks landed this time. He was running down the stairs in the wall, when he heard the noise of the impact. He came out the wall into the town center and saw the rocks burst apart. Thankfully it didn't look like they had hit something. Next time they might not be so lucky.

He ran to get his explosives prototypes. He had manufactured three. If they could take out both catapults, the Wraith would have to rely on their normal cannons which could only carry much smaller ammunition in comparison if they'd even be able to reach high enough to hit the shield above Atlantis instead of the side of it.

When Rodney came out, there was another rock coming towards them. He rushed up the wall, still hearing the sound of impact—and the crushing of wood. When he came up on the wall, John was already approaching him. "They hit the residential area. We need to take them out _now_!"

Rodney nodded and loaded one of his prototypes into a cannon. "We'll need to lower the shields for them to get through," he said.

John nodded. "Let me know when you're done." To a soldier he said, "If there are still people in this arm of the city, tell them to get out!"

"I'm ready," Rodney said, when the explosives were fully loaded.

John signalled for the shields to be taken down and the moment that happened, he ordered the cannon to be fired. They put up the shields as soon as the prototype was in the air beyond the shields.

Rodney held his breath. The Wraith noticed something was coming at them, but they only tried to move out the way. The explosives landed close to one of the catapult, but for a second nothing happened.

"Rodney?" John asked when suddenly a huge explosion took out most of the catapult and dozens of Wraith around it. "Wow," John said.

Rodney immediately loaded the second prototype into the cannon.

"Incoming!" someone shouted.

"We'll fire as soon as this hit," John said.

The rocks came down in the residential area again, but this time much closer to the wall. They were obviously adjusting the angle of the catapult well.

John gave the signal to lower the shields, then to fire. The second catapult was a bit further away. The explosives prototype made its way through the air towards it, but this time, Wraith started shooting up at it.

One of them hit it, making the prototype swerve into a different direction. "Damn!" Rodney muttered. The sudden change of directions meant that when the prototype landed and exploded it took out more Wraith than before, but it couldn't have put more than a scratch on the catapult.

"How many more of these do you have?" John asked.

"This is the last one," Rodney said tightly. It was also the one that used naquadah. He had meant to take the naquadah out again for other use, but now they didn't have a choice. "This one better make it," he said.

Another rock came towards them. John gave the signal to lower the shield.

"No, wait. The shield might not keep the rocks from falling through, but it slows it's impact."

"I _know_ ," John said. "Fire!"

The rock approached them even as Rodney's last prototype was shot towards the catapult. Instead of hitting the shield and dropping down on the wall on top of them, the rock continued on, hitting the residential areas again.

"I see," Rodney said. "Good thinking."

They turned to look at the prototype. The Wraith tried to shoot this one down as well, but thankfully they didn't hit it. It landed and exploded close enough to the second catapult to make it collapse and took down a considerable amount of Wraith around it.

"Did you put more explosives in that one?" John asked.

"Naquadah," Rodney said.

"Oh," John said. "Can you make more?"

"It'll decrease our energy resources," Rodney told him.

"How is the shield doing so far?" John asked.

"I'll check," Rodney said.

~~

Crap. The attacks so far had already cost them about one percent of the energy that they had. Rodney knew that John wasn't going to like the news.

Back outside, Rodney ran into Elizabeth. "They destroyed most of the residential area in the eastern arm of the city."

Rodney looked past her and saw the collapsed roofs.

"We've evacuated people now, but I want to know where to send them," Elizabeth said. "We've kept the town hall clear so far for those handling the shield. Is that necessary? I'm not sure I feel comfortable telling people to stay in their homes if they collapse so easily."

"We've dealt with the catapults—" Rodney began.

"I _know_ ," Elizabeth interrupted. "But now that they've seen that this is a viable path of attack against the shield, don't you think they'll find ways to do it again?"

"They'll try," Rodney conceded. "But they won't be able to pull another catapult out of their pockets. And if they try to _build_ a new one, it will give us plenty of time to figure out a way to deal with it." At least he hoped so. "Tell people to stay in their homes on the ground floor, but to keep a door or window open so that they can hear our warnings."

"All right," Elizabeth said.

Rodney walked up the stairs, taking two at a time, and walked over to John. "About one percent of our energy resources is depleted," Rodney said.

"One percent?!" John said. "You told me the shield would hold for several days. And that was before the mine raids!"

"The shield needs an exponential amount of energy the larger an object that hits it is," Rodney explained. "Bullets take comparatively little energy to deflect, even if the shield is hit by thousands. But some of these rocks were as large as your desk. We absolutely need to make sure they can't hit us with something as large, but if we _do_ manage this, the energy should deplete much slower than it did now."

John took a deep breath. "Okay. Then I'll need more of those explosives. We don't know what else they have in store. And the ram they brought isn't as large as those rocks, but it'll still put a dent in our energy usage. Even if the explosives do the same, once the ram is gone, they can't keep using it."

Rodney nodded. He took a look out at the army that had started to spread out. He supposed that after seeing how devastating the explosives could be, the Wraith tried to stand less densely, so that Atlantis wouldn't have an easy target to take out a hundred soldiers at once. It was probably good that the Wraith thought they had enough energy to do that. Though they would soon notice that no further explosives came.

John would deal with whatever they'd do next. For now it was Rodney's job to build more explosives.

~~

Rodney had commandeered a few of the other inventors to help him build the components of the explosives. He'd already finished two when a soldier came into the lab.

"Colonel Sheppard is asking if you were able to build more explosives," she informed Rodney.

"Yes," Rodney said. To the others he said, "Keep working. I'll get these up the wall. Colonel Sheppard is still in the east arm on the wall?"

"Yes," the soldier confirmed, and they both started walking.

"Have they started using the ram?" Rodney asked as they went.

"Yes," the soldier said. "It's not doing any damage, but—"

"Colonel Sheppard worries about it depleting out energy," Rodney finished for her.

They made their way to John. "I've got two more," Rodney said.

"Good," John said. "We need to take out the ram. They've stopped hammering the shield, but they're trying to push over the wall slowly now."

Rodney spared a glance over the wall, where the small shield wall had already started to dent inwards. "Give me a minute," Rodney said, working with the cannoneer to get the explosives loaded and the cannon positioned. "We're ready."

John gave the signal to lower the shields and then to fire. This time the explosives only went a short distance, not giving the Wraith a chance to deflect it. It exploded right on top of the ram, turning most of it to splinters. The Wraith close by were hit as well, but the mass of soldiers had stayed behind. Even of those that had pushed the ram, some were getting up again.

"They only tried the ram so far?" Rodney asked.

John shook his head. "They pushed soldiers over the wall, first to shoot through, but when they realized we had a second shield they pushed them over." Rodney leaned over the wall to look down and could see dozens of Wraith bodies lying inside. "At some point they realized they died and stopped."

"I'll return to the lab and make more?" Rodney asked. "And I'll leave this with the cannoneer."

"Yes, and can you check the energy level? They got quite a few hits with the ram," John said.

Rodney nodded and did as asked. Fortunately the energy hadn't depleted as much as with the rocks. He told a soldier to inform John and returned to the labs.

~~

Rodney kept working on the explosives, wondering about ways to optimize them for different cases, specifically containing most power in one place to destroy a sturdy cannon or to spread out to take out as many Wraith soldiers as possible. Unfortunately, they didn't have the time to really change the design significantly. It would be difficult to control the direction of a spreading version, and it wouldn't necessarily be possible to predict when they would need which kind of explosives. They couldn't afford to have a specialized prototype on hand that they couldn't use because they needed the other kind.

So he kept working as the fight went on outside. They hadn't set up a formal way for information to be carried to the labs, so Rodney only learned of news when one of the inventors who'd worked on something outside came in with news.

The shield wall had been breached. Rodney hadn't been too surprised by that. After being dented, it was easy to stick a cannon through the shield and just blast through it. As long as the inner shield held, it wouldn't become an immediate issue, though it would make it easier for soldiers to come through and circumvent the wire setup.

He worked until he started to feel dizzy and realized he hadn't eaten yet although it was long past his normal lunch time.

Rodney decided to go to the mess hall, just to get a feel for how things were going. The mess was incredibly full despite the time. Rodney remembered the people from the settlement who had to eat too. He grabbed a plate and was called over by Teyla, who sat with a few fellow Athosians.

"Are you well?" she asked, looking concerned.

"I will be once I eat," Rodney said, digging in.

"There does not seem to be much movement on either side," Teyla said. "I am glad the shields are working quite well, but the Wraith army is almost as strong as when they first arrived."

"The shield _is_ an almost purely defensive measure," Rodney said. "The way to defeat them is to hope that they enter one by one, giving us the chance to pick them off as they come in."

"That could take weeks," she said, looking at an Athosian family. "Atlantis was not meant to accommodate so many people."

"You should probably take it up with Elizabeth," Rodney said. "If she asks, we can spare half the town hall, but I'd prefer it if the area for the energy devices and the shield handlers remains free and a clear path is left open to all exits."

"Of course," Teyla said. She continued to talk about setting up sleeping space in the town hall, but Rodney only listened half-heartedly.

She was right. Things were moving very slowly. It was a disadvantage for the Wraith who would have only field rations and could only sleep on the ground. Not to mention that their superiority was in their armor and in their numbers. Letting themselves be killed in small groups not only gave Atlantis access to more of their armor, it also negated the advantage in numbers they had.

Rodney was sure this wouldn't go unnoticed by the Wraith. They had to be planning on a way to turn the tables. Maybe they just hadn't found it yet and were still prodding for weaknesses in the Atlantean defense system.

If they found it, he was likely to be informed. And until then he would work on the explosives until their energy resources became an issue.

~~

The initial noise was only faint in the labs, but very soon it became clear that something must have happened. A look out the window showed people rushing to the west arm of the city, animals came running out.

One of the inventors opened the window and asked what happened. "They breached the west wall!" was the answer.

There were cannons going off and shots being fired. Rodney walked to a different window to be able to check the shield signals, but they both seemed to be working. More animals were taken from the west arm of the city into the town center before being spread in the other arms of the city.

But there were no Wraith. Rodney decided to finish the explosive he was working on and deliver it himself to get an update on the situation.

He found John still on the east wall. Rodney had only taken a quick glimpse at the other side of the city. Aside from a few carcasses, the animals had been moved, and at the hole the Wraith had managed to inflict on the wall, cannons were stationed.

"Here's another one," Rodney said holding up the explosive.

"Thank you," John said. He looked grim.

"They're not storming inside," Rodney commented, though it was half a question.

"The shield is holding. So far we've managed to kill anyone entering the inner shield, but they managed to push a cannon far enough to penetrate the inner shield and we weren't quick enough to kill the gunner to stop them from firing. We pulled the cannon inside now, but if they manage to do this a few times, we'll be completely defenseless by the time the shield fails."

"The shield walls?" Rodney asked.

"Have been penetrated all around us," John said. "I've ordered the inner shield to be turned off so that we could clear some of it off the wires, but it's hard to keep track of all sides of the city at once. And they're starting to catch on and using bits of the catapults and the ram to put over the wires."

"There's still the poison," Rodney said.

"I know," John said. "But I don't want to use it unless I have to. We'll have to clear all of our people from the area. And once we do that we can't control the Wraith. If the poison isn't as effective as we hope, they'll put another hole through our walls if not several. And if it's _too_ effective we might lose some of our own. The infirmary is filling up as it is. I don't want more deaths on our side if it can be avoided."

Rodney paled. "How many did we lose?" he asked.

"A dozen so far," John said. "The Wraith keep sending in soldiers and sometimes they make it past the inner shield, if only with their guns. We've taken out much more of them, but they have people to spare and we don't."

"How many of the Wraith did we kill?" Rodney asked. Looking over the wall, the sea of soldiers didn't look considerably thinner than in the morning.

"Around five hundred is my guess," John said. "We made the biggest single dent with the explosives when we took out the catapults."

"We wouldn't have enough energy to take out all Wraith with explosives," Rodney said, guessing that this was a direction in which John was thinking.

"We wouldn't have to take them _all_ ," John said. "They won't wait until the last one died. And there's Todd and the other Wraith on our side."

"Todd might be dead by that point," Rodney said. "He might get away with not fighting on the front line and entering the city, but if we start sending out explosives indiscriminately, we could kill as many of our Wraith allies as enemies."

John seemed to consider his words. "It was _their_ decision to go this route. And I understand them. But I have to think of _our_ people first. Right now we still have the option to take the initiative. If we decide to only react instead of act, we'll slowly use up our resources and once they run out, the Wraith will win unless we're lucky and have been able to bleed them out enough by that point. But I don't see that happening."

"You want to attack with explosives, knowing it will deplete our energy resources, hoping that it'll take out enough of them for either Todd to step up or the Wraith in power to change their mind and retreat?" Rodney summarized John's apparent strategy.

"It's better than waiting and hoping for the best," John said.

"If we really want to do that, we'll need many more explosives. I can tell all inventors to stop working on what they're doing and concentrate on explosives, but either way it will take some time. I think you should use that time to ask Elizabeth what she thinks," Rodney said.

"You have a better idea?" John asked defensively.

"No," Rodney said. "But this is a huge risk. They'll likely spread out when the explosives start flying, meaning that as the attack goes on we'll attack fewer and fewer of them with the same energy loss. And once we're out of energy, it's over. They'll enter the city with all forces they have still left. And yes, I know that the same will happen if we do nothing. But we have beds and food here. Every passing day will be harder on them than on us. If nothing else, Elizabeth should be able to prepare everyone for the incoming invasion. Should we order people into the tower? Should we move our cannons from the walls or keep them there?"

"I get what you're saying," John said. "You keep working on the explosives, and I'll discuss with Elizabeth and the others what needs to be done for when they enter the city."

"Should we work through the night?" Rodney asked.

John hesitated. "No," he eventually said. "We're not in that much of a hurry. The energy for the shield is holding up, right?"

"I've asked someone to keep an eye on it and let us know when it reaches five percent depletion," Rodney said.

"That's good. So that's not a concern for the moment," John said.

"Well, that was five percent of the original energy resources. If I take away all the naquadah we've already put into explosives, we're down to eighty-five percent of what we had," Rodney said.

"But most of that is still here," John said. "We haven't fired explosives since destroying the ram. I didn't think it would be a good idea to fire them between the shields."

"No, it wouldn't be," Rodney confirmed. "It would work to destroy just about any target, but it would take a severe hit on the shields, not to mention that if something went wrong and the Wraith managed to kick it back inside, it could take out a good chunk of the city wall and not just the little hole they managed to create."

"Good to know," John said. "I'll talk to Elizabeth."

Rodney nodded and made his way back to the labs.

~~

Rodney worked until late at night. Ronon came in with food during dinner time. Rodney took it gratefully, continuing to work between bites.

When he felt his concentration fading, he left the labs. It was dark and quiet outside. Once his eyes had adjusted, Rodney could see the guards up on the walls. John was probably still up there. He hoped that he'd at least take a nap during the night, but he wasn't going to ask. He knew that the Wraith might take the cover of night to attack, so he understood why John would want to be at hand to react.

Rodney walked home—John's home, which he considered his own now—and went to bed, trying not to think about the fact that on the other side of the wall, thousands of Wraith were waiting to destroy them.

Well, not all of them, he reminded himself. And there were two shields between him and the Wraith. He managed to fall asleep.

He woke up to movement in the bed. It was still dark. "John?" he asked.

"Go back to sleep," John said quietly, sliding under the covers.

Rodney moved close, pulling John into his arms. John froze, but then relaxed in Rodney's embrace. Rodney put his hand on the back of John's head and kissed him. He didn't want to start anything, but he wanted the reassurance that they were both still alive and well for now.

John kissed him back, stroking Rodney's head. "Sleep," he whispered.

"Yeah," Rodney agreed. He was surprised that John had come back at all. Though he didn't doubt that there were standing orders to wake him as soon as something unexpected happened.

But John was here now. Rodney fell asleep easier than before.

~~

When Rodney woke up, he was alone and it was early morning.

His first thought was relief that the Wraith hadn't managed to conquer the city over night. His second thought was that he hoped John hadn't been called out of bed because something had happened. He didn't remember anyone coming in, but maybe they'd just been too quiet.

He quickly got up, smiling when he found the coffee maker on the table, steaming. He gulped down a cup and went to the bathroom. Then he took another cup and quickly went to get breakfast.

He got snippets of information while he ate. Apparently the south-eastern arm of the city had been breached in a coordinated attack on all arms of the city. He quickly gulped down his food and rushed to the eastern wall, but John wasn't there.

He was told he'd find John in Elizabeth's office, so he went there, hoping nothing bad had happened. On the way he checked the energy levels of the shield, which were holding up well and were still under five percent depletion of their original resources.

Inside Elizabeth's office a discussion was going on. Rodney made a face and entered.

"Good morning," John said, his features softening into a smile as he saw Rodney.

"Is it a good morning?" Rodney asked.

"I think it is," Elizabeth said. "The Wraith tried to breach the other arms of the city. They attacked at the same time, but our people managed to stop all but one of the cannons."

"We lost three people who sacrificed themselves," John said.

"And we'll always be grateful for what they did," Elizabeth said.

"It could have been much worse, but we're still breached on two sides now," John argued.

"We could take our time closing the holes in the wall," Elizabeth said.

"This is about John's plan," Rodney concluded.

"We _have_ to take the attack to them," John said. "It is the _only_ way we'll put a significant enough dent in their numbers to make them surrender or to make the Wraith on our side act."

"All right," Elizabeth said. "Let's say I agree with your assessment and we try to go on the offensive and attack them with the explosives the inventors can build. I have a few questions. How long would it take for these explosives to be built? If I understand correctly we'd want to do this quickly, not giving them time to react to our attack."

"We'd want to hit as many at the same time as possible and keep up the attack before they can spread or move out of range," John confirmed.

"We've been able to improve the way we build the explosives," Rodney said. "We turned about forty percent of our naquadah resources into explosives when I left the labs last night. I'll have to check what our status is. For maximum effectiveness, we'll also need more gun powder. We can't take any from the cannons because we'll need them to deliver the explosives."

"We haven't fired a lot of shots yet and we've stocked up on ammunition in advance," John said.

"We'll need help taking the cartridges apart and getting the gun powder inside," Rodney said. "We've also simplified certain things about putting together the prototype so that non-inventors could help us out. If we get enough people working on this, we could convert the rest of the naquadah into explosives within the day."

"How many explosives would you be able to build?" Elizabeth asked.

"Sixty-seven," Rodney said. At her raised eyebrow, he added, "I made the calculation yesterday. It's assuming we don't touch the naquadah that is in the energy devices powering the shields. That would give us another half dozen."

"And how many Wraith can one such explosive kill?" Elizabeth asked.

Rodney exchanged a look with John.

"That'll depend on their movement," John said. "We only have fourteen cannons at our disposal, so even if we fully coordinate, we'll need to reload four times. The Wraith will take that time to fall back and spread out."

"So how many will we take out with our first shot, the way they stand now?" Elizabeth asked.

Before Rodney or John could answer, the sound of a huge explosion reached the office.

They all rushed down and out. Smoke was billowing up in the north-eastern arm of the city. The far wall behind the pond was completely blown out. Katie stumbled out of the garden. "They...they..." she stuttered.

Elizabeth held her by her shoulders. "Are you hurt?"

Katie stared at her with big eyes. "No," she eventually said.

Carson, Jennifer, and a few others came running. John followed them, and Rodney was torn between getting closer and running back to the labs to continue his work. A few moments later, John came back with Lorne at his side.

"...did all we can. We managed to push back the other bombs, but not this one," Lorne said.

"Keep enough people down here to counter any such attack," John ordered.

"They pushed in some bombs using the remains of the catapults and the ram. _This_ is what I mean," John said. "We _have_ to do this! If this happened near residential quarters, there'd be far more dead."

Behind him, Carson and Jennifer helped the wounded. Rodney could see some being carried towards the infirmary. One of them was missing an arm. He turned away trying to keep his breakfast inside.

"I'll make sure that quarters close to the end of the arms are cleared," Elizabeth said. "People can stay in the town hall and in the buildings at the center while Rodney, Radek, and their team work on the explosives."

"You okay?" John asked, putting a hand on Rodney's shoulder.

Rodney quickly nodded. "I'll continue on the explosives. Elizabeth, send any volunteers to the labs." He turned to leave before more of the wounded were carried past them.

"Check the energy levels on the shield," John called after him.

But it wasn't necessary. An Athosian came towards them. "You wanted to be informed when the energy levels reach the five percent mark?"

Rodney turned to John and Elizabeth. "We'll hurry up," he said, not waiting for an answer.

~~

Rodney worked all day on the explosives. He only spared a moment in the morning to ask someone if they could find out if Teyla and Ronon were still alive. He knew that they were fighting alongside the other soldiers, but he didn't know where they'd been stationed when the explosion had torn apart the back of the garden arm of the city.

When he got word that they were both alive, he sighed in relief. He hoped that there'd be a future where they would go out on missions again.

Volunteers came to help them, and Radek organized getting them up to speed with the steps to perform. The naquadah supply dwindled quickly and the gun powder came in just in time for them to continue working without interruptions.

Rodney was surprised when John showed up with lunch. He didn't look happy and mumbled, "Workshop?"

"I'll be back after a quick lunch," Rodney told Radek, who only nodded. Then he followed John into the workshop.

They started eating, and John still didn't say what was bothering him.

"Problems?" Rodney asked. He was sure he would have heard about another big breach or an attack that had depleted the shield unexpectedly, so it had to be something else.

"Elizabeth wants us to give the signal once we start throwing the explosives. She thinks it will make it more likely that the Wraith will give up," John said.

"You don't want to do it," Rodney said. It wasn't a question. "But you can't disagree because you know she's right."

John frowned at him. "I still think we shouldn't ask more of our allies than we're willing to risk ourselves. We still have the shield. We agreed to signal them once its power was running out."

"You can send out our teams if it makes you feel better," Rodney said. "It could also serve to stop the Wraith from spreading out in all directions, giving us a greater chance to take out more of them."

"It's not about making me _feel_ good," John said angrily. "Our decision will end lives."

"Yes, but it can also _save_ lives," Rodney said. "If we can put a stop to the Wraith, if we can make tributes a thing of the past once and for all, don't you think that will be worth it."

"We could do it on our own," John insisted. "We don't know what it will take for Todd and his friends to speak up."

"Exactly," Rodney said. "We don't know. Maybe seeing others coming to our aid without the benefit of the shield will make them come forth when the decimation of the Wraith—including their own—won't."

"I wish we could tell Todd what we're planning," John said.

Rodney considered it. "You could," he said. "If it didn't matter to you that the other Wraith heard."

"I can't _force_ them to turn against their own. For all I know the Wraith in charge had their suspicions, and Todd and others who weren't enthusiastic supporters were the first to be sent over the walls inside the shield," John said.

"You haven't checked the bodies, have you?" Rodney asked.

John shook his head.

"Let's say you're right and all our potential Wraith allies are dead," Rodney said. "What do we have to lose? The rest of the Wraith will laugh in our face, and we can still go on with our plan. But if there _are_ still Wraith who don't want this war, you'll give them a chance to end it before any more people have to die."

"We wouldn't have to address them as if we knew they existed," John said thoughtfully. "If we just said that we see no other option than attacking, but that we don't want this war, they could take it as a general plea."

"It's not just this fight we want to end. They need to stop the tributes," Rodney said.

"We can say that all we want is to live peacefully together—as neighbors if not as friends," John said.

"What about the signal?" Rodney asked.

John dropped his gaze. Eventually, he looked at Rodney again. "Elizabeth is right. We're putting everything on the line with an attack. We can't hold back."

Rodney nodded and continued to eat. "Will you send teams out?" he asked after a few bites.

John swallowed. "I'll tell them to line up behind the shield. If the Wraith attack us instead of our allies, we can use the help the shield gives us. But if they attack on both fronts we have to come to their aid. Or tell them to fall back again if our plan fails."

"Seventy is a lot of explosives," Rodney said.

"It is," John agreed. "But I have no idea how many we'll be able to use efficiently."

"Let's hope we won't have to use them at all," Rodney said.

John snorted in disbelief and continued eating.

~~

It was evening by the time they'd prepared all the explosives they could. They'd left a bare minimum of naquadah in the energy devices that powered the shields.

Then John started stationing people outside the wall but still inside the shield. It took them almost an hour to organize a megaphone. In the end the Atlantis acting group had one.

As red smoke rose from the tower, John stood on the eastern wall facing what was still the majority of the Wraith army, though they had stayed spread out around the city after Atlantis had taken out their catapults.

Rodney stood next to John, as did Elizabeth. She had insisted, though John wasn't comfortable with the idea. They'd have to lower the shields to shoot their explosives into the masses, which meant they were vulnerable to attack, though hopefully the Wraith would be surprised enough that they would lose control or at least not stay calm enough to offer a counter attack.

"We do not want this war," John addressed the Wraith. "We all call Pegasus our home. We are living here together. There is no reason for us to fight when we could offer peace to everyone."

Beyond the Wraith, Rodney could see groups of people approaching from the settlements further away in the north-east and south-east. They were still quite a distance from the Wraith, but there were more than Rodney would have guessed.

"The time has come to become neighbors," John went on. Elizabeth had coached him in what he should say. "We are all humans beneath our differences in appearance and history. Our cultures may vastly differ, but it must never be a reason to treat one another as less than human."

Elizabeth had found a nice way to ask them to stop eating their fellow humans. But then she was the diplomat. Whether it made a difference in how their message would be received remained to be seen.

"We offer you peace," John finally got to the point. "But if you won't accept it, we will attack. We can no longer live in fear for our lives. Those that continue to threaten us will be fought."

 _Now_ was the time for Todd and his friends to step up. This was the moment where they were supposed to say that they didn't want to threaten their neighbors, but that they wanted peace like everyone else. But nothing seemed to happen.

There was some vague movement among the Wraith. They also seemed to have caught on to the people coming from around them. There were not nearly as many as there were Wraith, but there were hundreds, coming in small groups that slowly moved together.

They waited and waited until a single cannon was fired against the shield. It was stopped, of course, the soldiers standing beneath it jumping out of the way before the cannonball could hit them as it fell.

It was a useless effort, but it showed clearly that they weren't willing to back down. Not that Rodney had expected them to. But he was disappointed that Todd and his friends didn't speak up. Maybe his worst case scenario had been right and they were all dead already.

"We can't wait any longer," John said quietly. Then he gave the signal to lower the shield. "Elizabeth, please go back into the tower," he said.

"They can still change their mind," she said. "They'll have reason enough in a moment." But she did as John asked and made her way down the wall.

John gave the signal to fire and all fourteen cannons shot the explosives as one. They were reloaded even as the first round landed. It was both impressive and horrifying to see the explosions flatten dozens of Wraith.

"Is this enough?" John shouted through the megaphone, but the Wraith spread in panic. Shots started to being fired at them from those closest, and John gave the order for the second round to be fired.

Rodney followed the arc of one of the explosives, when suddenly he heard a shout. "It's coming back!" He turned towards the shout, his gaze instinctively following the direction the horrified soldier was pointing at.

There in the air he saw a dozen or more arrows, one of them carrying an explosive straight back at them. He started calculating the damage in his head and heard John shout, "Raise the shield!"

Then he flew through the air and there was no sound at all. He vaguely thought that his shield would have protected him. But if it saved Atlantis and Pegasus, it was worth it.

Then the world turned black.

~~

People were talking. He couldn't make out details, but it sounded comforting. It didn't sound like a battlefield.

Rodney slowly opened his eyes. He turned until his gaze fell upon a Wraith uniform. His heart started beating faster. Maybe this was one of the uniforms they'd taken from the Wraith. He looked further up only to see the long white hair, typical of the Wraith.

Where was he? Had the Wraith taken Atlantis?

"Meredith!" he heard a familiar voice.

"Jeannie?" he croaked, turning to her worried face.

"Meredith?" Carson asked with a raised eyebrow.

Rodney frowned at him, then turned back to the Wraith, who'd turned to him as well now. It was Todd.

"What...happened?" Rodney asked. He was obviously not dead. In fact, he didn't feel any pain. He tried to sit up, but got dizzy. Jeannie helped him sit.

"Don't get up too fast," Carson said. "We only just finished patching you up. The healing device did a proper job of it, but you've lost some blood."

"I feel fine," Rodney said, still surprised by that. "What happened?" he repeated, turning to Todd as the one most likely to answer his question.

"The war is over," Todd said.

"What does that mean? Last I looked the Wraith stood as one against us," Rodney said.

"We refused to keep fighting," Todd said. "And when our Wraith brethren threatened us, we defended ourselves."

"Thankfully the fight didn't last long after that," Elizabeth said, coming towards them. "I'm glad to see you awake," she added, smiling at Rodney.

"The Wraith gave up?" Rodney asked, needing to make sure he understood correctly. "Those in power, I mean? They'll stop asking for tributes and oppressing you and others who want peace?"

"They either realized that they lost or were killed," Todd said. "There's one queen who escaped rather than giving in. But she is being followed." He looked over to Elizabeth, whose look darkened.

Rodney looked around. "Where is John?" he asked, getting a bad feeling suddenly.

"John Sheppard is the one following her," Todd said.

"Of course he is," Rodney mumbled. "Is he alone? Are Teyla and Ronon with him at least?"

"Teyla and Ronon and almost everyone else are working on setting up temporary accommodations for the many wounded and those that lost their homes," Elizabeth said. "John only took a few riders with him. We didn't have many horses to spare. He wanted to end it."

"How many were with the queen?" Rodney asked. "Or was she alone?"

"She rode with a dozen of her guards," Todd said. "I told Sheppard to let her go. There'll always be people hanging on to old traditions even if most others won't be as open about it."

"You thought he'd listen to you?" Rodney asked. He didn't wait for an answer. "How many people were with John? The queen will have a shield, won't she? What does John think he can do?"

"There were maybe five others," Elizabeth said. "And he wouldn't be deterred."

"We have to go after him," Rodney said.

"We'll never catch up with them," Elizabeth said. "I would have considered sending more, but it's too late."

"Not with the jumper," Rodney said. "Unless it's destroyed. Is the workshop still standing?"

"The labs are undamaged," Elizabeth said. "Do you really think—"

"Yes!" Rodney said. "The jumper should be able to carry two teams. Tell them to meet me there." He jumped off the bed.

"Rodney, I'm not sure..." Carson began.

"Meredith, the jumper?" Jeannie asked. "You mean the hovering vehicle? And do you really want to face a Wraith queen with her guards? You don't have the shield anymore, do you?"

Rodney stopped. Before he could tell her that if John could put his life on the line for all of them without a shield, so could he, Todd stepped in front of him.

"I believe this is yours," he said, taking a shield out of his pocket. "I took the liberty to recharge it."

Rodney looked at the shield for a moment, then took it.

~~

The battlefield was littered with bodies. Rodney tried to ignore his surroundings, concentrating on John. He didn't know what he'd do if they survived a Wraith army only for John to go and die at the hands of a Wraith queen.

Rodney hoped that the direction was correct. He could see a few riders at a distance, but for all he knew those could be allies on their way home. He hoped he wouldn't miss John and that he wouldn't be too late.

One of the soldiers with him in the jumper was keeping an eye on the riders with a pair of binoculars. "It's them," she said, and Rodney sighed in relief.

The jumper easily caught up with the riders, and he signaled to a soldier to open the door.

"Looking for a ride?" he shouted to John.

John slowed down his horse, and Rodney did the same with the jumper. They both came to a stop, John staring at him. Then he jumped off the horse and was inside the jumper in a few steps. John's look was so intense that Rodney felt himself flushing.

He awkwardly turned towards the back of the jumper where nearly a dozen Atlantean soldiers looked either curious or tried to keep their eyes anywhere but the front of the jumper.

John grabbed Rodney by his jacket and pulled him out of the jumper. Then he kissed Rodney deeply. Rodney was hardly able to kiss back before John pulled away to say, "I thought you were dead."

"No, Carson and Jennifer patched me up with the healing device," Rodney said. "Is that why you decided to follow a Wraith queen? Who has a shield? Which you don't?"

John straightened. "It has to end," he said quietly but firmly.

"You can't kill her," Rodney said. "Unless you want to capture and starve her. And I don't think her guards will just stand by and let us do that."

"I can't just let her go like this," John said. "She needs to know that we'll be after her and anyone who thinks they can start this war again."

"So you just want to hold a speech?" Rodney asked.

"Elizabeth was very proud of me," John said, one corner of his mouth tugging up.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "All right. Get in the jumper."

"Go on!" John shouted to the other riders, giving one of them the reigns of his horse. Then he followed Rodney back into the jumper.

It didn't take them long to catch up with the Wraith queen and her guards. They came close enough to spook a few horses, making the Wraith queen and a few of her guards fall. Rodney winced in sympathy and stopped the jumper.

John stepped out and Rodney followed him. He activated the outer shield, afraid that the guards might attack.

The queen looked up at them with disgust in her face. She stood up and looked from John to Rodney. Her gaze turned up and down, and suddenly her eyes widened. "You are the one who took my shield."

Rodney gaped. How could she know? And did she mean the first or the second? He didn't have time to protest or to ask questions, because the queen took out a gun and fired—at John.

The bullet stopped at the shield, and Rodney's heart raced, thinking about what would have happened if he hadn't put the shield back in or if he hadn't activated the outer shield.

"So what now?" the queen asked. "Do you want to execute me like the rest of them?"

"How _did_ you kill the other leaders?" Rodney asked John, suddenly curious. "Did none of them wear a shield?"

"It wasn't _us_ who killed them," John said. "They were buried. The shield won't save you from suffocation."

"Did it never occur to you?" the queen asked, smirking. "Did you fancy yourself invulnerable?"

"We're not here to kill you," John said. "Enough blood has been spilled today, don't you think?"

"And whose blood was that?" the queen asked acidly. "You claim to be the harbingers of peace, but you laid hundreds of Wraith to waste today. And now you're coming for the rest."

"We didn't come to kill you," John repeated.

"Because you can't!" the queen said. "Should I make it easier for you? Should I spare you the burden of killing my guards and burying me alive with only a few hands to aid you?" She picked a knife from a sheath and pointed the blade at her chest. Then she performed a precise cut on her uniform and took out the shield, which was lodged inside a bearing that left a slit to her chest open to keep contact with the shield. "Here it is!" she said, throwing the shield at John's feet. "Now do what you came for."

"We will not kill you. We didn't want to kill anyone. We didn't start this war," John said. "You started it the first time you asked for human tributes. You started it when you silenced your own people if they didn't agree with your barbaric traditions."

"Who are you to lecture me about barbaric traditions?" the queen asked. "All tributes combined don't come close to the number of Wraith you killed. You hid behind a shield like the cowards you are and rained down death upon us. We gave people a choice. We asked for a sacrifice while you want to _destroy_ us."

"I don't want to destroy the Wraith. The Wraith are welcome to be our allies. There are Wraith that I'll be glad to call my friend," John said.

"I don't want to be your _friend_ ," the queen spat.

"You don't have to be," John said. "But you need to know that everyone in Pegasus will know that they can count on Atlantis to help, should you or anyone else try to collect human tributes again. And they can count on the Wraith too from now on. At least the majority of Wraith who just want to live in peace."

"Peace," the queen said bitterly. "Do you think you'll sleep well tonight, surrounded by the bodies of those you killed?" she asked.

John looked at her for a long moment. "You don't have to worry about my sleep. You should worry about yours."

The queen chuckled. "I'll rest easy tonight," she said. "If you don't stab me in the back." She approached her horse keeping an eye on John and Rodney.

Neither of them made a move to stop her, nor did any of the other Atlanteans.

"Until we meet again," the queen said when she was back in the saddle. Then she waved at them and rode away.

"I hope never," John muttered.

Rodney went to pick up the shield. "This is great. Do you think the Wraith will share that technology now? Now that we're allies."

"I have no idea, Rodney," John said. "Let's go home. Or what's left of it."

"Our arm of the city is still standing," Rodney said.

"I know," John said. "But the rest of Atlantis..."

"It'll be fine. We have time to rebuild, maybe we can even make a few improvements," Rodney said. This could be a great opportunity for them. "Hey, I've been wondering if you wanted to help out in the labs now and then. You weren't half bad checking the math."

John raised an eyebrow. "I thought you just wanted to distract me."

"Well, yes, but you did a good job," Rodney said.

"Go home," John ordered his men. "We can talk about it when we get back," he told Rodney.

"Right," Rodney said, turning towards the jumper. "By the way my sister is here."

"Your sister?" John asked.

Rodney turned back to him. "She came from the caves when they got word of the fight and she got my maybe-goodbye letter. I don't know the details yet. We can ask her when we get there. I'm sure she'd like to meet you."

"Oh," John said. After a moment, he added, "Do you think she'll stick around for a while?"

"Uh, I have no idea. I didn't see her husband or Madison, so I assume she'll want to get back to them," Rodney said. "Why do you ask?"

"I, uh," John began, coming closer. "I thought maybe you'd want her here when we, uh, get married."

Rodney blinked. "Did you just propose to me?"

John dropped his gaze. "You don't want to marry me?"

"John," Rodney said, putting his hands on John's shoulders and waiting until John was looking at him. "Nothing would make me happier than marrying you. Actually, wait, I'm not sure that's true. There might be things that would make me even more happy, like knowing you'd be safe. Oh!" He lifted the shield. "You should take this."

"Rodney, focus! Are you...are you saying yes? I mean to marrying me?" John asked.

Rodney looked at him and smiled. "Of course, I am."

John took a deep breath and pulled Rodney into a kiss.

~~

Epilogue:

"What on Earth?" Rodney said, getting up because the noise going on outside made it impossible to sleep. "Is it me or do these Sunday markets start earlier every week?" he asked as he came down the stairs.

"Well, we're right in the middle of the city," John said, giving Rodney a quick kiss, then handing him his coffee.

"Not that again," Rodney said. "I know you want to get a house like Teyla and her family and all the others. But if you think I'm going to trust the so called architects of Atlantis to build us a home you're wrong."

"I'm sure with your oversight—"

"I might as well design it myself," Rodney finished for John, who grinned. "No," Rodney said, making John pout. "I don't have the time for this now. In case you haven't noticed, we're restructuring the whole city. We need infrastructure for the new houses and settlements, not to mention that we haven't even finished repairing everything yet."

"You and Radek are doing fine," John said. "And you have help."

"Oh, please. You're not spending half as much time in the labs as you could," Rodney said.

John gave him a look. "I didn't mean me," he said. "You know that I'm still commander of the guard. We might not have the Wraith to fight anymore, but there's hardly everything sunshine and roses in Pegasus."

"I wish," Rodney said. With the Wraith no longer a threat, some others had stepped up, trying to assert power, though none by asking for human tributes. "Seriously, what is going on out there?" he asked, when he saw a transporter practically outside their door.

He opened the window. "Hey you!" The transporter moved a bit further, so that Rodney could open their door. "We've opened up the city, but that doesn't mean you can just come in here _with_ your carriage blocking everyone off. Some of us would like to leave their house at some point!"

"It's you," the transporter said with wide eyes.

Rodney frowned at him. The man looked vaguely familiar.

"You are the shield bearer," the man said. " _I_ brought you here."

"Oh," Rodney said, recalling the man. "You didn't try to kill me in my sleep."

"Never," the man said hastily. "You defeated the Wraith."

Rodney took a deep breath. "You're welcome," he said quickly. "Now if you could please take your carriage outside and bring your goods in on a cart like everyone else?"

"Yes, yes," the man said. "It was an honor meeting you again."

Rodney only closed the door. Inside, John grinned widely at him. Rodney glared at him. "I wish you'd stop telling everyone that I was the hero of the battle against the Wraith. I was out cold during the turning point, and quite frankly, I didn't do much during the rest either. People should thank me for my new naquadah generator, not for defeating the Wraith."

John came close and pulled him in is arms. "Without the shield, the Wraith might well have defeated us," he said.

"The shield which _you_ stole," Rodney reminded him.

"Only because you alerted us to its existence," John countered.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I'm never getting out of this, am I?" he asked. John shook his head, grinning. "Can I get a better name than 'shield bearer' at least? It reminds me of ring bearer, and I don't particularly want to be compared to what Madison did at our wedding."

John chuckled. "But she was so proud," he said. "It wasn't her fault she dropped them. She was just nervous."

"Not particularly heroic, is it?" Rodney asked.

"Well, how about _Master of the Shield_?" John asked.

"Now you're mocking me," Rodney said.

John smirked but didn't deny it. "Oh, I know," he said more seriously, but with a twinkle in his eyes. " _Protector._ "

"Didn't protect all of us," Rodney said. The future looked bright now for them, but sometimes he couldn't help consider the cost.

"You protected _me_ , more than once," John said emphatically. "You saved my life."

"I did," Rodney said, pulling John a little closer. "And I'm so glad about that."

John pulled him into a deep kiss. Rodney kissed back happily.

"So, _protector_?" John asked playfully when they eventually moved apart.

"It's better than shield bearer certainly," Rodney said. "And speaking of shield bearing..."

"I haven't had time to discuss it with Elizabeth," John said far too quickly.

"You know she'll let you have it," Rodney said.

"There is no reason _I_ should be the one to have it," John said.

Rodney sighed. Once they made their way home, John had insisted on handing the shield of the queen over to Elizabeth. "We have one at our disposal for security. There's no need for a second one to collect dust. Hey, I know! You want us to move out and get a nice cozy home, right?"

"Yes..." John said carefully.

"How about I agree to that if _you_ agree to take the shield?" Rodney asked.

John only looked at him, clearly not too happy about the offer.

"John, you risked your life to get it. Both of them, actually. You keep risking your life for others. You know how it makes you feel to know that _I_ am safe. If you don't want to do it for yourself—and I know that you don't—do it for me," Rodney pleaded.

John looked at him, still hesitating.

"We'll have matching scars and all," Rodney said, trying to lighten the mood.

John snorted.

"And I know you want to be _my_ protector," Rodney said. "Till death do us part. You don't want an easy way out, do you?"

"Never," John said. "All right," he added finally with a sigh.

Rodney lit up and pulled John into a kiss. "Let's take this to bed," he said, suddenly skin hungry. "I'll have to thoroughly check your chest so I can compare once you have the shield."

"I hope that's not the only thing you want to check," John said.

"I'll make you forget your name, but not who's doing it to you," Rodney said, pulling John up the stairs.

"I always know when you're touching me," John said.

"Likewise," Rodney responded. "From the time you tried to strangle me."

John frowned for a second then his face lit up. "I had a good reason."

"I know," Rodney said, settling down on the bed. "And you'll never run out of reasons to touch me."

"Uhum," John said in agreement, sinking on top of Rodney.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Protector Cover and Map](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098794) by [velocitygrass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass)




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